Too Little, Too Late
by capitalab
Summary: After high school graduation, Edward takes advantage of Bella. Five years later, she struggles as a single mom with little help from Edward. But when Edward sees Bella moving on, how far will he go to save his relationship with his son? With Bella?
1. Prologue:Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

**Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story. **

**I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Prologue**

_**Flashback: June 5, 2003**_

"_Make mistakes."_

I wasn't really listening as Jessica Stanley gave her speech as the valedictorian of our 2003 graduating class, but I didn't need to hear much to know that she was giving us terrible advice.

Make mistakes?

After 12 years of tests, report cards, and the occasional after school detention, our final piece of advice before entering the real world was to _make mistakes_?

If _she_ could become valedictorian, what did that say about the rest of us?

I actually blamed my lab partner for her mediocre farewell address. A twelve minute argument between prophase and metaphase kept me from being up on that makeshift stage. I finally caved to Edward's reasoning, even if it was a mistake. I had been right; the slide was prophase.

89.9%.

In the long run, it hadn't mattered. I did well enough on my SAT to be offered a full ride to UCLA, but it still bugged me that a percentage of a point had kept me from getting an A in Honors Biology. That same percentage kept me from a perfect GPA and put me behind Jessica Stanley in the running for the top of the class. I _knew _I was right. I never should have let Edward convince me otherwise. He had this power over me; over all women, really. With one flash of his Crest smile and a look into his emerald green eyes, I could, and obviously had been convinced to do anything.

_My son has those eyes._

Make mistakes.

_Oh, how I had made mistakes..._

I was a good kid. I didn't smoke, rarely drank and never did drugs. It wasn't my choice, really. My dad was the police chief. Anything I did... anywhere I went eventually got back to him. I don't know what possessed me to go to the party that night; the one at the beach in La Push. I had given up trying to figure it out. I've always tried to convince myself that maybe Jessica was right. Was I meant to make the biggest mistake of my life?

It's not like it had really been up to me anyway.

Alice wasn't with me that night. It was weird, because she always was and still is. My best friend hadn't gone off to college like everyone else. Neither had I. We stayed in Forks, Alice maintaining her job at the diner while I starved myself at Newton's Sporting Goods. She was always there whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, a shower, or even just a nap. We took the same courses online; earning the same Liberal Arts degree. She used hers to secure a job in human resources at the hospital, while I eventually got hired on by the local newspaper.

Forks, as a general rule, had a drinking problem. It still does. It wasn't like there was anything better to do. The only difference on the night of our graduation had been the fact that I actually choose to partake.

I hated the taste of alcohol.

I remember how I was attempting to do shots of Tequila with Angela Weber when my lab partner approached the van we were lounging in. The van belonged to Tyler Crowley and as much as I had hoped Edward was there to see me, I knew better.

I don't think he even noticed me as he disappeared into the distance with Tyler. It wasn't like he had a reason to, or so I told myself. We were friends by default. Lab partners. And while it was true that I had been crushing on Edward since I moved here two years ago, I knew better than to think I would ever have a real chance.

Edward wasn't the best kid, but I knew, _or at least at that point, I thought I knew,_ he had a good heart. Maybe the bad boy persona was what had attracted me to Edward in the first place. He was just the kind of guy my father would hate. And Charlie does hate Edward. He has made that clear to me on multiple occasions. I didn't tend to be overly rebellious, but I couldn't deny my obvious attraction to him.

But the reality is, I wasn't and I'm still not Edward's type.

By the time he had returned with Tyler a few minutes later, another girl we graduated with had already began to make her move on Edward. Edward maintained a single status all throughout high school, but it wasn't for lack of interest. Girls, Lauren included, loved Edward. What wasn't to love? I honestly had no idea why he stayed single so long.

_In hindsight, maybe he was just holding out for her_.

Lauren handed Edward a mostly full bottle of Jack. He put his arm around her as he took a swig after swig of the whiskey. While he was busy plastering himself, she exchanged a glance with me as if to stake her claim on him.

Was my stupid crush that obvious?

When he finally lowered the bottle, I heard him gasp. "Bella, what the hell are you doing here?"

It figured. Who wanted to party with the police chief's daughter, anyway? Surely, it couldn't end well for any of us.

"Angela invited me and it's graduation so... I just wanted to have a good time." I tried to explain, but I had little tolerance for alcohol and it was already making me feel a little off. Besides, Edward's tone made me nervous.

Lauren stood shocked as Edward removed his arm from her and made his way over to me.

"I should take you home," He whispered into my ear, "You don't belong here."

"Whatever, Edward. I don't belong here? Why? Is it because I'm the police chief's daughter?"

"No. Bella, please don't get the wrong idea," he began to whisper again, "Can you, maybe, come talk to me in private? I really don't want us to have an audience."

"Fine." I reluctantly agreed, I have no idea why, almost stumbling out of the van. Angela started laughing and said something along the lines of "Tequila will do that to you!" Edward grabbed me by the arm and we both maintained our silence until we reached his Volvo. We were far enough away from everyone that we wouldn't be heard, but he apparently still didn't take any chances.

"Get in." he demanded, opening the passenger side door.

I did as I was told.

"Bella, you don't belong here because it's not safe. Any one of those guys could really fuck you up tonight! Trust me. I'm taking you home."

"Seriously, Edward? You're afraid these guys are going to mess me up, but you're willing to drive me home after you've been drinking? Where's the logic behind that?"

"How did you intend on getting home otherwise?"

"I didn't."

"So you'd rather wake up on the beach next to Tyler or Mike? Come on, Bella, please tell me no."

"God, no! But I can't exactly go home, can I?"

He looked at me. I realized that I was stuck. I didn't have many options. If I went home, especially this early, Charlie would figure out what I had been up to. He thought I was staying over at Angela's. I knew Edward was right, though. I had no idea what a bunch of over hormonal, intoxicated teenage boys were capable of.

"Bella," he hesitated, "If you can't go home... Maybe you can stay at my house? You'll at least be safe there."

I believed him. How stupid was I to think that Edward was any different than Tyler Crowley or Mike Newton? If I knew then what I knew now, I would have ran as far away as possible. Far from the beach, and even further away from Edward Cullen.

If I hadn't seen it for myself, I would have never known Edward was driving buzzed. His driving was flawless as he made his way home. His house wasn't nearly as far away as mine and it was easy for Edward and I to make it up to his bedroom on the third floor without being seen. He told me his older brother was out on a date with Rosalie Hale and his parents were, as he put it, early risers. We didn't even need to stay in his room if we didn't want to. So why did we?

He had given me such a false sense of security, I just hadn't realized it yet.

I was reeling from the effects of my buzz as I laid back onto his bed. I had been in Edward's room a few times before. Out of everyone in Forks, Edward had the best taste in music. We used to study up here a lot, or at least attempt to before getting distracted by less lucrative conversations.

He continued to ramble on about how I was "too good" to be at the beach as he opened the top drawer of his dresser and threw a tiny bag from his pocket into it.

"What was that?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

He paused. I could tell he was debating with himself over whether or not to be honest, "Bella, if I tell you, you're going to get the wrong idea."

"Edward, seriously? Don't you trust me?"

"I do, its just that.." he trailed off, probably hoping I would let it go.

I continued to stare, waiting for my answer.

"It's Adderall," he confessed, shame clear on his face.

I was sure the look on my face had been priceless. I knew Edward drank. He made no secret of it. I also knew he smoked cigarettes. I smelled them on him everyday after lunch. But the fact that Edward was popping pills that obviously weren't prescribed to him caught me off guard. Was it just Adderall? Or was there more?

"You won't tell your dad, right? I've only done it a few times," he spoke so softly I could barely hear him.

"Edward, I'm not going to tell Charlie. I don't even know why I have to tell you this, but you shouldn't do drugs. They're not worth it."

Why would he even bother? Edward didn't need drugs. He had a good life; a stable home, money, plenty of interest from girls... It didn't make sense.

"I know. I keep telling myself, this is the last time."

"Is it just that? Or is there more?"

"I smoke weed with Jasper sometimes. I'm going to college in Seattle next fall. My dad really wants me to be a doctor, you know? So I've been using it to study. It's a lot of pressure and I know this shit isn't going to fly when I get into college... But I just wanted to do it one last time. A graduation present to myself," He justified, but the look on his face told me he knew I didn't believe him, "I just like the way it makes me feel, you know?"

"Not really. I mean, I've never done anything like that so I wouldn't know."

Edward's face suddenly went very serious, "Do you want to?"

"No," I answered without even thinking about it, "Do you promise nothing will happen to me?"

"He only sold me 10. I already took most of them but I think the four I have left should do it for you, especially since you've never done it before. Just chew them up." Edward instructed, before walking over from the dresser and handing the pills to me.

I eyed them in my hand before clutching them tightly. Did I really want to do this? Before tonight, I had always considered myself a straight edge kid. I kept telling myself that it was only one time. If I didn't like this, I never had to do it again. And if I did... Well, at that point, I didn't know it, but I would have another reason why I couldn't do it.

"Edward, can you put the new AFI CD in?" I asked, hoping he would turn his back to me long enough to pretend to take the pills. I stuffed them into my jeans pocket and pretended to chew.

It worked. Edward grabbed the almost empty bottle of Jack he had taken from Lauren and made his way back over to the bed. I took it out of his hand and pretended to wash them down. I drank far more than what was necessary, setting the bottle onto the floor and laying back down.

"What now?" I asked, staring at the ceiling.

Edward sat next to me, "You just wait for the effects to kick in. It shouldn't take long."

"So... Are you ready for college? Excited?"

"Not really," he confessed, "Actually, I'm really fucking dreading it. A lot."

"Why?" I asked.

Edward laid down and turned onto his side. He wavered for a moment, as if trying to articulate the words in his head, "Bella, I have a confession to make."

_Oh, great_, I thought. This is when he tells me that it wasn't Adderall. He probably thinks he just gave me a hardcore drug, and I have very little idea of how Adderall even effects the body, much less anything else. He'll see right through my lies, and he'll be mad. I should be mad.

I shifted to where I was now laying on my side as well.

"I'm dreading it because it means I have to let you go," he sighed, running his hand through my hair.

"You what?"

"I really like you, but you're going to UCLA. And as hard as I tried to study for my SAT, no matter how many pills I took... I couldn't get a good enough score for a scholarship. And my dad makes too much for me to be considered for grants and scholarships, so I have to go to school in state. In Seattle."

I realized what he was trying to say, "Edward, you were taking those pills because of-"

"Because I wanted to go with you. But I can't. When I saw you at the party, I knew it was my last chance to tell you how I felt. You've always been the only girl for me, Bella. The fact that we're going to different colleges is the only thing that's held me back. You're beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, you have great taste in music, and that isn't even half of it."

I should have known better. I should have thought about it. But I didn't. I fell for every word, my mind focusing mostly on the part where he told me I was sexy.

I couldn't have questioned him if I wanted to. Edward scooted closer, crashing his lips onto mine and giving me my first kiss. As many times as I imagined it being him, I never imagined it would go down like this. Edward was raw and passionate, his hands going straight for my waist and pulling me even closer to him. His tongue touched the tip of my lip, begging for entrance. I allowed it. Edward tasted like whiskey and cigarettes. Two things I didn't care for, yet I had no intentions of stopping.

"Bella," he groaned, rolling over and pulling me on top of him. We continued to make out for a while, and the idea of taking things further honestly didn't cross my mind.

Edward eventually sat up, bringing me with him. He started unbuttoning the white shirt I had on without seeking my approval. Something in my head told me to stop him, but I didn't say anything. Everything was new; the foreign feelings defied my judgement. I was enjoying our intimacy far more than I should have.

"Bella, take my shirt off," he sought, bringing his hands above his head. My shirt was still on, but it had been completely unbuttoned, exposing my beige color bra. I certainly had nothing going for me in that region, but I couldn't help but notice that Edward was definitely eyeing the little bit of skin that peeked out from over the top.

"You're so sexy," he told me, bringing his hands back to my waist and gripping me tightly, "But I think I'm making you into a dirty girl."

He stood up and wrapped my legs around his waist, carrying me towards his en-suite bathroom. I wasn't sure I was okay with where this was going, but I still made no attempts to stop it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the things Edward was making me feel.

Edward slammed me into the wall next to his bathroom, and went for the button of my jeans. His kisses drifted down to my neck as he unzipped them. He used one hand to brace me against the wall as his fingers drifted back up and rested gently on my chest, just below my bra, "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too," I wasn't sure where it came from, but it sounded like the right thing to say at the time.

Edward continued to kiss me against the wall for a while before taking me into his bathroom. I still didn't know what his intentions were. If he wanted me so bad, why was I still mostly dressed? It didn't make any sense. My shirt and jeans were unbuttoned, but that was about it. He hadn't even tried to touch me.

Once he sat me down, he quickly kicked his Nike's off before starting the shower. We were taking a shower together? It seemed strange, but I didn't question it. It wasn't like we could have sex in the shower anyway, right? Nonetheless, Edward was going to see me naked, and I was going to see him. Did he want me to touch him? Did I want him to touch me?

I started taking my clothes off, almost mechanically. The room was spinning and I had no idea what I was doing. This was a side of myself that I had never seen before, and even with the tingling feeling I felt in my stomach, somewhere I knew that it was wrong. He took off his jeans and socks and threw them into the pile I had created on the floor. Edward's boxers did little to hide his erection. I couldn't believe I was even capable of doing that to him.

Boldly, I reached out to touch him. I ran my fingers along his the elastic waist of his boxers and he moaned as I drifted over his head. Edward picked me up and took me into the shower, even though I was still wearing my bra and panties.

Once inside, he practically ripped everything else off. The water felt so good against my skin. His hands felt so good as they finally explored my chest. Eventually, he got bored with the upper half of my body and began to move lower.

Edward was big. I had absolutely no experience with guys, but I knew that much. I could only assume he would want sex eventually, but I had no idea if it was even going to be possible. He wouldn't fit, I was sure of it.

I decided if I didn't want things to go any further, I needed to take control of the situation. I was going to have to do some things I wasn't ready for, but it might save me in the long run.

I kissed my way down his chest. I had no idea what I was doing. The only understanding I had about sex was from movies and Alice. My dad raised me, for Christ's sake. He avoided the sex talk at all costs. I hardly knew what a blow job was, let alone how to give someone one.

He hissed and braced himself against the shower wall as I took what I could into my mouth. It wasn't so bad. The longer I kept going, the more of Edward I tried to take in. I gagged a few times, but Edward kept encouraging me to try again. Eventually, I settled into a steady pace and Edward clasped his hands on my shoulders.

"Fuck, Bella, I'm close," He warned. I knew what this meant. Alice had warned me about it after her experience of going down on Ben Cheney. Edward was about to orgasm, and I had to decide whether I was going to spit or swallow.

Edward decided for me. At the last second, he pushed me away and began to masturbate. I watched in awe as he began to spew all over the wall of the shower. Relief washed over me. It was over, and as far as I could tell, Edward had enjoyed every second of it.

After quickly washing himself, Edward shut the water off and grab his towel. I noticed his boner had gone down as he dried me off. When I was dry, he used the same towel on himself. I noticed how he still had droplets of water on his back as he threw me over his shoulder and carried me back into the bedroom. He pulled his sheets back and laid me down, begging me not to move as he went to turn out the light.

My plan didn't work. If anything, I had just made it worse. Now, not only was I in bed; I was fully naked. Edward made his way back to bed and crawled on top of me, covering us both up in the process.

"I'm so lucky," he whispered, kissing his way down my neck. Edward was hard again. I could feel him rubbing against my thigh. I knew what was coming. I tried to vocalize the words; tried to say no, but nothing came out. He gave me little warning before he began to push into me. I told myself, if this hadn't been Edward, it would have been someone else. Actually, I would have said no to anyone else.

The alcohol numbed the pain, but not by a lot. I still felt everything. I couldn't believe he actually fit. Once he was entirely in, he paused. He opened his eyes, and even though it was dark, I saw him stare straight into mine.

"I'm a virgin," He whispered, "I've never done this before."

"Me either," I confessed honestly, "But I've always dreamed my first time would be with you."

It's true. I've always wanted Edward, but not like this. I imagined we'd be older; we'd be dating. I wanted Edward to worship my body. Sober. It was sappy and stupid, and I should have known better than to think that shit actually happened in real life. The fact that I had thought about it so much... the idea that I always wanted him was probably the only reason I wasn't stopping it now.

But if I had said no, would it have even mattered?

"Bella, is this okay? Can I keep going? Does it hurt, baby?" He sighed, rolling his hips, "Fuck, you feel so good to me."

"Come on, come on. Lets just get this over with."

I threw a lot of things down the drain that night. My virtue, my future, even my relationship with a close friend. It all happened so fast; a mixture of so many emotions and feelings exploding into one stupid, reckless moment.

There were no more words exchanged as Edward continued to take me. I couldn't lie. It did have its good parts. At least he tried to be gentle. He had stamina, but looking back I realized it was probably the amount of alcohol in his system. Edward gave me my first orgasm, and to this day, it's been my only.

It's been six years since I lost my virginity to Edward. I hardly have enough time to sleep, much less date. I never went to UCLA; I didn't even make it to Seattle like Edward had. I stayed in Forks, because I honestly had no where else to go. I'm only 24, but I've been through hell and back because of that night. The truth of the matter is, I only have myself and my son's father to blame.

And unfortunately, sometimes it has to get worse before it can get better.

**I really hope this has gotten your attention. I'll be posting the first chapter soon. This story will have alternating BPOV/EPOV. There are two sides to every story, and this one is no different. Please review and let me know what you think! If you're looking for a near complete story to read, check out my other one. It's called Accountability.**

**Thanks, as always, to my friends simba517 and broduergirl30. Check their stories out; you won't be let down.**


	2. Flying at Tree Level

**Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**BPOV/August, 2009**

My son was growing up too fast.

Kindergarten. Who would have ever imagined Seth Swan in kindergarten? Not me, and I hated it. He had only been there for a week, but I could already see the way it was changing him. Why couldn't he stay little forever? I knew Seth would only have more questions when he got older. Questions that I didn't have all the answers to. Or, maybe I did, and they just weren't things I wanted him to know. Did my little boy have to grow up? I knew the answer was yes, even if I didn't want to admit it. But, since he had to, would it be too much to ask for his father to do the same?

"Mommy, can we order pizza tonight?" He asked as soon as he saw me waiting for him in the courtyard at Forks Elementary.

"Sweetie, you're going to your dad's house tonight. Remember?"

I knew he hadn't forgotten. He just hoped I had. It was a rare occurrence for Seth to spend the night with his dad, and tonight was the exception. I had a date. My first, sadly. And as much as I loved my son, there were certain aspects of my life that I wasn't ready to share with him yet.

Besides, I wasn't sure if I was doing this for myself, or just so Alice would shut up. Alice thinks I need someone; _we_ need someone. She's wrong. I've proven for over five years that I'm perfectly capable of doing this on my own. Though I do have to admit, the idea of having a conversation with a male who isn't obsessed with Transformers sounds kind of nice.

He groaned, "Mom, do I have to?"

Did I have the only five year old on the face of the planet that didn't want to spend time with his dad? Seth used to love seeing Edward. He'd talk about him incessantly, but that all changed around the time he turned five. But I couldn't blame him; I didn't really want to see Edward either.

"Seth, don't be ugly. Daddy misses you," I lied. Edward didn't even want Seth. He could hardly look him in the face most of the time, "It's just one night. I'll bet if you ask him he'll take you to see Nana and Pop Pop. And if you're good, we can go get donuts in the morning. How does that sound?"

The way Seth was acting made me consider cancelling the date, but I honestly really liked Jake. We had known each other for practically our whole lives. My dad was best friends with his. As we grew up, we attended separate high schools and fell out of touch. That all changed a few weeks ago when our dads suggested we "get together". The few times I've seen him have gone really well. I didn't consider them dates, because my son had been included in every outing, but we were definitely hitting it off on a romantic level. The fact that Seth had gotten along with Jake so well made him even more appealing. It was probably the main reason I agreed to tonight. Besides, it wasn't like men beat down the front door to date young, single mothers like me.

But I knew where this was going. He was going to want sex. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. Just in case, I had dressed to play the part; I even wore the black laced thong Alice convinced me to buy. I knew first hand how fast a situation could get out of hand, but the idea of actually engaging in sexual activity terrified me. My first experience with sex had been nothing short of a nightmare. I grew up too fast, and it was really unfortunate that Seth's dad hadn't done the same.

I'll admit, Edward was getting better. For the first four years of Seth's life, he studied to become an RN in Seattle. Now that we lived in the same town again, he at least pretended to care. Sort of.

Forks, Washington. Population 3120.

I suppose, in a town that small, it's possible not to notice us.

"I don't like daddy," Seth confessed as I went to buckle him into the backseat of the older Ford Explorer given to us by Seth's grandparents, "'_He_ doesn't like me._ He's_ the reason we can't be a real family. _He _didn't even let me have his name. And _he_ made you cry."

Seth's accusations caught me off guard as I fumbled with the buckle. These were heavy words coming from a five year old. Where had he come up with all of this? I knew he was growing up, but wasn't he still too young to jump to those kind of conclusions?

My mom voice went full throttle, "Seth Tyler Swan, I don't ever want to hear those words out of your mouth again. You should not be jumping to conclusions. Your father and I love you. There are a lot of people at school that have separated parents," _not like Edward and I were ever together to begin with_, I added in my head, "It doesn't mean we're any less of a family. And as far as your last name is concerned, do you know how upset daddy was when he found out I didn't let you have his last name? That was all my doing, buddy."

He started to sob. _Shit_. I didn't mean to make him think I was mad at him. I just hated the fact that my kid was only five and he already had almost as much emotional baggage as me. I tried to understand where he was coming from. My parents were divorced by the time I was his age, too. The difference was, I always knew they loved me. I was reminded by both of them on almost a daily basis. Edward obviously hadn't done the same with our son, but how could he not love him? I've loved Seth since the moment I found out about him... Hell, I loved him before I even knew for sure.

"_Bella Swan," The CNA called after opening the door._

_It had been three days since I had sex with Edward, and it was as if he had disappeared off the face of the earth. I hadn't seen him around town at all. He didn't bother calling and ignored all of mine. I had assumed we would begin some sort of a relationship after what had happened. Why else would he have sex with me? Or tell me he loved me? It didn't make sense. Edward behaved as if he wanted nothing to do with me._

_After getting my weight and height, the nurse led me into an empty exam room. It was the weekend, so I had no choice but to take this matter to the after hours clinic at the hospital._

"_Can you tell me why we're seeing you today?"_

"_Um," I remember being really embarrassed, "It burns…to pee. And I always feel like I have to go, but nothing really comes out. It's really annoying and embarrassing."_

"_How long has this been going on?" _

"_It started last night. Is this serious?"_

"_It could be, but my guess is that you have a urinary tract infection. Do you take really hot baths? Or have you recently engaged in sexual intercourse?"_

"_Um, yeah." I confessed, "I lost my virginity three days ago." I thanked God for patient confidentiality. I lived in a small town, and I was 99% sure I graduated with one of this woman's children._

"_Isabella, you should always remember to urinate after sex to avoid getting these type of infections. What we'll do is submit a urine sample to the lab. It normally only takes about 20 minutes to get the results, and the on-call doctor usually likes to visit with you before prescribing anything."_

_After I peed in the cup, they let me back into the exam room to wait. I knew this was going to be the longest, most miserable 20 minutes of my life. I needed these test results immediately. I had been drinking cranberry juice all day, like Alice suggested, but it wasn't making me feel any better._

_I was only back in the room for a few minutes before the doctor came knocking._

_Fuck. My. Life._

"_Isabella," Dr. Cullen smiled sadly, reaching out to shake my head, "I understand we're seeing you today for a possible urinary tract infection. We're still waiting on the results, but based on what the nurse said I decided it might be a good idea to do an STD test and talk about birth control."_

"_Okay," I acknowledged. As if this wasn't awkward enough..._

_He sighed, "Now, when you had sex, did you use a condom?" We had met before... several times. I'm sure this wasn't any easier for him than it was for me._

"_Um, no. Is an STD test necessary? We were both virgins. But Edwa-um, I mean, the guy... he didn't use a condom."_

_His face morphed from sympathetic to shocked. "Did you just say Edward? As in, my son, Edward?"_

_The tears welled up in my eyes, "I'm so sorry. It just happened, and now he won't talk to me. Could I be pregnant? Can you tell from the test?" I honestly was so preoccupied with everything else that up until this point, I hadn't thought about it._

_He comforted me by wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "Bella, it's still too early for a pregnancy test to come back positive. You said it was three days ago?"_

"_The night of graduation," I confessed._

"_You could... God, what was Edward thinking? He should have known better..."_

_"It was my idea," I lied. I didn't want Carlisle to look down on his son._

_"There's the morning after pill but it looses its effectiveness after 72 hours. I'll prescribe it for you and some Macrobid for the UTI."_

_He tore the two prescriptions from the pad. For a doctor, Carlisle had surprisingly clear handwriting. I took a deep breath. I didn't want kids, and I certainly didn't think it was a good idea for me to have one right out of high school with a boy who wouldn't even talk to me. So why did I feel so unsettled? Maybe I thought I could change Edward's mind. If we had a baby, maybe..._

"_Are you going to tell him?"_

_"Not if you don't want me too."_

"_Carlisle?" I caught him just as he was about to leave the room. __"If I don't take this..."_

_"No matter what happens, Bella, you'll have our support."_

_"I mean, what are the chances anyway?"_

"Daddy doesn't make me cry," I added defensively, bringing myself back from my thoughts, "What are you even talking about, little man? When has Daddy ever made me cry?"

"My birthday."

_Shit. _Seth wasn't supposed to see that.

"Seth, that wasn't because of Daddy," I lied, "I was crying because I was sad about you growing up so fast."

Somehow, he didn't question my response. If he did, he probably would have caught my lie. So, Edward did make me cry, and sometimes, I was convinced it was intentional. It had happened before, and I was sure it would happen again.

Seth quietly sobbed in the backseat until we made it home. I begged him to stop, but it was hard when I was shedding a few tears of my own. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I always knew things were going to be hard, but I never imagined it'd be quite like this.

We lived in a low-income townhouse on the south side of town. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't what I wanted for Seth, or myself for that matter. Seth's grandparents floated his child support every month but a $250 check was hardly even enough to pay our utilities. I was still grateful for everything they had done for us. Carlisle, Esme, and even Edward's brother Emmett never looked down on me for what had happened. They always took my side; always made Seth their number one priority. They had more than compensated for Edward's inadequacies over the years.

When Seth was a baby, we had stayed with my dad and I took classes online through the community college in Port Angeles. It wasn't exactly UCLA, but with a baby at home, I didn't really have a choice. I had a hard enough time juggling the baby and school, and I had to work too. I couldn't run the risk of the state dropping Seth from their health insurance. Asthma was fucking expensive.

As Seth got older, we outgrew Charlie's house. It only had two bedrooms, so it was bound to happen eventually. I couldn't live with my dad forever. Eventually, I had to go out on my own. I had to make a life for my son and myself.

Even if that meant I had to do it without Edward.

My cell phone rang as soon as I got through the front door. I didn't recognize the number, but I knew it was a call I had been waiting for. With that in mind, I had to push my conversation with Seth out of my head. I couldn't ignore it.

"Isabella Swan," I answered, as professionally as possible.

"Hello, Isabella! It's Alec Volturi. We received your resume this morning. Normally, we'd call you in for a face to face interview, but seeing as how you're on the total opposite end of the country, I'll settle for an over the phone. Does that sound good to you? Are you free for a few minutes?"

"Absolutely, sir." I answered immediately, "Let me just go into the other room real quick."

I turned on Cartoon Network for my son and told him I'd be right back.

"Excellent," Alec said once I was alone, "Now, I have an outstanding referral in front of me from Phil Dwyer, and your resume looks great. I just need to ask you a few questions about the yourself and the job, and we should be good to go. First, how comfortable are you with sports?"

"Very comfortable, sir. I was mostly raised by my father. He had no idea how to play Barbies or Polly Pockets. The only things he knew were sports, fishing and law enforcement. When my mother married Phil, my love for professional sports grew to include college and semi-professional as well."

"Wonderful! This is a full time position within the Sports department of our newspaper. However, if you prove yourself, we'll have no problems finding other assignments for you in time. You will have to relocate to Jacksonville to accept this position. Is there anything that would keep you from relocating?"

I hesitated. _Say no, Bella, say no, _I told myself. I looked out of my bedroom and saw Seth sitting on the couch, laughing at the TV, "Relocating should be no problem, sir. My son has severe asthma. The warm weather will be great for Seth."

"And how does Seth's father feel about relocating?"

"Oh, Seth's father and I aren't together." I corrected, "I think, given the circumstances, Seth's father would be supportive of us if we were to move, knowing it would be beneficial to our son's health."

"Absolutely, but fathers feel very strongly about their sons. I should know, I have three myself."

_Yeah, right._

"Well, Seth's father spent the first four years of his life living in another city. Distance is nothing but familiar to them," I couldn't let the guilt of taking Seth away from a father who rarely saw him anyway take this opportunity from us. I wouldn't.

"Well, I'll leave that between the two of you to discuss. Would you be available to work at the beginning of October?"

"Absolutely, sir. The lease on my apartment is up at the end of next month, and six weeks is a perfect amount of time to get things taken care of here."

"Consider the job yours, then, Miss Swan. We are looking forward to some diversity on our team and I believe you're the right person for the job. Keep an eye out for emails from our Human Resources department. I'm going to have them start on the paperwork as soon as possible, and they'll also cover compensation and benefits with you. Quickly, though, will your son need health insurance as well?"

Of course, they always ask. As soon as they know about Seth's condition, they start inching their way towards the subject.

"No. Seth is on his father's policy." I answered honestly. The hospital had better benefits than my job, and Edward had suggested the switch as soon as he got his job there. At least he was good for something.

We exchanged decencies and ended the conversation. My step-dad told me earlier he had faxed my resume. He and mom were really pushing for me to move, but I hadn't expected it to come so soon. I felt the anxiety creeping on. I was going to have to talk to Edward. Soon. I worried, more than anything, he might not even care. What if Edward wants us to move away? After Seth's meltdown earlier in the car, I wasn't even sure I could handle knowing that.

I went into the kitchen and took some Clonazepam. I hated feeling like I needed pills in order to keep it together, but on days like today, I didn't feel like I had a choice.

**Edward, don't forget to pick Seth up by 6:45,** I texted while I was still in the kitchen. The good thing about Edward was that I never really needed to remind him when he made plans with his son. Granted, he didn't make them often, but when he did, I knew I could count on him. The only reason I sent a reminder at all was because Jacob was picking me up at 7:00. I don't think I could deal with the confrontation, especially knowing now that things can't go anywhere with Jake.

Should I just cancel the date all together? It took some time, but Alice convinced me not to.

I eventually made my way back into Seth's room practiced packing. For now, it was just an overnight bag. But in six weeks, I would be packing for good. The idea both excited and terrified me.

By 6:55, Edward still hadn't shown up.

I guess, technically, it wasn't Edward's fault he was late. The hospital ran a pretty tight schedule. It seemed like every other conversation I had with Alice, she mentioned something about budget cuts. Edward wasn't allowed to leave until the next nurse came in for their shift. And even though the shifts overlapped by 30 minutes for that very reason, his relief had chosen today to be late.

I heard a knock at the door and rushed to open it, scared of who I might find.

Jacob. Wonderful.

"Hey, Bella. I'm a little early," he explained, handing me a small bouquet of flowers. They were pretty, but I hated flowers. I liked it much better when men bought me concert tickets or CDs, not that it ever happened.

"No problem, Jake. Thanks so much for these," I smiled, setting them down on the counter. I couldn't help but notice the looks I was getting from Seth. Dammit, I knew this was a mistake.

"Little man!" Jake picked Seth up, tickling his stomach. "I'm so happy to see you!"

It took a few seconds, but Seth finally loosened up and began to giggle at Jake's all-out assault. Unfortunately, Edward chose that moment to barge into my apartment.

"Edward!" I gasped. Why did I feel like I had been caught off guard? I knew he was coming. He was my son's father, after all. This was something we were going to have to get used to sooner or later. Or not... since we were moving, after all.

Edward was good at masking his reaction, but for a split second I saw the hurt on his face.

Jake, sensing the tension, put my son down. Edward walked over to me, resting his hand on my waist and giving me a quick kiss on the lips.

"Sorry I'm late," he told me before walking over to our son, and subsequently Jake.

"Dad." Seth nodded coldly. I felt my heart breaking a little more. He usually wasn't _this_ unenthusiastic.

My date gave me a questioning look, "Oh! Shoot! Sorry, guys. Jake, this is Seth's father. Edward, this is my friend Jake."

The two men puffed their chests out and shook hands. Oh, for the love of God...

"Bella, can I talk to you in the bedroom for a second?" Edward nodded towards the hallway. I reluctantly followed; I didn't want Jake _or_ Seth to get any ideas.

"Are you fucking him?" Edward asked as soon as the door was shut.

"Excuse me?" I gasped.

"You're going to fuck him, aren't you? Why else would you ask me if Seth could spend the night?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because he's your son? I'm sorry, Edward, but my relationships are none of your business. I don't even like the idea of Seth knowing I'm going out with someone, much less you."

"Just. Answer. The. Question." He snapped back at me.

Edward was out of line, and he knew it. I didn't actually intend on messing around with Jacob, but I toyed with the idea of letting his mind wander. So instead of answering the question, I allowed him to answer it for himself. I over dramatically lifted my arms as if I was searching for an answer, knowing it would bring the tight fitting t-shirt I was wearing scrunch up against my waist a little. Then, I walked across the room to get one of Seth's inhalers out of the bottom drawer of my nightstand. I knew that when I bent down, Edward would see two things: the tattoo of Seth's tiny newborn footprints on my lower back, and the black string thong that I normally wouldn't be caught dead in. I lingered in the drawer for a little longer than I should, and was a little disgusted when I turned back to Edward and saw the erection his hospital scrubs couldn't hide.

It only further pissed me off, so I took a stab at him. "I don't fuck on the first date. Not sober, anyway. Besides, I already have one bastard child. I'm not sure my reputation can spare another."

"Bella, please do not call our son a bastard child." The weakness I saw in Edward's eyes earlier returned, and this time he didn't try to hide it.

"Why? We both know exactly what he is. Don't misunderstand me. I would fucking die for that little boy out there. For that same reason, I refuse to put myself in any situation where Seth becomes the odd one out. So, no, Edward, I am not fucking Jacob, or anyone else for that matter."

I turned to leave the room, but he grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Hey, I'm sorry," he sighed, defeated. "I'm trying, Bella. You know its hard for me."

For months, I had been encouraging Edward to go to therapy for his issues. He had a lot of them; most I never knew about until Seth's most recent birthday party. From the beginning, Edward had done everything wrong. Even when he tried to do things right, it still didn't work out for him. I tried not to blame him for the things that weren't his fault, but I definitely had problems getting past the things that were. At one point, I almost suggested we go to therapy together, but at the last second I chickened out and dropped the subject all together.

"I understand, and I appreciate it. I really do, Edward. Please just try to have a good time with your son tonight. He's had a rough day." I handed him the inhaler. "His nebulizer is in the duffel bag if he needs it."

We returned to the living room, where Jake and Seth had began to play Wii.

"Give me a kiss." I demanded of my son as I turned off the TV, "Have fun with daddy."

I hugged him as tight as I could and whispered into his ear, "I love you, buddy."

"I love you too, mommy. I'm sorry about earlier." His apology caught me off guard and earned concerned looks from both Jacob and Edward.

"What was that about?" Edward mouthed as he finally pulled Seth into his arms for a long overdue hug. Our son was being clingy today.

"Later," I mouthed back. Edward accepted that as an answer, for now. We had a lot to talk about, but not tonight. Tonight, as Alice had told me, was all about me having fun.

Yeah, right. As if anything in this rainy hell hole could be considered _fun_. Jake took me to an Italian restaurant in Port Angeles. Forks didn't have anything better to offer. We made small talk on the drive up, mostly about our days and the upcoming weekend. It didn't get awkward until Jake started asking about what had just transpired at my house.

"So, it's not very often that I pick up my date only to see her kiss another man on the lips right in front of me."

_Shit._

"Yeah... Sorry, I guess I should have explained sooner. Our son thinks we hate each other. And don't get me wrong, we do. But we started doing that to use it as evidence towards the contrary, I guess."

"Doesn't that just make things worse? I mean, in the long run you're just giving him hope for something that's never going to happen." He raised his eyebrow, "Aren't you?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right. The Edward and Bella ship sank before it could even sail," I confessed.

"So, what? Was it like a relationship? Or like, a one time thing?"

"We were friends.. In hindsight, good friends." I didn't feel like elaborating on what actually happened, so I lied. "_Good _friends. But after we took things too far, he just stopped talking to me."

Okay, maybe it wasn't as big of a lie as I originally thought.

"Wow, what happened after you found out about Seth?"

"He begged me to get an abortion, actually. It sucked pretty bad, but can we please talk about something else? Tell me about yourself?"

"Bella, you already know everything about me." He smiled. Yeah, I forgot. We grew up together.

Jake's life was boring at best. Tragic, but boring. His mom died when he was young and his two older sisters helped raise him. He was a good guy, and it didn't escape my notice that he was great with Seth. There was chemistry between us, but it just didn't feel right. Maybe I wasn't ready. Or maybe, the idea of moving to Florida just turned me off. As much as I tried to deny it, the hurt I saw on Edward's face earlier tonight held me back a little too.

When Jake finally walked me to the door, I didn't invite him in.


	3. The Leaving Song, Pt 2

**Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Chapter Two: The Leaving Song, Part Two**

**EPOV/August, 2009**

Fridays had little meaning to me. It was just a day of the week, like any other. I almost always had to work and when I didn't, I didn't really do anything else either. If I were a normal 24 year old male, I would probably spend my weekends partying and hooking up with girls. But to be perfectly honest, the thought of either made me sick to my stomach.

I sat at the nurses station, tapping my thumbs against the cheap green Formica. The ER was slow today, which was both good and bad. Good, because it meant no one was dying. Bad, because it made time practically stand still. It was a little after three o'clock and I still had over three more hours left in my shift. All of our daily tasks had already been done. I even considered sanitizing everything _again_ to pass the time.

When I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, I checked it almost immediately. It wasn't like I had anything better to do. It was my son's mother, of course. Who else would be texting me?

"Hey, Jane?" I called out to the other RN on duty, "Do you think you can keep an eye on things up here for a second?"

I slipped outside to smoke a cigarette. The rain had let up for a while earlier today, but it was starting to pour again. Luckily, the entrance of the hospital had an overhang for me to crouch under. If it didn't, I probably would have smoked anyway. The rain meant nothing to me. Honestly, everything meant nothing to me.

I tried countless times to stop smoking, but I just couldn't let go. I needed this one vice. Sometimes I felt like it was the only thing that would get me through the day. I always told myself, things would get easier over time. But the truth was, I made my bed and now I had to lie in it.

Back in high school, I was your typical rebellious teenager. I drank on the weekends with my friends and experimented with weed and pills. But I wasn't stupid. I knew my limits, or so I thought. Teenagers make dumb decisions everyday, most of which have no major effect on the outcome of their life. I was the exception. I took advantage of the girl I _thought_ I loved. I lost control. My lapse in judgement ruined some lives, and if it weren't for the guilty conscience I couldn't seem to shake, mine wouldn't have even been one of them.

She had a son. No, _Bella_ had a son, and he looks almost exactly like her. Everyone seems to think he has my eyes, though. I love my son, I really do. I love him more than I ever thought I would be capable of doing; a son I didn't deserve from a woman I was never good enough for.

Both of whom I was convinced would be better off without me.

If Bella knew how I really felt, she would tell you I was full of shit. She would go on the defensive and insist we were both at fault for what happened that night. I knew better. Bella didn't want to sleep with me. Well, not in the mental state we were in, at least. She held onto her virginity when practically every single guy in school was throwing himself at her. She could have had anyone, but she was into me, and I was into her. When we got drunk, it was up to me to take control of the situation and keep her safe. But instead, I took advantage of that.

I took advantage of Bella.

I lit up and tried to push both Bella and our son away from my thoughts. It never worked. Every time I inhaled, memories came flooding back to me. How many times had Bella called me from this exact same emergency room crying because our son couldn't breathe? There was never anything I could do about it; I couldn't even comfort them because Bella was stuck here in Forks raising my son and I was off in Seattle going to school; getting handed all of the opportunities that Bella would never have.

Bella should have been able to go to college. A real college, not some lame ass community college out of Port Angeles. She got a 2150 on her SAT, for crying out loud. She had a future. Add that to the list of all of the things I took away from her.

I heard the sliding glass doors open behind me, pulling me from my thoughts.

The voice that followed was familiar, "Remind me not to put your name on the application next time, bro."

Jasper's interview totally slipped my mind. He had been my best friend since high school; we were even roommates in college until he moved in with his girlfriend. I moved back to Forks after I passed my RN exam, he stayed in Seattle working for the police department until things went south with Maria. I told him he could crash at my place until he got back on his feet and by the sound of it, he still had to find a job in order for that to happen.

Human Resources was on the other end of the hospital, so he must have made a special trip over here for me, "Why, man?"

"_Alice_ did my interview. You could have at least warned me, mother fucker."

I had to laugh. It's a wonder I ever got my job here, "Sorry, dude. She still hate me?"

"Gee, what do you think? Now I know why the police station didn't bother giving me a call back, either."

"Whatever, man," I argued, "Chief Swan probably doesn't even know we're friends."

"Bull shit. Bella's dad knows exactly who I am, Ed."

I winced, "Yeah, I know. So it was that bad, eh?"

"I think I managed to salvage the interview," he smirked. "Alice has a picture of Seth on her desk, you know? He's cute, man. Looks almost exactly like Bella. Didn't you say he was coming over tonight?"

"Yeah," I sighed, "I think his mom has a date or something."

"No shit? Well, at least one of you is getting laid."

If looks could kill...

He must have noticed the fury behind my eyes, because he didn't dwell on what he insinuated, "Or maybe not. What makes you think she's seeing someone?"

I really didn't want to talk about this or think about it more than I already was, especially after the mental picture of anyone else touching Bella was put into my head but I explained anyway, "Well, for one, she asked me to watch him all night."

"'But that's something you should be doing anyway, right?"

"Dude, my car, our apartment... It reeks like cigarette smoke. I wouldn't be surprised if we're up here by the end of the night, and I'd rather not watch my son get a chest tube because of me."

"Whatever, man," he scoffed, "You and I both know that's a bull shit excuse. Are you ever going to tell me what actually happened that night? What made you hate Bella so much and why you decided to be such a shitty dad?"

"I don't hate Bella."

"But you won't argue with the shitty father part. Grow the fuck up, Edward. I hate to say it, but maybe Alice is right about you."

He threw his cigarette down and walked away before I could argue back. I knew he was right. I _was _a shitty dad. I used to hope that someday, Bella would find someone else. Someone who could look my son in the face without being reminded of every single perfect thing they had ever fucked up. He deserved a good father far more than I deserved him. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that signing my own flesh and blood over to another asshole was something I never wanted to do.

I took a few more drags and went back inside to finish my shift. I resolved, once again, to try harder.

I was doomed from the start. Of all nights for the night nurse to be late, it had to be tonight. When Tanya finally showed up at 6:50, she thanked me for working over but I barely heard it. I got out of there as soon as possible. Seth was probably sitting at home, waiting for me with his backpack in tow. I didn't want to let him down. I was so focused on it that I didn't even bother knocking when I made it to Bella's house.

The image that came into my sight as I opened the door was the opposite of what I expected and enough to send me into cardiac arrest. Seth was in the arms of another man, laughing hysterically. This guy looked a little younger than Bella and me, but he was huge. He must have been at least six inches taller and twice as muscular.

I hadn't felt this small and obsolete since the night Seth was born.

Bella called me back to reality and I quickly masked the pain I felt. Without thinking, I walked over to her for a kiss. A few months back, Seth caught us kissing, and I've used the situation to my advantage ever since. I had done something stupid to hurt Bella and at the time, it was the only way I could prove to her how much she and Seth really meant to me. But when Seth walked into her bedroom and saw my lips on hers, it caught us off guard and caused Bella to turn her attention to Seth and how he perceived the situation. The point I was originally trying to make fell by the wayside.

Hopefully, it wasn't lost to the asshole in Bella's living room.

I walked over to Seth and he barely acknowledged me. I always knew it would hurt when I saw Seth with someone else, but I never actually thought about the repercussions of it. Seth had apparently already decided he liked his mom's boyfriend more than he liked me.

The knife twisted a little further, and I regretted not having a cigarette on the way over here.

Some unspoken exchange must have occurred between Bella and the guy, because she stumbled her way through an introduction. I sized _Jake_ up again, fully knowing I would never win in a fist fight against him but not opposed to die trying.

I began to wonder how long Bella had been letting him come around. This obviously wasn't the first time he had met my son, and they seemed pretty close. But how close was he with Bella? I started to worry that maybe Jasper was right. Maybe tonight was the night, or maybe things had already gone too far.

_Just because you got there first does not mean she's yours,_ I had to remind myself. _You had your chance, Edward. You __blew__ it. Over and over again, you blew it._

_

* * *

_

_Dad had been acting strange. It was as if he wanted to tell me something, but every time he tried he changed his mind. On top of that, he kept asking me if I wanted to invite Bella over to watch a movie. Or, out to dinner. If it weren't for the fact that I was almost positive he had no way of knowing, I would think he knew about what I had done, and what I was going through._

_Maybe he wasn't acting strange. Maybe it was just the weight of my guilty conscious. _

_I graduated from high school two weeks ago. That same night, I met Tyler Crowley on the beach for some Adderall. I didn't need it to study anymore. I just wanted to feel something. High school was over, and I knew I would probably never see Bella again. She'd never know about the acceptance letter UCLA sent me, or the fact that they hadn't offered me any type of scholarship money. She'd continue to think I was happy to be attending the University of Washington in Seattle, and she'd never know how much I wanted to be with her. Or that I was in love with her._

_I entertained the thought of fooling around with some other girl to get her off of my mind. After all, Lauren Mallory was right there, offering me her bottle of Jack and a good time to go along with it. And in order to do it, I would need the Jack. It would probably take an entire fifth for me to get drunk enough to have sex with someone. Jazz and I drank a lot and I could hold my liquor well, but the Adderall I already popped had a way of countering its effects._

_I tipped the bottle back, allowing myself one last time to think about it. I was still a virgin, but did I really want to go to college without having any experience with girls? No, I didn't. I wanted to go to school with Bella. I wanted Bella to be my first experience, and I wanted the experience to continue over and over again._

_When I was sure I had enough whiskey in me to at least tolerate the mere thought of a conversation with Lauren, I removed the bottle from my lips. Staring straight at me was the one woman I never expected to see on that beach._

_Bella._

_She wasn't gone, but she was getting there. I knew she didn't drink. Chief Swan would never let that shit fly, and I had to wonder what she was even doing at the beach in the first place. I practically begged her to follow me to my car. I still felt okay to drive, even though I was sure I was over the legal limit. For some stupid reason, she got into my car. Instead of taking her home, I ended up taking her to my house._

_I kept drinking, and so did she. I told her about the pills and even offered some to her. I'm still not sure if she actually took them or not. I tried to make her think she could trust me, because I honestly thought she could. I never thought I would be capable of doing anything to hurt Bella. But eventually, I couldn't hold myself back anymore. I had this one chance to show her how I felt, and I took it._

_The only thing I could focus on that night were my needs. I needed Bella to know how I felt. I needed to kiss her. I needed to touch her. I needed to see her naked, and I needed to fuck her. And since she wasn't saying no, I just assumed it was something she needed to._

_The next morning, I didn't even know what to say. I knew I had seriously fucked things up. I was so ashamed of myself and what I had done that I couldn't even look Bella in the face. I spent the next day sleeping off my massive hang over, trying to escape what I had done. In the days that followed, I ignored her calls. I didn't love Bella. Taking advantage of her innocence while she was drunk was not the product of love._

_Jasper and I were at Newton's Sporting Goods to get ready for our weekend camping trip. Bella was working, but I did my best to avoid her. That is, until Mike told me something that changed everything. I couldn't ignore Bella anymore._

"_Dude, did you guys hear about Bella?" he asked as we were checking out with our tent and sleeping bags._

"_No." I answered curtly. Whatever it was, I didn't think I wanted to know._

"_She's pregnant, man. She told my mom today, 'cause she needs tomorrow off to go to the appointment."_

_I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Newton must have been an idiot, because I'm pretty sure everyone we went to school with saw us leave the beach together that night. Well, almost everyone. Jasper_ _apparently had no idea._

"_Dude, Ed. Calm down," I barely heard him whisper, "She's probably dating someone from another town. I don't think Bella would fuck around with any of the guys we went to school with. She probably has a boyfriend. Breathe, man."_

_But I couldn't breathe. I just found out from some prick I didn't even like, and Bella sure as fuck didn't like, that I was going to be a father._

_I stormed over to the aisle I had seen her stocking earlier. I was sure she had seen me, too. Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't she try to catch my attention? Didn't she think I deserved to know?_

"_Is it true?" I asked, more stern than I had intended on being._

"_Dude, Edward. Calm down," Jasper tried to pull me back, "Leave it alone, man."_

_Bella's face had been red. I knew she had been crying already, and I was making her start again._

"_Yeah," she sobbed, "it's true."_

"_Fuck, Bella! why didn't you tell me? I should have been the first person to know!"_

"_Oh, I don't know, Edward," she scoffed, "Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you've been ignoring me every since it happened!"_

"_Dude." I heard Jasper gasp._

_I knew Bella was right. This was my own fault, but it was too late for that now._

"_Get an abortion." I demanded, without thinking._

"_What?"_

"_Get. An. Abortion. Don't let some stupid fucking mistake I made ruin your life," I opened my wallet and threw my credit card at her. _

_At this point, Jasper pushed me away from Bella and practically dragged me out of the store. Bella had been reduced to hysterics._

_Once we were outside, Jasper threw the his first and only punch. It took me to the ground._

"_What the fuck was that for?" I yelled, rubbing my jaw._

"_The fact that you have to ask just shows me how much you deserved it."_

_I didn't get an opportunity to finish my conversation with Jasper, because at that moment Bella came storming out of the building and towards her truck._

"_Bella!" I called out, getting up and running towards her, "Bella, please!" I begged._

_She didn't even turn around, she just kept going. The truck was locked, and by the time she got the door open, I caught up to her. She tried slamming it on me, but I got in the way._

"_Baby, please," I begged._

_She threw the credit card back at me, "Don't baby me, Edward."_

"_I'm sorry. Look, I flipped out. Can we at least talk about this?"_

"_Great. So now, you want to talk? Where were you two weeks ago?"_

"_Bella, I'm sorry. I was... ashamed. Please, just talk," tears were accumulating in my eyes by this time._

"_Fine. What? But so help me God, Edward, if you tell me to get an abortion one more time..."_

"_I won't ask you to get one. I was only saying that because I was angry and I don't want you to ruin your future because of me. We can get married. We can raise the baby together."_

"_Married? Are you fucking kidding me? I hate you, Edward! Why would I EVER want to marry you?"_

_

* * *

_

I had my chance. I blew it. I've ran that conversation through my head millions of times since that day. There were so many things I should have done differently. I should have never demanded she get an abortion. I should have never spent two weeks ignoring her. If I hadn't maybe I wouldn't be in this situation right now. Bella would never be mine, but it would never keep me from wanting what I couldn't have.

The words left my mouth before I could even realize what I was saying, "Bella, can I talk to you in the bedroom for a second?"

I knew she was unsure of whether or not to follow me, so I was glad when she did. As soon as the door was shut, my emotions got the best of me. I asked her if she was fucking him. I wanted to know if that's why I was keeping Seth all night and she felt the need to remind me that what she did was none of my business.

"Just. Answer. The. Question." I seethed.

If Bella had just answered the question, like I asked, it would have hurt. But Bella's silent response was so much worse. She made her way across the bedroom and over to her nightstand. When she opened the bottom drawer, I half expected her to show off some form of contraceptive. Instead, I found my eyes being pulled towards her body. The shirt she was wearing was too tight fitting. It hardly covered the small of her back. Peeking out from under it was a tattoo. I never knew Bella had one, and I'd be lying if I didn't think it was sexy as fuck. It was easy for me to recognize what the tattoo was; the tiny, premature footprints of _my _baby boy. I subconsciously rubbed my chest. I wonder how Bella would react if she saw my tattoo.

When my eyes finally drifted lower, I saw what Bella had probably been intending for me to the entire time. The night we had sex, Bella was wearing boyshorts. Today, Bella had on a black, barely there thong. I knew her. Bella was a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl. She had kept her very sexy body after giving birth to Seth, but her number one priority had always been to be comfortable. There was only one reason Bella would ever be caught dead in something like this.

Sex.

I'm not going to lie, I wanted her. For a split second, I thought about how Seth would be occupied with her date in the other room. I could make Bella mine,_ again_. When we finished, it would be obvious to her loser boyfriend what had happened between us. I'd thank him for babysitting and tell him to get the fuck out of her house.

_Yeah, right. Keep dreaming, Ed._

I was starting to get turned on by the fantasy in my head when Bella's words brought me back to reality, "I don't fuck on the first date. Not sober, anyway. Besides, I already have one bastard child. I'm not sure my reputation can spare another."

My heart fell through the floor. I felt like a pussy, because I almost started crying, "Bella, please do not call our son a bastard child."

"Why? We both know exactly what he is. Don't misunderstand me. I would fucking die for that little boy out there. For that same reason, I refuse to put myself in any situation where Seth becomes the odd one out. So, no, Edward, I am not fucking Jacob, or anyone else for that matter."

She was about to leave me there to compose myself, but I couldn't let her go. I grabbed her arm and tried to apologize. I hoped she felt the weight of the sincerity in my words. I wasn't just apologizing for what had happened in this bedroom. I was apologizing for everything.

"I'm trying, Bella. You know its hard for me."

She handed me the inhaler she had gotten from her night stand, and I went to rescue my son from the mother fucker in Bella's living room. When Bella leaned down to give Seth a kiss goodbye, he apologized too. For what, I have no idea. Bella told me she'd tell me later, and I tried to forget about it.

Relief swept over me as I finally got to hold my son. I knew he was getting too old to be picked up, but I had a lot of lost time to make up for. It wasn't like I had ever denied the fact that he was mine. Even I wasn't that big of an asshole. It was just easier to ignore the fact that he_ was_ my son when I never saw him. I'll never get the first five years of his life back. I should have started being a dad the second I found out about him, rather than waiting for someone else to step up and do it for me.

Hindsight is 20/20.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and I carried him outside as Bella went to retrieve the booster seat from my mom's old Explorer. After everything they had done for Bella, the amount of respect I had for my parents was endless. Seth and I waved bye as the mother fucker helped Bella into his raised truck. His hands lingered on her waist for a little too long and I had to fight back from saying exactly what was on my mind. He shot me a smug look before getting in himself and I almost lost it.

_I have my son in the car, _I told myself.

"Edward, do you like pizza?" Seth asked from the backseat, bringing me back from my jealousy.

"What'd you call me, son?" I asked, shocked. It was always dad, or daddy. Never Edward.

"Well, mommy calls you Edward. And when you were in mommy's room, Jake he told me it was okay if I called you Edward, too."

My vision went red, and I had to hold back from taking my anger out on my son, "My name is Edward, buddy. Edward Anthony Cullen," I told him, in case he didn't know the whole thing, "but I like it when you call me dad. Or daddy."

"Sorry, daddy. Can we still get pizza? Mom said you might take me to Nana and Pop Pop's."

I had intended on it just being Seth and I tonight, but if he wanted to see my parents, I wasn't going to tell him no, "Do you think Nana and Pop Pop would want pizza, too?"

"Duh, dad. It's pizza. Who doesn't want pizza?"

I called my parents to make sure they hadn't eaten before Seth and I headed over to Pacific Pizza. When I asked what toppings he preferred, he told me he just wanted cheese. I had to laugh, because it was so Bella. Not only did he look exactly like his mom, he seemed to act like her too. I saw it as a good thing. I'd much rather him have Bella's intelligence, personality, and looks, than my own.

After we ordered the pizzas, I sat down to wait. My son crawled onto my lap and leaned his head against my shoulder.

"What's wrong, buddy?" I asked, sensing he was upset about something.

"Nothing," he told me. I wasn't convinced.

I gave him a kiss on the forehead and looked across the restaurant to see what might have been bothering him. Nothing struck out as odd to me. I knew I had an opportunity to step up and be Dad.

"If you need to talk about something," I began, "I'm here to listen. You know that, right?"

"You might get mad," he enticed. Now, I really wanted to know.

"Why would I get mad, buddy?"

"I miss mommy."

"Me too," I answered honestly. Why would I get mad over that? He was only five. It was perfectly normal for him to miss her. Hell, I knew I was a total momma's boy at his age. He probably got it from me.

"I wish," he hesitated, "I wish we were a real family"

"Me too," I sighed. This wasn't exactly a conversation I wanted to have in public, "I love you, Seth."

My parents were excited, as always, to see him. Seth was their first grandchild, but Emmett and Rosalie were about to pop out their second kid any minute now. Seth's cousin Henry was three, and I was glad there wasn't a huge age gap between them. I wasn't an only child, and I hated that Seth was going to be. Well, he might not always be, I supposed. Bella might have kids with Andre the Giant or some other mother fucker eventually, but Seth was it for me.

By the time we made it back to my apartment, Jasper was out for the night and it was already way past Seth's bedtime. I reached into his overnight bag and pulled out the Transformers pajamas Bella had packed. He changed and brushed his teeth before crawling into bed. Seth didn't have his own room over here, but eventually, he could. I started planning it in my head for when Jasper moved out. Friday could be our day, I decided. In the meantime, Seth had to sleep with me.

"Those are some rockin' pajamas, man. I loved Transformers when I was your age."

"You did?" he asked, amusement shining through.

"Yeah, I was even Optimus Prime for Halloween one year. Nana has pictures. I'll bet she'll show you sometime."

"Optimus Prime?" he gasped, "Dad, you can't be Optimus Prime!"

"Why not?"

"'Cause mommy's Optimus Prime!" he snorted, "And I'm Bumble Bee."

I had to laugh, "Oh yeah? Who am I then?"

"You..." he thought, "You can be Megatron."

"What? I'm a Decepticon?"

"Somebody has to be the bad guy."

I knew better than to read too much into what Seth was saying. We were talking hypothetically. He was only five; there's no possibility of a deeper meaning behind his words. It was just Transformers. He wasn't insinuating anything. Or was he? Did he really think of me as the bad guy?

"Jake _can be the Decepticon_," I told him, trying to push what he just said out of my mind, "I wanna be Ratchet."

"Ratchet! The nurse! That's you, daddy!"

Yeah, that was me. I had high hopes when I was younger. I wanted to be a doctor like my dad, but it wasn't fair for me to go to medical school when Bella couldn't even get a bachelor's degree. So instead, I settled for second best and became an RN. I still had an education, and I could still provide for Seth. I still got to help people, just without all of the prestige of being _Doctor _Cullen.

Seth eventually fell asleep, and I needed a smoke so I grabbed my cell phone and slipped out of bed. Jasper still hadn't made it home and I was beginning to wonder what sort of trouble he had gotten himself in to._ It wasn't that late. _10:30, maybe. Bella was _still _going to be pissed when she found out what time Seth went to bed.

I stood outside on our balcony and felt light headed after a few drags of my cigarette. I hadn't had one since three, and it felt good. I was probably going to have to shower before I got back in bed with Seth, but it was worth it.

I felt my phone vibrate in the pocket of my pajamas.

_Bella._

"Hey," I answered, trying to be quiet.

She didn't say anything. I heard her inhale deeply and I immediately knew something was wrong.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

My thoughts went to Jake. What had he done to her?

"I'm fine," she sniveled into the phone, "Just calling to check on Seth."

"Seth is fine, sweetheart. He's in bed. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Just lonely, I guess."

"Did something happen with that mother fucker tonight?" I asked, feeling more than a little on edge.

"No, Edward. Nothing." she insisted.

"Good. He told our son to call me Edward."

"What?" she gasped.

"Yeah. As soon as we got in the car. I wanted to turn around and kill him. Jake, I mean. Not Seth."

"I'm sorry.I never call you Edward to Seth. It's always dad or daddy."

"You call your dad Charlie," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but I'm an adult."

"Well when Seth's an adult, I still want to be dad."

She stayed quiet for a second.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Something was up. Something had happened with Jake, and I wanted to know about it.

"I had to make a decision. A big one. And now I'm wondering if I did the right thing."

As much as I wanted to know, I decided not to press it, "I'm sure you did. You always make the right decision_._ _Everything _you do is with the best interests of our son in mind. I love that. So whatever it was you had to decide... I'm sure it was right."

She sighed, "Thanks, Edward. I'll be by to get Seth at around 9:30... Do you, maybe, want to go to breakfast with us?"

"I'd love to."

Bella hung up after that. I didn't want her to. I wished we could have stayed on the phone until she was comfortable enough to tell me what was really wrong but I knew better than to think Bella would ever really trust me again. I wasn't lying about anything I said to her. Bella always put Seth first andfrom now on, I was going to follow her lead. Everything I did was going to be with Seth's best interests in mind.

I flicked the cigarette down to the parking lot below and went back inside. I still had 9 left in my pack, but it didn't matter. I threw them away, along with the lighter, too, because I didn't need vices. I needed my family.

**So what did you think? Was it what you thought it'd be? Edward knows he has made a lot of mistakes. He just doesn't know how to deal with them. But like the title of the story would suggest... Is it too little, too late? I guess we'll find out. Up next is Bella's point of view. I'm trying to make them overlap, but I don't want it to be too repetitive. So, let me know what you thought. Also, I'm on twitter. So if you're bored, you can talk to me over there. Sometimes I even post teasers. :)****The name is abbrecken. Also, there's a good chance reviews will be replied to with teasers.**

**Thanks to simba517 and broduergirl30 for being awesome as always. Though, I may never drink another milkshake now...**


	4. Carpathia

**Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story. **

**I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Chapter Three: Carpathia **

To be honest, the magnitude of what I was doing didn't actually register in my brain until I began to fill out the endless amount of paperwork sent to me from Jacksonville. After leaving Jacob at my front door with a less than satisfying goodnight kiss, my mind refused to shut off. I should have told him about the move. I still need to tell him, and Edward, too. Telling Jake should have been the easy part. If I couldn't even tell him, how was I ever going to find the courage to tell the father of my son I was moving clear across the country and taking our boy with me?

Having nothing better to do, I fired up my laptop and began sifting through the various forms and questionnaires. A simple tax form reduced me to tears. More specifically, it was the fact that I claimed Seth as _my_ dependent. Edward and I had no legal custody agreement. It had never been necessary before now. Edward didn't care how often _or how little _he saw his son. He always let me call the shots; let me be the parent. I had been the one claiming him on my taxes since the beginning, but something about the way it looked on paper this time seemed different. I was finishing a chapter in my life. Seth and I were moving, and I was moving forward with my life. Once we were gone, there would be little chance to turn back.

Of course, I would always come back to Forks. My father still lived here, and I didn't see that changing anytime soon. The two of us would make yearly visits, at least. Seth would come see his grandparents, and Edward might even surprise me by wanting to take him for a few weeks or even a summer. I'd be okay with that. But as time progressed, I pictured our visits becoming less and less frequent, much like mine had been with my father while I was growing up.

In high school, would Seth make a random decision to live with his dad? I had done it, and now I realized how much it must have broken my mom's heart to see me move. I wasn't sure I could let go of Seth so easily. What if Edward got remarried? Had more kids? Could I trust him to put Seth first when I'm thousands of miles out of sight?

Hell, I still wasn't sure if I could trust Edward period.

* * *

"_Okay, Bella. Are you ready to find out the sex of the baby?" Dr. Clearwater asked, moving the transducer across my stomach._

_Alice squeezed my hand, "Oh my gosh! Bella! This is seriously so exciting. Edward is such an idiot for not being here!"_

_Yeah, well, Edward was three hours away in Seattle and apparently had a math test he 'couldn't miss.' To be fair, he did make the first ultrasound appointment. We weren't exactly on the best terms after what had happened at Newton's when he found out I was pregnant, but I could recognize that he was at least trying. It definitely wasn't easy for him._

_These days, he wanted us to be together. I just couldn't do it. I knew he was only trying to do the right thing; to be with me for the baby. If he actually wanted to be with me, he wouldn't have ignored me after we slept together. Even after he found out I was pregnant, I probably would have taken him back. But when he threw his credit card and demanded I get an abortion, I lost every ounce of respect I had left for him._

"_So, what is it?" I asked, staring at the screen._

"_Well, Bella. It looks like you're having a baby boy. Congratulations."_

_A boy. In my head, I immediately began to picture a miniature version of Edward. I was almost positive my kid would come out looking exactly like the guy. It would be just my luck. I'd been fighting so hard for my son since the very beginning. I didn't think twice when Edward suggested abortion. Or adoption. I maintained my ground from the start, while Edward was just beginning to come around._

_Alice practically screamed, and followed with a bunch of 'I knew its' and 'I told you so's'. _

_The ultrasound was in Port Angeles, and afterwards Alice wanted to shop. I wasn't big on spending money, but Alice loved to do it. She always weaseled me into shopping every once and a while, but today was different. For the first time, I could buy something for my son. We ate lunch and stopped by a few stores before I settled on some Carter's outfits. Mostly, I bought things that represented me, but I did get a cute shirt that said 'Dad's number one draft pick'. I thought about texting a picture of it to Edward, but decided against it. I wanted to tell him, not show him. _

_I waited until we got back to town and I was alone to deliver the big news. I dialed his number from memory, trying to decide what and how I was going to tell him._

"_Hello," the voice that came through on the other end of the phone line wasn't Edward's. It was a female._

"_Um, I think I have the wrong number." I pulled the phone away from my ear to check what I had dialed._

_It was definitely Edward's number. Why would a female be answering his phone? He had been so persistent on the 'let's be together for the baby' front. Had there been someone else the entire time?_

_My heart broke into a million pieces all over again. I couldn't believe I had trusted him. Maybe this was why he hadn't pursued a relationship with me in the first place. Or the real reason why he hadn't ever dated anyone in high school. There was someone else, and I never knew any better because she didn't even share an area code with us._

"_Oh yeah, Bella? I don't think you do. Your picture came up along with your name when the phone rang. Just so you know, this is my boyfriend's phone. He left it in my car. So, can I take a message?" she asked, confirming my suspicions._

"_Um, if you could just, tell him that I called. I figured he was expecting me..."_

"_No, I don't think so. But whatever, I'll let him know."_

_She must not have, because an hour later, I still hadn't heard from him. I called back._

"_Hey beautiful," Edward answered this time. I could feel my blood pressure rising. How dare he?_

"_Don't 'hey beautiful' me. Where the fuck have you been?"_

"_Ah, crap, Bella. I left my phone in someone's car. Did you call? It didn't tell me I had any missed..."_

"_Who is she?" I couldn't help the ping of jealousy I felt. Out of nowhere, feelings were emerging for Edward. Things I hadn't felt since... well, since before our night together._

"_Who is who, sweetheart?" I hated the way he was being so calm about all of this. Did he really think I was stupid? Why hadn't his so called girlfriend let him know I called? Did she even know about... oh, God..._

"_Sorry, Edward. I guess I should have been more clear. When I called earlier to tell you about your son, your girlfriend - her words, not mine - answered the phone. I guess you didn't get that message, did you? God, seriously. Just when I thought..." I trailed off, not wanting to admit my weakness for him, "You know what? Never mind."_

_I hung up the phone before he had a chance to respond. I expected him to call back, but he didn't._

_Eventually, Jasper did._

"_Bella, don't hang up." He begged as soon as he knew I was on the line._

"_Seriously, Jasper. What?"_

"_Bella, that wasn't Edward's girlfriend. Not even close."_

"_And you actually expect me to believe this?"_

"_Look, I would be suspicious too. But at any point in the conversation, did either of you say the name 'Edward'?"_

_I honestly couldn't remember._

"_Ed and I have the same phone, Bella. Maria just assumed it was mine." _

"_You seriously expect me to believe your girlfriend answered Edward's phone? Yeah, right. I'm not an idiot."_

"_It would explain why I just spent the past five minutes trying to convince her there isn't someone else. I literally had to pull my phone out of my pocket and prove to her that it had been in my possession the whole time. Edward is a wreck, Bella. Just talk to him."_

"_Fine, Jasper," I complied, not sure if I believed his far-fetched story or not, "If he calls, I'll answer."_

_Ten seconds later, I had the opportunity to make good on my promise._

"_Bella," he sighed, his voice cracking._

"_Hi," I didn't know what else to say._

"_It's a boy? We're having a son?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_God, Bella... About earlier..."_

_I felt calmer now, so I played it off, "Don't worry about it, Edward. We're not together, so it's none of my business. You don't need Jasper to lie for you. I was pissed at first, but I'm good. We're good."_

"_Jasper wasn't lying. And for the record, I can't fucking stand his girlfriend. My math test didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would, and I was just trying to pass some time while I was waiting on you to call. They were going to eat, so I went with them. Please believe me when I tell you that there hasn't been anyone else. Not even close. I only want you. I barely talk to anyone at all. Ask Jasper. I go to class, come back to my dorm, and study. I know I didn't handle things well when I found out. I'm so sorry for that, baby. But believe me when I tell you, I love my family. I'll do whatever it takes to make this work."_

_Once again, I had no idea what to think. I wanted to believe Edward. I wanted to believe he was being honest about what had happened today and how he loved our baby. But I wasn't sure where I fell into any of that, and I was terrified of getting hurt again. With words, Edward could cause my world to come crashing down. I needed to be stronger than that. I needed to guard myself, if not for myself, for my son._

"_I can't make any promises, Edward."_

* * *

The house was lonely without Seth. Seth spent the night with Carlisle and Esme every once in a while, but I still wasn't used to being alone. It wasn't even 10:30 yet, and I was already bored out of my mind. I needed some sort of comfort; anything to keep me company. It was no wonder Edward smoked so much. Without Seth, I had way too much free time and nothing to do with it.

If Seth were here, I'd probably let him sleep in my room just so I didn't feel alone. I usually only let him do it if there was a bad storm, but occasionally I'd make an exception. But Seth was with his dad, and despite my date with Jake, I found myself wishing I was with my family, too.

I called Edward hoping to get some peace of mind. It seems kind of pathetic, but he has been one of the only consistencies in my life since I moved to Forks 8 years ago. It was a distant consistency, but a consistency none the less. I missed our friendship, the one we shared in high school. I always downplayed it at the time, but now I realized how integral our time in biology had been to me. It seemed so innocent, looking back. We were young and naive. There was no baggage, no blaming and no heartbreak - aside from petty teenage angst. It's difficult for me, because I know we _should_ have gone our separate ways after high school. The only thing that united us was Seth, and as much as it sucked, I wouldn't do anything differently.

The phone call didn't do anything to put my mind at ease. If anything, it made me feel worse. I couldn't believe Jake played Seth against his dad. My son was not a pawn. Edward might not have been perfect, but he didn't deserve to have his own son sided against him. I wouldn't have Seth without him. Edward was hit and miss, but he would always be dad.

Sadly, I hoped seeing me with someone else would give him some sort of epiphany. It hadn't originally been my intention, but I found my mind wandering there after the fact. It wasn't like I wanted a relationship with him. Not anymore, at least. I just wanted him to care; to give me proof that something between us, however long ago that may have been, had been real.

When my phone rang again, I assumed my wish was coming true. I picked up almost immediately.

"Hey, Bells."

All my hope went flying out the window.

"Oh, hi Jake," I tried not to be rude, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, um," he sighed, "Sorry for calling so late. I couldn't stop thinking about you. It's just, I noticed maybe you weren't as comfortable tonight as you have been in the past. Like, with Seth. And I wanted to let you know, I get that. It's cool. Because the way I see it, you and Seth are kind of like a package deal. So I was wondering if maybe you guys would like to see the new Ice Age movie with me tomorrow?"

I knew Jake had been reading into my apprehension from earlier. It was a sweet gesture, even if it had been completely ruined by the stunt he had pulled earlier, "Jake, I want you to be honest with me. And in return, I'll be honest with you."

"Okay..."

"Did you tell my son to call his father by his first name?"

"Ah, shit. Edward told you about that already? Bella... I was just playing around. I was pissed because he kissed you right in front of me, and I needed a way to get back at him. It was wrong. I'm sorry."

I wasn't sure 'I'm sorry' was good enough, "If you ever... and I mean, _ever,_ so much as think about using my child as a way to extract revenge again, you can kiss our relationship _and _our friendship goodbye. He is not a pawn. He's a five year old boy and fully capable of thinking and making judgements about people's character on his own. Trust me, I've experienced it first hand.

"As far as my behavior this evening is concerned, I will admit, I was acting a little off, but not for the reason you assume. I got offered a job in Jacksonville, Florida today. I'm taking it. We're moving at the end of September."

"Wow, Bells... That's insane."

"I just don't want to lead you on. This can't go anywhere, Jake. I don't do long distance relationships," using the same excuse I had given Edward all those years ago.

"No, Bella. I totally get it. It makes sense now. Wow, this entire night, I've been wondering if you still have something for Edward! Jeez, I feel a lot better now. So, can we still do the movie tomorrow? As friends?"

"I don't see why not."

"Awesome. I'll pick you guys up at noon. We can get some lunch or something before."

I confirmed the time with Jake and he apologized again for what had happened earlier. I knew I should be more upset about what he had done, but I was honestly so relieved about telling him about the move that I didn't care. The easy part was over. And if everything worked out as planned, the hardest part would be over after tomorrow. I was going to tell Edward, even if it killed me to do it.

I finally drifted to sleep, only to dream of _him_.

In the morning, I rushed to take a shower before heading over to Edward's apartment. He had given me a spare key after he moved in, so I didn't bother knocking before I entered. It wasn't like he wasn't expecting me. The open floor plan of Edward's apartment gave me a view straight into his kitchen, where father and son were cooking, or at least making some sort of attempt at the matter.

"Mommy!" Seth excitedly shouted from his spot on the kitchen counter, pulling a Blow Pop from his mouth, "We're making you breakfast!"

"Oh are you? And since when are suckers on the menu?"

"It's only one," Edward interrupted in Seth's defense, "Daddy's trying to stop smoking."

"Yeah, Uncle Jasper says daddy's a dick."

"Addicted, buddy," Edward corrected almost immediately, "Uncle Jasper says daddy is _addicted._"

I walked over to Seth first and gave him a hug and a kiss. It hadn't even been a day, but I missed my little man so much. He was still clad in his Transformers pajamas, and both of them were suffering from some serious bedhead. Edward wore basketball shorts and a black t-shirt as he stood by the stove with a skillet of scrambled eggs.

"Hey momma," he greeted, pulling a sucker from his own mouth and sweeping me into a hug. He tried to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my head away from him at the last second. Jake was right. If I let Edward kiss me, it would only lead Seth on. His kiss landed on my cheek, and I saw the hurt in his eyes as we pulled away from each other.

"Seth have an asthma attack or something?" I asked to change the subject. I fully knew the answer would be yes. Edward made it a point not to smoke around our son, but the stench was still strong in his apartment. If he followed through on his commitment to quit, he needed to paint. Or move.

"We had to do a breathing treatment at around three this morning. But that was after I decided to quit, for the record."

"Uh-huh," I wasn't sure exactly what he was trying to insinuate, "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah," Seth sighed, "I'm fine, mom."

Seth, as usual, was trying to downplay the severity of his attack. Lately, we'd been having problems with collapsed lungs. It's happened twice, and his doctor warned that next time we'd be looking at more intense treatment. We're well acquainted with the Forks ER, and not just because daddy works there. Seth has been in the hospital for his lungs more times than I've been there for my clumsiness; _a lot._ When they started throwing around lung surgery, it was enough to make all three of us never want to take him back.

"So, breakfast. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Nope," Edward answered, "We've got this covered. Right, little man?"

"Right!"

After Edward and Seth banned me from the kitchen, I began gathering Seth's things. I could tell he slept in Edward's room last night, which was good because I knew it to be the one place in the apartment where Edward never smoked. It was well kept, a far cry from the chaos and filth contained by Jasper's room.

I sat down on Edward's bed as I packed Seth's nebulizer into the backpack. Edward's room was pretty generic. He didn't leave a lot of his things laying around, or maybe he just hid them so Seth wouldn't see. An over-sized photo album seemed out of place on his nightstand. My curiosity overtook my regard for Edward's privacy and I began to look through it.

Some of the pictures I had taken, but others I had definitely never seen before. Esme must have took them. Mostly, there were pictures of Seth, but there were a few of me too. Some of them were even from high school, while others showed my very fat pregnant days. Of all the pictures, very few contained Edward with Seth. I wondered how much that bothered him, to have almost an entire photo album full of his son without him. As I flipped to the last page, one single photo stood out.

At first, I thought it had been placed there by accident. Why else would he include a shirtless photo of himself in with a bunch of pictures of our son? But after looking at the picture, it became blatantly obvious. Fresh ink covered his chest. At first glance, it looked like a bunch of squiggly lines, but there was more to it than that. I knew Seth's drawing style. I knew how to make out shapes and figures among the chaos frequently captured on paper by my son. Edward had a tattoo of the three of us, or at least, Seth's perception of the three of us, on his chest. Across his heart, in a very juvenile font, spelled _amor meae vitae. _I had no idea what it meant, but I vaguely associated amor with love.

"Mommy, breakfast!" Seth announced from the doorway, bringing me back to reality.

I snapped the album shut. I wasn't supposed to see that. The last thing I needed was for Edward to catch me going through his things. I especially didn't want him to catch me eyeing a shirtless photo of him. I tried to push it to the back of my mind. A little part of me wanted to rip his shirt off and verify that it was real. Of all the things he could have chosen, why had he chosen to depict the three of us? The Edward and Bella in the drawing were even holding hands. How did he expect to explain that when he was with someone else? And where did he intend on tattooing his replacement family?

I didn't even bother grabbing Seth's backpack before getting out of his room and joining them at the breakfast table.

"So, I was wondering if maybe you guys wanted to spend the day with me?" Edward suggested, sounding a little nervous.

"Oh! Mommy, can we?" Seth chimed in.

I was going to agree, until I remembered the plans I had already made with Jake, "Actually, we already have plans."

"Aw, mom!"

"Plans?" Edward asked, "I mean, I'm flexible. If you guys are running errands or whatever, I don't mind joining in. It doesn't matter to me."

My heart sank a little. Edward didn't intend on taking no for an answer. As much as I didn't want to hurt his feelings or ruin our breakfast together, I was going to have to be honest with him, "Jake is taking us to see that new Ice Age movie."

"Oh," the devastation in Edward's eyes was a total 180 from the excitement in Seth's.

"Daddy, you can come see the movie with us!"

"No, that's okay, buddy. It'd be a little crowded if the four of us went."

"But daaaaddy, I want you to go. Mommy, make daddy go!"

I didn't know what to say. I guess, technically, Edward _could_ go if he wanted to, but I knew it would be awkward, "We'll go see a movie with daddy next weekend. Is that okay?"

We spent the rest of our breakfast eating in silence, the tension obviously thick in the air. What were the odds that the one time Edward actually wanted to spend his weekend with us was the one time I had made plans with someone else? It just went to prove, once again, that Edward and I were incapable of getting things right.

I offered to do the dishes but Edward insisted he would get to them later. As he pointed out, it wasn't like he had anything better to do. Before I knew it, it was time for us to meet Jake and I still hadn't told Edward about the move. I decided to wait. I didn't want to ruin his Saturday more than I already had, nor did I want to tell him within an earshot of Seth for fear of his reaction. My previous worry that he wouldn't care had been replaced by knowing that he probably would.

Edward helped me put Seth into the car, and I shut the door. Thankfully, it wasn't raining.

"Hey, Edward?" I began.

"What, Bella?" he asked, his tone colder than it had been before.

"Are you doing anything Monday night? I have to talk to you about something, and I don't really feel comfortable doing it in front of Seth. Can you swing by my place after he goes to sleep?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I mean, everything is fine. Its just... pretty life altering news, that's all."

"Life altering? That's all. Bella, what the hell?"

"Edward, relax. Don't let it ruin your weekend. I mean, really, the more I think about it, the more it isn't a big deal." I immediately felt guilty for lying to him.

Remembering how I had turned away from him earlier, I placed my hand on his heart and my lips to his, letting them linger for longer than what was probably necessary, "We love you, daddy," I told him for Seth's sake, even though I knew he couldn't hear us.

The movie with Jake, along with the rest of the weekend went okay. I didn't hear from Edward again, but that wasn't uncommon. I knew he worked a 12 hour shift on Sunday, and that was enough to make anyone exhausted. On Sunday night, Seth and I went over for our weekly visit with Grandpa Charlie.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Bells, but I'm honestly glad you're moving." he told me as Seth played with Sue, Charlie's new live-in girlfriend, in the other room.

"Shh, dad! I haven't told him yet."

"Oh, relax. He can't hear us. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, the further away from Cullen, the better."

"Dad," I scolded, "that's his father you're talking about."

"Bull shit, Bella. He's nothing more than a sperm donor and you know it. If I had half of a mind, I would have put him in jail after what he did to you. I _know_ you weren't totally honest about what happened that night. You were a good kid, Bells. You never even dated in high school, and you actually expect me to believe that you willingly and soberly slept with him?"

"Seriously, dad. I've told you a million times. Edward didn't do anything I didn't want him to do," the line between what I wanted to happen and what actually happened was so fuzzy that I still had no idea whether I was even lying about it or not, "And even if he did, that doesn't make it okay to keep his son from him."

"It's the best thing for him," Charlie argued adamantly.

"Best thing for what?" Seth asked, choosing the wrong moment to re-enter the living room.

I sighed. I had to think of a way to play this off, and it meant I had to tell Seth the truth, "Seth, do you remember when we went and saw Grandma Renee and Phil?" I asked, recalling our trip two months ago.

"Yeah! We saw Mickey and Minnie! And Phil told me that next time I come down, he's gonna teach me how to play baseball!"

I smiled back at him sadly. The chances of Seth on a baseball team were slim to none. The running would put too much of a strain on his lungs, "Well, honey, I think next time is going to come a lot sooner than either of you imagined."

"Are we going on vacation again? But what about school? Is dad gonna come with us this time?"

"Uh, no, baby. He's not. And we're not going on vacation... we're moving."

"Moving?" he echoed curiously.

"In September."

"But mom, what about dad? And what about Grandpa Charlie and Nana and Pop Pop and Uncle Emmett?"

"Well, we'll have to come visit them. Like we do with Grandma Renee."

"Oh,"l he said before quietly climbing on to my lap, "Okay."

I should have known better. I should have realized that the words weren't registering in his head. He was only five, it was no wonder he didn't understand what I was saying. We went home a few minutes later, and he didn't mention it for the rest of the night. Hell, I don't think he said two words on the ride home. He did ask if he could sleep with me, and I had no reason to tell him no. I slept soundly, having Seth there to keep my nightmares away.

But nothing could prepare me for the nightmare that was still to come.

**AN: So, Jake knows, Charlie knows, and even Seth knows. Guess who finds out in the next chapter? And what the hell does **_**amor **__meae _vitae **mean? A second in Google Translator will answer at least one of those questions. I'll give you a hint. It's Latin. **

**This story is being beta'd by broduergirl30 and simba517. Both of them have their own awesome stories, so check them out. Also, thanks to anyone who has taken the time to subscribe or leave a review. It means a lot to me. I've been trying to send out teasers to everyone who does.**


	5. Wearing Thin

**Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Chapter 4: Wearing Thin**

One cigarette. Two cigarettes. Three cigarettes. Four...

So much for quitting. After Bella left, the craving set in and I saw no reason to deny myself. I had a sinking feeling I was losing my son and Bella, too. Today, they would go see a movie with the macho mother fucker. Tomorrow, she'd probably fix dinner for him and introduce him to Charlie. And on Monday, she was going to tell me they were moving in together.

Okay, so maybe it wouldn't happen that quickly. But it would happen eventually. If not with him, with someone else. But what else would she want to discuss with me? Seth seemed fine. _Everything_ seemed fine.

This had been coming for a long time. I had gotten lucky so many times, and I was finally getting exactly what I'd deserved from the beginning. I should have known that God was only waiting. I had hoped for years that Bella would remarry so Seth could have a better, more deserving father figure. It only figured that the second I changed my mind was the moment when it would suddenly become too late.

I was so frustrated. I _thought_ I was making progress. I knew I had issues. Bella had been begging me to see someone about them for months. At first, I didn't even recognize how serious they had become. For years, I just tried to ignore everything. My memories, my emotions, my love for Bella, and even my son.

It seemed like karma had finally come back for me.

* * *

"_I really don't think this is something to play around with. I'm calling my dad."_

"_I told you, Edward, I'm fine. It's just a headache. I'm sure it'll be gone in the morning," Bella argued from the other end of the phone line, "If it doesn't, I'll call him myself. You don't need to worry about it. Go to bed. Don't you have class in the morning?"_

_Lately, Bella and I were spending a lot of time on the phone; talking about the baby and making plans for the future. The two of us had made a lot of progress over the past few months, and I had a strong suspicion that at this point the only thing keeping us from being together was the distance. I was just trying to give her time. I knew Bella had a lot of mixed emotions, and I had given up on pressuring her to do anything._

_Well, almost anything, "Please. The health and well being of my son and his mother are much more important than some stupid biology lab. I really think you should call the doctor. I need some peace of mind. I'll wait up."_

"_It'll go away. If it gets worse, I'll call. I'm fine. We are fine. What's the worst thing that could happen? I have my appointment in the morning. If something is going on, they'll catch it."_

_I still felt uneasy, but Bella insisted I let it go. We ended our conversation and I laid awake for hours, terrified Bella might call back. I even tried to call my dad, to see if she had called him, but I couldn't get a hold of him. Frustrated and exhausted, I finally gave up and drifted to sleep. It was the only way I could escape thinking about everything that could and had gone wrong._

_I had been thinking a lot about Bella, and how her life would be different if she were at UCLA instead of back in Forks. It was January, and my second semester of college had just started. The same should have been true for her. She insisted that it didn't really matter, but I knew better. She had to start working full time in order to get health benefits before the baby was born. I tried to spend as much time with her as possible over Christmas break, but it was hard with her schedule and the fact that her father forbade me from stepping foot through their front door. He couldn't prevent us from seeing each other, but he sure as hell tried. Bella was getting big, but she still looked fucking amazing. I kissed her on Christmas. And New Years. I hated that I had to go back to Seattle. Our son wasn't due until the first week of March, and I couldn't wait to spend my entire spring break with his mom, getting to know him._

_My son._

_I still couldn't believe we were having a boy. It was such a relief, because I knew all too well what teenagers were capable of and I knew if I ever had a daughter, I'd have to kill anyone who ever laid a finger on her. We still didn't have a definite name for the little guy yet, but I wasn't worried. We had a ton of time left to decide, and each of us had thrown around a few suggestions. I liked Seth. Seth Cullen. Or Adam. Bella seemed to like the name Landon, and I was okay with that too. She threw a fit when I told her I didn't like Anthony, my middle name. In all honesty, I felt like the less like me he was, the better. I was ultimately going to let Bella decide. After all, she had been the one fighting for him from the beginning. Earning the right to name him was the least of what she deserved._

_I'll never be able to forgive myself for the way I treated Bella and how I reacted when I found out she was carrying my baby. I was so focused on what I thought was best. I knew I didn't deserve either of them. The night we were together, it was all about my needs. I had no regard for Bella; for her feelings, her safety, or her virtue. Afterwards, I tried too hard to correct the mistake. I ignored her. She deserved better than me. I wanted her to go off, start college and forget about what had happened. Find someone else; someone better. Even after we found out about the baby, I thought she could still do that. There was never a time I didn't want him. Or her. But wanting the baby - and Bella - was the most selfish thing I would ever do; a permanent connection to the woman I loved._

"_Ed, wake up man," I vaguely heard Jasper whisper, "Your phone keeps ringing."_

"_Huh," I mumbled, lifting my head from the pillow. The alarm clock read just past 2:00 am, and I was too tired to even comprehend what he was saying. I had only been asleep for an hour, if that._

_As soon as I was coherent, I grabbed my phone off the nightstand. I had three missed calls, all from my dad. At this time of night, I knew he wasn't calling to catch up. Something was wrong._

_When I called back, the phone didn't even ring once._

"_Edward," Bella answered, catching me off guard. She sounded frantic._

"_Baby, what's wrong?"_

"_I-I-I have to have a c-c-section," she forced out, "There's-s s-something wrong with m-me."_

"_Right now?"_

_My angel continued to sob, "Y-Your dad is in the a-ambulance with me. He's going to explain everything, I just wanted to be the one to tell you."_

"_Fuck, baby. I'll be there as soon as possible," the severity of the situation didn't allow me any time to play games, "Stay strong, okay? I love you."_

_I still didn't know what was going on, and I feared the worst. I just needed her to know._

"_I love you too," she returned, "Here's your dad."_

"_Edward,"_

"_I'm on my way," I told him, flipping the light on to get dressed, "What's going on? Can you at least hold off until I get there?"_

"_Chief Swan brought Bella into the ER. She went to get some water from the kitchen and almost passed out. The baby is making her blood pressure go dangerously high. If we wait any longer than we have to, she risks having a stroke. We're on our way to Port Angeles now to do the surgery. But Edward, we need you to stay in Seattle."_

"_Dad, Bella needs me," I argued. There was no fucking way I was sitting around while Bella risked her life to give birth to our son._

"_Port Angeles isn't equipped to deal with preemies. In the best case scenario, he'll be flown directly to the neonatal intensive care unit at Seattle Children's Hospital."_

_I didn't want to think about what the worst case scenario would be, "But what about Bella?"_

"_Bella will have to stay in Port Angeles until she recovers. Hopefully it only takes a few days."_

_My heart fell through the floor. I didn't want to talk to my dad anymore. I didn't think I could stomach the rest of what he had to say. I asked to talk to Bella again. I knew I needed to act strong for her sake._

"_Baby, listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. I love you more than anything, you know that, right? Our son is going to love you so much. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry."_

"_No, Edward, I'm sorry," she argued, "I'm, so, so sorry I didn't listen to you."_

_Despite the weight of our conversation, I had to laugh, "Its okay, sweetie. You don't need to be sorry for anything. I'm not really known for giving the best advice, am I?"_

_She handed the phone back to my dad and he stayed on the line with me while we waited. They were already half way to Port Angeles by the time they got a hold of me. Charlie used his cop car to escort them the entire way. He might have hated me with a passion, but he loved his daughter. They did everything they could to prep Bella for surgery while she was still being transported, and when they finally made it to the hospital, things went quickly. Within thirty minutes of her arrival, my dad shared the good news._

"_Congratulations. You're a father."_

_Seth Tyler Swan only weighed 3 pounds, 5 ounces._

_The name was on his birth certificate before I could even protest it. Bella and I never even got around to discussing his last name, and I always assumed it would be mine. Somewhere in my mind, I was furious. I wanted to be absolutely livid, but I was honestly too terrified for my son's life and for Bella's to put too much thought into it. I just wanted them to be okay. I knew why they named him so quickly. He couldn't leave the hospital without one. Dad broke the news to me that Seth showed signs of Respiratory Distress Syndrome within minutes of being born. They couldn't waste any time getting him en route to Seattle. Bella never even got to meet him._

_Jasper drove me to the hospital, both of us knowing I was in no condition to drive._

_I waited. Waiting for Seth was the longest hour of my life. I was scared shitless for both my baby and my girl. Dad told me everything he could about their conditions. Bella had to be sedated because of the amount of stress put on her body. He said Seth was small for his age, and his lungs weren't as developed as they should have been. More than likely, he would only survive with the aid of a respirator._

_The nurses at the Seattle Children's Hospital all seemed to know he was coming, and they even let me into his room before he arrived. I was thankful, because I really didn't want everyone walking past to see the blubbering baby I had become._

_Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they wheeled my son into his room. He was in an incubator, hooked to all sorts of machines and stuck with IVs. After they confirmed that he was stable, the nurses let me have a moment alone with my son._

_I almost puked._

_He was so small; so innocent and so breakable. It was surreal, knowing I was responsible for his life. I wasn't proud of the way he was conceived, but I could no longer consider taking it back either. I loved my son._

_The severity of the situation was obvious. Seth was only being kept alive by a machine, suffering and struggling for his life. He was a fighter, just like mommy. Bella had been fighting for him since the beginning. I sat back and took everything for granted, yet I still had the honor of meeting him first. Hell, based on what my father told me about his condition, it was quite possible I'd be the only parent he'd ever know._

_It wasn't fair! None of this was fair. I hated feeling like I had gotten away with murder. Once again, Bella was suffering at my hand. It wasn't bad enough that I had ruined her future. My baby could have killed her. _

_I could have killed her._

_I knew karma had horrible things in store for me, but somehow I managed to get off easy every time. What had Bella done to deserve any of this? And why did my son have to suffer?_

_Slowly, I reached into the incubator to touch him for the first time. His eyes were still closed and I couldn't blame him. I wouldn't want to wake up to this nightmare either._

"_Hey baby," I whispered, lightly stroking his fuzzy hair, "I'm your daddy."_

"_I know, I wouldn't be too excited either if I were you._

"_I don't even know where to begin, little man. I can't believe I created you. We created you. You're perfect. Tiny, but perfect. I'm sorry you had to meet me so soon but I need you to hang in there, buddy, because I honestly don't think I could live in a world where you don't exist._

"_I know things must suck for you right now, but I promise they'll get better. Momma will be here with you in a few days. I'll bet you miss her, don't you? I do too. I know she can't wait to meet you. As much as I don't want to admit it, I'll bet she loves you even more than I do. I can't wait to tell you all about her, and everyone else too. Well, maybe not your Grandpa Charlie. He doesn't like me very much, but I know he loves you.__"_

_I paused, unsure of how to end my impromptu introduction, "I love you, son."_

_I reached for Seth's tiny hand, allowing him to wrap it around my pinkie finger. I tried not to cry. I tried to be strong, but meeting Seth was the most terrifying moment of my life. So many things could go wrong and I had so many things to be scared of. I worried about Bella and how she was recovering. I worried I might not ever live under the same roof as my son, and that things might not ever be resolved between Bella and I. But most of all, I worried that I might not ever even get an opportunity to find out._

"_Mr. Cullen," the on call doctor began, "I don't want to scare you, but his outlook doesn't look good."_

_

* * *

_

Where the fuck was Jasper? He left at the same time Bella had, but he didn't bother telling me where he was going. It was getting dark and I wanted to go out. I _needed _to get wasted. I had gone too long without a drink. I stopped drinking the night I took advantage of Bella. It was easy to blame the alcohol for transforming me into a monster and I didn't ever want to lose control again. If I could do that to Bella, what else was I capable of?

My fear of losing control had caused me to go six years without other things, too.

At least I was making some sort of progress.

I continued to sabotage my lungs in silence until Jasper finally showed his face. He came strolling into our apartment in a remarkably good mood, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know why.

"Dude, how's that quitting thing working out for you?" he greeted, thick with sarcasm.

I ignored him, getting up and grabbing my hooded sweatshirt, "Come on, dude. I need a drink."

"Seriously, dude?" his tone changing, "Are you okay?"

"Fucking fine. I'm great. Lets go," I grabbed my keys and headed out the door, not even caring whether Jasper actually followed or not.

I continued to smoke on the way to my car, Jasper following, "Okay, so, where are we going? The Dungeon? Or somewhere in Port Angeles?"

With how much I intended on drinking, I knew well enough to know we shouldn't go far.

"The Dungeon. Hell, we can sit out in front of the liquor store for all I care. It'll be cheaper."

Five minutes later, the parking lot of the liquor store was exactly where we ended up. Jasper was against it, reminding me that Chief Swan could drive by at any second and bust me for public intoxication. I honestly didn't care. Jasper had been wanting to get his foot in the door at the police station, and getting arrested might make for a good opportunity to do just that.

Or maybe not.

"I take it breakfast didn't go well," he began, passing the bottle of Jack Daniels back to me.

"She has a boyfriend." I resigned, swallowing some more down.

"Huh, really?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Well, maybe I'm blind, but if my girlfriend kissed someone the way Bella kissed you today, I'd be seeing red."

"That was for Seth's sake." I lied. Not for me, it wasn't.

He fake coughed and muttered bull shit under his breath, "Are you ready to talk about it yet?"

I had been putting this conversation off for over six years, "No, definitely not."

"Well, too bad. It's not like Bella hasn't told Alice. I want to know, what the hell happened?"

I tipped the bottle back, drowning myself with more Jack. It reminded me of the way Bella tasted the night we were together. I had been fucking lit, but I still remembered everything about that night. I took a long drag of my cigarette, draining every last bit of life from it and throwing it onto the concrete. I knew it was time to come clean, but I had no idea where to begin.

"You sure you want to know? You can handle the truth?"

If he had any idea of what I was about to tell him, he would say no. I wasn't even sure I could handle the truth, and I was the active participant in the matter.

"I just don't get it. You were fucking the hottest, most unattainable chick in school and you didn't brag about it to anyone. We were best friends, Ed. We did everything together, and you never mentioned it, implied it… Nothing."

"First off, I wasn't fucking her. I fucked her. One time."

"Same difference."

"Second, think about what you just said. I mean, really think about it. _The most unattainable girl in school. _Tell me, under what circumstances would she sleep with_ anyone_?"

He was quiet for a moment, until the comprehension and disgust dawned on him.

"No," he tried to deny, hoping that somehow he had misunderstood the point I was trying to make, "You didn't. Tell me you didn't!"

I could see his fists tensing up with anger, "I went to the beach to buy pills from Tyler. That's Seth's middle name, you know? Bella fucking inadvertently named our son after my drug dealer," I knew I was getting off track, but I was still pissed about Seth's name, "For whatever reason, one I still don't understand, she was at their stupid fucking beach party. I convinced her to let me take her home before something bad happened, but instead I took her to my place, poured a bottle of Jack down her throat, fed her Adderall like it was candy, and fucked her. So, what does it sound like to you?"

"Jesus fucking Christ. You took advantage of her."

I cringed. I hated what I had done, "I was too fucked up to even realize what I was doing until it was too late. By then, she just wanted me to get it over with."

"Did she say no?"

"Verbally, no. But you should have seen the look on her face, man. It was obvious."

"What happened after that?"

I lit another cigarette, "If you love someone, you let them go,"

"You lost your freaking mind."

"Probably. But it doesn't even matter now because she's going to move on and get married. Some other asshole is going to raise my son for me and I won't be able to do anything about it."

"That's bull shit, dude. If you want your family so badly, why do you spend so much time ignoring the fact that they even exist?"

"Don't you get it, dude? What kind of fucking father am I? I practically raped his mom!" I slammed the bottle down on the curb, breaking it into a million little pieces.

"But you didn't. And Bella has done nothing but defend your ass every since! So really, the only thing holding you back from Seth is yourself," he snapped, "I guess the Marlboro man doesn't score you any points either. Just show Bella you're serious. Quit smoking and spend more time with him. Don't you guys have joint custody or something?"

Everything Jasper said was dead on, so I didn't have a reason to argue, "Not really. Going to court hasn't ever really been necessary."

"It _won't_ be necessary until some other mother fucker decides to sweep in and take your place. Take her to court, Ed. I'll bet that college thing you set up for him will score you some major brownie points with the judge. Get joint custody of him, and start spending all of your free time with the little guy. He's actually pretty bad ass, you know."

I was inclined to agree, but I knew where he was heading with this, "Whatever, man, you're just saying that 'cause he called me a dick this morning."

Jasper laughed, "Yeah, you're right. That waspretty fucking epic."

We were quiet for a few seconds until Jasper spoke again, "Maybe you need to get laid. You sure you don't want to go to the bar? I mean, since Bella's apparently off the market..."

_Yep, I'm definitely calling a lawyer first thing Monday morning._

"Fucking positive. Come on," I reached into my pocket and grabbed my keys, "I'll drive home."

Joint custody. What was the worst thing that could happen?

Miraculously, we made it home without getting pulled over. The liquor store was only a few blocks away from my apartment, otherwise I probably would have been in trouble. I laid low for the rest of the weekend, and work on Sunday was slow. I considered any day where I didn't encounter my son in the ER to be a good day, so I couldn't complain. The hangover from last night wouldn't go away, and it served as a major reminder of why I shouldn't drink. It didn't make any of my problems go away.

I dreaded Monday, and the possibilities that came with it. It was another day off for me and I was finally given the opportunity to sleep in. I had Bella on my mind and despite the circumstances, I still woke up with a raging boner. I lingered in bed, the same bed we conceived our son in, and began to rub one out. I always felt bad doing it, but it wasn't ever enough to make me stop. I fucking wanted her, but even if I was given the opportunity again I wasn't sure if I would be able to follow through. I couldn't last time she offered herself to me. The fucked up thing about it was that I didn't think I would ever be able to fuck anyone else, either.

In my fantasy, Bella was on top of me, completely exposed as she sank down onto me, over and over again. She gripped my shoulders for support and I clenched her hips. I always liked imaging her this way; as the one in control and having her way with me, just as I had with her. She had an amazing fucking body. That much hadn't changed in six years. I would never forget the way Bella looked naked; forever etched into my brain to both haunt and pleasure me.

I imagined Bella leaning down and kissing me, as passionate as it had been the day Seth caught us in her bedroom. I pictured her teeth tugging on my bottom lip and I continued stroking myself until couldn't hold it back anymore. I came undone, moaning her name as cum spewed all over my stomach.

I took a much needed shower, washing myself of sin and getting out before I could commit another. I made the call to lawyer in Port Angeles and continued to disrespect Bella. I knew I had secured a permanent spot in hell, but what other options did I have? I also talked to Mr. Jenks about legally changing Seth's last name to Cullen. Seth was _my _son, _I _created him and every mother fucker that touched Bella or tried to win Seth over was going to know it.

I assumed when my cell phone rang after lunch that Jenks was calling back to set up a court date, but it wasn't Jenks.

It was Bella.

"What do you want?" I asked, not bothering with formalities. Even after the things I had done, I remained pissed. She had been keeping me in suspense for two days now.

"Fuck off, Edward," she told me, "The school called. Seth had an asthma attack and puked. I was hoping you could go get him."

_Shit._

I immediately felt bad for being so cold. Seth needed me. _Bella _needed me. And instead of calling some other mother fucker, she called me.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I know it's your day off and everything but something came up here at work today and I literally cannot leave."

I wanted to save my son, so badly, but the smell of cigarette smoke was strong on me and I worried I might only make his condition worse, "Don't be sorry. You know I want to spend more time with him. I just need to change first... And we should probably trade cars, too. Mine reeks and I don't want to make him worse."

"Good idea, but you need to hurry. They think they have the attack under control but he's really shaken up about it."

I threw on the first clean shirt I found and didn't bother with changing my jeans, "God, okay. I'm on my way."

For once, I was happy we lived in such a small town. It took me two minutes to get to Bella's job and exchange cars and another three to make it to Seth. When I walked into the school, I wasn't sure what to expect. He only started here a week ago, and I hated that he already had to miss an afternoon. Seth's health was my number one priority, but his education came in at a close second.

"Can I help you?" the secretary asked as I rushed into the front office.

"Yeah, I think you called my... ex. I'm here to pick up my son. Seth Swan."

"Oh! Thank God you're here. We've been really worried about him. We just can't get him to calm down. Let me just check to make sure you're on the list, and then you can see him."

_The list_? What the fuck did she mean, the list?

"Huh. You said you're his dad?"

"Yes. Edward Cullen."

"You're not on here."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, legally, I can't let you sign him out unless we have consent from Isabella."

"You're kidding, right? He's just as much my kid as he is hers!"

"It doesn't work that way, Mister Cullen. If your ex intends on giving you consent to pick up your child, she needs to let us know. We can never be too careful, you know."

"This is bull shit. Where's my son?"

I was being loud, and Seth must have heard me. He emerged from a doorway on my left, another lady following behind him and telling him to stay in the room. He looked like shit. Terrified, disheveled, and miserable shit.

I totally disregarded the two hags and went to my son. I picked him up, knowing it would calm him down more than anything. Seth was small for his age, and I still pictured him as the fragile baby I first met in an incubator five and a half years ago.

"Shh, baby, calm down," I whispered, glaring at the secretary over Seth's shoulder, "Daddy's got you. You're okay. Breathe, buddy."

He kept crying, and I honestly couldn't understand half of what he said. I continued to ignore the secretary and asked the supposed school nurse about his attack. Whoever talked to Bella was full of shit. His attack was definitely not under control. His face was pale and sweaty, his breathing was still shallow and he couldn't talk. The attack was very much ongoing.

"Do you have a stethoscope?" I asked, wanting to listen to his chest. He wasn't outwardly wheezing, and I worried it was from lack of airflow. If his chest was silent, we would have to go to the emergency room. Immediately.

Thankfully, it wasn't.

"How many times has he had his inhaler?"

"Just once," she explained, "We weren't sure how many times he could have it."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

I briefly wondered why Seth hadn't told them, before I remembered that he probably couldn't.

I grabbed the inhaler from the incompetent woman and put it to Seth's lips, giving him another puff.

"He needs this every 4-5 minutes until it's better. And it needs to be in _his_ possession at all times."

"I'm sorry sir, it's against school policy for the children to carry medicine on them."

"Right. So if he was a diabetic, you wouldn't allow him to have his an insulin pump in?"

She could only reply with a dumbfounded look.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

After the second puff, his symptoms improved a little bit. I knew the best thing was to get him home for a breathing treatment.

"Sir, if you leave the premises, we'll have to call the police," the secretary threatened.

_Call the police_. I tried not to laugh. Was that supposed to scare me? Chief Swan didn't scare me. Not anymore, at least. If he was actually going to make good on his threats to fuck me up, he would have done it a long time ago, "Oh, yeah? Well, when you do, tell the Chief that I'm at his daughter's house. He'll like that."

It was on that note that I grabbed Seth's backpack and carried my son out to the car.

"D-d-d-daddy," Seth stuttered through his sobs as I buckled him into the booster seat, "I'm-m-m s-s-s-sorry!"

"Don't be sorry, buddy. You don't have anything to be sorry about, okay?"

"B-b-b-but it's all m-m-my f-f-fault," he argued.

"No, Seth. Nothing is your fault. I promise you, nothing is your fault."

"I d-d-didn't mean it," he continued to ramble, "I d-d-don't hate you, d-daddy."

_What the fuck?_

Did he really just tell me he didn't hate me? Where had that come from? I didn't know what to say, so I just kept driving. The sooner we got to his house, the better. Bella lived close enough to the school that it didn't take long. I rushed to get Seth unbuckled and back into my arms.

"Bubby, I love you so much." I whispered into his ear.

"I-I love you too, d-d-daddy."

"You're scaring me. What's going on?" I was officially freaking out. I had a strong suspicion that Seth was having some sort of anxiety attack. My son wasn't even six years old yet and he already had emotional problems.

Just like his dad. _Great_.

"M-m-mommy thinks I d-don't l-love you," he continued to ramble as I fumbled with the lock on her front door.

"Mommy doesn't think that, baby. She knows you love me."

And I knew that, right? Seth loved me... I was his dad. _Of course_ he loved me. Then again, I hadn't exactly been around as much as I should have... or told him I loved him enough.

I held him on the couch as he continued to cry his eyes out. We did a breathing treatment and after what seemed like an eternity of begging him to stop crying, he finally listened. I kissed his forehead and reluctantly took the opportunity to finally get some of my questions answered.

"Seth, where is all of this coming from? Tell daddy what's going on."

He sighed, "I told mommy I hated you. I'm sorry, daddy. I was mad that you made her cry," Still? _Fucking Jasper and his shitty relationship advice, _"I just want you guys to love each other so we can be a real family. I didn't know!"

God dammit, I was right. Seth was carrying our baggage.

"Baby, I do love mommy," I argued, "You guys are the love of my life."

If only he knew how much I really did love them. He was getting upset again, so I tried to distract him with something else and asked if he wanted to change into his Transformers pajamas. I had no choice but to dig through Bella's laundry to find them. I knew the stress of the day had worn him out and he probably needed a nap. I finally found them in the dryer, along with the thong Bella had worn on her date. I couldn't believe she mixed something so sexy in with our son's clothes. Would it be so much to ask for some of my clothes to be in there too?

We laid on the couch and popped in a movie. Transformers, of course. I held my son again and in no time, he was asleep on my chest. I didn't have enough moments like this in my memory. I knew I was an idiot for avoiding him for so long. I was just trying to do what I thought was the best thing for him, but I realized now how much it had hurt him.

I still had no idea how to be a dad. I still didn't know how I would ever tell him about girls, especially given my total lack of experience on the matter, or how I would overcome my own feelings of inadequacy. He looked exactly like his mom, which in itself was a problem. I couldn't even look at him without thinking about everything I had done to her. I knew Bella had forgiven me for most of it, but there were still gray areas.

Maybe therapy wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Both of us were asleep before the movie was over. I woke up when Bella finally came home, and it was much later than I imagined it would be. When did it get dark? And where the hell had she been all night?

I tried to mask the anger I felt. Bella never mentioned anything about Seth having anxiety problems. Surely she had picked up on it. The conversation she had with Seth about his feelings towards me should have told her that much.

Besides, where had she been all night? Did she take the fact that I was babysitting as an opportunity to run over to Jake's? She knew Seth was sick. She knew he needed her, but where was she?

I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold back. I was furious. Fucking furious.

"Sorry I'm late. Work kept me over," she lied, "I tried to call but I didn't get an answer. Is he okay?"

She sat down next to me and took off her shoes, acting like none of this was a big deal.

I ignored her. If she really cared about Seth, she would have came straight home, "I think it's best if I put him to bed."

I did exactly that and I prayed I would keep my voice low enough not to wake him up.

"We should go outside," I suggested. I needed another buffer between us and our son. I didn't want him to hear me yell.

I saw the confusion on her face. She had something to tell me, but I intended on giving her a piece of my mind first. I waited for the front door to shut before I began ripping her a new one.

"Where the fuck have you been, Isabella?"

"I told you, work kept me late," she lied again, "I need to talk to you about-"

"Save it," I snapped, cutting her off, "I know exactly what you're going to tell me."

"You do?" she looked terrified.

"Yeah, and I don't care. I just can't believe you took it upon yourself to tell Seth before discussing it with me!" I seethed.

"Edward, calm down."

I couldn't, "I mean, Jesus fucking Christ! If you think I'll go down without a fight, you're crazy. There is no way in hell I'll let some other mother fucker raise my son, Isabella!"

"What are you talking about?" she snapped back, still playing dumb.

"You have a fucking boyfriend!"

"Excuse me?"

"Don't play dumb with me! Tell me the truth. You were with him tonight, weren't you? While I was home taking care of our sick son!"

"No, Edward, I wasn't," she lividly argued, "I had to work late because I was interviewing replacements for when I move to Jacksonville!"

* * *

**A/N: I know, I know... I'm a terrible person to have ended it that way. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I would love it if you left a review. Those who do will get a tease for the next chapter! Thanks to my betas broduergirl30 and simba517 for all their hard work. Also thanks to anyone who has rec'ed this story out! I'd love it if you followed me on Twitter. I ramble and post some teasers sometimes. It's abbrecken.**


	6. Good To Know If I Ever Need Attention

**Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

_**Chapter Five: Good To Know If I Ever Need Attention, All I Have To Do Is Die**_

"Hey," I greeted softly, sitting down next to Edward as he smoked, "Can I get one of those?"

He looked down at the pack of cigarettes before flashing me a deadly look, "No. You can't."

Twenty minutes ago, I left Edward out here to cool down and process the news that I was moving. I wasn't proud of the way it came out, but relieved that he finally knew. We didn't say much else. Edward had assumed incorrectly, and the truth was a lot to take in. I calmly told him I'd give him a moment and went back inside. There were tears welling up in his eyes and I knew he wouldn't want me to see him like that. I left him alone by seizing the opportunity to check on my son.

Now that I had given him a few minutes, I knew I had to come back and finish what I had started.

"Seriously? I don't think one will kill me."

"For normal people? No, probably not. You? Yeah, sorry. One of us still needs to be alive when Seth graduates high school."

"Give me a damn cigarette," I demanded, grabbing the pack and helping myself.

"Your funeral," he muttered before taking the liberty to light it for me, "Can I ask you something?"

I was too busy coughing to answer immediately.

"I could be wrong," I eventually teased, "but I'm pretty sure you just did."

"I just... when did everything get so fucked up between us?"

I would have laughed if he hadn't sounded so sincere about it, "You have to ask?"

When had anything ever been okay?

* * *

_The first four days of Seth's life were cloudy at best. At times, I wondered if it had all been a dream. Or a nightmare. I knew I had a son; phone conversations with his father told me he was handsome, tiny and unlike anyone else in this world. I just wanted to meet him. I needed to see for myself all the things that Edward had said. On more than one occasion, I worried I might not ever get the chance. _

_The doctors told Edward it didn't look good. The second day had been worse than the first, and the third was by far the hardest day of Seth's life. We saw it coming. They tried to warn us. The doctors said most babies with his condition didn't die on the first day. He might hang on for a day or two before finally letting go. The entire time my baby boy suffered, I worried that it would all be in vain._

_On the fourth day, things changed. He started to pull through._

_It wasn't over yet. It had been a little over five weeks since Seth was forced to enter a world he wasn't ready for; five weeks of being in the NICU at Seattle's Children's Hospital. His low birth weight was an issue. The apnea caused by his Respiratory Distress Syndrome didn't help us out either, but all of that mattered little now. As of noon tomorrow, Seth was coming home._

_Home. I let out a sigh, knowing home for Seth meant sharing a tiny bedroom with me at my dad's house._

_For the past five weeks, I had been living in an extended stay hotel. My dad and Edward's parents were helping me out by splitting the cost. I tried to tell them it wasn't necessary. Edward and Jasper had a dorm room, and I could have just crashed there. It was against the rules, of course, but I only needed a place to sleep and shower. I doubted I would ever get caught._

"_I swear to God, Bella," my father warned me when I first arrived in Seattle, "Cullen better not step foot in that hotel room. Promise me, Bella."_

"_I promise," I lied._

_For the past five weeks, Edward had been staying in the hotel with me._

_It wasn't sexual. It couldn't be. We had a newborn in the hospital, and our every waking moment was spent attending to him. Edward still went to school during the day, but most of his professors were pretty understanding of our situation. I spent all my time at the hospital. Every day had been a new struggle for our baby boy and on the few days when we weren't exhausted, we still weren't in the mood to mess around. The recovery from my c-section didn't help the romance, either. Our relationship entered into a permanent state of limbo. _

_It was obvious how much we cared for each other. Edward never missed an opportunity to tell me he loved me and he was incapable of leaving the room without a goodbye kiss. Every night, I would fall asleep in Edward's arms and every morning, I woke up next to a hot mess of bed head and morning breath. I always slept better next to him. I wanted that to last forever. I mean, we had a son together. It was scary not knowing what to expect; to grow up so fast and be faced with obstacles that would cause even the most seasoned parent to fumble. I just wanted what was best for my son, and in my opinion, there was nothing better for him than knowing he had two parents that were happy and in love._

_If only it were that easy. _

_My maternity leave was quickly coming to an end. Newton's wasn't very lenient on giving time off and it wouldn't have mattered anyway. The medical bills were piling up. Six weeks in Neonatal Intensive Care was expensive, even with health insurance. I couldn't just up and move to Seattle. Seth needed health insurance and if I quit my job, there was no telling how long it would be before I found another that offered benefits. Even in the best case scenario, the odds of actually being able to afford an apartment, a baby, and the medical bills were slim to none._

_I was 19 and trapped by life in all of the worst ways._

_Our last full day together had been somber and sweet. The two of us relished in the fact that our son was finally able to go home but we were also sad for what it meant for us. Tomorrow, we'd be back to reality. Lonely, distant reality._

_The envy between us was mutual. When I went back to Forks, my baby boy would go with me. I would get to hold him and watch him grow while Edward could only count on sporadic visits and pictures. He was going to miss out on diaper changes and midnight feedings, trips to the park and all of his first's. It wasn't all bad for Edward, though. He was getting the privilege of parenthood without the day to day stress and lack of sleep that accompanied it._

_I guess it's true what they say. You can't have your cake and eat it too._

_Edward did his best to make our final night together special and I found myself hoping he might actually take the opportunity to make us official. I wanted to be able to refer to him as more than just my son's father. I was ready for Edward to officially be my boyfriend. The distance wouldn't last forever. Eventually, I could move here. Or when he finally graduated, he could move home. I would be content looking forward to summers and holidays, as long as it meant we were together._

_Our final evening started with dinner down by the Market. Edward wore a sleek black button-up with khakis, while I looked less than flattering in a button up and jeans. Dress clothes obviously weren't high on my priority list when I packed five weeks ago. I was still in maternity clothes and my outfit did little to hide my post-pregnancy body. He still insisted I looked beautiful. I knew better. If he only knew what I looked like underneath... I had a scar. A gigantic, hideous scar with stretchmarks to accompany it. Edward asked to see it, on several occasions, but I wasn't comfortable showing him the toll pregnancy had taken on my body. I looked horrendous naked. My body had aged far past 19, as had my mind. _

_After dinner, we took a trip up to the hospital to say hi to our little man. The nurses and staff had taken a liking to Edward and I. Well, mostly Edward. Seth had the most handsome daddy in the NICU and I wasn't the only one who noticed. Luckily, everyone assumed Edward and I were together and neither of us indicated otherwise. I couldn't help but laugh every time someone accidentally called him Mister Swan._

_I knew he wasn't happy about Seth's name. Honestly, I wasn't either. At the time, I was so scared. I wasn't thinking clearly. I was jealous that Edward was going to meet him first. In my head, I still pictured Seth as a miniature version of his father. I wanted to ensure that he would have some part of me, so I gave him my name. It didn't take long for me to realize how stupid of a decision it was. Not only did I insult the man that gave me such a perfect baby, but his entire family too._

_And have I mentioned the kid already looks exactly like me? Poor baby..._

_We tried our best to remain in good spirits, but by the time we got back to the hotel both of us were holding back tears. It was stupid. We had every reason to be happy. Our son was going to be okay. He didn't have to stay in the hospital anymore. I was going to be able to cradle him in my arms whenever I felt and I'd never have to spend another night without him. _

_I just wished I could say the same for Edward, too._

_He held me on the bed as we cried. I had no idea what tomorrow would bring or how to be a mom. My baby had been so sick. What if he stopped breathing again? Forks wasn't equipped to deal with that kind of shit. It was the only reason they kept him in Seattle for as long as they had; monitoring him until they were absolutely certain he was ready to come home. _

"_Shh, baby. It's okay," he soothed through his own despair, "I love you."_

"_I love you too," I returned, holding him tighter._

"_You're such a great momma. I'm so lucky to have a son with you." _

_I sniffled. Edward was a great father, too._

_I needed Edward more in that moment than I ever had. I didn't want to be sad anymore. I felt so scared and hopeless. I wanted Edward to make me feel better... I wanted Edward to make me feel anything other than dread. I leaned up to kiss him, working my way from his chin to his lips, tasting the salt from his fallen tears as I tried to kiss them away. Edward kept his arms wrapped around me, kissing back the entire time. He needed this just as much as I did. Once I finally found his lips with mine, the kiss intensified. The affection we had become accustomed to over the past few weeks was chaste and innocent, but this kiss was anything but. The intensity between us, crossing lines as our tongues explored each other's mouths was unlike anything else in the world. _

_I wanted him. This time, I really wanted him. I didn't give a fuck that we were a few days shy of the six weeks the doctors told me to wait. I didn't care that we weren't technically together, or that our last sexual experience was anything but enjoyable. This could be a new beginning for us, for my soul mate and me. _

_It was time for Edward to make good on everything he told me. He insisted I was beautiful and that no scar or mark could ever change that, and I trusted him. I shakily lowered my fingers to the buttons on his shirt, and he didn't stop me from taking it all the way off. Even though Edward always slept without one, I still had a hard time getting over the sight of his bare chest. Edward was fucking sexy. I shifted my body and began kissing my way down his neck. _

_I grew tired of waiting for him, knowing he was probably just trying to be respectful of my scar and began to work on the buttons to my own shirt. _

"_Bella, stop trying to take your clothes off," he whispered, breaking our kiss._

"_Do you want to do that part?" I teased, totally okay with letting him finish the job._

_I started working on his belt._

"_Love," he wavered, "We don't need to do this."_

"_I need you. Please, Edward."_

"_You have me. All of me. I'm here. I won't stop holding you, I promise," he soothed._

"_Then hold me," I begged, "Make love to me."_

"_I will. Just not tonight. Not like this."_

"_Why?" I asked, starting to get frustrated by his resistance._

_His voice was louder now and I knew he was getting annoyed, "Really, Bella? Which reason do you want?"_

"_Start from the top," I challenged._

"_You're upset," he justified, "You don't really want this right now."_

"_That didn't stop you last time," I pointed out, palming his erection through the soft, thin material of his pants._

_It was the wrong thing to do, but I was grasping for straws. Edward shot up from the bed and began putting his shirt back on, "Fuck!" he snapped, slamming his fist against the dresser before buttoning his shirt, "Is this really the kind of girl you want to be, Bella?'_

"_What do you mean, 'the kind of girl I want to be?'"_

_He readjusted his belt, "Why didn't you tell me no? Why didn't you tell me to stop? Why did you let me do that to you? God, what have I done to you?"_

_He was visibly upset again, as was I. It was the first time either of us had ever mentioned the night Seth was conceived and I couldn't believe we were talking about it now. He said he wanted to know what he had done to me, and I was going to show him. Edward had scarred me in more ways than one. It was only fair he got to see the physical damage along with the psychological._

_I unbuttoned my shirt, pulling my jeans low enough for him to see the scar that ran horizontal across the lower part of my midriff._

_He walked back towards me and ran his fingers along the mutilated skin. He studied it with pursed lips and teary eyes, "You're still fucking beautiful, Bella. I... I love you. So please, don't let me hurt you again."_

"_You won't hurt me. I promise. We don't even have to have sex. I can make you feel good, Edward. Let me make you feel good. I just need to be close to you"_

"_Baby, you're always close to me. Please don't misunderstand. I want you. I really do. But we can't just use sex to forget our problems. We don't even have protection. Do you really think it's going to make things better if in 9 months, we have another little mouth to feed?"_

"_It didn't stop you last time."_

_He fisted his hair, "STOP SAYING THAT!"_

_He grabbed his keys and started heading towards the door. "Where are you going?" I asked, "What, now that I've gotten you all worked up you're going to go elsewhere?"_

"_I'm not even dignifying that with a response, Isabella," _

_I kept going, "At least you have the option. You know, with the fat disgusting body and sick kid, it's not like guys are going to be busting down the door to date me."_

"_Yeah, Bella. You know what? You're right. I mean, about the going elsewhere part. Not about that other bull shit you just said because I honestly wasn't even listening. I'm leaving. Don't wait up for me. I'll meet you at the hospital in the morning."_

_Before I could argue, apologize, or do anything, really, the door closed and Edward was gone._

_

* * *

_

I took another drag, trying unsuccessfully to hold back the coughing that accompanied it.

"You made it seem like you were going to spend the night with someone else," I remembered, answering his question. That night had been the breaking point for me... the unforgivable.

"We both know I didn't. I spent the night at the hospital."

It was still hard for me to believe, "You looked like shit the next morning."

"I stayed up all night talking to Seth. Well, saying goodbye."

I really didn't want to accept it, but I knew he was being honest, "You knew you weren't going to be there for him."

He sighed, ignoring what we both knew to be true, "Sometimes I just feel so..."

"Hopeless? Lost? Lonely? Overwhelmed?" I finished for him.

"Guilty, regretful, anxious... miserable," he added.

"We're quite the pair, aren't we?"

"Yeah, something like that." he smiled, bringing his cigarette back up to his lips and no doubt reminding himself that we were anything but a pair.

In that moment, I would have given anything to read his mind. Twenty minutes ago, we were screaming at each other and that had been _before_ I told him I was moving our son to the opposite end of the country. Now, he was calm and collected, as if the words had fallen on deaf ears.

"Is moving to Florida better or worse than me having a boyfriend?" I asked, trying to get back on task.

"Why don't you have a boyfriend, anyway?"

_Seriously, Edward? _

"You know why."

"You're not going to bull shit me with that disgusting body and sick kid crap again, are you?" he asked.

"So you _were_ listening?" I asked, looking down at the curb.

He reached out and put his hand on my cheek, forcing me to look him in the eye, "I always listened. Even when you thought I wasn't. You're beautiful, Bella. So beautiful."

I scoffed, trying to downplay his words and the intensity between us. If I didn't know any better, I would think Edward was about to kiss me. And I mean, _really _kiss me...

"Has there ever been anyone?" he asked, "I mean... I know it's hard to date when you're a single mom."

"Just Jake," I answered truthfully, "If that even counts."

He smiled in what I could only assume was relief, "So I'm still the only guy you've been with?"

Something about the way he said it made him sound smug, even if he hadn't meant it that way, "Edward, fucking seriously? We're not here to talk about my sex life, _or lack of one_, I should say. I'm moving your kid across the country!"

I batted his hand away from me, continuing, "This entire time, I don't know what I've been more afraid of, the fact that you won't care or thinking you will!"

"Of course I care! But what am I supposed to say? Or do? Look around, Bella. My son is living in Section 8! You two deserve so much better than this! I held you back from school. So what am I supposed to do? Hold you back from a career too?"

I didn't have an answer for that.

"Believe me, Bella. If there was something I could do to magically fix the past, I would. But I can't. The least I can do is try not to fuck up your future, too."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry it had to come to this."

"Please don't be. I've made my bed. I've had five years to fix everything and I didn't. I'm getting exactly what I deserve."

"I just wish there was another way," I confessed.

Edward scooted closer and wrapped his arms around my body. The close contact caught me off guard, but it wasn't totally unwelcome either, "Me too, sweetheart. Me too."

Edward headed home after that. It was already 9:30, and even though Seth had slept for most of the afternoon, I didn't expect him to wake up during the night. My boy loved his sleep. He must have been like Edward in that way, because I always had a hard time with it. There was always something to do or something on my mind that kept me from enjoying the night. When I did sleep, it was always plagued with visions and nightmares.

I kept myself busy after Edward left. I took a shower, finished up some laundry and picked up a few things that had been scattered throughout the living room. I was just about to retreat back to my bedroom for the night before I was caught off guard by a faint knocking at my door.

I opened it to find Edward, wet hair and duffel bag in tow, "Sorry I didn't call first."

I only had on a tank top and shorts and I thanked God for remembering to shave my legs, "What's... up?"

"I'm staying here tonight," he told me, inviting himself in.

"Um, with me?" I asked, unsure of how I felt about that.

"Not specifically," he laughed, "But if you're offering..."

I slapped his chest, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Come on, Bella. I'll be good. I promise," I assumed he was only half-joking.

I ignored him, "Do you want to sleep in Seth's room? Or should I get some blankets for the couch?"

"Seth's room is fine with me. He kicks, though," Edward grumbled.

"Yeah, well, so do I," I lied, "Keep that in mind if you get any crazy ideas to join me. I'm heading to bed. I have a late morning tomorrow, but I'll still be up by 8:00 to get little man ready for school. Goodnight."

"Sleep tight, love." He smiled before turning towards the stairs.

I did. As much as I hated to admit it, something about having Edward under the same roof as Seth and I must have been soothing. There was no tossing and turning, no nightmares; only pure uninterrupted sleep. Maybe I was just exhausted from the events of the day. Or maybe it _was_ Edward. Whatever it was, it felt great. I hadn't slept so well since... well, since I last shared a bed with Edward.

I slept so well that I overslept.

"Mommy!" Seth exclaimed as he hopped up onto my bed to wake me up, "Wake up, mommy! You have to go to work!"

He started shaking me when I didn't immediately stir.

I groaned, surprised to see my son was already bathed and fully dressed for school. Edward stood in my doorway, already clad in his black scrubs. He tried to suppress the laughs generated by Seth's attempts to wake the dead.

I grabbed Seth and started tickling him, "What do you think you're doing, little man?"

"Daddy!" he forced out between hysterics, "Help me! Heelpp!"

Edward seized his opportunity and made his way over to my bed, crawling onto it and pulling my hands away from Seth. I tried to fight him, but he was too strong for me. The two of them ganged up on me and pretty soon, I was flailing around like a fish out of water, trying to get away. Boldly, Edward pinned me down by climbing on top of me and further encouraged Seth to extract all of his revenge.

It definitely wasn't fair. Or appropriate.

"Edward!" I yelled, "Get off!"

He wiggled his eyebrows and smiled. I realized my words went directly into the gutter.

Edward reluctantly did as I asked, allowing Seth a few more seconds to torture me before telling him it was time to go to school. _Shit._ I forgot how late it was. The clock already read 8:30. Seth had to be at school by 8:45, and I had to be at work by 9:00.

Edward subtly adjusted himself, but it didn't go unnoticed by me. I flashed him a disapproving look, to which all he could do was shrug his shoulders.

"I'm going to take him to school today on my way to work. Is that okay?" Edward asked, driving the subject away from our silent conversation.

"Thanks, it'll give me more time to get ready. I can't believe I slept so late... Not that I'm complaining, since you eliminated the most time consuming task of my morning, but why didn't you wake me up?"

"All a part of the plan, Optimus," he smirked, "You ready to go, Bumble Bee?"

Seth crawled onto me for a hug and a kiss. "I love you," we told each other at the same time.

Edward followed suit and kissed me before they made their way out of my bedroom. They were almost in the hall before I realized I forgot to tell Seth about his after school arrangements, "Seth, don't forget. It's Tuesday, so Auntie Ali is picking you up this afternoon."

Edward turned back as if he had forgotten something and told Seth to wait for him in the living room.

"_Alice_ is on the list?" he asked, visibly upset even though I had no idea what he was talking about.

"What list?"

"_The_ list. The people who can pick up Seth from school. I'm not on it, but Alice is?"

_What?_

"You're his dad, Edward. Why do you need to be on the list? It's not like I have sole custody of our son."

"That's what I said!" he agreed, more than likely relieved that I hadn't left him off on purpose, "This shit wouldn't happen if he had my last name, you know?"

_Yet another reminder of a way in which I fucked up,_ "Relax, I'll call this morning. I'm sorry," I sighed, "I messed up."

He seemed to accept my apology, "So Alice is picking him up today?"

"Yeah. Tuesday is the deadline for everyone to put in their ads for the Sunday paper so I always get stuck there until 6:30 or so. Alice offered to pick him up and we're doing dinner at her place."

"Oh," Edward sighed, "I'll change my day off to Tuesday so I can pick him up from now on."

"Really?" His offer caught me off guard, not that I minded at all, "I think Seth would love that."

"I want to spend more time with him, Bella. I mean... I only have six weeks left and I intend on making the most of it."

"Be back here around 8, then?" I offered, "I mean, only if you want to."

"I'll be here," he vowed, "Bye, Bella."

* * *

"God, why is Edward such a masochist?" Alice asked as we finished dinner later that day.

"Fuck if I know," I whispered, hoping Seth was still distracted by the Wii in her living room. Edward had been on my mind all day, and in all of the wrong ways. I needed to get it out, so I told Alice everything. Well, _almost _everything.

"I mean, _now_ he wants to spend time with him? So what, he can get attached before you rip them apart?"

"Ugh, don't remind me," I begged, "You know, I used to think it would be so much easier if Edward just died in a car wreck or something. It's a lot better having a dead dad than one that just can't decide whether he wants you or not, right? At least its a clean break."

Alice called me out on my lie, "You don't really mean that."

"You're probably right. But why did Edward decide to start caring now? I mean, a month ago, he would have happily packed our bags for us and driven us to the airport. Now I can't help but wonder if he's eventually going to beg me to stay."

"I told you. The guy's a masochist." Alice repeated, "A sick fucking sadomasochist who's always had his eyes set on you. Stay away from him, Bella."

I chose not to tell her about him coming over again tonight, "How? We have a son together. All I've ever wanted is for them to have a relationship."

"_Their _relationship isn't what concerns me," Alice warned, "Just be careful. He's hurt you before, he'll hurt you again."

**A/N: Thanks to simba517 and brodeurgirl30 for all their help. I appreciate anyone who has taken the time to leave a review for this story. I try to respond to every single one with a tease for the next chapter. I also post teasers on Twitter sometimes, so feel free to follow me there. It's abbrecken. **

**Next chapter is EPOV. :)**


	7. Boy With A Coin

**Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story. **

**This chapter especially kind of has a dark side to it. You have been warned!**

**I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

_**Chapter 6: Boy With A Coin**_

EPOV

I was on top of the world.

I'm sure it sounded crazy. Hell, I probably _was_ crazy. Rock bottom wasn't supposed to feel this good. I was on the verge of losing everything that truly mattered, yet I couldn't recall the last time I was this happy. Bella dropped a major bombshell on me yesterday. She told me that in six weeks, she was leaving. _They _were leaving.

It didn't take long for the thoughts to creep into my brain. A plan started formulating and it spiraled out of control before I could even process its consequences. It was desperate and terrifying and at the time, it seemed like the only way. When I told Bella I wished I could change the past, I hoped she'd see the apology laced into my words. I was sorry. I was so sorry for everything I'd done and what I was about to do.

When I wrapped my arms around her, I was saying goodbye. It was still there. Everything I'd ever felt for this woman was just as strong today as it had been on the day we graduated high school. Just as much as she did, I wished there was another way. There wasn't. All of my attempts had been too little, too late. When I stood up from the sidewalk, I knew Bella and my son would never see me again. Not alive, at least.

I made my bed.

I cleaned my room. I wrote Bella a letter verbalizing everything I couldn't physically say. I took a shower. When I was finally done stalling, I went into Jasper's room to steal his .380. I knew it was selfish to kill myself using my best friend's gun, but I wanted something quick and it wasn't like I had any better ideas.

He kept it fully loaded. There was no trigger lock; nothing was going to stop me from taking my own life. I stalled, desperately waiting for my sanity to catch up with me. I searched for_ something; _any reason to change my mind.

_Nothing._

I pulled the slide back, loading one into the chamber and lost it. I mean, _really l_ost it. I had been crying on and off ever since Bella told me about Jacksonville, but not like this. I felt like such a pussy. I held the gun in one hand and my head in the other and let it all out. I couldn't believe I was about to end my own life. Bella was going to hate me. Seth would never forgive me. My parents, well, fuck, my parents honestly probably saw this coming from a mile away. At least they had Emmett.

I composed myself, wiping the snot and tears from my face with my free hand. _Man up, Edward_. I just had to pull the trigger once. One bullet and it would all be over with. I was home alone and by the time anyone traced the gunshot to this apartment, it'd be too late. I'd be Deadward. Problem fucking solved.

I put the gun to my temple. I'm not sure how long I sat there on the edge of my bed, racking my brain for any reason to back out. My hand eventually went numb. I tried not to think about how this would affect Seth. God, I was so proud of that kid. I had no room to talk because I hadn't even raised him, but shit, Bella was doing a great fucking job without me.

_Not helping. _

I closed my eyes for what I assumed would be the last time, surprised by what I saw.

* * *

_I should have just fucked her._

_Why didn't I? What stopped me that night? Everything had been going so well. We were functioning as a couple, just as much a girlfriend and boyfriend as we were a mother and father. The only thing missing was the stupid title. And with the way things were going, it wasn't going to be missing for much longer._

_My dick was begging me for some action. After all, it'd been eight months since my first and only sexual encounter and I'd been sharing a bed with a beautiful woman for the past five weeks. I wanted her, obviously. Daydreaming about the day I finally made Bella writhe under me was enough to drive me mad, even though I knew sex was currently impossible for us. The c-section put my girl off limits for at least six weeks. Even after that, I knew I had things to make right. We needed to take things slow. The pregnancy and c-section made her self-conscious about her body and it was going to take time for her to trust me again. I wanted Bella to want it just as much as I did. I wanted to worship every inch of her fucking body. Sober. I couldn't wait to taste her. When she was ready, I was going to make her feel good. The first time around, she definitely hadn't._

_All of my plans flew out the window as soon as she started taking my clothes off. I was on the verge of asking this girl to marry me, or at the very least to promise herself to me but I didn't want to do it like this. We weren't ready for sex. I wasn't ready for sex. Bella kept pushing it, and something inside me snapped._

"_That didn't stop you last time."_

_Her words confirmed everything I'd spent the past eight months trying to deny. Bella didn't want me to take her but I did it anyway. Why did she let me? What had I done to her? Fuck, what would she be doing right now if Seth didn't exist? I imagined her fucking some faceless guy at UCLA, desperately seeking the approval I never showed because I was doing what I thought was best-ignoring her. I pictured Bella trying to fill a void, just like she was doing with me now._

_It would always be like this for us. She'd always see me as nothing more than the douche bag that got her pregnant._

_Charlie was right. Renee was right. Alice was right. Fuck, everyone that knew the real Bella seemed to know the truth. Bella was the victim, I was the predator. I wasn't good for her._

_I wasn't good for them._

_I put my shirt back on and stuck my hand in my pocket, fumbling a stupid fucking ring I'd bought for her. It wasn't an engagement ring. Or maybe it was. I just wanted something to symbolize the fact that we were a family. It had three stones: one for June, one for September, and January in the middle. It seemed pointless to give it to her now. _

_I was going to make sure Bella stopped fucking around with me and started listening to everyone else's advice._

"_Stay away from him."_

_I left her there. I wanted Bella to hurt. I wanted her to raise a sick baby alone. She had no right to love me, and I had no right to them. I played her insecurities, making her think there was someone else. She had always been suspicious thanks to Jasper's stupid girlfriend, and I used that to my advantage._

_I probably could have found someone else if I really wanted to. Girls always showed interest in me and I always told them there was 'someone back home'. Hell, even after that night, I still used that excuse. All the way up to graduation, and even a few times since then. I didn't want anyone else, only Bella. Getting laid wasn't worth all of the fucked up things that came along with it. _

_I went to the hospital. I came up here a lot while Bella was asleep, but tonight was different. I usually liked getting some time alone with Seth, trying to make up for the seven months he'd spent in the womb getting to know his mom. Tonight was different. I didn't want to be a shitty dad. I'd always love my son, but I knew our relationship was going to suffer inevitably. As long as I tried to stay away from Bella, I'd have to stay away from him too._

"_Hey buddy," I whispered, lifting him out of his tiny bed and into my arms. He started to fuss, "Shhh, baby, please don't cry."_

_I was saying the words out loud, but they were meant for me more than they were for him. I held him there for hours, crying like a fucking baby. I fed him. I kissed him. I told him everything. From the first time I met Bella to the night I took her virginity. I recalled how I reacted when I found out about him and apologized for throwing a Master Card in his mom's face when I demanded she get rid of him. I was still glad she didn't._

_I tried to tell him why I'd never be around._

_They released Seth from the hospital that morning and I told Bella it was over. I lied and said I didn't love her, and somehow she believed me. She cried. She apologized. She begged me to stay with her, and I acted like I didn't care._

_I kept up the act for five years._

* * *

If I'd just fucked her, maybe things would be different.

I never gave Bela the promise ring, but I did save it for Seth. I figured he'd want it when he got older since it held some sentimental value. I found the little green box in a long forgotten corner of my sock drawer and worried it might accidentally be disregarded as unimportant. I had no choice but to add a PS to Bella's letter.

_I was pathetic._

I was finally going to give Bella her ring, albeit in the most calloused and heartless way imaginable. There was no doubt in my mind that she would have accepted it six years ago. She would have accepted _me_. How could I possibly consider killing myself and leaving Bella with one last reminder of the relationship she so desperately wanted?

I couldn't.

I finally had my reason to back out. I had a new plan. A _real_ plan. I put the gun away. I ripped up the letter and shoved Bella's ring back into my pocket. It seemed just as crazy as suicide, but I had nothing else to lose. I wanted it;_ all_ of it. I still wanted Bella and I was finally going to do something about it.

I ended up going back over to Bella's. I didn't trust myself to stay alone and I had no idea when Jasper would be back. I didn't think she'd actually let me sleep over, but I packed some work clothes just in case. When she asked me whether I preferred Seth's room or the couch, I knew I still had a fighting chance.

I wasn't going to beg her to stay. I was above that. If she decided she didn't want to move, I would support her one hundred percent. Forks wasn't all bad, especially since we both had family here. But Bella had family in Jacksonville, too. To be honest, I loved Washington. I just loved Bella and Seth more. Assuming she didn't change her mind, I was more than willing to relocate to be with them. If she and Seth weren't here, I didn't see a reason to be here either.

I knew I had to fight to be with Bella. She didn't know how I felt, and I didn't have a whole lot of time to make things right. Loving Bella was effortless. I always had, and I always would. I knew getting Bella to trust and love me back again was going to be a lot harder. For years, we'd been putting up walls. It wasn't going to be easy to tear those walls down, and I only had six weeks to try.

I had six weeks to obtain the impossible and no room for failure. So why was I so happy?

When I got to Bella's, I couldn't sleep. Seth's bed was a decent size and his Transformers sheets were pretty kick ass, but neither were geared toward comfort. My boy's tendency to sleep diagonally didn't improve conditions, nor did my racing mind. I was still ashamed for what I'd almost done. I knew what I had to do, but I still had no idea how to do it or what it meant for me if I failed.

I figured I'd start simple enough. I wanted to show Bella I could be a good father; an equal partner in parenthood. When I was sure I could do so without getting caught, I slipped out of bed and headed downstairs. I had no idea whether Bella locked her bedroom door or not, and I was relieved when I saw that she hadn't. I wasn't trying to be creepy. I just wanted to turn off her alarm and give her an opportunity to sleep in late. If I was here, there was no reason for her to wake up earlier than she had to. I was fairly confident in my ability to get Seth ready for school.

She said my name.

At first, I thought she was awake. She wasn't. She said my name again and again, each time more seductive and softer than the last. Bella was dreaming about me, and from the sound, it wasn't a bad dream. I didn't hear her say "Edward, why aren't you returning my phone calls?" or "Edward, how could you do this to us?" She just said Edward.

I turned off her alarm and stalled, hoping to hear my name one last time.

"_I love you."_

I hesitated. Maybe it wasn't meant for me. She was dreaming, after all. Maybe she didn't mean it, or she could have been saying it for Seth's sake. We_ always _said it for Seth's sake. Did she mean it? Was she dreaming about me, telling me she loved me?

I brushed her hair back and planted a kiss on her forehead. I was so happy, I honestly didn't even care if she woke up. It actually made me kind of sad when she didn't.

"I love you too, sweetheart," I whispered before practically skipping out of the room.

Those three words alone were enough to erase any of my doubts.

Things only got better from there. When I woke up, or rather,_ when my son woke me up_, the look on his face was priceless. He was beaming. I was so glad I didn't kill myself because I wouldn't have wanted to miss that for the world. It was pathetic, really. My son shouldn't have been so happy over something so minor. It said a lot about the kind of father I had been, and also served as a reminder that I was making some progress.

Getting him ready for school made me feel like a normal dad. It seemed so trivial, but I knew it meant a lot to him, which in turn, meant a lot to me.

I waited until after breakfast to wake Bella up. I hoped she appreciated the chance to sleep in, even if it wasn't by much. She seemed to be in as good of a mood as I was, playing around with Seth and getting him far too hyped up for so early in the morning. Between wrestling with Bella and the amount of sugar I allowed him to put on his Cheerios, I was almost positive the school would be sending him home with some sort of behavior report.

"Daddy! Help me! Heeelpp," Seth pleaded between laughs as his mom continued with her all-out tickle assault.

What kind of father would I be if I didn't?

I kicked off my shoes and crawled into bed with my family, holding Bella down so that Seth had a fair shot. She wouldn't stay still, so I had to take more extreme measures. I crawled on top of her. It was meant to be innocent, but my dick had other ideas. Bella was finally writhing under me, even if it wasn't for the reason I'd always imagined. The thin material of her sexy boy shorts did nothing but contribute to my _situation_, nor did my scrubs. When she practically screamed for me to get off, it only drove my mind further into the gutter.

And judging by the look on her face after she said it, hers was right there with me.

I finally forced myself to get up, maneuvering a quick belt tuck to hide my hard-on.

_Fuck, Bella noticed_.

I tried to play it off without making it awkward. I told her I was taking Seth to school on my way to work and asked him if he was ready to go. He crawled onto Bella for a hug and a kiss, and I followed his lead by stealing my own.

I was almost out the door when Bella mentioned something about Alice that caught my attention. It had something do with the stupid fucking list the elementary school kept. I was relieved to find out Bella hadn't left me off of it on purpose. The school was just making assumptions based on his last name and I tried not to let it piss me off. My day was going well and I didn't want to ruin it.

I wasn't even phased by the nasty looks I got from the school secretary as I walked Seth to his classroom and met his teacher, Mrs. Bivouac. Thankfully, her IQ seemed much higher than those in the front office. She asked me a few questions about Seth's asthma and told me more about the incident that set him off yesterday. I was happy to learn Seth was doing well in school and always talked very highly of both Bella and me.

I was still driving Bella's Explorer, having never traded back after I picked Seth up yesterday. It was technically _my_ car anyway-not that Bella needed to know that. When I came up with the idea to buy a car for her last year, we weren't on speaking terms. I had just moved back to Forks and gotten my job at the hospital. All of my information about Seth and Bella came from my mom and dad, and when they told me Bella was _still_ driving around the same death trap Chevy she had in high school, I knew I had to do something about it. I offered to buy mom's Explorer, providing her with the opportunity to get something new and an excuse to hand off the Explorer to Bella. Everyone in the situation won, I slept better at night and Bella was never the wiser.

I ran into my brother on my way out. I assumed he was dropping his own kid off at preschool before heading to his shift at the fire station.

"Edward," he mused, "What are you doing here? Where's Bella?"

"Probably still at home getting ready for work. Why?"

"Uh, I guess I'm just not used to seeing you drop Seth off. I thought I saw Bella's truck outside."

I jingled the keys in front of his face, "It's my truck too, remember?"

"Whatever, man. Why are you driving it? Is she okay?"

I smiled, "Yeah, she's fine. I spent the night so I figured I'd let her sleep in a little, you know?"

"You didn't," he insinuated, "Edward, please tell me you didn't."

"Relax, man. I slept in Seth's room," I assured him, "I'm just trying to work on this whole dad thing, you know?"

"Well, it's about fucking time. Is Bella going to let you watch Seth on Friday then?"

I felt like I was missing something. "I don't know. Should I be?"

"Girls' night, man," he explained, "Rose, Alice and Bella. You didn't know that?"

_No..._

"Do they do that a lot?" I asked.

"Eh, maybe once a month. They drink wine and watch movies or some shit. Or, at least they used to. I'm really not sure what they do now that Rose can't drink. Girlie shit. You should come over, we'll do a guys' night. All of us Cullen boys. And a Swan or whatever-the-fuck he is."

"What time?"

"7:30. Invite Jasper too. I need to have_ someone_ there who isn't too scared to have a fucking beer with me."

"Fine, whatever. Jasper's been acting weird lately but I'll ask anyway. I have to go to work, man."

"Yeah, me too. See you on Friday, little bro."

"Later, Em," I returned.

It's fucking weird how much can happen in so little time.

In one moment six years ago, my entire life changed. Sleeping with Bella was the defining moment of my life. I grew up that night. _We_ grew up. If it never happened, I don't know where I'd be now. I probably would have went on to have normal relationships-both with girls and with my family. But I didn't, and if by some chance I was presented with the opportunity to go back, I wouldn't. Even though things were on the verge of falling apart, they also seemed to come together too. I guess it's true what they say-sometimes it takes losing something to find out what you had. It was just as true today as it was five years ago.

It was like a switch had flipped. Staring down the barrel of a gun had been the darkest moment of my life. Today, however, I felt so bright I might as well have been sparkling.

Bella asked me to spend the night again.

"Good morning, Edward," my dad greeted as he passed through the ER on the way to his office, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Doctor Cullen," I nodded, "Doing okay this morning?"

He eyed me warily, "I could ask you the same thing."

I decided to play dumb, "Why?"

"Anything I should know about?"

_Yeah, dad. I put a gun to my head last night and almost pulled the trigger. I spent the night with my son because I was too scared I might change my mind if I didn't,_ "No, not that I can think of. Why?"

"You're smiling," he sighed, "You never smile."

"I had a good morning," I explained.

"Something tells me it might have been a little _too_ good."

"Dad, stop being cryptic," I demanded, "It's annoying."

He laughed, "There's the Edward I know. Anyway, your mother wanted me to remind you about dinner on Sunday night."

"Right, I'll be there," I promised without really thinking about it. "Tell mom I'll see her Sunday."

Dad hung around to annoy me for a little longer before getting distracted by a few patients. For the rest of the day, I kept myself busy with minute cleaning tasks and played with my phone. We had a few walk-ins, but overall the ER was calm. The lack of steady patient flow combined with my anticipation seemed to make time stand still.

By late afternoon, I had 9% battery life and three voicemails from Jenks on my phone. I i didn't intend on calling him back. I knew he wanted to set up a court date but I was over it. Fighting for joint custody wasn't going to win me any brownie points with Bella. It was just one more example of Jasper's terrible fucking relationship advice.

I was about to find out Jasper's advice wasn't_ all_ bad.

"Dude, Ed," he told me as I walked into my apartment after finally getting off work, "You've got to watch this movie. It's fucking hilarious."

He handed me a burned DVD. _The Hangover_ was written on it in permanent marker, "The Hangover? Never heard of it."

"Oh man, it's so funny. Probably the funniest movie I've ever seen."

I shrugged, "Maybe I can watch it with Bella."

He looked at me like I was crazy, "Uh, yeah. Sure. Right."

"I'm spending the night with them, dumb ass."

"No shit?"

"I spent last night there too. Speaking of which, where the fuck were you?"

I don't think he even heard my question.

"You spent the night with Bella," he repeated in disbelief.

"Technically, I spent the night with Seth."

"And how'd her boyfriend feel about that?"

"She doesn't have a fucking boyfriend," I snapped.

"But you said-"

I cut him off, "They're moving to Florida. She wanted to talk to me because they're moving, not because she has a boyfriend."

"Dude," he nagged, "It's a good thing you called that lawyer then, right?"

_Shit._

"Fuck, you're right. She can't leave the state with him if we're going to court, can she?"

"Nope," he smiled, "You're welcome."

"Shit. I better call him back then," I sighed, heading to my room to take a shower. I should have just answered the phone earlier today. Forcing Bella to keep Seth in the state while we fought it out in court definitely wasn't in the plan.

When I left the house at 7:45, Jasper did the same. I had no idea why I was even making him pay rent. I doubted he'd slept here all week and the entire situation was starting to make me feel a little paranoid. Forks was a small town, and there weren't very many single women here our age. Most of the people we graduated had all moved to Seattle, and the few who remained were, based on what I remember from high school, sluts.

Lauren fucking Mallory being at the top of the list.

Bella wasn't home yet, so I had to wait in the Explorer. I guess I technically could have gone inside. I did have a key, but it would feel a little weird to just walk in like I owned the place. I was starting to get anxious, my mind drifting to the pack of cigarettes I hadn't touched all day, when I finally saw my Volvo pull up.

"Daddy!" Seth greeted as I opened his car door, "Are you spending the night again?"

I unbuckled my little man and lifted him into a hug, "I sure am, buddy."

"Mom! Did you hear that? Dad's spending the night with me again!"

With Seth in one arm, I walked over to Bella and hugged her with my other.

"Hey, Momma," I kissed her lips.

"Hey, Daddy," she greeted, "You guys can stay up a little later, but little man needs to be in bed by 9:30."

"Is that when Daddy has to go to bed too?" Seth asked as we walked toward Bella's doorstep.

She laughed, fumbling to find the key, "No, baby. Daddy's been a really good boy lately. I think he deserves to stay up a little later."

Once Bella was certain I could handle things on my own, she excused herself to take a shower. Seth and I went upstairs to his room and played with some Star Wars Legos. He told me Jacob bought them for him a few weeks back. That fucker _really_ wanted to get in Bella's pants. Why else would he buy my kid a fifty dollar gunship out of the blue? Despite what Bella had told me about their relationship, I knew I was going to have to deal with him sooner or later. Even with Jacksonville, our past, and the fact that Charlie absolutely despised me, I still saw Jacob as one of my biggest threats.

By 9:00, the gunship was almost complete. Bella came upstairs, freshly showered with pajama pants and a t-shirt and told Seth it was time to get ready for bed. I probably would have let him stay up later, but Bella was a force not to be reckoned with. After a bath and a bedtime story, I told my son I loved him and kissed him goodnight and Bella did the same. We turned out his light and the two of us went downstairs.

"How was Alice's?" I asked, trying to make conversation as we settled onto opposite ends of her couch.

"Good," she replied, "Except for the fact that Alice wouldn't stop talking about the Hangover."

"What is it with everyone and that movie? It was the first thing Jasper talked about when I got home today. He shoved the DVD in my hand and practically insisted I watch it. I'd never even heard of it!"

"Wow, Edward. You're really out of touch, aren't you?"

"I guess so. Have you seen it?"

"No. I don't really get the time to do stuff like that," she said sadly, "I can't exactly bring Seth with me to an R rated movie."

I knew if I didn't ask now, my anxiety would get the best of me. "Do you want to watch it with me?"

She hesitated. My heart sank.

"I do," she began, "It's just-"

I cut her off, not wanting to face rejection. "Yeah, I get it. Work in the morning or whatever. No big deal,"

"It's not that," she assured me, "It's just..."

_Spit it out, Bella._

"Can we watch it in my room? Based on what Alice told me, it's really vulgar and I don't want to run the risk of Seth overhearing."

_Oh._

Oh!

I was positive I looked happier than a Seth in a candy story, "Do I have to sit on the floor?"

She stood up and grabbed my hand, "Come on, Edward."

I grabbed my overnight bag and brought it with me into Bella's bedroom. I changed into clean scrubs and a t-shirt before I came, having nothing more appropriate to sleep in. I handed the DVD to Bella and settled onto her bed. We maintained the same amount of distance as we had on the couch. Bella's bed was much larger and more comfortable than Seth's and she had at least a half-dozen pillows. I jokingly considered using them to build a wall between us to make Bella more comfortable.

_No more walls,_ I reminded myself.

The movie hadn't even started before Bella began cracking up.

"Edward, you can get under the covers," she teased, "Contrary to what Seth may think, there are not monsters _in_ the bed."

"Is that why he kicks?" I laughed, awkwardly joining Bella under the sheets, "Can't you just tell him they're in his closet?"

"Yeah, right. I don't think I'd ever get him to sleep alone again."

"Fuck, Bella, now that you've got me thinking about it, I don't think I'll be able to sleep up there either," I dramatically shuddered to emphasize my point, "I guess I'll just have to sleep here."

"Um, I'm pretty sure we already established that you are."

Before I could frame another coherent thought, Bella's phone buzzed from the nightstand. She scrunched up her face before sending a reply to whoever was bothering her.

Fifteen seconds later, it buzzed again.

I didn't want to pry, but my curiosity got the best of me, "Who are you texting?"

I hoped she'd say Alice. Or her mom. Or my mom. Anyone but...

"Jacob."

_Ouch._

"Oh," I sighed sadly, trying unsuccessfully to mask the disappointment I felt.

"Edward," Bella scolded, "You can't be serious."

"What?"

"You're jealous," she accused.

"Of course I'm jealous."

"He wanted to make plans on Saturday," she explained, "I told him it was your day off, and we already had plans."

_Take that, macho motherfucker._

"Tell him we have plans every other day of the week too."

She didn't acknowledge me verbally-just laughed and went back to typing on her phone. The movie began, but the dialogue hadn't really started so she wasn't really paying attention to it. She eventually glanced over at me, undoubtedly seeing the uneasiness on my face.

"This really bothers you?" she asked.

I nodded my head.

She finished the message before setting her phone down on the night stand. Slowly, Bella moved toward me, as if she was testing the waters. She finally nuzzled herself into my side, allowing me to wrap my arms around. I unsuccessfully resisted the urge to plant a kiss on her forehead.

"I've missed you," she confessed, "The _real_ you. When did you come back? And why?"

"I'm so sorry, Bella," I whispered, "I can't fight it anymore. It's killing me."

"Then don't,"

I pulled her tighter against me, lightly brushing my lips against hers. I waited for rejection, and instead her lips slightly parted, giving me all of the invitation I needed. I pressed my lips to hers again, harder this time and began running my free hand through her hair. I could feel my heart speeding up and the panic building in my chest, but I tried my best to ignore it. I parted my own lips, coaxing Bella on top of me with the hand I still had wrapped around her torso.

I couldn't fucking think straight. My other hand drifted down and I gripped her hips firmly, grinding her body against mine. I barely heard her quiet moan over the sound of my own heartbeat. I knew we needed to stop, not because I wanted to, but because I felt like I was having an anxiety attack.

"Edward," Bella whispered, breaking our kiss, "We should stop."

_Stop._

Bella said stop.

"Fuck, sweetheart, I'm so sorry," I apologized, "I didn't mean for that to happen."

"Relax," she begged, "It's okay. _We're_ okay. Are you okay?"

"No, sweetheart, it's not okay. I want this. I_ really _want this. But as usual, I don't know how to stop from fucking everything up."

"Shh, Edward. Calm down. You're not fucking anything up," she assured me, placing another chaste kiss on my lips, "I want it, too."

I loosened up a little at her confession, smiling and pulling her closer to me again. A few seconds later, her phone buzzed and even though she ignored it, I still sighed.

"You're ridiculous," she teased, "Here we are in bed together, and you're worried I'm interested in someone else."

"Yeah, can you tell him that?"

"No," she leaned up and kissed me on the cheek, "Now pay attention to the movie."

Somehow, we were able to pay attention to the movie. It really was hilarious. We laughed our asses off and by the end of it, I was sure I had pulled a muscle in my chest from laughing. It was only during the ending credits that Bella seemed a little uneasy. There were lots of pictures of strippers, but none of them held a candle to her. She covered my eyes with her hand.

"Who's jealous now?" I laughed, sliding down to her level so I had easier access to her lips.

"Shut up, Edward."

"Bella, you can't be serious," I playfully repeated her words from earlier.

"I'm not," she lied, unable to look me in the eye, "I was just messing around."

I stroked her cheek with my fingers, "My beautiful Bella, why are you jealous?"

"You know why," she sighed.

"No, I don't," I kissed her cheek before moving my lips down to her cheek and kissing her again, "I have no fucking idea."

"You're really going to make me say it?"

My lips were too busy to form the words, "Mhmm."

"The same reason you don't want Jake texting me."

"And why's that?" I kissed again.

"I want to be the only girl," she confessed, "When you close your eyes, I want you to see me."

"But who do you see?"

* * *

**AN: This chapter was kind of a roller coaster. Next one is BPOV and it'll be much more... stable? Thanks to brodeurgirl and simba for their help as always. They each have awesome stories and can be found in my favorites. Also, thanks to CitizenCullen25 for recc'ing my story. I'm in love with her Yogaward. Just saying.**

**Thanks to all those who left a review. Anyone who does will get a tease for the next chapter. For those of you who left a review in the past day or so, sorry I wasn't able to send you one. By the time I got to doing your reply, I was ready to post. Hope you liked the chapter.**


	8. Set Phasers to Stun

**Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

_**Chapter 7: Set Phasers to Stun**_

_I felt like I had been awake for days._

_I couldn't remember the last time I'd gotten a night of uninterrupted sleep. Well, actually, that was a lie. I knew damn well when my last full night's sleep was- I just preferred not to think about it. Five months passed quickly after I left Seattle. Since Edward left me. And as hard as I tried to push him out of my head, he still plagued almost all of my thoughts. He never came around. He never called. When Esme told me he opted to stay in Seattle for summer school, I wasn't surprised. The last time I saw him, the day Seth left the hospital, he made it very clear he didn't want anything to do with us. He didn't love me. He didn't love Seth. Every promise he made was broken. The boy I knew and loved was gone._

_Seth and I went back to Forks and I tried unsuccessfully to hide my heartbreak from Charlie. Eventually, I came clean about the time we spent together in Seattle, how Edward spent every night holding me and assuring everything was going to be okay. My dad was furious, knowing I had disregarded all of his warnings about Edward. I didn't blame him. Charlie hated Edward, but as much as I wanted to, I couldn't. I only hated myself for allowing Edward to hurt me again. Carlisle and Esme were beside themselves over his behavior and I tried to tell them he wasn't totally to blame. I was the one who pushed him over the edge._

_Seth was sick. Again. At first, I assumed it was another cold. When he didn't get better, I made an appointment with his pediatrician. The doctor diagnosed him with an upper respiratory infection and told me it was nothing to worry about. Later that night, his temperature spiked and he began to wheeze. I called Carlisle for advice. He was on shift and wanted me to take him straight to the emergency room. Even with Edward's absence, it was obvious he and Esme loved my son almost as much as I did._

_Seth tested positive for RSV and Carlisle insisted he get a chest x-ray. __His airways were inflamed, his fever was high, and he was severely dehydrated. They admitted him.__ Desperate and terrified, I called Edward. _

_No answer._

_I called back._

_Again, no answer._

_By the third attempt, I'd given up. I sighed, resigning myself to the tone of his voicemail. _

"_Hi, Edward. It's Bella. Seth's in the hospital with RSV. They think he has bronchiolitis too. Call me... or at least call your parents. Please. Thanks... Bye."_

_I hit the red button to end my message and looked up to see Esme standing in the doorframe._

"_He didn't answer, did he?" She asked sadly._

"_He never does."_

_Maybe I hated him after all._

* * *

In hindsight, I didn't hate Edward. I hated the person he became. And even though I still didn't fully understand the changes occurring in him, I couldn't deny the way I felt; the feelings I fought. Over the past few days, Edward reverted back into the caring boy I once knew. The one who held me at night and promised everything would be okay. The man who's number one priority was his son. I was under the impression the Edward Cullen I knew and loved was long gone, replaced by a human incapable of relationships, emotions, and responsibility.

I was wrong.

Seeing the interaction between my son and his father over the past few days petrified me. I had no idea what was going on. As much as I wanted to attribute his change of heart to the news of our move, the truth was that Edward showed a desire for improvement before he even knew- long before the bombshell had been dropped. Ever since Seth's birthday, months ago, Edward had been different. All of the feelings I once felt came roaring back to me and I couldn't fight them anymore. As much as it terrified me to do so, I wanted him. I_ still _wanted him. Piecing together several conversations we'd had over the past 9 months, I realized he still wanted me, too.

My biggest fear was that Edward would back out. If he decided it was too much, it would crush me. I didn't even want to think about what it would do to Seth. More than anything, my son wanted his parents to have their own happily ever after. He was definitely a romantic. As much as I wanted to believe it could happen, I knew better than to believe in fairy tales.

Even with my doubts, there was one thing I knew for certain. I loved Edward Cullen. I'd never want anyone as much as I wanted him. I only wished I could guarantee Edward felt the same way. Any day now, I assumed he'd tell me it was too much- our history was fucked up beyond repair. Or maybe he wouldn't. A lack of communication plagued our relationship over the past six years. Did I really expect things to change overnight?

No, I fully expected to wake up to an empty bed. I worried Edward would leave without a word, never to be heard from me, Seth or even Carlisle and Esme again. I tried to relax, but the only real comfort I found was in Edward's arms. I knew allowing myself to indulge in him would only hurt more in the long run, but I couldn't help myself. I slept so well next to him.

When I opened my eyes on Wednesday morning, my biggest fear was confirmed. I was alone.

Even though I saw it coming, my heart still broke into a million pieces. The sun wasn't even up yet and Edward was already gone. It took less than one night for him to decide it was too much. All of the progress I _thought _we made meant nothing.

Fuck.

Seth wasn't a baby anymore. At five years old, he was bound to notice Edward's absence. How was I supposed to tell him I scared his father off _again_?

I checked my phone to see the time and was confronted by last night's text messages from Jake.

_**hey sexy. what r u doin -jake**_

_**Uhh, I'm in bed watching a movie. What's up?**_

_**o i c. is seth asleep? -jake**_

_**Yeah-why?**_

_**i wanna come over. i miss u -jake**_

_**Yeah, sorry. I'm in bed, remember?**_

_**well, can i take you out this sat? get charlie to watch seth -jake**_

_**Sorry-it's Edward's day off. We're going to a movie w/ him.**_

_**what? ur kidding right? -jake**_

_**bella? -jake**_

The last two messages were sent after I noticed Edward's uneasiness and put the phone down. It was pathetic. I was clinging onto something that would never happen, letting Edward ruin all of my prospects for an _actual_ relationship. A second date with Jake wouldn't be so bad. It didn't have to go anywhere. We could just have fun. Maybe I just needed to get laid and it seemed like Jake would be more than happy to help me out.

Edward obviously didn't want me.

The clock on my phone read 4:45. It wasn't quite time to wake up yet, but I couldn't exactly fall back asleep either. I was too upset. By the time I finally got the idea to crawl in bed with Seth, I had tears in my eyes. He'd been so happy for Edward to spend the night with him again. I wasn't sure how I was going to look him in the face when he woke up and realized his dad was gone.

I trudged up the stairs, keeping the lights off and my head down. I focused on trying not to trip. There was no need to add insult to injury. As I entered my son's room, the sight in front me stopped me dead in my tracks.

Seth's room was illuminated only by a dim Optimus Prime nightlight in the corner, providing me with enough light to make out the sleeping figures of both my son and his father. I breathed an enormous sigh of relief, sinking to the ground and allowing silent tears to fall. Edward hadn't left after all. It wasn't too much. Or if it was, he at least recognized his commitment to our son.

Fucking Edward. Why couldn't he have been like this from the beginning? It was so obvious he loved Seth. I realized now why he spent so much time ignoring us. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep up the facade. His body language alone would have given him away. I knew he loved our son, but did he love me?

I made it downstairs and back into bed without waking either of them. Even though I wasn't sleeping in Edward's arms, it consoled me to know Seth was.

The next time I woke up, it was by the means of an alarm clock. I groaned, knowing I was far too tired to consider rolling out of bed. It didn't make any sense. Just two hours ago, I'd been wide awake. I could have started the day and never looked back. Now, however, I wasn't sure if there was anything capable of getting my feet on the ground.

After hitting snooze a few times, I eventually forced myself to get up and made my way upstairs to wake up the guys. Getting Seth and Edward out of bed was nothing short of impossible. I noticed the similarities between them more in that moment than I ever had before. Seth looked mostly like me, but his mannerisms were all Edward. With their glazed over emerald green eyes and chaotic bed head, both looked totally disheveled and absolutely adorable.

We finally made our way downstairs. I poured Seth some cereal before disappearing into my own room to get ready. As I took off my t-shirt, I heard a knock.

"Bella, can I come in?" Edward asked, "My stuff is still in there and I was wondering if I could use your shower."

I quickly put on a bra before cracking the door open to let Edward in. He paused, taking in the sight of my half naked body. He didn't even attempt to be subtle about it.

"Take a picture. It'll last longer," I teased, snapping him out of his trance.

"Sorry. Fuck. Look, about this morning... I didn't know how Seth would react if he woke up and I wasn't there."

"Don't apologize for that, Edward. He comes first. He_ always _comes first."

"I didn't want to leave."

"You didn't leave," I assured him_, _trying to hide how upset his absence actually made me_, _"Don't worry about it."

"Bella..." he trailed off, wrapping his arms around my bare torso and tracing circles onto the small of my back, "Can we talk about last night?"

I groaned. "Not until I've had a cup of coffee. Or three."

"So maybe we can do lunch or something?" he suggested, placing a kiss on my forehead.

"Sure," I agreed, "Lunch would be great."

"Do you want to carpool today? I'll bet Seth would love it if his mommy and daddy dropped him off together. I can take you to work and pick you up for lunch."

"What about after lunch?" I asked.

"You can keep the car since you get off first."

"But how will you get home?" I asked, again assuming Edward wasn't coming back.

"I can see if my dad will give me a ride."

"Oh," I sighed, trying to mask my disappointment. So much for hoping he'd want me to come get him...

"I mean, I just don't want you to feel like you have to chauffeur me around. Dad won't mind dropping me off. I can spend the night again, right?"

"Of course," I smiled in relief, kissing his scruffy cheek and seizing my opportunity to break away from him. Edward showered as I continued to get ready for the day.

Edward held my hand as we walked Seth to his classroom, stopping in the hallway to admire some of the class's recently posted artwork. Again, Seth had drawn a picture of the three of us- only this time, we had a dog too. I laughed. Seth was such a wishful thinker. If we weren't careful, he was going to start drawing himself some siblings. _That _was sure to send Edward running for the hills. I still liked his drawing, and both Edward and I told him so. We looked like a happy family and I was even happier that for once, reality seemed to mirror imagination. Well, except for the dog.

I hate dogs.

We said our goodbyes to Seth and headed back out to the car, bumping into Edward's sister-in-law on the way. Aside from being Seth's aunt, Rosalie was also one of my best friends. Her eyes drifted down to our interlocked hands and I pulled away from Edward almost immediately. Both of them flashed me wary looks and I knew I was in trouble. Edward looked hurt and Rosalie looked disgusted.

"Hey Rose, are you still up for Friday night?" I asked, hoping to avoid any awkwardness. Rosalie, Alice and I had girls' night once a month. Emmett would watch Henry and I would usually let Seth spend the night with Charlie or Edward's parents.

"Assuming little miss doesn't decide to join us before then," she smiled, cradling her enormous stomach, "I wouldn't miss it for the world. My husband was right. It looks like we have_ a lot_ to catch up on."

I knew what _a lot _entailed. Neither Rosalie nor Alice were big fans of Edward. Rosalie tolerated him, only because she married his brother. Alice, on the other hand, had no connections to Edward and no reasons to hold her opinions back.

"That reminds me, babe," Edward cut in, "Where's Seth going on Friday? When I talked to Em yesterday he mentioned doing a guys' night."

I worried what a_ guys' night_ might consist of, but saw no need to deny Edward the right to spend it with his son.

"Uh, I made arrangements for him to stay with my dad. But if you want him... he's yours."

"Awesome. The chief hasn't given Seth his first beer yet, has he?" Edward asked jokingly. I shot him an unamused look. As far as I knew, Edward didn't even drink.

Even more unamused was Rosalie. I started to wonder if maybe she didn't tolerate him as much as I thought she did.

"Jeez, girls. Loosen up! It was just a joke. Obviously a bad one. Don't go into preterm labor or anything over it, Rosalie."

She looked as if she was going to snap at him, so I grabbed Edward's hand again and threaded my fingers with his. If Edward decided he wanted to be with me, Rosalie and everyone else would have to deal. "Okay, anyway. I need to go to work. Rose, I'll call you later. Edward, come on. Let's go,"

The morning kept me busy with classifieds and obituaries. With the rate people were dying around here, Washington was bound to lose a senate seat sooner or later. Most were old, a few were young. Writing obituaries was the worst part about my job. I hated them. An eighteen year old from Port Angeles died in a car wreck a couple of days ago. It crushed me every time I had to reduce someone's life into a few paragraphs.

The paper hated to see me go. I worked hard at my job and I was one of the few people who could essentially throw an entire paper together without any help. Aside from the pay and the fact that I had to write about dead people, I really did love it here. After interviewing a few more iffy people, they offered me a raise to stay. I told them I'd consider it. The paper gave me a reason to stall, but I knew if I did make the decision to stay in Forks, it would have more to do with Edward and less to do with the money.

For lunch, he took me to the diner.

"I just don't understand, Edward. Why now?"

"I told you, Bella. I can't take it it anymore. It's killing me."

The waitress, a friend of my dad's, stopped by our table to drop off drinks.

"But _you_ chose this._ You_ were the one who didn't want us to be together. I mean, shit. In my eyes, the fact that we're even having this conversation is nothing short of a miracle. You wouldn't talk to me for six months after I went back to Forks! It hurt, Edward. Even though I know now that it was all a lie, it still hurts. The day I went home with Seth, you told me you didn't love me. I believed you! For five fucking years, I lived thinking I was an interchangeable part of the equation."

"But you know the truth now. Shit, Bella, you knew the truth 9 months ago. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I was just trying to do what I thought was best for you and Seth. I've told you so many times. The night we were together fucked me up. I know you don't understand because you're not in my head, but believe me when I say that you are _not_ interchangeable. There's never been a second when you weren't on my mind. Even when I tried to act like I didn't care, it was so fucking obvious I did. Ignoring you was the only way for me to hide the truth."

"What do you expect from this?" I asked, gesturing to the space between us. "I mean, really. What do you want from me?"

"I..." he hesitated, "I want us to be a family."

Of course, he said it at the exact moment dad's friend put our food on the table. I thanked her, hoping to God she wouldn't be relaying our conversation back to Charlie, before snapping at Edward.

"God, seriously, what the fuck is it with you and Seth thinking that we aren't already a family?" I snapped.

"Fine. I want whatever you'll give me."

We spoke at the same time.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"I'll move."

His offer caught me off guard. "You'd do that for me?"

"I'd do anything for you, Bella. You know that. If you and Seth aren't here, I don't see a reason for me to be here either."

The sincerity in his voice resonated with me. "So you really want this?"

"Yes. I_ really _want this," he reached his hand across the table and cupped my cheek, "I _really_ want you."

We finished our conversation along with lunch before heading back to work. Edward and I agreed to see where things went before making any major decisions. Again, it felt like we were in limbo. Neither of us were making any promises. It was all about taking things one day at a time.

Edward assured me he was more than willing to move if that's what I decided. I wondered if that was conditional on whether we were together or not. Either way, the ball was in his court.

Our biggest worry was our son. Edward didn't want Seth to move in the middle of a school year. It was something I had done multiple times, including when I moved to Forks, and I agreed it wasn't ideal.

We didn't discuss how we'd approach the topic of _us _around Seth. I assumed hiding whatever we were until any definite decisions were made would be easy enough. We already hugged and kissed in front of him. Aside from hoping Edward would be spending more time in my bed and less time in Seth's, I doubted he would even notice a difference from the past couple of days.

After lunch, Edward dropped me back off at work. I let him keep the Explorer. The sun was out for once and I only worked down the street from Seth's school. It was the perfect day for us to take a walk. I was in desperate need of some exercise, and walking on a nice day was something Seth could usually handle.

As I sat down at my desk to work on a story about a community event happening in La Push, I thought of Jacob and how I never replied to his text messages. Not wanting to be rude, I reaching into my bag. My cell phone was no where to be found. I tried calling it, hoping it was lost amid the stacks of papers on my desk. It wasn't. I remembered having it at the diner, and really hoped I hadn't left it there.

"Hello," Edward answered after a few rings.

_Oh, good. It's in the car. _I thought to myself.

I asked the obvious. "Hey, I left my phone in the car, didn't I?"

"Yeah. Do you want me to bring it back?"

"No, it's okay," I lied, silently freaking out over the few hours I'd be spending without it, "It's nothing to be late over."

"Okay, if you insist. Hey, sweetheart?"

"What?" I asked.

"I love you."

My heart fluttered. I was used to Edward telling me he loved me, but I always wrote it off as something he said for Seth's sake. This time around, Seth was no where to be found. He was saying it because he meant it. Hell, he probably always meant it.

I did too.

"I love you too, Edward."

After work, I walked to Seth's school. I was a little worried, knowing I didn't have my cell phone but aside from some coughing, we managed to get home without any problems. Our apartment was only about a half mile away from the school. It shouldn't have irritated him as much as it did. Hell, he probably spent more time outside on the playground than he had during the walk home.

We made it home a little after four and I stayed busy cleaning and working on dinner while waiting for Edward. I smiled at the sight of his dirty clothes on my bathroom floor before picking them up and throwing them into the wash with the rest of Seth's. It seemed stupid that boxers, a t-shirt and some scrubs pants would be so amusing to me, but they served as a reminder of his presence. By washing them, I hoped he would appreciate the favor as much as I appreciated him.

I was busy putting them in the dryer when I heard him come in.

"Daddy!" Seth greeted amid more coughing from his place at the kitchen table, "I drew you a picture!"

I looked up from what I was doing to see an unamused look on Edward's face. He glanced down at his son and faked a smile before staring straight at me.

"Just a second, buddy," Edward told him, "I need to talk to momma first."

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"Bedroom," he nodded.

Shit. If it wasn't something we could say in front of Seth, it wasn't good.

As soon as we were behind closed doors, Edward let loose.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out my cell phone. "Jacob texted you."

Guilt washed over me.

Ever since our movie last Saturday, Jacob had been dropping hints. He wanted something more. Not a relationship, per say, but an _arrangement_. The texts from last night were nothing new, and it never occurred to me that Edward might actually go through my phone. I saw Jake as a friend. As long as I had Edward, I had no interest in being fuck buddies with him.

His latest message was no different than the previous ones.

**hey baby. you going to be up late tonight? -jake**

"Did something happen with him?" Edward whisper yelled, making no attempt to hide his fury.

"No, Edward. Nothing."

Okay, so maybe that was a lie. I was a terrible liar, and Edward knew it.

"I kissed him after our date. That's it, I swear." I re-answered honestly. I was pissed at Edward for invading my privacy but I knew if the situation had been reversed, I would have done the same thing.

"I don't like the way he talks to you. He wants to fuck you. Where did you meet this guy anyway?"

"His dad is best friends with Charlie."

"You're fucking kidding, right? Your _dad _set you up with this guy?"

"Sort of," I explained, "Alice kind of pushed me to go along with it."

"And you? How do you feel about him?"

"God, Edward. I don't fucking know! He's... nice. He treats Seth well. But for some fucked up reason, I can't seem to get past _you_."

"So tell him you're not interested."

"I have," I assured him.

"Then tell him you have a boyfriend."

"What?"

"Isabella, this shit," he pointed between us, "isn't enough for me. I want us to be exclusive. Five and a half weeks doesn't leave any time to piss around."

I gasped. "Are you asking me out?"

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. "Yes, baby. I should have asked you this so fucking long ago. I love you so much. We already have a son together. I know we're doing this backwards and it's my own fault. I want to make it better. It _needs_ to get better before its too late. Will you please be my girlfriend?"

I couldn't believe my ears. Edward Cullen was actually asking me out. He wanted more. He wanted _me_.

Before I could respond. Before I could breathe. Before I could do _anything,_ my bedroom door flew open. Inhaler in hand and teary eyed, Seth was unable to control his rapid breathing.

My son needed my attention more than Edward needed his answer.

* * *

Sorry for ending it there. I know, I'm a terrible person. Up next is EPOV complete with Bella's answer and guys' night. Should be fun, right?

Can you imagine if Bella had to write Edward's obit? Ugh, it makes me sad just thinking about it. Thanks to all who read and review. I try to send out teasers to the next chapter to anyone who does. Feel free to follow me on twitter. It's abbrecken.

Thanks to simba and brodeurgirl who beta this hot mess for me.


	9. A Praise Chorus

**Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Chapter 8: A Praise Chorus**

One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes...

Fifteen minutes passed and we still didn't have a handle on Seth's asthma attack. Even after using the nebulizer, Seth continued to cough and wheeze uncontrollably. Bella held our son in her lap as I continued to measure his peak airflow. We asked random questions to keep him calm and the longer he spoke in broken sentences, the more obvious it became that our evening would be spent in the emergency room.

"Babe, can you carry him?" Bella asked, desperation thick in her voice. I quickly complied and swooped down to take my son from his worried mother.

Bella rushed to remove whatever she had fixed for dinner from the oven before grabbing her bag and the keys to the Explorer. Dinner, along with everything else, could wait. At that moment, nothing else mattered; only Seth. Our roles as mommy and daddy were far more important than establishing our status as girlfriend and boyfriend. Our son needed us.

I didn't even bother to buckle Seth in, instead holding him in my lap as Bella made the short trip to the emergency room. We tried to mask our concern by maintaining our cool, but body language alone gave us away. I was terrified. Along with my fear, I hated the reminder of how many times Bella had done this alone. I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter because I was here now, but the past still occupied the dark corners of my mind.

I bypassed the waiting room and took Seth straight to an empty bed, stopping by the nurses' station to page Doctor Cullen on the way. Bella stayed behind to fill out the necessary paperwork with our nurse triage and joined us soon after. Though she wasn't asked, our mediocre night nurse wasted no time showing her ugly face too.

"It's okay, Tanya. I've got this," I told her as I began to take Seth's vitals.

She walked up beside me, stopping far too close for my comfort. "You at least need his chart, daddy. Besides, why would I miss an opportunity to see my _favorite _patient?"

Tanya eventually handed over his information, allowing her fingers to lightly brush my arm in the exchange. I cringed internally as I heard Bella clear her throat from behind us. I didn't have time to deal with Tanya's stupid crush tonight. She constantly dropped painfully obvious hints, much to my discontent. The mere thought of a relationship with Tanya made me sick to my stomach. I only had eyes for one.

Bella appeared at my other side, snaking her arms around my waist and reaching up to plant a kiss on my cheek. I turned toward her at the last moment, wrapping my free arm around her and pulling her even closer for a more intimate exchange. Her lips met mine and chills shot down my spine. She smiled, Tanya frowned, and I knew I'd never love another woman as much as I loved the jealous momma glued to my side.

I quickly pulled back from Bella, but only because I needed both hands to take Seth's blood pressure. She kept an arm around my waist, only allowing it to drop when my father entered the room. I didn't like it. She had done the same thing this morning while we were talking to Rose. It felt as if Bella was ashamed of me. I didn't blame her, but if we were going to do this, I didn't want to hide from anyone. Though, I would probably be okay if the chief didn't know...

"I hear we have a VIP in the house," my dad greeted, walking straight to his grandson. "Do you know what that means, Mister Swan?"

Seth shook his head in confusion.

He began to use the stethoscope on Seth's chest. "You, sir, are a_ very _important patient. Rest assured you'll be receiving the highest quality of care during your visit to the Forks ER. I'm even assigning my best nurse to your case."

Tanya perked up, as if there was even a remote possibility Dr. Cullen would trust her with his own flesh and blood.

"Meet Edward."

Seth giggled, "Pop-pop! That's my daddy!"

"The one and only," I added, allowing myself to be prideful of my biggest accomplishment.

Dad glanced between us a couple of times, far too entertained by his own attempts to keep the mood light. "Oh my gosh, you're right! I can't believe I forgot. I'm getting old, son. The grays aren't as easy to spot on me as they are on your Grandpa Charlie."

"Is that what mom told you?" I laughed, "She's lying."

Seth continued to laugh at the playful banter before going into another one of his coughing fits. Bella and I proceeded to explain the onset of his attack and how quickly it escalated. Dad didn't even seem phased when he learned I had been with them at the time. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he already knew something was going on between us. We recalled how Seth seemed fine when I came home from work. As far as Bella was concerned, nothing out of the ordinary caused Seth's asthma to flare up. After hearing our side of the story, dad went into Dr. Cullen mode and began a long list of questions to determine the best course of action.

"Hmmm," he pondered aloud, "Well, Seth, did you run any marathons today?"

"No," Seth answered, very seriously.

"Did you try to scale Mount Rainer again?"

"No!" he laughed.

"Boy, you better not have picked up your dad's terrible smoking habit," he said in a mockingly stern voice.

"No! Pop-pop, I'm a good boy. I promise!"

"The best," Dad agreed. "You've got your mom's good looks and daddy's charm... I just don't know what we're going to do about these lungs."

"Prednisone?" I suggested.

"That's a start, son. Miss Denali, let's get our VIP set up with a prednisone shot and I'll call down for a chest x-ray. If he doesn't get better, we'll have to start him on some oxygen."

Dad reached into the pocket of his lab coat and pulled out a can of Coke, popping the top and handing it to his grandson. If not for its medicinal benefits, I would have objected. "Seth, if you need anything else, you just let your mommy and daddy know, okay?"

"Yes, sir," Seth answered politely and quietly before taking a drink of the soda.

"Oh, and nurse?" Dad jokingly called out to me, before taking on a more serious tone, "Take care of mommy too, okay?"

Still at my side, Bella looked as if she were about to break down at any moment. My arms found her waist and I pulled her close, kissing her forehead. Dad knew better than anyone the stress Bella had gone through with Seth over the years. In many ways, her relationship with my parents was better than my own. For that, I'd always be grateful.

"He's going to be okay, sweetheart. I love you," I whispered, and though I hadn't said it loud enough to be heard by our audience, I couldn't help but notice the looks of admiration from Seth, pride from Carlisle, and disgust from Tanya.

Even with the expedited speed of service, it still took over six hours for Dad to give Seth the all clear. He fell asleep by 9:30, and Bella dozed in and out of consciousness from her spot on my lap. We left the hospital well after midnight with instructions to come back immediately if his symptoms worsened again. Tanya maintained her distance from us for the rest of the night, our point from earlier having been heard loud and clear.

Before leaving for home, I spoke with the head night nurse to let her know I'd be taking a sick day tomorrow. Dad assumed the combination of walking home from school and the changing weather had been enough to set Seth's asthma off, and the last thing I wanted was for it to happen again.

We let Seth spend the night downstairs with us, though it probably comforted us more than him.

It took me hours to fall asleep, dwelling on Bella's subtle hints and Seth's slightly labored breathing. I worried about my son. Why did he have to be so sick all of the time? Emmett's son was fine. Never did I have to worry about encountering him in the ER. He would grow up healthy. Someday Emmett would get to coach Henry's baseball team, just as dad had done for us. I'd never get to be that dad- not because I didn't want to, but because Seth's health didn't allow it. We couldn't even get him a fucking pet because he's allergic.

I knew now why my parents had such a problem with my smoking. If my boy ever picked up the habit, I'd probably ground him for the rest of his life. There was no telling what Bella would do.

Having barely slept, I opened my eyes to the first signs of daylight. The sounds of Bella's shower filled the room. Seth was still asleep, having rolled over to his momma's spot in her absence. Last night, he insisted on sleeping between us. As much as I worried about him, I hoped he wouldn't make a habit of our current sleeping arrangement.

Knowing I didn't have to be anywhere, I tried to fall back asleep. The more I thought about it, the less tired I felt. I still wanted an answer to my question. I_ needed_ to talk to Bella. When I heard the bathroom door open, my eyes instinctively flew open. At the very least, I hoped to catch a kiss from her before she left. I ended up with so much more.

Wrapped only in a towel, Bella made her way across the bedroom and began to rummage through the top drawer of her dresser. My jaw dropped and my dick hardened as I subtly tried to steal glances. I resisted the urge to stare as the battle between gentleman and predator raged within me. My mind wandered back to the night Seth was conceived, fantasizing about her wet hair and soaked skin as she sucked me off in the shower. Fuck, she'd gotten me off so fast with her mouth that it had been slightly embarrassing.

I chanced one more glance at her nearly nude beauty, hoping to God she wouldn't turn around and catch me. My heart nearly stopped as our eyes met through the reflection of her dresser mirror.

Shit. How did I miss that?

"Good morning," she smiled, impervious to my gawking.

"Hey, beautiful," I barely articulated.

She turned to face me, "Like what you see?"

I glanced over to make sure Seth was still asleep before answering, "You have no idea."

"I was hoping we could talk before I left. Come into the bathroom with me while I get dressed?"

I nearly choked on my own spit, contemplating whether or not it was a good idea to follow. The scrubs I slept in did little to hide my predicament, and I didn't want to make Bella feel uncomfortable. I stalled, she laughed.

"Come on, Edward. It's not a big deal."

The temptation was too much and I rolled out of bed, making no attempt to hide my morning wood. As she said, it wasn't a big deal. I had nothing to be ashamed of. Did Bella expect any less after inviting me into her bathroom to watch as she dressed?

Or was it to talk?

This woman was going to be the death of me.

"Yes," she whispered as soon as the door shut, "Yes. Yes. If your question still stands, my answer is yes."

As soon as my groggy mind processed her words, I pulled her close and began to kiss her senseless. All of the subtle hints she dropped in front of Seth meant nothing compared to actually hearing the words come out of her mouth. Bella really wanted to be my girlfriend. We were finally official, and I had finally given in to what I'd always wanted. She was mine. _My family_ was mine.

Jasper's advice and lawyer be damned.

"I love you," I practically sang between kisses, lifting her onto the bathroom counter without breaking contact.

Seemingly fearless of losing her towel, Bella wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me closer. One of my hands instinctively lowered to her thigh, gripping it firmly. The only thing separating us was the thin material of my boxers and scrubs. I rocked my body against hers, each of us quietly moaning from the intensity. It felt as if electrical currents radiated through my entire body, and I knew we were approaching dangerous territory. With each thrust, the drawstring on my pants loosened and the closer my dick came to actually making its way into the promise land. The predator within me screamed for release and I knew if I wasn't careful, I'd end up taking my girl against the bathroom counter. Based on our previous experience, I doubted she'd object. With that in mind, as well as many other things, I knew I had to maintain self control.

We didn't have protection and I had no idea if Bella was on birth control. Our first time, I hadn't cared. I felt invincible, though we obviously weren't. The product of my reckless behavior slept on the other side of the door, adding to the list of reasons why doing it now would be wrong. Even if he wasn't, Bella deserved better. I ruined sex for her the first time around, and if I ever had the pleasure of experiencing her again, I intended on making it just as good for her. It didn't need to be a spur of the moment thing. The selfish asshole within me didn't deserve to win again.

I allowed myself to thrust once more, focusing all of my effort into the final movement. It was too aggressive, causing the tip of my dick to peak out and brush against Bella's soaking wet slit.

It proved to be too much for me to handle. Instead of giving in, fear seized within me and I instinctively pulled away. Within a millisecond, I was as far away from Bella as her tiny bathroom allowed me to be. It still felt as if the walls were caving in on me and I couldn't breathe, much less think.

We were quiet for a few moments, until my brain finally caught up on it's own ineptness.

"Fuck, Bella, baby, I'm so fucking sorry," I apologized, sitting on the edge of the bathtub and clenching my hair with trembling fists.

"Don't be," Bella sighed, "Too much, too soon?"

"No," I denied wishfully, "Do you have any idea what you do to me?"

"Apparently, I give you anxiety attacks."

I opened my mouth to deny it, but nothing came out. We both knew it was true.

"I want to make love to you, but I'm so scared of hurting you again," I confessed, hanging my head in shame.

Bella appeared in front of me, clasping the towel against her chest with one hand and pulling my chin up to make eye contact with the other, "Edward, breathe."

"I'm trying, sweetheart."

"Try harder."

I did. Her touch proved to be soothing. My trembling so soothing that I pulled her into my lap.

"I'm not going to push you away this time," I promised her, kissing every inch of exposed skin.

"You're the only one I've ever wanted," she assured me, "You're the only one I've ever been with."

I didn't need to reply. She already knew the same held true for me, "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, boyfriend."

I crawled back into bed after Bella left for work, catching a few more hours of sleep before Seth finally shook me awake. Overall, I could tell Seth felt a lot better. We lounged around and watched cartoons until the afternoon, eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch for lunch. When I finally decided it was time to get dressed for the day, I realized I didn't have any real clothes. Just scrubs.

Deciding I didn't want to look like a murse for the rest of my day off, I loaded Seth into the car and drove over to my apartment. Jasper's truck was nowhere to be found. I wasn't surprised. Paying rent for an apartment neither of us were ever at was becoming more and more absurd. My lease was a month to month and if Bella decided not to move, I hoped she'd at least consider moving into a nicer place with me. Maybe we could find a house with a yard. More bedrooms, room to grow...

Okay, so _maybe_ I was getting a little bit ahead of myself with that one.

I left the car on and told Seth to wait as I quickly ran inside to grab some clothes. Even though he felt better, I didn't want to risk upsetting his asthma even more than it already was. One night in the emergency room was enough for me. Besides, Seth needed to sleep in his own bed tonight. Bella and I had some unfinished business to attend to.

The apartment reeked. Even though I hadn't been around to smoke in it, Jasper apparently had. And judging from the women's lingerie on his bedroom floor, he wasn't the only one who had been around... I shuddered to think of who he might have been allowing into _my_ apartment.

As I walked back out to the car with more than a few changes of clothes, I ran into my manwhore of a roommate.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work, man?" he asked, following me over to Bella's truck.

"My kid's sick," I explained, "Bella doesn't have any more paid time off at work, so I offered to stay home with him."

I opened the passenger's side door, setting down the massive pile of my stuff in the seat.

"Hey, buddy," Jasper greeted, "You feeling okay?"

"I had an asthma attack," Seth explained, "I had to go to the hospital and then mommy and daddy let me spend the night in the bed with them!"

_Oh, shit._

Jasper wiggled his eyebrows, "Nice."

Quickly, I tried to change the subject. "Hey man, what are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Nothing that I know of, why?"

"Emmett wants to do a guys' night."

He thought for a moment. Judging from the amount of time he'd been spending with mystery girl, I assumed he'd say no.

"What time?" he asked.

"Seven, I think."

"Uh, yeah. I can do seven. Emmett's house?"

"Yeah. Bella and Rose are going to Alice's."

Seemingly out of nowhere, Seth chimed in, "When we were at Aunt Alice's house, she told mommy to be careful. What does that mean?"

I wanted to know the same thing, but I held back for Seth's sake, "Uhhh, that can mean a lot of things. Without hearing the conversation, I wouldn't know."

"Oh," Seth thoughtfully hummed, "Well, mommy tells me to be careful when I play on the playground."

Jasper laughed, undoubtedly finding some sort of sexual undertone in Seth's comment. I refrained from saying anything, not wanting to encourage either of them. "Mommy will be okay. Your daddy doesn't like playing on the playground anyway."

"Right, okay. Time to go," I quipped, pulling out my car keys, " I'll catch you tomorrow, Jazz."

"Later," he replied, "And say hi to your girlfriend for me."

Jasper only meant it sarcastically, but the smile on my face said it all. I shut the passenger door before replying, not wanting Seth to hear. After the incident in the bathroom this morning, Bella and I hadn't discussed how to approach the topic with our son. If he asked I was going to be honest but I hoped he wouldn't. The last thing I needed was for Bella to be pissed at me over something so easily avoidable.

"Careful around Seth," I cautioned as I made my way to the driver's side door of my car, "We haven't told him yet."

"No shit?" Jasper asked, "You guys are actually... official?"

"As of this morning," I confirmed.

"It's about fucking time, man," he smiled, "Well, enjoy it while it lasts, I guess. It ain't gonna be pretty when the chief finds out."

Fuck. He was right. I preferred _not_ to think about how Bella's dad would react. As if it were even possible, our relationship had gone from bad to worse over the past couple of years. Last time we spoke, he threatened me within an inch of my life and told me I was never welcome on his property again, and that was _before_ Seth told him about the kiss he witnessed in Bella's childhood bedroom.

I knew realistically, I couldn't hide from the chief forever. Eventually, he'd find out. Hopefully when he did, he wouldn't follow through on all of his threats. If I could only show him how much I truly did care about his daughter, maybe he wouldn't kill me.

Or maybe he would.

I began the drive home, trying not to dwell on my numbered days.

"Dad, when's Christmas?"

"Not for a few months, buddy. Why? Do you know what you want already?" I asked, smiling at the prospect of Bella and I shopping for him together.

"I want a little sister," he happily announced.

Shocked, I slammed on the brakes. Of all things he could have said, I expected _this_ the least.

When I was finally certain I wouldn't have a heart attack, I spoke, "Uhh, son, it doesn't work like that."

His voice saddened, "But you and mommy... I thought maybe..."

The amount of emotion in Seth's voice was almost enough to make me crack. I remained silent, racking my brain for a way to put him at ease. Even I wasn't sure what the future held. As much as I loved Bella and as much as I hoped Bella loved me, I knew we still had a lot of issues to address. Logically, Bella and I had a long way to go before we could even consider marriage or more kids.

In my silence, Seth drew more of his own conclusions. "We're never going to be a real family, are we?"

"Give me time, buddy," I beseeched him, "I'm going to make everything better. I promise."

"And then can I have a sister?"

"No sisters," I smiled, "Please, _please_, no sisters."

"But dad! Why not?"

"Uh, buddy. Have you ever noticed how pretty your momma is?"

"Yeah," he agreed, "Grandpa Charlie says mommy is beautiful."

_At least the chief and I could agree on something._

"He's right. Mommy _is_ beautiful. Gorgeous. When you have a little sister, she'll be beautiful too and you'll have to spend all of your time fighting off the boys who want to be her friend. That's a lot of responsibility, don't you think?"

"No, daddy! It's not too much. I can handle it."

"But a little brother would be so much less stress. Then you only have to worry about beating him up. Or at least, that's how Uncle Emmett seemed to think."

"Fine," he bargained, "I want a little brother."

"Much better," I sighed, "Maybe someday, buddy. Right now momma and I are focused on you, okay?"

The thought of having more kids with Bella made my heart swell with pride. I knew it was a long shot, but I hoped we'd get there someday. I never wanted kids with anyone else, but until now, the thought of having more with her seemed so far fetched that it hurt to think about it. Now that we were together, the sky was the limit. We could do it all over again. I could do it _right_.

Thankfully, Seth didn't bring up the sibling talk in front of Bella. Instead, he spent the evening talking about Indiana Jones. Raiders of the Lost Ark had been on TV all afternoon, keeping both of us entertained until Bella finally made it home from work. I took my family out to dinner at the diner, Bella only threw a small fit when I pulled out my debit card to float the bill. I told her to deal. As long as I had a say so, Bella wouldn't be paying for much of anything from now on.

Seth went to bed at his normal time and I prayed to God he'd stay there. I showered and jacked off as Bella watched television in her room. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help myself. As long as Bella and I shared a bed, it was kind of necessary. In the best case scenario, maybe jacking off would increase my stamina. In the worst and most likely of the two scenarios, it would cut back on blue balls. I put on a t-shirt and some clean boxer-briefs before joining her in bed. We snuggled close, making small talk and discussing our plans for the rest of the week.

"So," I began, "I was hoping, maybe you'd want to come over to my parents' house for dinner on Sunday night?"

"You mean, as your date?" she smiled, nuzzling closer to me.

"Well, I mean, yeah," I stuttered, "As my girlfriend. Even though I think Dad already knows."

"We can do that," she agreed, "I have a condition though."

"A condition?" I hesitated.

"Well... Sunday night is usually my night with Charlie," she began to explain.

Fear consumed me as I encouraged her to continue, "And?"

"This weekend, we tell your parents. Next weekend, we tell mine."

"Bella..." I began, my voice full of uncertainty, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yes. Edward, I'm serious."

"He hates me," I groaned.

"I know," she agreed, "But if we're really going to do this, it needs to be one hundred percent. Charlie is going to have to get used to you and you... are going to have to get used to Charlie."

I knew Bella was right, but it didn't make it any easier. Just the thought of being in a room with Charlie made me feel sick to my stomach. I wanted to be able to put my hands all over his daughter and tell everyone just how much she meant to me without worrying about getting shot. I didn't blame him though. If anyone ever hurt my daughter the way I'd hurt Bella, I'd feel the same way.

_My daughter?_

Fuck, I needed to talk to Bella about what Seth said.

Bella had other things in mind, "Edward. Calm down, love. You're shaking again."

Huh. I hadn't even realized how tense my body had become.

Bella kissed her way from my neck to my lips and I allowed myself to indulge in the taste of her tongue. She trailed her hands down low, stopping right at the point where the hem of my t-shirt rested before working her hands inside. She continued to lay on her side next to me, making no move to crawl on top. The night lamp left on illuminated the room just enough for me to see a hint of desire in her eyes. I knew she was testing the waters; trying to take things slow for me. When she finally moved to take off my shirt, I saw no need to resist.

Bella paused, taking in the portrait of our family that stretched across the upper half of my body. Seth had drawn the picture while spending the night with my parents about six months back, and my mom saved it for me. Across my heart, in Latin, read _the love of my life._

Her fingers roamed over the words on my heart, "What does it mean?"

"Are you sure you want to know?" I hesitated, hoping my commitment to her wouldn't scare her away.

"It's something about love, right?"

"Love of my life," I explained, "Bella, you are my life. Even when we weren't talking... even when I thought things would never be okay, I still thought about you constantly. As fucked up as it sounds, every decision I've made over the past six years has been with you in mind."

No matter how many attempts Jasper made to get me to let go.

* * *

"_You ready, man?" He asked, buttoning the dark gray dress shirt he'd spent the past hour ironing._

_It still looked like shit. _

"_Dude, I told you. I'm not going," I repeated, hoping he would finally get the clue. The idea of going out with some random chick thoroughly repulsed me._

"_Whatever, man. Get dressed. I already told you, she's smoking hot."_

"_I don't give a fuck," I argued, "I'm not interested."_

"_Dude, what the fuck? Why not?" he questioned before pulling out his cell phone, "Fine. I'm fucking calling her."_

_I assumed he referred to my soon to be stood up blind date._

"_Hey," he answered to whatever-her-name-was on the other end of the phone line, "It's Jasper. Look, I'm going to need you to give Edward his balls back. I'm sure they look really nice on your nightstand or hanging from the baby's crib or something, but he needs them."_

_I realized the 'her' he referred to was actually her, as in Bella._

"_Because he's being a fucking pussy."_

"_Dude!" I all but screamed, "Give. Me. The. Fucking. Phone."_

_He pushed me away and continued to talk to Bella, "I set him up with this super hot chick who totally wants his dick, and he won't even leave our dorm room."_

_No, no, no!_

_I made another attempt to get the phone away from Jasper, horrified by the things he had already disclosed to the mother of my son. His face went from amusement to horror as he covered the microphone and turned to me, "Dammit Edward! Why didn't you tell me your kid was fucking sick again?"_

_My kid was sick?_

"_Hand me the fucking phone, Jasper, or so help me God..."_

_He complied. "Bella?" I asked, sheer panic in my voice, "He's sick again?"_

_Once again, I felt like a shitty father. I ignored Bella for as long as I could, and it wasn't until mom called me with the news of Seth's first hospital visit that I actually talked to the mother of my child. A few months passed since then. Fall semester started and I kept myself busy with school. Or at least that's what I told everyone. Bella and I still weren't really on speaking terms, but it was ….better._

"_Look, Edward, I really don't have time for this shit," I could hear the exhaustion and exasperation in her voice, "I was actually about to call you, but obviously you have more important things to deal with right now that you'd like to rub in my face. So are you done?"_

"_Bella..." I trailed off, "I'm not going on a date."_

"_Seriously, Edward? What's your fucking problem? You don't want me. You don't want anything to do with my son. Go on your stupid fucking date. Get laid. Try not to knock them up too, okay? Or do. I don't really care anymore."_

_My chest seized up with Bella's cold words. In that moment, I was mostly worried about my son and wanted nothing more than to be in Forks with him and to comfort his mother. I didn't want to sleep with a complete stranger and I sure as fuck didn't want anymore kids. I couldn't believe everything had gotten so massively fucked up. It was my own fault, but I couldn't back down now. I had to keep up the charade, even if it made me sick._

_And it did. I made it into the trash can, managing to empty the contents of my stomach and barely missing Jasper's phone in the process. It was too bad. He deserved it for dragging Bella into this bull shit. _

"_Are you finished?" Bella seethed, "I really don't have time for this."_

"_Bella, wait!" I quickly forced out, "Can you at least tell me what's wrong with Seth?"_

"_They..." her voice cracked, "They think he had an asthma attack."_

_I puked again, dry heaving after there was nothing left. An asthma attack? My ten month old son had a fucking asthma attack? What was I supposed to do? In that moment, my concern for Seth outweighed any front I had been putting up to keep Bella out._

"_I'll be there in three hours," __I __vowed, slamming the phone shut and handing it back to Jasper._

_Instead of going on a stupid date, I spent my night in Forks, wishing it wasn't too late to tell Bella how I really felt._

* * *

"You were really stupid for getting this," she whispered, "What were you going to do if you met someone else? Where were you going to put your replacement family?"

Once again, I thought back to Seth's words from earlier today, "Bella, I don't think you understand. There _isn't_ anyone else for me. I love you, I love Seth..." My voice cracked, fear paralyzing me and keeping me from telling her that any kids added to the portrait would be just as much hers as they were mine.

Seemingly out of no where, Bella rolled away from me and lifted her tank top, allowing me to get a clear and up close look at the image on the small of her back of Seth's tiny footprints, "You have a permanent mark on me, too. These are _your _son's footprints, Edward."

_I want more, _I said in my head. I couldn't force the words out.

Bella rolled to face me again, "So are we going to tell Charlie or not?"

Before I could say no, she intentionally began to kiss me again. She made no attempts to push it further, nor did I, fearing another break down like the one I'd had this morning. But as long as Bella kept kissing me, touching me... loving me, I'd grant _any_ of her wishes.

The amount of power this woman had over me was terrifying.

Bella and I drifted to sleep soon after, but not before I agreed to a barbecue at the chief's house. I tried not to dwell. What was the worst thing that could happen? He couldn't kill me in front of Seth. Bella tried to assure me that as long as I used them as human shields, I'd be fine.

I still had my doubts.

The next morning, Seth went to school and I went back to work. Bella and I met for lunch, already dreading the evening we'd spend apart. Allowing Bella to spend the evening with Alice and Rosalie was essentially like throwing her to the wolves. I knew better than to think they'd spend the evening swapping recipes. They were going to talk about me, and I could only hope Bella wouldn't be swayed by what they had to say.

Because as much as I didn't like it, I wasn't about to hold her back.

"So, man, you ready for fatherhood?" Jasper asked after Emmett put Seth and Henry to bed.

My brother hesitated, "Yes and no. Rose's mood swings are driving me insane, and I can't wait to meet my daughter... but the six weeks without sex can wait. Like, forever."

The pang from earlier re-entered my chest. My brother was so fucking spoiled. He had everything he wanted. The ideal job, white picket fence, a wife and two kids...And here he was, complaining about going without sex.

He didn't realize what a lucky fucking bastard he was.

"Dude, fuck that," Jasper agreed, "Two words. Blow jobs."

"Yeah, right," Emmett scoffed, "Between the lack of sleep and the amount of attention a newborn demands, I'll be lucky if I even get to use my own hand, much less hers. It's too fucking bad, too, because Rose's mouth can do amazing things."

"What about you, Edward?" Jasper asked, "How is Bella _treating_ you?"

I hesitated, not sure how I wanted to answer. I wasn't really big on exploiting my relationship with Bella. I didn't want to cheapen anything we had by sharing it with others, but at the same time... I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel like I needed some guidance.

"Good," I smiled, omitting details about our sex life, or lack there of.

"Good?" Emmett chimed in, "Six years of sexual tension and all you have to say is, it's _good_?"

Jasper observed the obvious, "They haven't fucked yet."

"I've... fucked Bella," I argued, cringing internally at my verbiage.

"Yes, we've all seen the product of your extra-curricular biology experiment," Emmett laughed, "You took the whole lab partner thing _way_ too seriously. We mean recently, man."

"It's...complicated." I tried to explain.

"What's so complicated about it?" Jasper pressed, "If Bella's gone as long as you have, she has to be as horny as the next person. You take off her clothes and make her scream your name. Or I guess, in your case,_ whisper loudly _so your kid won't hear. At any rate, it isn't rocket science."

I thought back to our first time. While I was fairly certain it hadn't been _all_ bad for her, I knew I didn't devote nearly enough attention to Bella's pleasure as I had my own.

"I want to make it good for her," I finally confessed.

"So... Find the man in the canoe," Jasper laughed.

"The what?"

"He's talking about her clit, man," Emmett explained, "Surely you've gone down on her before, right?"

"Uh, no."

"Really?" They both asked simultaneously, as if it were some big surprise.

"Well, no wonder you're scared," Jasper laughed, "Fuck, I couldn't even get Maria off if we skipped foreplay. That's probably why she dumped my selfish horny ass."

"I can get Bella off," I recalled, "I think."

"So, here's what you do," Emmett began, taking a quick swig of his beer, "You find the man in the boat, or whatever the fuck Jasper called it earlier, and you rub it. It's that fucking simple."

Jasper chimed in, "Or, stick your fingers in her and act like you're scratching your nose."

"While you lick the man in the canoe," Emmett contributed, in case I hadn't gotten the picture.

I nodded my head. The thought of tasting Bella was almost enough to make me get in the car and drive to Alice's. If only I could guarantee that I wouldn't have another episode, I probably would have.

"And after you get her off, she'll pretty much give you the invitation to do _anything_," Jasper grinned, as if he'd just given me the secret to eternal life or something.

"Just be careful, man," my brother added, "This is Bella we're talking about. Take care of her. And whatever you do, _do not _get her pregnant again. Use protection."

* * *

**AN: Ohh, so we're making some progress... Hopefully it lasts ;) How did everyone like the Seth/Edward moments?**

** Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. I had a history paper due this week and I'm sorry for the amount of time it took me to get the chapter up. I didn't want to rush it. Please let me know what you think. As always, I'll try to get a teaser sent out for the next chapter for anyone who does review. If you've reviewed in the past few days, sorry if I missed yours. Again, blame the h****istory paper. Grr.**

**Thanks to broduergirl and simba, as well as anyone who has taken the time to rec this story. It means a lot to me and I hope you like!**

**Follow me on twitter/ abbrecken.**


	10. Mona Lisa

******Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**********I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**   


**Chapter 9: Mona Lisa**

BPOV

"I just don't get it, Bella."

"Yeah, me either," Rosalie chimed in, "I guess I just want to know: why?"

Rose and Alice were stuck on Edward. They refused to leave it alone, no matter how many times I asked. A simple peck on my cheek set them off. The goodbye kiss witnessed by Rosalie earlier became the main topic of this evening's conversation. If _this_ is how they reacted over something so minor, I wasn't sure I wanted to know how they'd take the news I was about to give them. I took another sip of my Long Island and prepared myself for an all-out assault.

Or maybe, it was a little more than a sip.

"I love him," I confessed, "You're not just talking about my boyfriend here, guys. Edward is my son's father. He deserves two parents just as much, no, _more_ than Edward and I deserve each other."

"Bella, that's bullshit!" Alice vented, "Total, complete, utter bullshit!"

Rosalie stayed quiet. I opened my mouth to defend myself only to be cut off by Alice, "Edward has done nothing but run from responsibility over the past six years. His fucking parents are still paying you child support, for Christ's sake! He left you to do this alone. He took both of you for granted. You're telling me that all of the sudden, now that it's convenient for him, you're dating? Within a week you've gone from barely speaking terms to sleeping in the same bed."

I cut her off, "I didn't tell you that. How do you know I'm letting him sleep with me?"

Alice paused for a moment, as if she'd been caught in the middle of a lie. "It's not hard to guess. Bella, this won't end well. What are you going to tell your baby when Edward runs for the hills?"

Rosalie hesitated to join in, "Alice is right, Bella. I mean... I guess I just don't understand why you're so convinced there's only one man for you."

"Or why that man has to be such a fucking loser," Alice added.

"No one questions why Rosalie loves Emmett. Or why Alice loves shopping. So why is everyone worrying about how I feel towards Edward?"

I knew my argument wasn't valid, but I was grasping for straws. As much as I wanted to ignore everything, I knew they were right. Had this been two weeks ago, I would have been right there with them bashing the father of my son. Hell, last time we'd done a girls' night, I'd done exactly that. We criticized Edward over everything-from his job to the car he drove. Alice and Rosalie saw Edward as nothing more than a pathetic loser; a sperm donor whose five-year-old son's maturity level outperformed his own.

Even then, deep down, I knew bashing Edward wasn't right.

"Bella..." Rosalie trailed off, "Emmett didn't knock me up and abandon me."

She was right. I took another drink to numb the pain. And another. It seemed ridiculous, but the harder they tried to push me away from him, the more I fell. I loved this man. It was stupid and unhealthy and absurd, but I couldn't deny my heart of what it truly wanted. There was something in Edward's eyes that convinced me to let him stay that first night. He looked lost. Hopeless. _Desperate_.

I knew he'd made mistakes. We both had. But never, in almost six years had he been with another woman. His commitment to me, however fucked up it was, _had_ to count for something. I didn't totally understand Edward's mentality, nor did I agree with it, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the same way.

He needed help. Edward was still a broken boy who let a stupid mistake control the outcome of his life. I was that mistake. The night we lost our virginity, Edward fell apart.

And I wanted to be the one to put him back together.

"What about Jacob? He was fucking hot," Alice reminds me, "I'll bet he's hung, too."

"_Jacob_ wants no strings attached sex."

"So fuck him," Alice practically begged, "Come on, Bella. Even if you end up with Edward, do you really want him to be the only man you've ever been with? It's not healthy!"

"Alice," Rose scolded, "Emmett's the only man I've ever been with, and it doesn't bother me."

"Shut up, Rose."

"No, really. I think we've hounded Bella enough for one night. She gets the point."

"Loud and clear," I hummed.

"Fine," Alice conceded, "I give up."

"Just one more thing, Bella," Rose added, just as soon as I thought they were going to let it go, "Take your birth control. Regularly. Make him wear a condom just to be safe. And if he does knock you up, wait until Emmett and I aren't around to tell his parents, okay? The first time was ugly enough."

* * *

_Family dinners. I never had them, really. My parents divorced by the time I was two. When I was younger, mom was too busy to cook. I moved in with dad junior year, and he didn't know how. I lived off frozen food and drive thrus._

_Family dinners were foreign to me._

_It was one of many reasons I felt so out of place._

_For the past couple of days, Edward had been following me around like a lost puppy. Even though I told him to leave me the fuck alone, he still came into Newton's Sports Goods on a daily basis. He'd ask for help with stupid things and bought anything to keep from loitering. By the third day, I'd have enough._

"_Edward, you know where the fucking hiking boots are. If you have something to say, just say it."_

_He needed to tell his parents. Little did he know, his father already knew. When I had the pregnancy confirmed, Dr. Cullen assured me that the patient/doctor confidentiality trumped his connection with his son. Carlisle knew I wanted to tell Edward, and even though it was obvious Edward wasn't taking the news well, his father still acted as if he was none the wiser._

_My father, on the other hand, was furious. As soon as he found out about my pregnancy, he threatened to kick me out and send me to Arizona to live with my mom. I still wasn't positive he wouldn't. Eventually, Charlie calmed down and apologized, asking only that I tell him who the father was. I didn't. Charlie immediately jumped to conclusions._

_He thought I'd been raped._

_I made him promise not to press the matter before telling him a misconstrued version of the truth. As far as Charlie knew, Edward and I soberly planned our torrid encounter. Even after revealing Edward as my baby's father, Charlie seemed hesitant to believe our sex was consensual. _

_Standing in aisle five of Newton's, Edward invited me over for dinner and to tell his parents. Afterwards, he hoped we could talk. He didn't say about what, specifically, but it was easy enough to assume he wanted to talk about our options. Desperation was thick in his voice. His eyes were bloodshot, and his face was too pale. The little facial hair he was able to grow hadn't been shaved in days. I didn't know if Edward was high out of his mind or just severely depressed. Maybe it was both. Either way, Edward looked like shit._

_I reluctantly agreed to dinner at the Cullens'._

_I called Charlie during my lunch break to let him know I'd be gone for the night. He offered to come with me, unamused by the idea of even a car ride alone with Edward. I refused. If I was actually going to keep this baby, I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet._

_Edward picked me up after my shift. On the way over to his parents, he respectfully maintained his distance from me and tried to assure me everything would be okay. I wasn't convinced. Edward was terrified. As if it wasn't obvious enough from the way his hands shook on the steering wheel, he puked three times between the drive way and his front door. I cracked a joke about morning sickness, reminding him that I was supposed to be the one puking my guts out. He didn't laugh._

_Dr. Cullen smiled as we entered their spacious living room. I'd met Edward's mom, Esme, a handful of times-mostly on days where Edward and I were forced to do homework together outside of class. Just as soon as we said our hellos, Edward's older brother Emmett appeared out of nowhere._

_And he brought a girl._

"_Mom, dad," he announced, "I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Rosalie."_

_Rosalie seemed very nervous to meet the Cullens, but for an entirely different reason. Emmett obviously felt strongly about her. As Esme pointed out, he'd never brought a girl home to meet the family. Quick introductions were made. Edward took the liberty of introducing me as his "friend" Bella, as if I even considered him that anymore._

_Sitting at the table was awkward to say the least. We mostly ate in silence and I kicked myself for allowing Edward to make such a formal announcement. Esme and Carlisle tried to make small talk with Rosalie and me. I answered their questions politely and Rosalie did the same. _

_Why did I even need to be here? Edward probably wouldn't even be in the baby's life. As much as I didn't want to put my little bean up for adoption, I wasn't sure I'd have a choice. Even if I kept the baby, Edward didn't seem very interested in being a father._

_Emmett finally broke the silence, "Mom, did you get a cake?"_

"_Yes, honey," Esme laughed, "It's still in the kitchen. Have you even told your brother happy birthday yet?"_

"_Shit! Sorry!" Emmett laughed, "Happy birthday, Edward."_

_I looked down at my watch to check the date. I couldn't even remember what day of the week it was. I hardly remembered the month._

_June 20. Jesus fucking Christ, today really was Edward's nineteenth birthday._

_I looked over at Edward. Why did he chose tonight of all nights to come clean?_

"_I have something to say," Edward shakily announced. _

_My eyes met Carlisle's. He had on the perfect poker face. Everyone else looked confused. Only Carlisle and I knew what was coming._

_I braced myself as he said the words, "Isabella's pregnant."_

_Emmett spewed Pepsi all over the table and stayed too busy coughing up a lung to speak. Rosalie looked awkward, as if she didn't know what to say. Carlisle reached for Esme's hand._

"_I'm sorry," Edward hung his head, a single tear falling onto his plate, "I'm so, so sorry."_

_He spoke so quietly, I doubted anyone else heard him._

"_Edward Anthony Cullen," Esme began, "How could this happen? When?"_

"_Graduation party," Edward explained._

_Carlisle began drilling Edward for information, as if he had been holding back for weeks, "Were you drunk? Stoned? Did you even use protection?"_

"_Both," Edward confessed, "And no, I didn't."_

"_How could you be so irresponsible?" Esme asked, tears flowing, "Bella, why didn't you make him use protection?"_

_I didn't know how to answer that one._

"_Do you do this a lot, Edward?"_

"_I...no. Not at all, dad."_

"_Where?" Carlisle asked._

_I knew exactly what Carlisle was asking, but Edward needed clarification. "What do you mean, where?"_

"_Where was this party?"_

"_The beach," Edward responded._

"_You had sex on the beach?"_

"_No, sir," Edward whispered, "My room."_

_Rosalie and Emmett sat speechless as Carlisle and Esme to ask questions. I watched in horror._

"_Edward Anthony, never in my life have I been so... disappointed. I don't even know if I can use that word. The fact that you could be so irresponsible, so careless... that you could exercise such little self control says a lot about your character. By your twentieth birthday, you're going to be a father. What do you plan on doing?"_

"_I don't know, sir," Edward cried, "I'm trying to leave Bella's options open."_

"_Leave Bella's options open? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"_

"_It means, I want her to do what she thinks is best," Edward tried to explain._

"_We raised you better than this! I've turned a blind eye to your drinking and smoking hoping maybe it would be some sort of a phase. Never in my wildest dreams did I assume I'd be a grandfather before the age of forty-five! Emmett would never do something so stupid."_

_Edward's father slammed his hands down on the table. He seemed so calm at the hospital. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I expect this kind of reaction out of him._

"_Bella will have all of the support she needs from this family," Carlisle explained, "You, sir, on the other hand, have lost my respect."_

_I grabbed Edward's hand under the table. Something told me he needed my support more than I needed his._

* * *

As much as I loved Carlisle and Esme, I hated how they treated their son when he needed them the most. When Emmett and Rosalie announced their pregnancy two years later, it wasn't accompanied by nearly as much criticism. I loved the Cullens, but I hated the favoritism they showed towards their oldest son.

It still infuriated me. "Everyone needs to cut Edward a fucking break."

"Geez, Bella. We said we'd stop. Calm down," Alice huffed, "So do his mom and dad know about the big reconciliation yet?"

"We're telling them this weekend," I laughed, "Family dinner."

"Fuck," Rose gasped, "I hope my water breaks first. You never know how they're going to react when Edward has something to say."

Our conversation shifted, each of us throwing baby names out for Rosalie. When Henry was born, she and Emmett had a terrible time picking a name. The hospital eventually forced them to flip a coin, deciding between Gunner and Henry. Much to Emmett's dismay and everyone else's relief, Henry won. It seemed as if another coin throw would be in the works for this baby, too.

"Em likes Megan," Rose smiled, "Only because he has a crush on Megan Fox. And hell will freeze over before I name my baby after Megan Fox."

Alice and I laughed. I wondered what Edward and I would do if we were put in the same situation. Though we discussed other names while I was pregnant with Seth, I had been the one to make the inevitable decision. It was no wonder I still regretted it.

"I like Carlie," I clarified, "But you can't use that one. It's mine."

"That doesn't count! You have to be pregnant before you can start calling names," Alice laughed, "Have you even slept with Edward yet?"

Oh, great. This again...

"I sleep with him every night. He's like a giant scruffy teddy bear."

"Bella, stop acting like you're in 11th grade."

"No, Edward definitely has more stubble now than he did in high school," I laughed.

"You're avoiding the question!" Alice pushed.

I knew well enough to omit the details of our almost-encounter in the bathroom, but being fairly tipsy, I wasn't exactly mindful of my words, "Edward and I haven't made love yet."

Both of them gagged. Alice giggled, "Made love? Who calls it that?"

"Someone who obviously hasn't done it for a while," Rose quipped.

"You know, you have to hand it to Bella," Alice pointed out, "Edward must be a really fucking good lay. Why else would she wait around for six years hoping for round two?"

"Well, geez, Alice. Not to be gross, but have you seen his hands?" Rose pointed out, "The man has some freakishly long fingers."

"Ew, Rose, this is your husband's brother you're talking about!"

I remained quiet, entertained by their back-and-forth about Edward's _size_. They begged me for the specs and I tried to remind them of how long ago it had been. Truthfully, I wasn't sure how much information I wanted to indulge. I still didn't have anything-or anyone else to go off of, but I knew one thing was for sure- my man had nothing to be ashamed of.

"I was sure he wouldn't fit," I finally caved. Four Long Islands had taken their toll on me.

Or was it five?

Rose took me back to her house, all but insisting I spend the night. I kept refusing, knowing she probably wouldn't extend the same invitation to Edward. She kept reminding me of how drunk I was, and to be honest, I was really fucking wasted. In fact, I don't think I'd ever been so drunk before.

Okay, so maybe I had.

When Rosalie and I arrived at her house, the boys were watching a movie. They even had all of the lights off for what I assumed to be added suspense. As if I wasn't having a hard enough time walking, the absence of light made it impossible. Edward tripped over himself to meet me in the foyer, as Rosalie struggled to hold me up.

The room was spinning.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Edward hissed, "What the fuck happened? Does she always get this wasted?"

"Not usually," Rose said apologetically, "Alice was a little tough on her. I didn't realize how hard she pounded the Long Islands until it was too late. She can stay here tonight."

"Fuck that, Rosalie," Edward grunted, "I'm taking her home."

"Edward..." she trailed off, "I don't think that's a good idea."

The frustration was evident in Edward's voice. He'd still yet to say anything to me, and I knew he was pissed. "Why the fuck not? I'm an RN, Rosalie. I can take care of my drunk girlfriend."

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, "Easy, baby. You okay?"

"Fucking missed you," I slurred, planting a sloppy kiss on his lips.

"I missed you too, baby," he smiled.

"Where's our extra credit?"

"Our what?" he laughed.

"Our biology project," I tried to explain, "Seth Cullen."

"Jesus, she's hammered," I heard Rose mutter.

Edward tried not to let his amusement show through, "Baby, Seth's last name is Swan, remember?"

"Oh yeah," I remembered, "Cullen sounds better though. Why didn't we name him that?"

"We've had this conversation before," he reminded me, turning to Rosalie, "Look, do you guys think you could watch Seth for the rest of the night? He's already asleep and getting her in bed is going to be hard enough without having to worry about him."

Emmett guffawed, "Getting her into bed is going to be easy, little bro!"

"Fuck off, Emmett," he kept his eyes fixed on Rosalie, "Please?"

"Fine," she sighed, "But so help me God, Edward Cullen, if you lay one finger on her... It will be the last thing you do."

"Rosalie," I snapped, palming Edward through his pants, "Edward can finger me all he wants."

Edward's body went frigid and he pulled back a little. Even Rose found humor in my words, joining everyone _except_ Edward in hysterics.

He whispered, "Shhh, baby, you're going to regret this in the morning."

In a blur, we left Rosalie and Emmett's without our son. The grins worn by Jasper and Emmett were only overshadowed by Rosalie's obvious concern. Still obviously annoyed, Edward futilely tried to make conversation with me on the drive home. When we got back to my townhouse, he practically had to carry me inside.

I puked before we even made it out of the parking lot.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, "You're mad at me."

"Not mad. Just worried," he corrected, handing me a glass of water, "Drink."

He led me into my bathroom to get ready for bed, shutting himself out so I could change. I threw on one of his t-shirts and didn't bother with the shorts he retrieved for me. I puked again, brushed my teeth, drank more water, and tried to snuggle up to Edward, who wore only a pair of tight fitting boxer briefs. They left little to the imagination.

"I love you, baby," he whispered after turning out off the lamp on my nightstand, "Goodnight."

I wasn't about to fall asleep.

Nuzzled onto his chest, I lifted up my head to plant a kiss on his cheek. And another. He reluctantly kissed back, pulling me tighter against his body.

"Edward," I exhaled, "I want you."

"No."

"Why not?" I palmed him again, this time he was hard.

"You're drunk, Isabella," he explained, "Please just go to sleep."

"Edward," I whined, "Come on. We have the house to ourselves."

"Do you know how long I've waited for you?" he asked, kissing my forehead, "How many times I've dreamt of you?"

"No, I guess not."

"_Years_, Bella. Before our first time and after. And in my fantasies, you're always clear headed and willing. Don't let me ruin this again, baby."

"Fine," I conceded, "Let me give you a blow job."

"Love," he whispered, "No."

"Please," I begged, placing my hand back onto his boxer briefs and rubbing.

"Fuck," he hissed, stilling my hand. "Bella, please stop."

My face fell. Edward didn't want me. Not while he was sober, anyway. Sensing my sadness, he rolled onto his side to face me, "I'm not saying no. I'm just saying not tonight; not while you're drunk. Next time we're sober and you want to do... _that_, I won't refuse. I promise."

His words reassured me, bringing my confidence back. I giggled, "So you're giving me a rain check?"

"Bella, baby, go to sleep. You probably won't even remember this in the morning."

I played with the little patch of chest hair above his tattoo, "When did you get so hairy?"

"Um," he laughed, "I don't know."

I rubbed the stubble under his chin, "I like it."

"Good," he smirked, "'Cause it itches like a mother fucker."

I kissed his scruffy face. I knew I shouldn't press the issue, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted Edward; _needed_ the connection only he could provide me with. Even though the effects of the alcohol were finally wearing down, my judgement was still clouded by euphoria and hormones.

"I love your body," I sighed, moving my hand lower, "And you're such a big guy."

He groaned, but made no attempts to remove my hand, "Bella, do you masturbate?"

"No," I answered honestly, "You're the only orgasm I've ever had."

"Well, maybe you should," he suggested, "You are a _very_ horny girl."

"Maybe _you_ should help me," I countered.

His breathing sped up, "Maybe I will."

Seizing my opportunity, I grabbed Edward's hand with mine and rolled onto my back, pulling his fingers towards the hem of my shirt. I guided his fingers upwards, allowing them to brush the skin just below my breast. I kept testing Edward, expecting him to pull away at any second. He didn't. Instead, he kept going, finally working up the nerve to graze my nipple with his thumb.

"Fuck, I wanna see your tits," he groaned, finally giving in. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, but my vision was still blurry from the alcohol.

I took off my shirt for him.

"Jesus fucking Christ, I'm going to hell," he sighed, rolling on top of me.

He kissed my face, my neck, my collar bone; his lips lingering on my heart for a while before swiping his tongue across my nipple. My hands flew to his hair, holding him there. He licked, he kissed, he sucked, and when he began to nibble, it was almost enough to make me come undone. He moved to the other side, repeating the actions and bringing me almost to the brink of ecstasy before backing off. I whined when he rolled off of me.

"Edward," I groaned, "Keep going. I think I'm close."

"Bella, if I do, I won't be able to stop. It's hard enough as it is."

It seemed easy enough to me, "So don't."

"Dammit, Bella. Would you go to sleep? As much as I want you and don't want to leave, I _will_ sleep in Seth's room if you don't stop pushing me. I went too far as it is."

Once again, I ignored his warnings. I kissed him again, paying special attention to his bottom lip. But just as he began to cave in again, I passed out.

I woke up the next morning to my blaring alarm clock and a migraine from hell. Edward's bare chest pressed against my back. I was shirtless, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember why. Actually, I couldn't remember much of _anything_. Edward groaned, moving to turn off the noise on my side of the bed. Silence didn't come a moment too soon for my pounding head.

Edward remained snuggled against me, neither of us speaking. Slowly things started to come back to me. I remembered my conversations with Alice and Rosalie, going back to her place... grabbing Edward's dick in front of our friends and family and oh my God...

I came onto him.

_How fucking embarrassing._

"Oh my God," I said out loud, "Edward, I am so sorry!"

He grumbled, still half asleep, "For what?"

"Everything!" I cried, "I can't believe I made such a fool out of myself in front of everyone and...shit. "Where is my son? Did he see?"

"_Our_ son spent the night with his aunt and uncle," Edward corrected, "He was sound asleep by the time you made it back."

"We didn't..." I trailed off. I didn't think we did, but I couldn't be sure.

He sighed in discontent, "I knew you'd regret it."

What was he saying? Did Edward and I actually have sex? And if so, did he use a condom? Where the fuck would he have gotten one anyway? I was on birth control for other things, but I didn't take it as regularly as I should...

It seemed like sex is something I'd at least remotely remember. I _wanted_ to remember it. I recalled taking off my shirt, and Edward's mouth grazing my chest... but what was I forgetting?

"Bella, would you calm down?" he begged, "We didn't do anything."

I glanced down at my chest, wondering if the fondling was just a dream. A purple blotch of skin just above my left breast confirmed that we had at least done _something_.

"We didn't do anything," I repeated skeptically.

"I kept it above the waist," he clarified, his face turning somber, "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. You kept pushing me, and I knew I shouldn't but I _really_ wanted you."

He mistook my skepticism for regret. I set him straight, "Don't be sorry, Edward. I'm just surprised we didn't do a lot more."

"Trust me, you wanted to," he laughed, "It's probably a good thing you passed out when you did or-"

Edward was cut off by the sound of his cell phone. The hospital was short staffed and begged him to work some overtime for another nurse who called in, holding his own sick day against him. As he rushed to get ready, the smell of burnt toast filled my kitchen. I'd forgotten to warn him of my fast-acting toaster, and even though it was just charred bread, it attacked my senses and upset my overly sensitive stomach.

At least I made it to the kitchen sink before I threw up. Edward paused to hold my hair back, concern evident in his face.

"Are you okay, baby?"

"Fuck, isn't this something I should have been doing last night?"

"You did," he assured me, "In the parking lot. It's a good thing it rained all night."

Oh, great. As if it were even possible for me to feel any more humiliated...

"God, I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't be," he hesitated, "Is this how it was when you were pregnant with Seth?"

"Oh, God, no," I groaned, "Morning sickness is so much worse."

There was a hint of something in Edward's eyes. I couldn't decipher it. _Something_ was on the tip of his tongue. I would have killed to know what. I asked him what he was thinking, and he almost said it. He _wanted_ to say it, and I wanted to hear it. Maybe Edward wanted more kids. I could handle that. But before he could work up the courage to actually say it, I puked again.

After making sure I was okay, he rushed to work.

I took a much needed shower before heading over to Rosalie's to pick up my son. I hoped his presence would help me avoid most of the inevitable questions, and it did. Seth was happy to see me, though he mostly asked for his daddy. It was hard to believe that just a week ago, I was begging him to even spend the night with Edward.

The thought of his transformation, and Edward's, almost had me in tears.

Seth and I went home, stopping by a drive-thru for some lunch. Normally, I'd cook for him, but today I just wasn't in the mood. I wanted to stop by and say hello to my father, but I worried of what my little boy might disclose. It was going to be bad enough when Edward and I confronted Charlie about our relationship next weekend. I wanted to _show_ my father how much Edward had changed, not tell him. It was risky, and I knew my father probably wouldn't take the news well but he would have to deal.

Edward was in my life now. In _our_ lives.

I did need to call him though, to let him know I wouldn't be around tomorrow. Esme actually invited me to dinner before Edward did, unbeknownst to her that Edward and I had reconciled. I didn't allude to Esme's invitation when Edward asked, mostly because I wanted to make him feel special, and also because I needed a bargaining chip to get him to agree to a visit with Charlie.

My dad picked up on the second ring. We exchanged greetings before I told him he wouldn't see me until next weekend, telling him Esme had extended an invitation to Seth and I for dinner. He seemed okay with it, knowing Esme and I were close. It was hard raising a baby without my mom close by, but Esme was a good second-best. He knew that. Everyone did.

"Oh, dad," I remembered, just as I was about to hang up, "One more thing."

"What?" he asked.

"Alice was wondering if you could do her a favor. She interviewed this guy for a position at the hospital the other day, but they can't hire him. He has a degree in law enforcement and experience."

"Oh really?" Dad perked up, "We need a new recruit or two."

"Yeah, so do you think you could help her out?"

"Sure, what's his name?"

"Jasper Whitlock," I winced, waiting for his disapproval.

"Edward's friend?" Dad clarified, though it wasn't needed. How many Jaspers could there be in a town of 3,000?

"Yes, _that_ Jasper."

"Absolutely not," he said without thought.

Jasper and I had a very interesting relationship. I can't say he sided with Edward over everything, because he definitely didn't, but there were definitely times over the past six years when I wanted to kill him. He gave terrible advice, yet Edward trusted him with it again and again. Even still, I respected their friendship.

I also realized that the sooner Jasper got a job, the sooner Edward could move out of their apartment.

"But daddy," I whined, "This is Jasper we're talking about. Not Edward."

"I don't care. Guilt by association. Not hiring him."

"Look, dad. Just give him a shot. Put him on a 90 day trial or something. He might surprise you. Please," I begged.

He remained silent for a moment before letting out a sigh, "Fine, Isabella. I'm only doing this because Alice has done so much for you over the past few years. Why does she care so much about whether I hire him or not, anyway? She's not with him or anything, is she?"

Yeah, right. Like Alice would ever want to date _Edward's_ best friend.

I laughed, "Isn't that technically considered sleeping with the enemy?"

The end of the weekend came too quickly. Due to the endlessly massive hangover, I went to bed early on Saturday. Edward stayed up with Seth before joining me later. It felt so good to have a spare parent in the house. By Sunday morning, I felt much better. Seth helped me make breakfast for his daddy and we took him to work.

I mostly wanted his bitch coworker to see me when we came to pick him up. I knew I had nothing to be jealous over, but I didn't like her. I didn't like the way she touched Edward or the way she called him _daddy_ while we were in the ER with Seth. She had no fucking right. I carried his child for seven months. I've taken care of him for five years. I'd loved him unconditionally and forgiven his faults. Tanya, or whatever her name was, needed to back off.

Fifteen minutes before six, Seth and I made our way into the hospital to pick up Edward.

"Can I help you?" the bitch asked, more sarcastic than serious.

I picked Seth up, holding him close, "We're just here to pick up _daddy_."

She rolled her eyes, "Right. Okay. One second. He's just finishing up something for _me_. He'll be right back."

"Awesome. Thanks."

"Your kid looks like you."

I brushed my fingers through Seth's curly brown hair. "I know."

"He doesn't look like Edward."

I looked at my son. I knew he didn't, but I didn't like what she was insinuating.

"I have my daddy's eyes!" Seth proudly announced, earning a kiss on the cheek from me.

"Lots of people have green eyes," she muttered under her breath, "So are you and Edward a thing now?"

"A _thing_? I think the word you're looking for is _family_."

"Is that what you're calling it now?"

If Seth wasn't in my arms, I probably would have hit her. "Look, is there a point to this?"

"Just making conversation."

"Well, I don't appreciate what you're implying."

She scoffed and kept going. I ignored her. Aside from making my presence in Edward's life known, I had no real reason to talk to the bitch. Seth and I took a seat in the waiting room as I scanned the hallway for my boyfriend. He finally emerged from one of the ER bays, looking rather miserable.

When he saw us, it was as if someone flipped a switch. Eager to say hi to his daddy, Seth ran towards him. Edward's face beamed as he knelt down to greet our son. He picked him up and walked over to retrieve something from the nurses station. Tanya smiled at me as if to say, _look who he went to first_.

It seemed stupid that I would let it get to me. Honestly, wasn't the entire point of me coming here to prove a point? I wanted Tanya to recognize the role I played in Edward's life, both as his lover and the mother of his child. At the moment, though, I didn't feel I was successful.

Though the memory was still blurry, I thought of how Edward rejected me last night. Even though I understood and was ultimately glad he did, I still couldn't help but feel unwanted.

"You okay, love?" Edward asked, setting Seth down in the chair next to me.

I snapped out of my thoughts, "Yeah. Fine. Are you ready?"

As soon as I stood up, Edward pulled me close to him and wrapped my legs around his waist. The entire emergency room staff watched as Edward kissed me passionately, his tongue sliding in and out of my mouth. He greedily continued to taste me until I made him pull away. Edward obviously wasn't mindful of his audience, even if it did include all of his coworkers, patients and our five year old.

"Hey, Momma," he grinned, "I missed you."

I kissed him again, returning the sentiment. As we headed for the exit, I couldn't help but glance back at the nurses station. The look on Tanya's face was priceless. My point, _our_ point, had been loud and clear. Edward Cullen was mine.

We talked about our days as we drove to the Cullens'. I couldn't believe I was actually nervous. I'd been to a million Cullen family dinners; we'd spent holidays together and birthdays together over the past five years. Tonight was different, though. For the first time, I was more than Bella, the mother of Edward's child. I was Bella, Edward's girlfriend. And while there didn't seem to be a big difference between the two, it changed everything.

At first, Esme didn't notice. It was actually rather humorous how clueless she acted towards Edward and me. I suppose she was used to our PDA around Seth. It wasn't until we sat down and Edward called me babe that she finally started putting the pieces together. Tears streamed down her face as she and Carlisle waited to hear us confirm what they already assumed was true. Rosalie and Emmett stayed quiet.

Edward leaned over to kiss my cheek before making his confession, "Isabella is my girlfriend. Have I mentioned that yet?"

Carlisle sighed in relief, praising Edward for finally pulling his head out of his ass. Esme continued to cry happy tears, while Emmett nudged Edward and alluded to the events of Friday night. Even Rosalie laughed and seemed genuinely happy for us. The reaction I enjoyed the most, though, was my son's. He grinned as if we'd just made his universe.

Just as quickly as Edward brought their spirits up, I brought them back down.

"I have a job offer in Jacksonville."

I didn't tell them I'd already accepted the job; instead, that I was unsure of whether I wanted it or not. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to move. Maybe it was nerves, or maybe I just didn't' see the point. Why move? For a fresh start? I didn't _need_ a fresh start. Money? The newspaper offered me a pay increase if I were to stay. And what was to stop me from moving in with Edward? That, in itself, would save me a ton of money. The only _real_ reason I had at this point was Seth's asthma, to which I couldn't even guarantee moving would even solve the problem.

"I'll be moving with them," Edward announced. It didn't make my decision any easier.

I still had no idea what to do.

After I finished helping Esme with the dishes, I went to find my boys. I assumed they'd be in the family room playing video games with Emmett and Henry, but they weren't. Instead, I had to follow the music in order to find them. Edward and Seth sat at the piano in the formal living room. I stayed quiet, enjoying their interaction and not wanting it ruined by my presence.

"Now, I know Momma's taught you your ABCs," Edward said, "This is A."

He struck the key.

"This is B," he continued, striking another.

"Now, what do you think this one is?" he asked.

"Is it C, daddy?"

"Very good, son," Edward praised, "You're a fast learner."

Edward began to play for Seth. I'd heard it before. It was a song he'd written while we were still in high school. I remembered him playing it for me while I was over here doing homework once. Once, while we were working on a lab project in biology, he'd played it before me. Even though I only heard it one time, I'd recognize it anywhere. Edward could write as beautifully as he played.

"You're really good, daddy," Seth complimented, "How did you get so good?"

"Practice, buddy. And long fingers," Edward laughed, "Which, luckily, you inherited from me."

_Long fingers._ To no avail, I attempted to keep my mind out of the gutter. But fuck, I wanted Edward. Despite my insecurities, I knew he wanted me too. Edward's issues with intimacy were obvious, but it was hard to take things slow when I'd been waiting so long for him. Even though we'd never been in an official relationship until now, my commitment to him was years in the making. I _needed_ to express it to him.

Suddenly, words from last night reentered my head.

"_I'm not saying no. I'm just saying not tonight; not while you're drunk. Next time we're sober and you want to do... that, I won't refuse. I promise."_

I intended on holding him to that. Even if he wasn't referring to the actual act of sex, we could at least start somewhere. Seth spoke to his father again, pulling my mind out of the gutter.

"Your friend said I didn't look like you."

Tanya's words bothered him as much as they bothered me.

"What friend?" Edward asked.

"The lady at the hospital," Seth explained softly.

"Oh," I knew Edward was holding back, "Well, you act like me. _Just_ like me. But she wouldn't know that, because she doesn't know how you act. And she doesn't really know how I act, either."

"I wrote this for you," he told him, still unaware of my presence, "Before you were born."

Esme appeared by my side, handing me her digital camera. We remained quiet as we watched Edward interact with his son. He began to play another song. Seth's song. I'd never heard it before.

"I haven't heard Edward play in years," Esme whispered, "It's like he's finally back."

As Esme silently began to cry, tears threatened to fall from my own eyes. I took a few pictures, and Edward finally looked back at me. Esme grabbed the camera, encouraging me to sit with my family.

With Seth at one side, and me at the other, Edward continued to play. It was a beautiful end to an almost perfect evening. The easy part was over. Telling Charlie, on the other hand, would be a different story.

**Hoped you liked that one. I have to wonder what Edward would have said had he and Bella's situation on Friday night been reversed. I'm tempted to get him drunk, just to see what he has to say... **

**Thanks for all who have reviewed and subscribed. It means a lot to me. Next chapter is EPOV. We'll get to see some Charlie, and maybe even a few other thorns in Edward's side... As always, teasers will be included in review replies.**

**I feel the need to apologize in advance if the next update doesn't come as soon as it should. I'm having surgery at the end of next week. Also, school is coming to an end. So... I'll be kind of busy. I'm hoping, if my surgery doesn't suck too bad, I'll have a weekend off of work to write. So it might not be as bad as I'm making it out to be. Either way... I will update as soon as I can. And if I die... Hopefully broduergirl30 and simba will finish this for me. (Okay, that was a bad joke. but seriously-the outline is in google docs, guys.) It's seriously very minor surgery. I'll be fine.**

**Thank you so much to broduergirl30 and simba517. Also, to anyone who retweets, recs, or just encourages me to keep going in general. See you next chapter!**


	11. Brand New Colony

******Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**********I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Chapter 10: Brand New Colony**

**EPOV**

"It's funny, but even as we were sliding down the hill we thought we saw a giant pat of butter at the top, and we could almost smell mashed potatoes..."

Bella recited the final lines before shutting the book. She placed a soft goodnight kiss on our son's forehead.

It was about time. _Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs _was the third book we'd read to Seth. Normally, he fell asleep on his own. Bella still read to him every night, but more so to bond than to bore. Tonight was different. After the first book, he tried to follow downstairs. He said he wasn't tired but we knew better. It was 10:30; far later than Seth's usual bedtime. After the second book, he outright asked if he could sleep with us. I wouldn't have minded, but Bella seemed pretty adamant that he stay upstairs. By the third book, he couldn't rely on his own excitement to fight sleep anymore. His eyes were shut by the time Bella made it half way through. By the end of the book, Seth was out like a light, just as we hoped he would be.

I followed his mother's lead, giving my son a goodnight kiss before grabbing Bella's hand. We paused at his bedroom door, looking back to admire our creation. It was amazing how far we'd come in such a short amount of time. I couldn't blame him for being too excited to sleep. In one night, his entire world came together. He'd been given what every five year old deserves- stability, happiness, and two parents who were madly in love.

"Come on, Daddy," Bella whispered, "Let's sneak down to our room before we wake him up again."

I shut the bedroom light off and kept his door open before leading Bella down the stairs. "He had an eventful night. We all did."

"It went well, though," she smiled.

It did. It went _so_ well. I knew telling my parents would be the least of our concerns. They already loved Bella. When it came down to it, Mom and Dad probably loved her far more than they loved me. With all of the opposition Bella had already met, and that which we were soon to meet, it felt good to feel like _someone_ was actually on my side. It was my own parents, of course, and even though they had some sort of an obligation to support us, it still felt good.

For once, it felt like my parents were actually fucking proud of me. It was such a relief to eat an entire dinner without being faced with Emmett's triumphs and my travails. On the way out, dad even shook my hand. Everyone seemed happy, Isabella and Seth most of all.

_My family._

"Do you think he liked playing the piano?" I asked, still unsure of the impression I'd made.

"I think he loved it," she assured as we made our way into _our_ bedroom, as Bella had put it earlier.

"I hope so. I was thinking maybe that could be our thing. You know, since sports are out of the question."

Bella gently put her hands on my face, forcing my eyes to meet hers.

"How have you ever doubted yourself?" she asked, "You're such a good father."

I scoffed. She was always way too nice to me.

Bella leaned up to kiss my jaw. "Edward, I'm serious. Please stop discrediting yourself. If you start to over think things and freak out... he'll never be the same. Don't ruin our little boy's life because you think you're not good enough. You are!"

Regardless of whether I was good enough or not, I knew Bella was right. If I left now, he'd never be the same. _They_ would never be the same. I didn't know what I could do other than to reassure I was in this for the long run. I told her I was far too selfish to leave again. I planned on being around until she ordered me away.

I hoped, for Seth's sake and my own, she never would.

When Bella locked the bedroom door, I paused. She'd never done that before. I tried unsuccessfully to mask my uneasiness. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Just different. Sensing my apprehension, she offered me a cautious smile.

"Look, Edward," she began. "I know we need to take things slow."

I grinned, resting my hands on her hips. Bella was so sexy when she tried to negotiate, which is exactly what I knew was about to happen. "Go on," I encouraged.

"I want to be close to you."

"Baby, you _are_ close to me."

"And you promised..." she trailed off and began to blush.

I knew exactly what I promised, but I couldn't believe _she_ did. "How do you even remember that?" I laughed.

She eyed me warily, suddenly catching on to what had been my plan the entire time. "Was that your plan? Promise me something assuming I wouldn't remember, and you wouldn't have to follow through?"

"Bella," I asked, "Is this something you really want to do? Or are you just trying to make me happy?"

She thought for a moment. "A little of both."

"You already make me happy. So happy... Bella, if you had any idea..." I didn't finish. I didn't want to tell her about my almost suicide attempt a week ago. Things seemed so different now and I didn't want my own emotional baggage to ruin the moment. I'd be perfectly content if Bella never knew about the gun I'd put to my head. I never wanted to revisit the thought again; never wanted a reason to reconsider my life.

"Take a shower with me."

My eyes almost shot out of my head. She laughed.

"No, really, Edward," she coaxed, "It doesn't even have to be sexual. We can just get to know each other again, you know?"

No, I didn't. I didn't know _anything_ at that point because my sexy fucking girlfriend was begging me to shower with her. As she began to strip down, my dick harden and I'm pretty sure I forgot my own name. Without saying anything else, she retrieved two towels from a pile of freshly folded laundry on top of her dresser and made her way into the bathroom. I stood frozen, fully clothed, and unable to process even simple math until the sounds of running water brought me back to reality.

Bella. Naked. Wet. Tits. Ass. Pussy.

I expected my thoughts to be accompanied by panic. Instead, my mind screamed _Jesus Christ, what are you waiting for?_

And just like that, my clothes joined Bella's on the bedroom floor.

Bella's shower was small. Tiny. Microscopic. I'd showered at her house several times over the past few days, but never paid attention to the amount of space, or rather, _the lack of it _until the moment I stepped in to accompany her. I watched as water cascaded down Bella's back, almost afraid to touch her for fear I might wake up.

Unfortunately, it was impossible not to touch her in such a confined space. Or at least, that's what I told myself. I started simple enough, placing a hand on her hip to alert her of my presence. She turned around, allowing me a full frontal view.

_Holy fucking shit fuck!_

She looked even better than I remembered. Bella's body was amazing. Perfect. My eyes lingered on her small, tantalizing tits before moving lower. I couldn't stop gawking, even when Bella tried to snap me back to reality.

"Like what you see?" she teased.

"Very much so," I replied, making no attempt to look away.

She laughed. "I could say the same."

_As if it were possible for my dick to get any harder..._

She stepped away from the steady stream of water and into my arms. Skin on skin. It felt fucking amazing. I ran my hands up and down the small of her back, each time drifting a little lower. I would have been content to stay like that forever. Eventually, she pulled me into the water and grabbed the soap.

Our attention to detail made the entire experience completely opposite than the one six years ago. We were clear headed and calm. I wasn't ravaging her body like some sort of animal and while lust was _definitely_ present, it didn't define our interactions. I wanted her, obviously. My attraction to Bella's sexy body was made clear by the massive hard on I'd sported from the moment we entered the bedroom. I knew she wanted me too. I caught her eyeing me several times as she scrubbed the upper half of my body and gradually moved lower.

And then, she _finally_ touched my dick.

She was careful and cautious, as if she expected me to pull away at any second. When I didn't, her hand continued to roam in exploration, masked by the purpose of lathering me up. I almost caved. A hand job wouldn't be so bad. After all, her hand was _already_ on my dick. If I just asked her to lose the soap, squeeze a little tighter and stroke... _Shit_. I was already about to come.

She pulled away.

"It's your turn," she enticed, handing me the bar of soap as if it were a key to the goddamn city.

"Fuck soap" I smirked, setting the bar aside and rubbing my own soapy body against hers. I stole plenty of kisses in the process.

Ten minutes later, we were still laughing as we played around and fought for the remainder of the hot water. I would have been content to stay in the shower with Bella all night, but it began to go cold and I knew I'd soon be a victim to shrinkage. Much to my relief, our progression hadn't gone any further than casual touching. As much as I wanted to take Bella against the wall or _at least _have her suck me off, the scene was all too familiar. My anxiety hadn't gotten the best of me yet, and I wasn't about to push it.

I took great pleasure in the sight of Bella as she stepped out of the cramped shower and began to towel dry her hair. I dried myself off, paying extra attention to the friction created between my towel and my dick. It felt fucking amazing. To be honest, I don't think my balls and shaft had ever been so thoroughly clean. Or dried. Or blue.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't _that_ bad. Not yet at least. I did need to get off, but I didn't want to push Bella. If she wanted to go further, I wanted her to be the one to make the first move. Not only did it ease my anxiety to know she actually wanted it, but it also turned me the fuck on when she took control.

She was everything I could ask for.

Her body was perfect. If not for the c-section scar resting just below her trimmed hair line, no one would ever be able to guess this woman had given birth to my son. She didn't even have stretch marks. I assumed the lack of them probably had a lot to do with the amount of time Seth actually spent in his mother's stomach. When she delivered at 32 weeks, Seth was still tiny and she was too. I hoped we'd have a healthy full term baby next time. Stretchmarks were nothing compared to the years we'd aged worrying about our premature baby boy.

"What are you smiling about?" she asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

Not wanting to reveal the true reason for my smile, I quickly saved myself by stating the obvious. "Just trying to figure out how I got so lucky."

"Whatever, Edward."

Was she kidding? How could she _not _see it? The fact that Bella gave me a chance six years ago was nothing short of a fucked up miracle. Today, I still found it hard to believe she actually wanted to be my girlfriend. I had no right after everything I'd put her through. I didn't deserve to read_ Duck For President_ to my sonor to watch him pout as he begged to sleep downstairs between his mother and me. I wasn't good enough to stand next to this beautiful woman or for what I knew would probably happen if Bella didn't _at least _put on some panties soon.

How could I possibly express how much I absolutely cherished my girl?

"Lets go lie down," I suggested, leading Bella into the bedroom.

As soon as we did, I realized all of Bella's confidence was still in the shower.

Or maybe she wanted me to... do... something?

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

She let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah. Everything's fine."

"Do you want me to get dressed?"

"No! God, no! Please. Don't. It's just..."

I had to laugh. With my kisses, I beckoned for her to continue. I wanted to hear what she had to say. I knew the battle between my shy, innocent girlfriend and the tigress within her was raging.

… And so was my boner.

"Look, I didn't want to ask in there... I don't want you to freak out, and you're doing so well," she stalled and I hated it. I didn't want Bella to be afraid to be open with me. I wanted to try harder for her; wanted to know and fulfill all of her desires.

"Baby, I'm fine," I reached out to grab her hand as we laid on our sides, facing each other. "See, I'm not shaking or anything. Hit me with your best shot. Or don't, because I'm not really into the whole BDSM thing."

She giggled.

"No anxiety, gorgeous. I promise," I lied. I was actually really fucking anxious. What if she didn't like what I was about to do? I'd never gone down on Bella before. I didn't even finger her the night I'd taken her virginity.

"Okay. Well, since you promised... Can I take care of your, uh, _problem_?"

"No," I answered without even giving it a second thought. Her face fell and I had to clarify. "What I mean is, no. Not yet."

Shit. I hoped she wouldn't get the wrong idea.

She did. "Yeah, Edward. I get it. Maybe tomorrow, right?"

Before I could clarify, Bella rolled over and asked me to turn out the light. I felt terrible. I wasn't trying to tease her.

"Baby?" I asked, pulling her closer to me and unintentionally grinding my rock hard cock against her bare ass.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't _entirely_ unintentional.

Her breath hitched. "What?"

"When we... made Seth, was it good for you?"

"I guess," she answered after a few seconds of silence, "After it stopped hurting, it wasn't so bad."

I winced. _It wasn't so bad. _What was that supposed to mean? Instead of pressing the matter, I tugged on Bella's arm and hoped she might roll over. She resisted at first, and I tried harder to coax her onto her back. When she finally caved in, I was shocked to see tears in her eyes.

"Isabella," I gasped, "What's wrong?"

"Leave it alone, Edward."

_Shit_. I hurt her feelings. Bella needed me and I knew I needed to fix things, and quick.

"Baby, do you know why I said no? Do you know why I'm asking you these questions?"

"No," she sniffed.

I rolled onto her, supporting most of my weight with one of my hands while the other got tangled in her wet hair. I needed her to know why I said no, or at least not yet. It wasn't to push her away. Quite the opposite, actually. I had places to go... Little dudes in row boats to meet...

"You silly," _kiss_, "gorgeous," _kiss_, "oversensitive girl."

"Edward," she tried very futilely to protest before my mouth won her over. My tongue moved in and out of her mouth and little did Bella know, I was only warming up. My kisses continued and began to travel south. I lingered on her neck, sucking and nibbling on her collar bone before swirling my tongue around her pert nipple. She moaned, bringing her hands to my hair and pulling me closer.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I vowed, "You are my soulmate. I promise to love you every single moment of forever. Part of that promise means that I will always put your wants, needs, and pleasure above my own."

I kissed lower. And lower. My tongue ghosted over her belly button, down to the scar left by my son's entrance into the world. I focused all of my attention on it, exerting as much love as I could for the symbol of our unity. I kissed every fraction of skin, praising her beauty. By the way she melted into my touch, I could tell she loved it.

She loved me.

"Let me taste you, baby," I begged, "You say you need to be close to me. Let me be close to you."

She whimpered, gripping my hair tighter and gently pushing my head further down. Bella's confidence was back, and I loved it. My fingers rubbed her c-section scar one last time before I took them lower.

It was finally time for me to nut up and take Jasper and Emmett's advice.

_Mister Edward Anthony Cullen, please shake hands with the man in the canoe. _

"Ohhh," Bella gasped as I began rubbing tiny circles over her clit with my index finger. "Edward," she moaned.

I already had a shit eating grin on my face, and I hadn't even tasted her yet but behind my shit eating grin was a boy, scared shitless. I took my time familiarizing myself with her outer core. To be honest, I was stalling. The anticipation in Bella's voice only added to the pressure I felt. I didn't have any idea of what I was doing and suddenly, I worried what would happen if Jasper and Emmett had been full of shit. What if they had given me terrible advice?

It didn't make sense. I was a fucking nurse, for Christ's sake. I had taken several anatomy classes and I knew how the female body operated. None of that compensated for my lack of hands on experience. Even though I'd been balls deep in Bella's pussy before, the confidence I had in my ability to pleasure her remained low. When she looked back on tonight, I wanted her to be able to say more than _it wasn't so bad. I_ just wanted to make my girl feel good. _Really_ good.

As I began to make wider rotations, my fingers barely brushed against her slick entrance.

She was so fucking wet. I stopped for a moment, bringing my finger to my mouth for a taste test. Bella was delectable. It created a frenzy within my veins. The feeling was nothing less than indescribable. My brain, heart and my dick screamed "_more, more, more!"_ in unison.

I placed a gentle kiss on my girlfriend's lips. Yes, _those_ lips.

"Please," she begged, "Keep going."

"Mmmm, gladly," I assured her.

I began to lick. And finger. And suck. And fuck, it was the most satisfying five minutes of my life even if I wasn't the one being pleasured. Bella's tight little pussy felt amazing, and she tasted even better. I quickly realized I had a new favorite past time. Fuck the piano. There were _much_ better ways for me to utilize my long fingers. I plunged another finger inside of her and struck the hidden key.

"Umpfff, Edward," she managed to force out as her breathing became erratic and her muscles began to contract around my buried fingers. Bella lost touch with reality and practically screamed her pleasure. I didn't want to hush her, but I _really_ worried she might wake Seth up. God, I hoped she didn't.

It was daddy's turn.

As I slid my fingers out of Bella's center, I placed a few more gentle kisses on and around her was so fucking wet. With the taste of her core still on my lips, I made my way back up her body and we began to aggressively make out. I pulled back to look into her eyes. They were still dark with lust.

"Sweetheart, do you want to make love?" I whispered, desperately wanting to bury myself inside her again.

I was fully okay with rejection but I had to ask. If Bella wanted to stop now, I wouldn't be upset.

Or at least that's what I told myself.

Her silence said it all. She didn't want to go all the way and I sure as fuck wasn't going to push her.

"Don't worry about it, baby. It's perfectly okay if you don't want to," I assured her.

"I do, Edward, but... I'm not on birth control."

OH.

"Oh," I sighed sadly, rolling off of her and onto my back. "Okay."

It wasn't that Bella didn't want to. She just didn't want to get pregnant. I could handle that. Hell, I already considered the night a success. She didn't even have to finish me off if she didn't want-

Bella's hand wrapped around my dick and stopped my out of control train of thought. Even though I was painfully hard, the friction as she began to stroke felt amazing.

"Stop over analyzing and tell me how to make it good for you."

"Oh, fuck, Bella," I moaned, "Just like that, baby. Keep stroking. Don't fucking stop."

_Please, don't fucking stop._

I was perfectly content with a hand job. I didn't need penetration to feel good, but when Bella lowered and kissed the tip of my dick, I almost lost it.

Holy shit... My girl wanted to give me head.

And I was already so fucking close...

I stopped her. "Babe," I cautioned, bringing my hands to her hair. "You don't have to do that. I'm gonna come soon anyway." _So soon it's embarrassing..._

The mischievous look on her face said it all. She didn't _have_ to do it, but she wanted to. She knew, pun intended, what was about to come and she didn't fucking care.

Bella sucked my dick, taking as much of me into her mouth as she could. The sensation proved to be too much and I climaxed almost immediately. She greedily swallowed every drop of my seed. It was fucking mind blowing.

My entire body was numb. I felt like I was in shock. I couldn't believe we'd just done that. Getting oral from Bella almost felt as good as going all the way. For once, I felt like a normal fucking 24 year old.

I was in desperate need of a cigarette.

I held back. I hadn't quit, but I was still trying. I'd cut down to only five or six a day, mostly to take the edge off at work. I didn't dare smoke around my boy, and I allotted plenty of time to air out before getting in the car or any other confined space with Seth and Bella. If I went out to smoke now, it would mean another shower before bed. Besides, smoking would rid the taste of Bella from my mouth. Fuck that.

After throwing on some boxers and unlocking the bedroom door, we drifted to sleep. Bella promised to make an appointment with her OB/GYN, and I made a mental note to patronize the Trojan Man. If things kept going well, I knew I'd be needing him. Soon.

The next day, I couldn't take my mind off of my girl. The morning kept me busy with patients and paperwork, and it wasn't until the afternoon when I finally got some time to dwell. When I got around to checking my phone, I had a text from Bella, two from Jasper and a missed call from Jenks.

I replied to Bella first. She was taking an impromptu shopping trip to Port Angeles with Seth and Alice. I wish I would have known they were going. I would have offered her my credit card in case she saw something for Seth. It was a little after 3:00, so they must have gone as soon as Seth got out of school. I still had three hours left in my shift, and I hoped they'd be back before I came home from work.

I scrolled on to view Jasper's texts.

**-Landlord stopped by to let you know rent is going up next month. Something about being in higher demand or some shit. $650.**

Mother fucker! Another hundred bucks? Our rent was already $550 plus utilities. There was no way in hell I was going to let that shit slide. I doubted raising it almost 20% was even legal. Then again, my lease was month to month, so maybe it was. I never spent any time at my apartment anyway. I might as well move my shit back in with my parents and put the money I'd save towards providing for Seth and Bella.

I only had one problem- Jasper.

**-Dude, guess who has two thumbs and just got hired on the spot at the PD... That's right. This guy.**

Problem solved.

After Jasper assured me he could find a place to stay, I went ahead and called my mom. She seemed fine with the idea of me moving back in, especially when I told her I intended on spending most of my nights with Bella anyway. The woman obviously already wanted more grand kids. I figured if I moved now, it would be easier for Bella and I when we moved to Florida next month. We hadn't discussed whether or not I would be sharing a home with them after the move. We didn't need to. My place in Bella's life was obvious. We were a fucking family.

"Mister Cullen, while we normally require a 30 day notice to terminate, we have experienced an influx of requests within the past month. A couple from Port Angeles was hoping to get in by next week, but I had to refuse them because we just didn't have a unit available. If they're still interested, can you be out by Friday?"

"The fourth?" I asked, looking at a calender. As in, four days from now?

"I understand it might be too soon, but I would be willing to credit you back the full amount for the for September instead of prorating it by day."

I hesitated. Tomorrow was Tuesday, which meant Bella had to work late. It was also my day off, meaning I could get most of the heavy shit moved with Jasper's help before I had to pick Seth up from school. I would have to spend the rest of the week cleaning, but surely it wouldn't be too bad. Bella's birthday was a little more than a week away, and I could definitely use the extra money to take my girl out to dinner.

"Sound's good. I'll be out by the end of the fourth."

After trying unsuccessfully to call Jenks back, I started to think about Bella again. Everything about my woman was fucking amazing. When she woke up today, she had the biggest smile on her face. Actually, we both did. I wanted to remind her to make an appointment with the doctor, but didn't want to seem over eager for pussy. If she was the least bit as horny as I was, she'd remember on her own.

Or maybe she wouldn't. I'd be okay with that. I wasn't opposed to having another little one sometime in the future. I knew realistically we weren't ready but that still didn't keep me from dreaming.

"Cullen, stock the bays," one of the doctors demanded, pulling me from my fantasy. Fucking prick always liked finding things for me to do. I doubted the bays were low on supplies anyway.

Not wanting to argue with Dr. Lutz, I made my way to the supply room and began to gather what I needed- tongue depressors, q-tips, gauze and paper towels. Just as I was about to head back to the nurse's station, a little bin of prophylactics on the top shelf caught my eye. We normally gave them away like candy to anyone who came in with concerns about STIs and STDs.

So I stuffed a few into my pocket.

My phone buzzed. "Edward Cullen," I answered.

"Mister Cullen, so good to finally get a hold of you."

I cut to the chase. "Hey Jay, glad we could finally get a hold of each other. Look, my son's mother and I have reconciled."

"Congratulations!" Jenks gushed, "So I suppose this means you won't be needing my services?"

"Fortunately, no. I'm very sorry for wasting your time."

"Well, Mister Cullen, I'll tell you what. I'll keep all of this on file, just in case something comes up. Are you still living at the apartment on Division Street?"

"Actually, I'm in the process of moving," I explained, providing him with my parents' address. There was no way in hell I was going to have the bill sent to Bella's apartment. "But really, the only thing I want to keep on file is the petition to change my son's last name. All of the custody stuff can be shredded."

"Yes, Mister Cullen. As you wish. So am I to proceed with the petition?"

I thought for a moment. As much as I wanted Jenks to move forward, I knew it was something I needed to talk to Bella about first. After all, she was the one who prevented him from being a Cullen in the first place. I hoped they'd both take on my last name eventually, but I knew going above Bella's head to get it done wasn't the best way to go about it. "Hold off for now, but keep it on file."

"Will do. Best of luck with your family. I love a happy ending!"

Happy endings... I wondered if I would feel up to getting one of those tonight.

I didn't. I came home to find Bella's Explorer parked outside her apartment and hurried inside, anxious to see my family. The front door was locked, and I had to use the key Bella had given me. Inside, Seth was drawing at the kitchen table. Bella wasn't in the kitchen making dinner like I assumed she would be.

"Hi Daddy!" my son happy shouted before lowering his voice, "Shhh! I forgot. We have to be quiet. Mommy's sleepy."

I glanced into the living room. Sure enough, his mother's sleeping figure was sprawled out across the couch.

"She's sick," he explained, "And she threw up all over Aunt Ali's car."

If I wasn't so worried about my girl, I would have laughed. It served Alice right for the scrutiny she put Bella under the other night. Yes, Bella told me all about it and no, it did not make me happy _at all_.

I glanced down at his picture. "What are you drawing?"

"Bear," he gushed.

Huh. It looked like a dog to me.

"Very nice," I praised, not wanting to give him some sort of a complex about his stellar artistic ability. "He's kind of skinny for a bear, isn't he?"

My son laughed hysterically. I didn't understand kids. Seth drew a bear that looked like a dog, and somehow he made _me_ feel like the idiot.

"Daddy! Bear is a dog, silly."

Okay, so maybe I _was_ the idiot.

I continued on into the living room to find out what was wrong with Bella. Even from a distance, she looked like shit. Sweaty, pale, miserable shit. Blankets from our bedroom had been kicked down to her feet. The trash can from the bathroom sat near her head and Seth had given her a stuffed animal to snuggle with. I recognized the monkey as something I'd bought for him after he'd gotten his first chest tube. Bananas had tagged along with Seth on almost every hospital visit since.

It looked like I'd be working some overtime tonight, but at least taking care of Bella didn't require spending the night in the ER.

I felt her forehead. She was burning up. I picked her up carefully, hoping she wouldn't wake. She did.

"Edward," she sighed, "What are you doing?"

"Taking you to bed, sweetheart."

"But what about Seth?" she asked.

"Baby, you don't need to worry about Seth tonight. Daddy's got everything under control."

As I laid her down, she stated the obvious. "I think I have the flu. I started feeling bad earlier, but it wasn't until we were half way to Port Angeles that it really hit me. I puked in Alice's car."

"So I heard."

"Yes, you should have seen her face. Seth got a real kick out of that one."

"Do you need anything?" I asked, placing a kiss on her smoldering forehead. The flu didn't scare me. Thanks to the ER, I had a killer immune system. Nothing short of the plague could keep me away from Bella.

"Trash can," she groaned, before I retrieved it and she expelled the contents of her stomach again. I removed and replaced the liner. She must have felt really bad, considering she didn't even attempt to make it out of bed and into the bathroom. I helped her change into pajamas and retrieved her toothbrush and a glass of water.

"Thank you for taking care of me. I love you, Edward."

"Love you too, gorgeous."

Thirty minutes later, I put Bananas in charge and loaded Seth into the Explorer.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"We need dinner, little man, and Momma needs some medicine for her tummy."

Yeah, I was a typical dad. Cooking really wasn't my thing. After spending his entire life with Bella, Seth wouldn't have been content with anything I could make. We picked up a pizza. It was cheap and I knew he'd be happy with that. After stopping by the pharmacy to pick up some Emetrol, we headed back home. Bella hadn't moved a muscle.

I spent the rest of the night juggling my attention between Bella and Seth. After he went to bed at 9:30, I was able to focus all of my energy on Bella. The nausea medicine helped, but it eventually wore off and so did the drowsiness that accompanied it. I took a shower at eleven, and was surprised to see her eyes open and on me when I returned to the bedroom in nothing but a towel.

"Feeling better?" I asked, grabbing my scrubs off of the floor and emptying the pockets.

She eyed my looted contraceptives curiously. "Where'd you get those?"

"Supply closet," I laughed, walking over and depositing the condoms into the top drawer of the night stand. "You know, just in case."

"My appointment is next Tuesday," she told me, "Sorry. It was the soonest they could get me in."

I actually found it humorous that Bella would apologize to me over something so stupid, especially given her current condition. I assured her she had nothing to be sorry about. Honestly, it was probably a good thing she was sick. Her overactive sex drive was bound to get us in trouble and I started to think I hadn't grabbed enough condoms to last until her appointment. It wouldn't be the end of the world if we ran out. Maybe Bella would let me pull out. Even though we'd never done it another way, I knew nothing could compare to taking Bella without any barriers.

Maybe it was _my_ overactive sex drive that was bound to get us in trouble... and pregnant.

As I laid in bed that night, I began to seriously wonder how long it would take Bella to want another baby. As soon as Seth made his request for a little brother or sister, the thought took root in my imagination and since then, it completely consumed me. I wanted more kids with Bella. I was dying for a second chance to do everything again; to make every appointment and allow her to break my hand in the delivery room. I knew I was being greedy, but as long as Bella and I were really going to do this... as long as we were going to be together, I didn't intend on doing anything half-way. As soon as I could get a ring on her finger, I wanted to try for another. And another.

* * *

_I was having another sleepless night._

_Finals were kicking my fucking ass. Namely, anatomy. My professor was a bitch, and she made no attempts to hide the fact. I'd been studying nonstop for the past week, but that wasn't the only reason for my insomnia._

_My 15 month old son had just gotten out of the hospital again. Another asthma attack. His mother was pissed at me, but what else was new? After all, I'd spent the better part of the past year ignoring her. Ignoring him. She still didn't see that she was much better off without me. I was too young to be a father and I had no idea how to handle a sick kid. The fact that I wanted to be a doctor was nothing less than a fucking joke. I really needed to look into changing my major._

_I tried. I really did. The problem was, between the distance, school, and all of the things I'd already done, I couldn't try hard enough._

_I was a monumental fuck up. I knew that. I wasn't a good dad, and I wasn't even good at being a shitty one. Every time Bella called me to tell me how sick he was, I almost caved. I wished I could tell her how I really felt. I still loved her. God, I loved her so much and I loved Seth. I just wanted to be with them, even though I knew now that it would never happen._

_Your own fault, douche bag._

_My phone buzzed, and my heart immediately sank as I saw another text message from Bella. I clicked on it, convinced my kid was sick again. When it took longer than usual to load, I realized it wasn't a message._

_It was a video. _

_I watched with tears as Seth pulled himself up using the chief's coffee table, and proceeded to walk towards the phone; towards Bella. He laughed and seemed genuinely happy, as did his proud momma. He disappeared off of the lens and she continued to praise him for his hard work. I couldn't have asked for a better mother to my child. Bella turned the phone towards herself and kept it recording. She looked exhausted. Beautiful, but exhausted._

_Seth, on the other hand, seemed to be full of energy._

"_Well, daddy. We're having a late night and Seth just wanted to show you what he could do now. Maybe he'll go back to bed now."_

_She removed the pacifier from his mouth. "Say night, night daddy."_

"_nigh-nigh, dadda!"_

_She laughed. "Goodnight, Edward."_

_The screen went black._

_I hit play again. And again. I must have watched that stupid fucking video fifty times, wishing I could somehow jump through the screen. It was grainy and fuzzy, but it was still my baby. _

_I hit play one last time before hitting the delete button. Because even though he was my baby, it didn't change anything._

* * *

By the time Friday rolled around, Bella was finally feeling better. She spent most of the week in bed while I stayed busy moving. At Bella's request, most of my shit ended up in her apartment. When I came home from work on Thursday, she'd even cleared out some space in her closet and put the rest of my clothes away. I even had my own sock drawer. Only my furniture and a few odd and ends made their way to mom and dad's house.

Not that I was complaining.

_No turning back now._

I decided one thing was for damn sure. If Bella and I didn't move to Florida, I was at least getting us a bigger apartment. As much as the idea of moving again sucked, I knew we needed the space. Hell, I imagined we might even be able to find a rent house within our price range. And speaking of rent, Bella had spent the entire week worrying about how she would pay hers before I handed her a blank check from my account. She protested at first and I finally convinced her that part of me being the father and the boyfriend meant I was also the provider. I jokingly told her I could come up with a few favors for her to _pay me back_. Surprisingly, she seemed content with that.

Then she went through my mail.

She didn't find the bill from God for that. Instead, she found a quarterly statement from the 529 plan I'd set up for Seth last year. Dad suggested I start one after I got my job at the hospital. He told me they'd continue to pay child support for Seth as long as I contributed an equal amount into his college fund. Dad's salary made the $250 a month to Bella seem like pocket change, and even though I didn't feel comfortable with my dad supporting my son, I did sleep better at night knowing Seth would be getting the same opportunities I had and the ones I took away from Bella.

"Great. Now I'm _really_ going to have to put out," she joked, happy tears streaming from her eyes.

Effortless- that's how everything felt. Isabella was my fucking soulmate. I took care of her and she took care of me. We forgave and forgot, laughed, loved, and argued over stupid things that didn't really matter; things like rent, who got more of the hot water and even my goddamn xBox.

Because most of my games weren't appropriate for Seth, I set it up with a passcode in the bedroom. I assumed the two of us could also take advantage of my Netflix subscription, and I knew Bella didn't like to watch TV in the living room after Seth went to bed. I didn't ask, and I didn't think twice about it until Friday night after Bella and I slipped in bed.

"Edward."

I was too focused the round of Call of Duty I was playing to acknowledge her.

"Edward," she huffed again.

"Hhm."

She switched on her mom voice. "EDWARD ANTHONY!"

"What?"

"Are you seriously going to play that game right now?"

Uh, why not?

She grabbed the controller from me, holding down the center button until the screen went black.

"Jesus, Isabella! What was that for?" I asked, more than a little annoyed.

"This..._thing_ needs to go!"

"Bella, baby, you cannot just turn off my xBox. That's like... the number one rule in the good girlfriend handbook."

My words didn't phase her. She threw the controller onto the floor and rolled on top of me.

Fuck. How long had she been topless?

"Not according to _my_ handbook, it's not," she kissed my neck and grinded against my shaft. I was already hard. "Mmm," she moaned, "I'm feeling better tonight."

The kisses drifted to my collar bone.

I swallowed. "I can tell."

"I think, maybe, we should let Carlisle and Esme hold onto the xBox for when Seth and Henry visit. Don't you?"

"Babe, come on," I groaned, "Don't be like that."

"Like what?" Her kisses drifted lower.

_Lower, baby. Go lower._

"This is _my_ room," she reminded me, "I don't even have to have a TV in here if I don't want it."

She stopped at the hem of my boxers. My dick was so close to her pretty mouth. Because of Bella's flu, we hadn't been able to mess around since Sunday night. I'd still seen Bella naked every day over the past week and needless to say, I _really_ needed to get off. It looked like she was more than willing to help me with that.

"Baby, come on. This is my room now, too."

There. I said it. I waited for her to set me straight.

….she didn't.

With a kiss that was painfully close to where I wanted her the most, she rolled off of me and onto her back.

_Cock tease._

I rolled onto her.

"Two can play this game, Miss Swan." I whispered seductively, trailing my tongue from her earlobe to her chin.

She made it too easy. As soon as my thumb brushed over her nipple, I gained control of the situation. I moved my hand lower, while keeping my lips pressed firmly against hers.

"Baby, can I please keep my xBox in _our_ room?" I asked, slipping my hand into her sexy sleep shorts.

"No," she answered firmly.

"Please," I begged. And rubbed.

_So fucking wet..._

"Ohhhh," she moaned, gripping me by the waist.

"Please, baby. I'll do anything. _Anything_," I added for emphasis.

I knew from the way Bella began to breathe erratically that she was getting close. I could honestly care less about my xBox. If she didn't want it in here, I really had no problem taking it to my parents. It was just so fun to tease her... and _coax_ her into letting it stay.

"Such a naughty girl. You're thinking about my dick right now, aren't you?" I whispered, "Do you want me, baby? All you have to do is say the words and I'll gladly make you mine over and over again."

"Edward," she moaned, reaching into my boxers and rubbing my dick. "Yes. Please! I need you."

Her answer was more than enough of an invitation for me. I couldn't get the rest of our clothes off fast enough, and unfortunately I didn't even get a chance to try. Just as Bella said the words, our bedroom door flew open and the sounds of hysterics echoed throughout the room. She pushed me off with so much force I almost fell to the ground.

"Shit, Ed! Distract him!" she frantically whispered, pulling the sheets as high as they'd go.

Fuck. Why didn't we lock the door?

_Because you were too busy playing video games, you dumb ass!_

It could have been worse, _a lot worse, _ but it was already bad enough. Did he see me on top of his mom? If so, I had no idea how I was supposed to explain it without scarring him for life. Bella was topless and my boxers did very little to hide my arousal. I willed myself to go down, but it didn't happen in an instant. I needed more time.

Even still, I was glad he ran to my side of the bed. I glanced over to Bella. She pretended to be asleep. I almost laughed because Bella was such a terrible actress.

_Good job, Momma, _I thought to myself, _Now he'll think I was attacking you in your sleep!_

Because of his crying, it took him forever to finish a sentence. He stuttered and stammered as said he told me about his bad dream. I had to let out a sigh of relief, because at least he wasn't having another asthma attack.

"Shh, buddy. It's okay. Calm down. Let's go get a drink of water, and you can lay down with me and Momma, okay?"

I rolled out of bed, thankful for his drawn out explanation. It provided me with enough time for my _problem_ to go away. I picked him up and he began to tell me more about the horrors in his imagination. He dreamt up something crazy, with monsters and aliens and Bella or some shit. I understood why he was scared. I'd had quite a few nightmares involving Bella and they weren't fucking fun. After getting him a drink of water from the kitchen, we returned to the bedroom and I hoped I'd given Bella enough time to get dressed. She'd "woken up" and thrown on one of my t-shirts. Bella extended her arms and he gladly crawled out of mine and into hers.

Cock blocking must have been exhausting to the little guy, because he was out like a light no more than five minutes later.

Bella and I laid with our sleeping five year old wedged between us, and laughed endlessly over what could have been a _very_ traumatic experience for all three of us.

Our barbecue was supposed to be on Sunday, but early Saturday morning Charlie called Bella. Something had come up and the date had been changed to tonight. Unfortunately, it was my day off and I had no way to get out of it. I could tell by the way Bella spoke to him that he still didn't know I would be joining them. I was okay with that. Bella figured that if we surprised him he might not have his gun ready. I still felt like I needed time to mentally prepare myself for what was to come, but as Bella kept saying, the sooner we got it over with, the better.

I mean, we were already living together.

...Not that he needed to know that.

A few hours later, I was hyperventilating in front of Chief Swan's house. Bella did her best to calm me down, giving my hand a final squeeze before getting out of the truck. I retrieved Seth from his booster seat in the back, and held him close as if he were some sort of security blanket. We made our way to the backyard, and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that Charlie was no where in sight.

Maybe he got called into work.

_Keep dreaming, Edward._

A woman around Charlie's age eagerly hugged Bella. I'd met her once or twice. If I remembered correctly, her late husband had been a friend of Charlie's. Bella formally reintroduced us, referring to me as her boyfriend and Sue as Charlie's girlfriend.

Huh. Awkward.

A man in a wheel chair lingered next to the ice chest, which I hoped to be full of beer. I would need a few to make it through the next couple of hours. I retrieved a can of Vitamin R and grabbed a Pepsi for Bella.

"Edward, have you met Billy?" Bella asked, grabbing the Pepsi from my hand.

I offered the man my hand, "Edward Cullen. I'm Seth's dad."

"And mommy's boyfriend!" Seth added enthusiastically.

Billy shook my hand, but didn't give me a second glance. I assumed the Chief had complained enough about me over the past six years, so I didn't think twice about it. I took a sip of my beer.

"Where's grandpa?" Bella asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"He and Jake stepped out to get ice."

Jake? As in motherfucking Jake, the douche bag who wanted to get in my girl's pants? What was he doing here? I quickly remembered Bella telling me that she knew him through Charlie. I put the pieces together and assumed the man in the wheel chair must be Jake's father. I felt my blood start to boil when I realized what Charlie intended on doing today. This barbecue was an elaborate scheme to set Bella up with another guy.

Over my dead fucking body.

I tried to calm down. I knew now was not the time to get all territorial and piss on Bella's leg ...as much as I wanted to. It would _not _go over well. I had to remind myself of how Bella chose me._ I _was the father of her son. _I _was the one who shared a bed with her. She sucked _my_ dick and moaned _my_ name when she came.

His pathetic douche bag of a son couldn't even get her to agree to a second date.

Sensing my tension, Bella wrapped her arm around my waist and offered Seth a drink of her Pepsi. He gladly took it and she placed a kiss on my cheek. A few seconds later, the screen door flew open and Jake made his way towards us.

"Bella!" he greeted excitedly. Then he saw me.

"Hey Jake," she smiled.

I took another drink of my beer.

He ran up and grabbed Bella for a hug, his hands lingered on_ my_ girl for far too long.

Jake immediately attempted to undermine my presence. "Is it Ed's day for visitation or something?"

Edward. My name is Edward. I don't know why people got off on calling me Ed. My brother and friends only did it because they knew I didn't like it. The only time Bella had ever done it was last night, and I let it slide because we obviously had more important things to worry about. I knew she didn't intend on making a habit of it.

"Um, no, actually. _Edward_ is with us."

I didn't worry about Bella calling me Ed because I knew she liked my name.

I waited for her to add the _because he's my boyfriend_. She never did but Jake must have known something was up because of the stupid puppy dog eyes he made.

Fuck, how was my beer already almost empty?

A few seconds later, Charlie made his way into the backyard. His expression turned deadly as we made eye contact.

"Bella," he greeted sternly, refusing to verbally acknowledge me.

"Grandpa!" Seth shouted, struggling to break away from my arms. I reluctantly let him go, knowing the Chief was just as unlikely to shoot me if he was the one holding his grandson.

"Hey buddy," Charlie loosened up a little, "I've missed you. How's school?"

"Good. I missed you too! And I have so much to tell you!"

_Oh, shit._

Thankfully, Bella stepped in and saved the day. "Seth, baby, why don't you go help Miss Sue with the hamburger patties? Go inside and wash your hands. I'll be in after a while."

"Okay!" he agreed excitedly, running inside.

_Fuck, I'm going to die._

Sue had already gone inside. Sensing the awkward tension, Jake and his dad also disappeared from sight. I grabbed another beer.

Bella spoke first. "Dad, don't freak out."

"This better not be what it looks like," he warned.

"We're having a family barbecue. Edward is family."

"Edward is _not_ family," he seethed, "And he has had a fair warning to stay the hell off my property and more importantly, away from my daughter."

Bella boldly stepped closer to me and wrapped her arm around my waist. Charlie's eyes nearly shot out of his head and I think he seriously considered going to get his gun.

"Dad, we're together."

Terrified and at a loss for words, I comforted myself the only way I knew how- by giving Bella a kiss.

"Like hell you are! How long has this been going on?"

"A few weeks," I answered. I wished Jake was still around to hear my words.

"What about Florida?" he asked.

"I'll follow Bella to the end of the earth if I have to."

"Not if I can help it."

"Daddy, please calm down," Bella begged, "I want this."

"You can't be serious. You show up at _my_ house with him and you want me to be calm? Fair warning would have been nice!"

I offered to leave. Bella protested.

"No. This is something he's going to have to get used to," she told me before turning her attention back on Charlie, "Edward is in my life now. You either support it, or you don't."

"I don't."

Dinner was awkward to say the least. The food was amazing, but I kept worrying Charlie might _be _try_ing_ to poison me. Every time I wanted another burger, I'd send Seth or Bella to get it. I knew he wouldn't fuck with _their _food_._

The more Charlie drank, the more he loosened up. And luckily, Charlie drank _a lot_. The same held true for myself. I was practically shit faced by the time Bella went inside to help Sue with the dishes. Little man was practicallythe only sober one left.

Charlie mostly left me out of the conversation. Apparently, he and Billy were old fishing buddies. He, Billy and Jake had no trouble finding things to talk about and I wondered if things would be different under other circumstances. What if I wasn't the guy who got Bella pregnant at 18? What if I were someone else?

"So, Jake. Have you and Bells gone on any more dates?" Charlie asked, as if my presence meant nothing to him.

"I wish, Chief. She's been blowing me off for the past two weeks. Now I see why, obviously."

"Too bad, man. Did you at least steal a kiss or two?"

"I did," he boasted.

What. The. Fuck. I knew Bella had kissed the motherfucker, but this was _not_ something we needed to talk about in front of Seth. I knew Charlie was only doing it to fuck with my head and it was working.

"Nice. Well, don't give up. She's a good girl even if she hasn't made the best decisions. One of a kind."

Chief and I didn't see eye to eye on very many things but if there was one thing we could agree on, it was Bella. She was one of a kind and I knew it better than anyone.

Seth joined the conversation. "Grandpa, Jake can't kiss mommy anymore. Only my daddy can kiss mommy."

I love my kid.

"He even kissed her when she throwed up."

"Bella's had the flu all week," I quickly added, assuming Charlie might mistake Seth's words for morning sickness.

His face visibly relaxed.

"But my daddy taked care of her. And when I had a bad dream last night, he taked care of me too! And when I went into their room, mommy and daddy were..."

_Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!_

"Time to leave!" I shouted, "Son, why don't you go ask Momma if she's ready? It's your bedtime."

"Am I gonna get to sleep with you and mommy again?"

_Not if you want me to make good on the little brother request._

"Uh, no, why don't you go ahead and sleep in your own bed tonight?"

"Why don't you," Charlie mumbled.

_Oh, I will._

"Okay, dad," Seth said before running into the house.

Three blank faces stared at me as if I were the Anti-Christ. I had choice words for all of them; Jake, most of all. If he could, he'd crawl into bed with Bella without giving it a second thought. He just wanted a fuck buddy to keep him warm at night. I wanted to be her best friend, lover, and the father of her children. I was her fucking soulmate; her provider and protector. What would it take for Charlie to see that?

As soon as Seth was out of sight, Charlie broke the awkward silence. "Like I was saying. Bella's a keeper. Any man would be lucky to have her. But I swear to God, next time she comes home and tells me she's pregnant, there better be a ring on her finger. And I pray everyday it isn't Edward's."

* * *

**If you can read this, thank a beta. Namely, brodeurgirl30 and simba517. Both have excellent stories listed in my favorites. As always, reviewers will get teased. Sorry if you reviewed in the past day or two and I didn't get to you. Also, I had to change the way I did review replies, so if your personal messages are blocked, you probably didn't get it. :( Thanks for all the surgery well wishes. It was a bitch.**

**Next chap is BPOV**.

**Stories that own me right now- Comes and Goes by AlexaET, Sweet Treats and Deadbeats by CitizenCullen25, and In the Skin by ooza. Check them out. :) Okay. I'm done.**


	12. Resistance

**Chapter 11: Resistance**

**BPOV**

"Please say something," I begged.

I couldn't take the awkward silence. Seth fell asleep on the drive home, and Edward hadn't really said anything since we left Charlie's. After putting my son to bed, I came downstairs to find him laying fully clothed on top of ours. I knew him well enough to know something was seriously bothering him but until he opened up about it, I had no idea how to fix the problem.

"What do you want me to say, babe?" he asked. Slurred, really.

I began to get ready for bed. He made no move to do the same.

"Tell me what happened."

I wasn't an idiot. I knew I should have never left him alone with my dad. I still didn't know what Charlie said, but I sure as hell intended on finding out.

I barely heard him mumble, "I should have pulled the trigger when I had a chance."

I sought a tank top and sleep shorts from the top drawer of my dresser as his words replayed over and over again in my head. I had no idea what he was talking about, or how he expected me to respond. "Please tell me that's some sort of a sick metaphor," I finally said.

"Yeah, sure," he mumbled, finally sitting up to untying his shoes, "Whatever you say, babe."

"Stop calling me that!" I snapped, slamming my top dresser drawer shut.

Usually, I loved Edward's terms of endearment. Tonight, I hated his tone.

"Fine, _Bella_," he corrected, "Or would you rather me call you Bells?"

"I'd rather you tell me what's bothering you."

I began to change, taking off my shirt and bra. He took off his own shirt and threw it across the room. "Your dad fucking hates me! I'm never going to be good enough and I'm not sure why I even thought I could try. Sometimes I think I should give up while I'm ahead."

I pulled the tank top over my head. "You're scaring me."

"You're the only reason I'm alive right now," he confessed, burying his face in his hands and pulling his hair.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

If he continued to reply with cryptic remarks, I was going to scream.

"I almost killed myself the night you told me you were moving."

Silence.

"W-what?" I finally forced out. What was I supposed to say to that?

"I was home alone. Jasper was off fucking some whore and I couldn't get past the fact that I was going to lose you. I went through his shit, found a gun, put it to my head and closed my eyes. You know how they say your life flashes before you when you're about to die? It does.

"Unfortunately, _you_ are my life. And Seth. And as hard as I tried, as loud as my brain screamed at my finger to pull the trigger, my goddamn heart wouldn't let me follow through. I came back to spend the night because I knew if I didn't, I might change my mind. I had nothing to lose."

"Edward," I cried, "How could you even think that?"

"I'm a fuck up, Bella. You know it's true. You didn't even deem me worthy enough to give my first born son my last name."

"Edward, that's bull shit."

Tears streamed down his face. "Just say it. We both know it's true!"

"Say what?"

"Tell me you hate me for fucking up your life," he demanded, "Tell me I'm a worthless father and a horrible person. Tell me you regret it!"

"You can't be serious."

"It'll make it easier for both of us in the long run."

The more Edward spoke, the more my fear and concern transformed into rage. Finally, I snapped. "Fine. I'll tell you. I regret not being able to go to a real college. I'm ashamed of the fact that I became an unwed mother at 19 and I hate knowing I had to live with my father for the first two years of Seth's life because I was too young to support myself. I'll never, _ever_ forgive myself for allowing my body to be put under so much stress while I was pregnant with our son; stress that undoubtedly almost cost him his life and continues to haunt him to this day. Do you want to know what else I regret?"

"It's not hard to guess," he mumbled.

"I _don't_ regret going to the beach. I _don't_ regret going home with you. Hell, I didn't even take the fucking pills you gave me. I'm glad I gave you my virginity and I love our son, so much. All of those regrets... and I can't seem to get past insulting both you and your entire family because I didn't allow Seth to be a Cullen. I was selfish, Edward! I did it because I felt entitled to him. Not once did I consider the possibility that he might grow up to think his father didn't love him!" I screamed, "And it had nothing to do with being ashamed of his father!"

Edward flew off the bed and pulled me into my arms.

"Bella, keep your voice down," he soothed, "He said that? He thinks I don't love him?"

I sobbed, "I don't know. The night I went out with Jake, Seth told me if you did you would have let him have your name. I never realized he'd blame you. I'm so sorry."

Edward cried, "I'm a terrible father."

"No. You are _not_ a terrible father. He loves you. I love you."

"I love you, too. More than anything."

"Please just tell me what brought all this on," I begged, "What did my dad say to you?"

His body went rigid. "Bella, seriously. Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal. I'll get over it."

I argued, "But it's a big deal to me."

"I don't care."

"It can't be any worse than what I've already heard."

He was practically seething again. "Your dad asked his _buddy_, Jake, if he'd gone on any more dates with you. When he said he hadn't, Charlie told him not to give up. He said it right in front of my son, Bella! Right in front of me!"

I was livid. Charlie had no right. I knew he hated Edward, but to treat him as if he didn't exist was beyond low. And knowing he said those things in front of our five year old... it took everything in my power not to storm across town and give him a piece of my mind.

I could think of much more satisfying ways to vent my frustration.

I pressed my lips to his cheek.. It was still wet with salty tears. "Edward, I'm yours. You know that."

Ignoring me, he continued, "He asked Jake if he'd at least gotten a few kisses out of you. It made me so mad, Bella. I know we weren't together but I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else. It kills me."

My lips drifted to his, lingering momentarily. "If it makes you feel any better, you're a much better kisser."

He gave me another small peck before continuing. "I know Charlie was just trying to mess with my head. And then Seth tried to tell him the only person you're allowed to kiss is me-"

I cut him off. "He said that?"

"I'm so fucking proud of him, babe. He tries so damn hard to protect you. But when he started to tell Charlie about walking in on us last night, I had to step in."

"Oh my God," I gasped. "He didn't."

I bit my lip. It's not like what we were doing was _that_ bad, but it definitely wasn't something I wanted my baby to see. If he had been a few minutes later, we would have had a major problem on our hands. I'd rather put off the sex talks for as long as humanly possible. When the time came, I would make Edward deal with it.

We laughed, but it did nothing to ease his tension. I knew he wasn't telling me everything.

I led him back over to our bed and we sat down. "What's really bothering you?"

Edward sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. It was shorter now than it had been when we were younger, but he still messed with it when he was nervous. He kept his eyes on the comforter. "He said next time you come home and tell him you're pregnant, you better have a ring on your finger. And it better not be mine."

I gasped. "Please, _please_, tell me Seth didn't hear him say that."

His eyes only met mine for a split second before looking back down. "No, it was after I sent Seth inside."

I did my best to comfort him. "Edward, you shouldn't let that bother you."

He pulled away and his voice went cold. "You're probably right. It's not like you'd ever want to marry me anyway, much less have another kid with my worthless ass."

God. Just as I thought we were making progress, he had to say something like that. I wanted to scream at him for being so ridiculous. Of course I wanted to marry him; I never imagined myself with anyone else. I also fully intended on making him a father again when we were ready. I didn't expect it to happen any time in the near future, but I missed having a baby and was more than willing to go through the entire experience over again with him. I was an only child, and I didn't want the same to hold true for Seth.

How was I supposed to tell him that? The first time I'd told him I was pregnant, he had a minor melt down. I'd forgiven, but I hadn't forgotten. I didn't even want to broach the subject until he brought it up.

Wasn't that what he was doing now?

"Edward," I began.

He stood up. "Don't."

Unstoppable tears began to stream down my face. While I had been crying earlier, now I was outright wailing. Edward grabbed his shirt off the floor. I expected him to put it back on so he could leave. He didn't. Instead, he walked back over to me and began drying my face. He begged me to stop and held my body tight against his. I pleaded with him not to leave.

"Shh, Bella," he soothed, "I'm not leaving you. I love you."

I sniveled, "But you want to kill yourself. You told me you wish you'd pulled the trigger."

"I didn't mean it, babe. I was upset. I'm so glad I didn't. You and Seth are my life, and I'm not ready for that to end yet."

I sniffed. "Good. Me too. I still want to marry you and have more babies."

He pulled back again. _Oh, shit, _I thought,_ Was that the wrong thing to say?_

"You do?"

I could have lied, but an overwhelming need to be honest with him overcame me. "Of course I do! Have you met our son? He's fucking awesome and adorable and he acts exactly like his daddy! Why wouldn't I want twenty more exactly like him?"

Edward smiled, and this time it was genuine. "Twenty more? Uh, Bella... I don't think I can handle that many cock blockers. Last night was hard enough."

He had a point. "Okay, so maybe you're right. But two more?"

"Two more," he added, "As long as they're boys."

I snorted, "Edward! We don't get to pick!"

It seemed like Edward's buzz was finally starting to wear down. Thank fucking God. I loved the man, but he was not a happy drunk. I knew we still had a lot to talk about, but I was reluctant to interfere with our happy moment. The last thing I needed was for Edward to go off the deep end again.

He definitely needed some sort of therapy. His thoughts weren't healthy and I didn't want to be the only thing keeping him together. I couldn't fix him on my own. If something ever happened between the two of us, I still needed him to be a father to Seth and whomever else I'd eventually squeeze out of my hoohah.

I wanted to forget about everything he told me, even if just for a couple of hours. We could talk about it in the morning when his head was clear.

I wiped the remaining tears off my face.

"Want to practice?" he asked.

"Practice?"

"Is the door locked?"

I laughed, "Yes. I don't like making the same mistake twice."

"Good, me either."

Before I could say anything else, the weight of Edward's body pressed firmly against mine and coerced me onto my back.

His kisses were rushed and sloppy. Even still, I loved every one of them. The taste of beer lingered on his lips, and I realized he must have smoked a cigarette or two while I was putting Seth to bed. As his hands ravaged my body, I helped him remove the tank top I'd changed into only minutes before. I loved the feeling of Edward's skin on mine. The bulge pressed against my thigh led me to assume the feeling was definitely mutual.

"Get a condom," he mumbled against my skin.

I thought about it. I _really_ did. My shirt was already off and I didn't want him to think I was a tease. Had Edward been sober, I would have happily complied. He wasn't.

"Edward, you haven't had sex in six years. Don't you want to be sober for it?"

"No. I want you. _Now, _baby."

As much as I knew it was true, I also knew it would come back to haunt him in the morning.

"No."

He groaned, "Why?"

"You're drunk. I don't want to feel like some sort of perv, stealing your virtue."

"Bella, don't be ridiculous. I'm not _that_ drunk. And besides, the little boy upstairs is more than enough evidence that I'm virtueless. I've been jacking off to the thought of you since high school. I want the real thing."

God... It shouldn't turn me on, but it did.

"Which is exactly why we're waiting," I explained, "It's been a long time for both of us and I want it to be special. So, let's stick to... other things."

He raised his eyebrow. "Blow job?"

I smiled back at him playfully. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

He rolled onto his back, pulling my body on top of his. Edward wore a pair of khaki cargo shorts, and I wasted no time popping the button and unzipping his fly. His erection was prominent against his loose fitting boxers. I kissed him through the fabric and pulled it low. He sprang free, and I didn't think I'd ever get used to the sight of seeing Edward's manhood. I fantasized about him thrusting into me and kicked myself for not allowing him to take me tonight. I told myself I was doing the right thing by waiting, but that didn't mean I was happy about it.

I kissed the shaft of his penis, trailing my tongue to the tip and placing another opened mouth kiss against it. He groaned and muttered something about not knowing where to put his hands, which I thought was weird because they seemed fine in my hair. I told him so. Edward began to guide my head up and down and I took as much of him in as I could. I felt inadequate knowing I couldn't take him in as deep as he probably wanted it, but his incessant moans assured me that I was at least doing _something_ right.

After a few minutes of sucking and swirling, Edward's hips began to buckle. "Baby, I'm gonna come," He warned. I looked up at him and noticed he was looking down at me. I hoped the eye contact between us would signal that I fully acknowledged his warning and intended to swallow everything he had for me. Based on Alice's experiences, I knew guys loved it when a girl swallowed.

The hot liquid hit the back of my throat as Edward continued to verbalize his release. I loved every second of it. There was truly nothing like making him feel good.

Edward tried to return the favor, but I refused. I didn't do it so he could reciprocate. I did it because I wanted to; because I loved my man and I wanted to show him in every way possible. I got up to turn off the light and opted to leave the door locked. If Seth needed something, he could knock.

No longer distracted, the severity of Edward's confession came rushing back to me. He tried to kill himself. He wanted to die. Knowing now what inevitably would have happened if I turned him away that first night, I needed the comfort of his embrace more in that moment than I ever had before.

"Hold me," I begged, "Please don't let go."

"I've got you, Bella. I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

Sunday morning, I awoke to Edward's alarm. True to his word, we opened our eyes to the same position we'd fallen asleep in, with my head resting on Edward's shoulder. He cursed the noise, while I praised the fact that I didn't have to go to work today. Seth wouldn't be up for another couple of hours, and I still had time for more sleep.

As Edward came to, it didn't take long for the events of last night to come back to him. Without saying a word, he made his way into the bathroom. I rolled over to his side of the bed, reveling in the way Edward's presence made me feel complete. A minute later, he crawled back into bed.

"Bella," he whispered. "I'm really sorry about last night."

I chose to ignore the heavy for now. "It's okay, Edward. You're kind of horny when you're drunk. I like it."

He groaned. "Bella, I shouldn't have pressured you to do that. You could have said no. You know that, right? I might have acted like an ass about it, but I always want you to be able to tell me to stop. Fuck. Just thinking about it makes my chest seize up. I've had six years to dwell on hurting you. I should have known better."

Edward could be so dramatic sometimes. It frustrated me to no end. I was ten times more worried about why he got drunk in the first place, and not his behavior after the fact. My drunk boyfriend asked me to have sex. I didn't see what the big deal was; most men didn't even need to get hammered to be so bold.

"You know what? I think I like drunk Edward better. I trust you. I know if I tell you no, you'll listen."

"I'd like to hope so."

I teased, "Besides, you have much more stamina when you're wasted."

I laughed. He tried not to. "Oh, Bella. You shouldn't have said that."

He began to tickle me, causing my body to flail around like some sort of fish out of water. Edward knew all of my weak spots and took no remorse. I begged for him to stop, but he showed no mercy. "You should know better than to tease a man about his stamina. You'll eat those words, baby."

"If you stop tickling me, I'll do it now!" I offered, seeing an end in sight.

He stopped abruptly. "Don't tempt me, gorgeous. I need to get ready for work. Besides, I have a headache."

"I know. But all joking aside, I love you Edward."

"I love you too, sweetheart. I'm going to go take a shower, okay? Get some more sleep. You're kind of beautiful when you're in my bed."

"My bed," I smiled.

"Yeah, uh-huh. Whatever you say, babe."

I was still awake by the time Edward finished with his shower. I couldn't sleep; not after my mind began to dwell on his words from last night. This morning, Edward acted as if he'd never confessed his thwarted attempt at suicide. He knew better than to believe I'd forgotten it and I assumed he was only ignoring his problems in hopes that they'd go away.

I rolled out of bed, grabbing my discarded tank top off the floor and throwing it back on before heading into the bathroom to talk to Edward as he shaved.

"Hey, babe. Do you need in here?" he asked.

"Uh, no. Just kind of wanted to talk to you before you left."

He made attempts to distract me. "Okay. What are you and Seth going to do today?"

"I don't know. Hang out with Alice? Look, Edward," I hesitated, "I need to talk to you about what you said last night."

His eyes bore into mine. "Baby, don't worry about it."

"See, here's the thing. I can't _not_ worry about it. I think you need to see someone about your issues."

"I _am_ seeing someone. She's amazing and I'm happier now than I've ever been."

"I don't count," I argued, "And besides, I still can't seem to convince you that you're good enough."

"Bella, seriously? You think I should go see some shrink about my self worth? I highly doubt it's going to change. Just let me be happy, baby. I've kept it from myself for so long, and even though it's my own fault, I just want to enjoy my life for once."

"See! That's what I mean. _'Even though it's my own fault.'_ I'll even go with you if that's what it'll take. Please."

We were quiet for a few seconds as Edward took a final swipe of the blade against his chin and rinsed his face. He reluctantly looked at me as I pleaded with my eyes. "I'll think about it, okay? Go back to bed, sweetheart."

I did as he said, knowing I would have to accept his answer for now. Edward finished getting dressed and told me he loved me before heading to work. I eventually drifted back to sleep, only to wake up an hour later as Seth crawled into bed with me.

"Good morning," I smiled.

"Hi, Mommy," he sleepily greeted before going into a coughing fit.

"You need a breathing treatment," I rolled over to mess with his nebulizer on my night stand, handing him the mouthpiece and flipping it on.

He groaned, but made no arguments. I sat up, allowing him to snuggle close to me as he inhaled the mist.

I kissed his messy hair. "I love you."

He stopped momentarily to give me a kiss on the cheek. "I love you too, mommy."

"Dad loves you too," I continued. "He told me last night how proud he is of you."

"And you love Dad?" he asked.

"Yes, I do. He helped me make you. I... just wish you didn't have to grow up so fast. I mean, you're already in kindergarten! Before I know it, you'll be going on dates and asking to borrow the car. It seems like I just brought you home to Grandpa Charlie's house yesterday. You were so tiny. I thought I was going to break you."

"I wasn't that small," he argued.

"When Aunt Rose has her baby, I'll take you up to the hospital so you can see how small little babies really are."

"Okay," he smiled, bringing his mouth back to the medicine.

"You know," I hesitated, unsure of how to continue. "You're getting old enough to make some of your own decisions."

"I am? Can I have pizza for breakfast then?"

I laughed, "Not like that, silly. I mean... Say, like, your last name. What if you didn't want it to be Swan? What if you wanted it to be Cullen?"

"I can do that? Did daddy say it was okay?"

"Seth, nothing would make your father happier than if you had his last name. But once you change it, you can't go back. You need to think really hard about it. Just remember that we'll both love you no matter what you pick."

"Are you going to change your name too?"

"Uh, it's not that easy for me, baby," I tried to explain, "Your Daddy has to ask me first. But if you want to go ahead and change yours, I promise it won't hurt my feelings."

"I want daddy's name," he decided almost immediately.

My heart did a little back flip. Edward was going to be so excited. "I want you to have daddy's name, too. He's going to be so happy, Seth Tyler Cullen."

I'd been reading up on name changes online. I knew getting Seth's changed wouldn't be a major ordeal, but it would be somewhat of an annoyance. Shortly after Seth was born, Edward and I added his name onto the birth certificate. To change my son's name, I didn't need any sort of parental affidavits but I did need Edward's permission. As if he'd say no. I couldn't wait to tell Edward and intended on doing so before calling a lawyer in the morning. I wished I would have just given him Edward's last name in the first place, but I couldn't change the past.

A little later, Alice called to badger me about rescheduling our shopping trip. She knew I couldn't make excuses. Edward was working and it wasn't like I had anything better to do. As much as I hated shopping, I jumped at the opportunity to spend some time with my best friend. Knowing she would want details on Edward and me, I called Esme to see if she wanted her grandson for the day. She told me Carlisle was off, and they'd be happy to have him.

I got ready for the day as the sounds of Elliott Smith's_ Figure 8 _echoed through my bedroom. My CD player broke months ago, but at least Edward's damn xBox was good for something. I packed up the nebulizer and we headed out.

"Okay, Bella," Alice began as soon as we got on the road. "I'm dying over here. I need some updates. Have you and Edward done the nasty yet?"

I bit my lip. I knew this was coming, but that didn't mean I was prepared to answer. I wasn't used to being the one to talk about my sex life, not that there was ever anything to say. "No, we haven't."

"Oh my God! What are you guys waiting for? Poor guy."

I gave her a puzzled look. She did realize she was talking about Edward, right?

"Um, Ali. Shouldn't you be telling me to break up with him or something?"

"Ugh, Bella! This is kind of a big deal. I mean, you've never had a boyfriend before and now you're living with one! As much as I hate him, because trust me, I do, I can't let an opportunity like this go to waste. I want the details! And we need to buy you something sexy."

"Fine. Okay," I braced myself, "So, I've gone down on him. Twice."

"Oh my God! It's like a train wreck. I can't look the other way. Did you swallow? Is he as big as you remembered?"

"Wow, Alice. You really don't hold back. Um, yes," I vaguely replied.

"Did he return the favor?"

"Actually,_ I _was the one returning it. It was sweet. He gave me this big speech about how much he loved me, and how he always wanted to make sure I got mine first... And then he made good on his promise. Of course, he broke it last night but you know, whatever. It's the thought that counts."

"Wait, what happened last night?"

I proceeded to tell Alice about last night; about our visit to Charlie and the drinking Edward had done to endure it. I omitted his confessions, instead dwelling on Edward's persistence to get laid and the dirty details of the blow job.

"Wow. So, tonight then?"

"I mean, I don't know. It's not something that can really be planned ahead a time. First we didn't have protection and then I got the flu. We came close on Friday night, but the door wasn't locked and Seth walked in."

"Seth walked in?" She laughed. Uncontrollably. "What did he see?"

"Apparently he saw Edward and I making out. And he proceeded to tell my dad about it."

"Damn. I would have killed to see their faces."

I didn't know who I felt worse for- Edward or my dad. Probably Edward; because I was still pretty pissed at Charlie. "Me too," I agreed.

With Seth spending the day at his grandparents', Alice and I opted to shop in Seattle instead of Port Angeles. It was further away, but the stores were better. The drive took about three hours, but it wasn't like we had anything better to do. It was nice to catch up with my friend, especially without little ears to overhear.

"Okay, so, lingerie," Alice began as we made our way into Victoria's Secret. "Do you know what he likes? Or are we going to have to guess?"

She began to sift through the racks. Quite frankly, the idea of wearing anything in this side of the store mortified me. Edward may have seen me naked, but that didn't mean I could pull off sexy. I was too clumsy and awkward. Alice was delusional.

"Is this really necessary?" I asked as she pulled out a black nightgown and held it out for me.

"No, probably not," she answered honestly, "But it'll _really_ turn him on."

She picked up another. I groaned. "I already turn him on."

"Come on, Bella. Every girl needs at least one sexy outfit! You'll thank me later."

With Alice's guidance, I reluctantly picked out something black and lacy. I planned on hiding it at the very back of my closet. It's not like Alice would know the difference. I assumed we were finished, but she drifted over to another rack and grabbed something for herself.

"Who's that for?" I asked. Alice had spent most of the drive messaging someone, but she wouldn't tell me who.

"Oh, you know... No one," she lied.

"Yeah, right."

We visited a bunch of other stores, and I ended up buying a few things for Seth and a watch for Edward. It was the least I could do. The man paid my fucking rent this month. I'd lost almost an entire week's paycheck while I had the flu, but thanks to him, I still had some money to spare. Between that and the college fund he'd set up for Seth, buying him a eighty dollar watch was the least I could do. I just wanted to do something nice for him, especially after all he'd done for me.

As we drove back to Forks, Alice bored me with the ever-so-eventful happenings of human resources. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Edward and Alice worked together. I don't know how they ever made it through his job interview without ripping each other's throats out. Then again, she _had_ to hire him. Edward's dad had a very high reputation, and qualified nurses were hard to come by. According to Alice, everyone with a degree wanted to work in Port Angeles or Seattle. She couldn't be picky, especially considering the fact that Edward actually was good at what he did.

"Like, we have this nurse on the night shift who is _always_ late. Edward puts in overtime every week just to cover for her ass."

"Is it that Tanya bitch?" I asked, "The one who called Edward daddy and proceeded to tell me Seth didn't look like him?"

"Yes! That's her. She said all that? Pathetic. Ugh, I can't stand her. And every time I see her make a pass at Edward, I want to vomit."

"Um, excuse me?" I knew she flirted with him, but did it happen that often? And how did Edward react to them when I wasn't around? She obviously had the hots for him, and as much as I hated to admit it, Tanya _was_ pretty. Did Edward think so?

"Jesus, relax, Bella. It's not like he even gives her a second thought. Not in front of his HR rep, at least. The hospital has a strict policy on relationships within the work place."

"Wow, that makes me feel better," I sneered.

"Oh, come on, Bella! Do you really think Edward would be dumb enough to hit on a girl in front of your best friend? Uh, no. Not if he values his life."

I knew my fears were unfounded, but the curiosity was killing me. I wished Alice would give him the benefit of the doubt because deep down I knew if Edward really wanted Tanya, he would have pursued her. I tried to squash the insecurities; the doubts that Edward only wanted me because we had Seth.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I almost didn't notice the flashing lights behind me. I looked down at my speedometer, shocked by what I saw.

"Shit," I cursed. "Dammit! Maybe we're close enough to Forks for him to know my dad."

A few seconds later, the highway patrol officer approached my window. The cop was pretty cute, and he couldn't have been much older than me.

"Excuse me, ma'am. My name is Officer Embry with the Washington State Highway Patrol. Are you aware of the 70 MPH speed limit on this road?"

"Yes, I am. I'm sorry. I got caught up in... conversation," I smiled, hoping for mercy.

"It would appear so," he smiled back, "I caught you doing 83. Do you live around here?"

"Actually, I live in Forks. You might know my dad, he's the police chief."

"Chief Swan, eh? I never knew he had such a beautiful daughter."

I blushed. "Thank you," I said timidly.

He glanced into the back seat. "You ladies out doing some shopping today?"

"Yes, sir."

"Okay, I'll try not to keep you for long. I just need your license and registration. Is this your car?"

"Uh, no. Actually, it's not. But I am driving it with permission, in case you were wondering. It's not stolen or anything," I blabbered, biting my lip.

He smiled, "Okay, sweetheart. Who's it registered to?"

"Esme Cullen," I sifted through the glove box to find the registration. It wasn't there.

Fuck.

I handed him my license. "Sir, it looks like the registration isn't in here."

"Okay, well, I'll tell you what. Let's go back to my car. We'll run the tag number, and see if your story checks out."

I reluctantly left Alice alone to sit in the passenger seat of the police car. He typed away on his computer, and radioed in some codes and gibberish.

"Esme Cullen, you said?"

"Yes. Or Carlisle," I added. He continued to type.

He looked down at my driver's license."So, Isabella, you live in Forks?"

"Yeah, I moved in with dad junior year so he wouldn't be lonely."

"Nice. You ever think of moving some place else? Port Angeles? Seattle?"

"I actually have a job offer in Florida, but I don't think I'm going to take it."

He looked as if he was going to reply, but a voice came over the radio.

Among the gibberish, I heard the name Edward Cullen.

"Huh," the officer said. "You sure it's Esme's car?"

"Positive. Or Carlisle's."

"It's actually coming back registered to someone else. Edward?" he asked.

Edward? The Explorer was registered to _Edward_? For the past year and a half, I'd been driving Edward's car. Not Esme's. Why would Edward give me a fucking car? And why did everyone lie about it?

_Because he didn't want his son driving around in the death trap you used to drive. _

_Because he knew you need it. _

_Because he wants to take care of you. Both of you._

_Because he loves you._

_Because if you knew it was his a year ago, you wouldn't have accepted it._

"Um, yeah. Edward is my boyfriend," I boasted. "I can call him if you need me too."

A familiar voice came over the radio- my Dad's. It figured. The scanner was always on back at the station. Unfortunately for me, the life of a small town police station was very uneventful and they typically monitored the area to make sure their assistance wasn't needed elsewhere.

"Which one of you has Isabella Swan pulled over?" he asked.

"Hi, Chief," he greeted, "It's Paul. You have a very beautiful daughter."

His voice came back over, "Mhmm. You thinkin' about asking her out or something?"

Oh my God. I think I'd be happier if the guy just wrote me a ticket and sent me on my way.

"Well, _I was,_ until she mentioned she had a boyfriend."

Charlie laughed. "Don't let that stop you. I give it two weeks before she kicks his ass to the curb."

"Wow," the officer smiled at me flirtatiously, "I take it Dad doesn't approve?"

"Obviously," I scoffed.

"And how do you feel about him?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but I have no intentions of leaving my son's father. So if you don't mind, write my ticket and I'll be on my way."

Sensing my aggravation, he apologized profusely before handing my license back and telling me to drive safely. I stormed back to the truck, and for the second time in less than 24 hours, I wanted to hit my dad. Or make babies with Edward. Probably both.

I slammed my car door and looked at Alice.

"Damn, Bella. That cop was totally flirting with you! Did he ask you out?"

"_Don't _start, Alice," I snapped, picking up my cell phone. She looked at me an an amused expression.

I dialed a familiar number.

"Hey, Esme?" I asked after she picked up, "Do you mind if Seth spends the night?"

After hanging up, I looked to my friend for advice. "Tell me what else guys like."

* * *

_We were half way through our last semester of senior year. Mister Banner assigned homework relentlessly, and most of the time I regretted signing up for Honors Biology. Today was no different. Tonight, the worksheet he assigned was simple enough but the fact that it was five pages long and due in the morning was not. My lab partner invited me over to his house so we could work together, and we wasted no time getting off track. Edward and I had a lot in common. We both had a love for music, though he could play and I couldn't. I enjoyed introducing him to new bands, and he did the same. Tonight, Edward showed me his most recent composition on the piano. In turn, I introduced him to my new favorite CD, Elliott Smith's Figure 8._

_As it played, we worked through the Punnett Squares, hypothetically predicting the outcome of everything from eye color, to flowers. Edward's bedroom was surprisingly clean for a teenage boy, and I couldn't help but wonder if he'd thrown everything into the closet and under the bed to impress me._

_Yeah, right._

_So I had a crush. A big crush. On the hottest guy in school. Unfortunately, so did every other girl. Edward could have any girl he wanted, but he hardly showed an interest in anyone._

_My phone alerted me to a new text message. And another. Edward looked up from the page he was working on._

"_Can't you tell Alice you'll talk to her later?"_

"_Uh, I'm not actually talking to Alice," I confessed._

_Actually, I was talking to the person who'd given me the CD we were listening to. He worked in advertising in Port Angeles, but his wife was a dispatcher down at the station with Charlie. They had two kids, whom I'd been babysitting a lot lately. Our conversations were platonic, or so I thought._

"_Who is it?"_

"_It's no one, Edward."_

_He eyed me skeptically. "It better not be Mike Newton."_

"_God! No! Are you kidding me?" I asked, "Gross. It's this guy I've been babysitting for."_

"_To... set up a night? Or to talk?"_

"_Just to talk. He's the one who gave me the CD."_

"_Bella, how old is this guy? Is he married?"_

"_I don't know, like 30? His wife works with Charlie."_

"_Let me see the messages."_

_I snapped my phone shut. Just because the messages were innocent didn't mean I want Edward to see them. I focused on the worksheet. Edward did the same._

_**Complete the following Punnett squares and answer the questions below. **_

"_This question is about green eyes and brown eyes," He pointed out, "It's like if we had a kid or something."_

_I scoffed. As if Edward Cullen would ever sleep with me. Besides, I didn't want kids anyway. "Yeah, right."_

"_Oh, come on, Bella. You're going to be a good mom someday."_

_Yeah, right._

"_I don't want kids, Edward."_

"_Oh," he said quietly._

_My phone buzzed again. Edward grabbed the phone before I could._

_The look on his face said it all. I had no idea what the text said, but it obviously wasn't good._

"_Oh come on, Edward. Loosen up. It can't be that bad."_

"_Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?"_

"_What? No!" Okay, so maybe I'd thought about losing my virginity to Edward once or twice. I just didn't expect him to be so ...forward about it._

"_I'm not asking, Bella. I know how to treat a woman with respect. That's what the text says."_

_I grabbed the phone back. Sure enough, Edward was right._

_Ew, ew, ew, ew!_

"_Edward, you have to know that I would never, ever, mess around with a married man. God! I'm a virgin, for the love of God. I really don't see that changing anytime soon."_

_...Unless you're offering._

"_I ought to go show this to your dad. Fucking pervert wants to cheat on his wife with a minor!"_

"_Oh my God. Please don't," I begged._

"_Where does this guy live? I'm calling Jasper. We'll go set him straight."_

"_Edward, don't." I didn't think I'd ever been so embarrassed in my life. "Just... Text him and tell him if he texts me again, you'll go to Charlie. And delete his number from my phone if it makes you feel better."_

_Edward did exactly that. I tried to get back to work, but it was just awkward._

"_Edward, you have to know I'd never do that. Right? I'm serious. I'm not that kind of girl."_

_He sighed, "I know. Bella, you're just too innocent for your own good. Be more careful, okay?"_

_Suddenly, I felt a subtle ping of jealousy. I didn't want kids because I knew that relationships fell apart- people cheated. They fell out of love. It happened to my parents, and it'd probably happen to me someday. I didn't want to end up with a douche bag like the one I'd been talking to. I wanted to end up with someone like Edward._

_Then again, so did every other girl._

"_You'll make a good husband someday," I told him, "I mean it. Your wife will be lucky to have you."_

_Edward looked at me, seemingly deep in thought. I waited for him to say something, but the words never came. Eventually, he smiled and looked back down, proceeding on to the next page._

* * *

Got this finished sooner than I thought and didn't get an opportunity to do review replies. Sorry! I considered holding onto the chapter while I sent some out, but I assumed everyone would just want the entire thing... So here it is. I'll be better about teasing next chapter! I promise! Thanks to broduergirl30 and simba517 and thank you for reading/reviewing!


	13. Feeling This

**Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason.**

**I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Chapter 12: Feeling This **

**EPOV**

She jumped into my arms.

And kissed me. And sucked on my bottom lip. And ran her hands through my hair.

And fuck, it turned me on.

The front door was still open. She hadn't even bothered to close it all the way, so I shut it for her... with her back. My hips slammed into hers a few more times and I locked the dead bolt for good measure. We continued to make out for a few seconds before Bella got impatient and began to claw at the hem of my shirt.

The microwave beeped, reminding me of the pizza rolls I'd been craving minutes ago. Obviously, I put them in _before_ Bella stormed through the front door. Now, I could care less about my half-assed dinner. I had a much stronger craving to fulfill.

Still, it seemed like we were forgetting something... or someone.

"Bella, where's Seth?" I asked, making sure I hadn't just locked my son out of the house in the rain..._ while dry humping his mom against the front door._

She didn't bother removing her lips from mine. "Your parents. Overnight."

My shirt ended up on the kitchen table. Hers was probably somewhere on the living room floor. I wasn't exactly paying attention to where it landed; honestly, it was hard to notice _anything_ while there were boobs in my face. As she removed her bra, my attention moved further south; unbuckling her belt and unzipping her jeans. I fought the urge to touch her _there_, at least for the time being. My brain desperately wanted to slow down but my body, or rather,_ my dick_, put up several reasons not to comply.

_Normal_ guys did this shit all the time. I couldn't count the number of girls Jasper had fucked since high school. Bella and I had a much stronger commitment than he'd had with any of them. We were alone. And sober. There were condoms in the night stand, and Bella seemed just as much, if not _more_ eager than I was. I loved her more than anything in the world, and no valid reason could stop me from showing her just how much.

My anxiety still tried to get the best of me. The cynic within me continued to search for a reason to stop, but came up empty handed every time. Physically, my hands were full. I massaged Bella's breast with one, while gripping her ass for leverage with the other. She trailed a hand down to the drawstring of my scrubs, silently seeking permission to untie them.

Almost subconsciously, I carried Bella into our bedroom and laid her down. The rest of her clothes didn't stand a chance; they were gone within seconds. I stood at the foot of our bed, admiring the exquisite body before me and coming to terms with what I was about to do. It had been a _very_ long time for both of us. Scenarios similar to this one replayed in my head over and over again over the past six years, and I finally had my opportunity to make things right. Tonight was supposed to be everything our first time wasn't. I needed to take take my time; it wouldn't do me any good to dive straight in. As far as I had been told, the more foreplay, the better. On top of that, my stamina sucked and I worried I might blow my load as soon as I pushed into her. I wanted to make it good for my girl, so I fought the frenzy surging through my veins; the _need_ to rip off my boxers and bury myself inside her.

"Are you just going to stand there and stare?" She teased, providing me with the final boost of confidence I needed to reclaim what was once and would always be _mine_.

Time stopped. Or, at least, I tried to make it stop. I started at her feet, working my way up her body and planting soft gentle kisses on her calves. The kisses continued past her thighs, each one inching closer to her center. I held myself back, refusing to go straight for her pussy. I stalled, wanting to keep her in suspense for as long as possible. After what seemed like an eternity of chaste kisses and gentle caressing, my tongue finally grazed her soaking wet slit. I steadily became more aggressive, provoking a series of stifled moans as I massaged her clit with my tongue. I entered her with my fingers, finding the perfect rhythm as Bella finally came undone. I prolonged her pleasure for as long as possible before pulling away. My eyes met hers, enticing me to keep going.

I leaned over her, opening the top drawer of the nightstand to pull out one of the condoms I'd put in there last week. She watched with amusement as I removed my boxers, tearing the wrapper open and rolling it onto my shaft. It felt fucking... weird. Wrong. In twenty four years, I'd never worn one. I'd never needed to, unless you counted the night we conceived Seth. It kind of killed the mood, and the latex smelled downright repugnant.

Besides, I didn't like the idea of a barrier between us. Bella wasn't some random stranger I picked up at a bar and it's not like either of us needed to worry about STDs. She was my girl; the mother of my son... which was exactly why I wore the goddamn thing. Bella _really_ needed to go on birth control. Soon.

We finally arrived at the moment of truth.

"Bella, are you sure?" I whispered, lining myself up with her entrance.

She nodded and replied by passionately capturing my lips with hers. It wasn't enough for me. I needed to hear her say the words; to _tell_ me she sincerely wanted it. I stalled.

"I love you," I vowed. "I've been in love with you since the night we did that stupid fucking worksheet on Punnet squares."

She shifted her hips against mine and stifled a laugh. "Are you seriously talking about biology right now?"

"Bella, just tell me you want this as much as I do."

" I must want it _more_, because you're the one stalling."

Fuck. She was right. But why wasn't she saying the words? It seemed as if she was dancing around the subject, just waiting for me to get it over with.

"Edward, is it going to hurt again?"

"I don't know, baby. I don't think so but we'll take it slow. If you need to stop you can tell me, okay?"

"I trust you. I love you," she told me, finally providing me with the words I needed to hear. I began to push into her, surprisingly thanking God for the fucking condom. Tight didn't even begin to describe the way she felt. If not for the desensitization it caused, I probably would have lost it already. It took several slow thrusts for me to make it all the way inside of her and Bella had to ask me to pause twice. She told me it wasn't unbearable, just uncomfortable. I stretched her out, encompassed completely by warmth and pleasure. I remained still while she adjusted to my size, kissing her more deeply than I ever had before. When I finally worked up the courage to continue, she rewarded me by shifting her hips against mine.

"Fuck, Bella," I moaned, unable to finish the thought. I kept moving, keeping a slow and steady pace as her nails scratched the skin on my back. There were no words. Nothing could explain the way she made me feel. I kissed her everywhere, slowly moving in and out.

She moaned, "Right there. God." I smiled against her lips. She might have been moaning God's name, but_ I _was the one getting acquainted with the fucking gate to heaven, over and over again. I wanted it to last forever, but considered myself lucky for lasting as long as I had.

I stilled myself. Buried deep, I kissed everywhere within my reach- her forehead, cheek, neck, collarbone, and of course, her lips. I assured her of my love and told her how good it felt to be the luckiest guy on the planet. She probably thought I was full of shit, but I didn't care. I said nothing but the truth.

I began to rock my hips again. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it off for any longer, but what I didn't expect was for Bella's breathing to speed up; for her to pull herself tight against me and to feel her walls begin to pulsate around my dick. She practically screamed, as I reveled in the fact that I'd gotten my girl off _again_. I must have enjoyed it a little _too_ much because the thought and feeling was enough to fall over the edge with her.

After I finished grunting like some sort of fucking caveman, she laughed.

"Fuck, babe, why are you laughing right now?"

"We're definitely going to have to tone it down next time," she explained.

"God, I love you," I smiled, pulling out and rolling onto my back. As much as I didn't want to leave her warmth, I couldn't wait to be rid of the helllish straight jacket around my dick.

"I love you, too," she replied, rolling out of bed and heading into the bathroom.

I followed her, throwing the condom away and asking her if she'd like to take a shower. I couldn't help it. I was a greedy guy. I still wanted to hold her and touch her and pretty much worship the ground she walked on. I turned on the water, stepping in and waiting for her to join me.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what brought all that on?" I asked later, as we made our way back into bed.

"I..." she trailed off, "I know about the Explorer."

"What about it?" I asked, playing dumb.

"I got pulled over on the way home. The cop ran the registration on my car and told me it belonged to you. Even when we weren't together, you were still trying to take care of my needs. You love me."

"Truly, I do."

She shrugged. "So I wanted to take care of yours."

"But sex isn't just about me."

"No, you're right. It's not," she smiled, lowering her voice to a whisper, "I kind of like it, you know."

We woke up the next morning in a position similar to which we'd fallen asleep. Naked. My mom called and offered to take Seth to school, allowing us a little more time to ourselves. We made our way through our early morning routines, each of us in a slightly better mood than usual. Bella was almost out the door when she stopped to kiss me goodbye.

"Are you okay with me calling a lawyer to change Seth's name to Cullen?"

_Of course_ I was... but I wasn't. I considered coming clean; telling her about the call I'd _already_ made to Jenks. I couldn't do it. Things were going so well, and the last thing I wanted was for something stupid to come between us. Unfortunately, she thought I was stalling for an entirely different reason. Her smile vanished.

"Babe, of course I'm okay with it," I assured her, though she didn't seem convinced. I grinned genuinely. "God, baby. You really want my son to have my last name?"

"_He_ wants it. I asked him. And I figured we should do it now while he's still young. When we have more kids, I don't want him to question why they're Cullens and he's not."

"Seth Tyler Cullen," I smiled, "I fucking love it." I kissed her. "I love him," I added, "and I love you."

"So can I make the call?"

"Bella, why don't you let me ask Dad if he knows anyone, and I'll make the call after lunch."

"Okay, but let me cover the cost, okay?" she insisted, "After all, it was my mistake in the first place."

I didn't wait until the afternoon to call Jenks. I called him on my way to work, leaving a message with his assistant because he was busy with a hearing. I knew he had to be sick of playing phone tag with me. Quite honestly, I hoped I'd never have another reason to talk to him after this ordeal was over with. After returning from lunch, he called back and faxed me some forms to be signed and notarized by Bella and me. Seeing his name written as Seth Tyler Cullen for the first time, even if it wasn't official, made my heart swell up with more pride than I ever thought possible. As soon as Bella and I sent the forms back, Jenks would take the case before a judge to make a decision. Because my name was actually on Seth's birth certificate, Jenks advised me that the judge would have no legitimate reason to refuse our petition.

"What the fuck are you grinning for?" Jasper asked, pulling me away from my thoughts. I glanced up, and sure enough, my best friend stood on the other side of the desk. He was clad in his very own Forks PD uniform.

I laughed, "Dude, you look like a douche bag."

"Whatever, man. You're just saying that because I remind you of the Chief."

"Yeah, you're probably right. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Some idiot tried to break into a house over by Tilicum Park. He cut his hand open trying to break through some glass. I'm just waiting for your dad to stitch his ass up so I can arrest him."

I laughed. They must have brought him in while I was out to lunch with Bella.

"That's fucking hilarious, dude. So is the new job going okay?"

"Yeah, it's okay. Kind of boring, you know?"

I looked around the almost vacant ER and sighed. "Yeah, tell me about it."

"So I take it Chief knows you're fucking his daughter?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, for one, there's a massive shit eating grin plastered on your face."

Okay, maybe he had a point.

"Seth spent the night with my parents last night," I inferred.

He laughed, "No shit? I guess it's safe to say Charlie's little plan backfired on him then, didn't it?"

"What plan?"

"Oh, shit. She didn't tell you, did she?"

I was starting to get pissed. "Tell me what?"

"The cop who pulled your girl over yesterday thought she was pretty cute. He told your dad over the radio that he was going to ask her out until she mentioned her _boyfriend_. Charlie just laughed it off and made it seem like you were no big obstacle."

What. The. Fuck. "You're fucking kidding me, right?"

"Nope. The prick wasn't even phased when Bella told him about Seth."

I didn't know what I was more pissed about; the fact that Bella was in a car alone with this guy, Charlie undermining our relationship, or that Bella hadn't even bothered to tell me about it. I wondered if last night was just some fucking distraction; some sick way to get even. Is it possible that it meant far more to me than it did to her?

"Where the fuck was Alice when this was happening?" I seethed.

"She stayed in the Explorer."

"Why the fuck for, man?"

"Relax, Ed. It's standard procedure to bring the subject back to the car at the officer's discretion."

"You mean, if the motherfucker wants to be alone with my girl to do God knows what, she can't exactly say no."

He sighed, "Ed, look. Forget I said anything. Bella obviously wasn't interested. Actually, the highway patrol called her a fire cracker and said she had a short fuse. She didn't put up with his bull shit."

"Not helping," I groaned, rubbing my face with my hands.

"Whitlock, you ready?" someone called from one of the bays.

"Shit, man. I gotta go. Look, don't worry about it. Say hi to the family for me, okay?"

I wanted to reach across the counter and hit him for planting the seed of doubt in my head. Deep down, I knew it hadn't been his intention to fuck with me but my insecurities still found a way to the forefront of my mind. This morning, I felt like I was on top of the world. Now, I wondered if it had all been some sick plot for revenge. My heart knew better, but my brain still felt the need to over analyze.

Would Bella sleep with me as a way to get back at Charlie for humiliating her?

I got my answer later that evening as I returned home from work. Seth had the Nintendo turned up way too loud in the living room, and Bella was too focused on dinner in the kitchen to notice me. She had her back turned, and I listened as she spoke to someone on the phone.

"Look, Dad, I don't care what you think about him. You _cannot_ offer my company to every single guy that comes along! I'm in a committed relationship with the father of my son."

She stayed silent for a moment, undoubtedly tolerating the protests from her father.

"I love him. I'm an adult and fully capable of making my own decisions. I need you to respect that."

As she waited for his reply, I cleared my throat. She didn't notice.

"Look, nothing you can say about him is going to change the way I feel. When I close my eyes and picture my wedding, Edward is the man waiting at the end of the aisle. Every time."

I could almost hear Charlie's ranting on the other end of the phone line.

"Well, if you won't give me away, I'm sure my son will."

The thought of my son giving his mother away to me was enough to evoke very strong emotions within me. Chills shot down my back.

"Dad, look. Maybe it's best if we just... keep to ourselves for a while. Call me when you're ready to accept the inevitable," she spat, slamming the phone onto the counter and turning around to face me.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked.

"Not long," I lied.

"Yeah, uh-huh."

Her eyes were watery. "Bella, baby, don't cry."

"I can't help it! I'm just so... mad."

"Don't be," I assured her, "He'll come around, sweetheart. He just needs more time."

She told me she hoped so and went back to what she was doing. I helped her out in the kitchen, and we laughed as she discovered my long forgotten pizza rolls from last night. As we ate dinner, each of us talked about our days. Seth kept us busy afterwards by showing us all of the new things he could do on Super Mario Brothers for Wii, and eventually we made the little guy go to bed. I crawled into bed with my girl and told her I loved her, then proceeded to show her just how much.

For the next few nights, we were practically insatiable. Tuesday night, she let me take her three times before we finally fell asleep. On Wednesday, she attacked me in the shower. Thursday marked a turning point; the day Bella had her appointment to be put on birth control and incidentally, the day we became an aunt and uncle to my brother's baby girl.

They named her Emily. Emily Rose Cullen, after her mom and dad. She was born at the hospital in Forks while both my father and I were on shift. Fortunately, neither of us worked in labor and delivery so we were spared the gruesome details. I did, however, get stuck watching my three year old nephew in the waiting room of the ER while Bella went to her appointment at the OB/GYN.

The kid could be a monster when he felt like it. He refused to sit still and played with everything. In a lot of ways, he reminded me of Seth. Even though I rarely saw him, I knew my son milked his toddler years for all they were worth. Bella said so. I saw him when I could, which unfortunately meant I saw him when I knew I couldn't avoid it.

Birthdays, summers, spring breaks, Christmases, and any time he got sick.

* * *

_I __was a terrible fucking father._

_Being around him wasn't easy. He reminded me of her, and she reminded me of everything I'd ever fucked up in my life. She hated me at this point. I knew she did. I wasn't nearly __as__ big of a douche as I had been in the beginning, losing all of my will to stay away permanently. I tried to be there when she needed me, but I still saw heartbreak in her eyes every time she looked at me._

_Which, fortunately, wasn't often._

_It was Christmas Eve. In 27 days, Seth would turn three._

_I stayed in my dorm as long as I possibly could, making up some excuse about helping Jasper move in with his girlfriend. He was still with the same bitch, Maria, and they decided to take shit to the next level. Jasper was a fucking idiot. She used him, cheated on him, and generally treated him like shit but he didn't seem to care. It was pathetic._

_I still hadn't so much as kissed anyone other than Bella in the past three years._

_I knew I was being a masochist, but I still loved her. The thought of being with someone else made me sick to my stomach._

_She deserved so much better than me. I wanted her to meet someone; a fucking man who had a decent job and treated them right. Someone who could adopt Seth, so he wouldn't have to grow up with a pathetic, damn-near rapist of a father._

_I still couldn't get past the fact that I'd ruined her life._

_I sat in the living room, stuffing a few cookies down my throat and waited for the festivities to start. Christmas was a major production at my house, especially now that my parents had grand kids. Emmett knocked Rosalie up last year, and they were proud, happy fucking parents to a six month old son, Henry._

_I heard a knock at the door. Mom told me to answer it._

_She wasn't even fucking subtle about it._

_I did as I was told, because honestly, I missed my family. Besides, I knew damn well that my dad wasn't afraid to kick my ass into the New Year. To say he was ashamed of me was an understatement. The final straw had come when he found out I'd changed my major from Pre-Med to Nursing. I wasn't cut out to be a doctor. I didn't want the glory, the money, or the opportunities that Bella would never have. Nursing had a lot of the same prerequisites. I still got to be in the medical field, but without the prestige of an MD._

_Seth had grown a lot since October. He carried the stuffed monkey I'd given him in last time I saw him. I wondered if he always did that, or if Bella just grabbed it because she knew I'd be here. The last time I saw them, it had been under less than desirable conditions. The kid was sick as a fucking dog. They gave him a chest tube, and I took a few days off school to give Bella a break. From the way mom put it, she was falling apart._

_In Bella's other hand was a bag of presents. I wondered if they were for Seth or us. She greeted me, always keeping it civil in front of our son. Behind closed doors was a different story. I couldn't count the number of times we'd screamed at each other; over the phone and in person. She just wanted me to be there, and I just disappear all together._

"_Say Merry Christmas to Daddy, baby."_

_The little elf outfit she'd dressed him in was fucking adorable. I wondered if she had been the one to buy it for him._

_When Mom told me Bella had been living in low income housing, I wanted to scream. They were floating my child support for me while I went to school, but apparently it wasn't enough. I knew Bella had a lot of bills from when Seth was in NICU, but I had no idea if she still paid on them. Dad mentioned something about assistance from the state, which made me sick to my stomach. Some fucking provider I was, eh?_

_I swallowed. "Can I hold him?"_

"_Yeah, go for it." She handed him over to me._

_He started screaming and called out for Bella, holding out his arms in hopes that she'd take him back._

"_Shhh, baby. It's okay. Be good for Daddy, okay?"_

_More screaming._

"_Uh, maybe you should just take him back?" I resigned, after unsuccessfully attempting to calm him down._

_As soon as we made the transition, he stopped crying. _

"_Maybe he's hungry," Bella lied. "Let's go see what Meme has fixed us for dinner, okay?"_

_Seth practically got passed around like a football during dinner. Mom held him. Dad held him. Hell, even Emmett could hold my son without him screaming bloody murder. Everyone interacted with Bella as if she were part of a family; even more so than they cared to speak with me. We went into the living room to open presents, and I took a seat next to Bella._

_Fuck, being this close to her hurt._

"_Um, do you want to hold him while I pass out everyone's presents?"_

_So they were for us._

_I tried again. He seemed okay at first, but as soon as Bella disappeared from his sight he began to scream. Mom seemed sympathetic. Everyone else did not. They knew it was my fault as much as I did. _

_I tried to soothe him, but by the time Bella returned my patience was shot. She took him back and we all began to open presents. Seth at least seemed to love the few toys I'd bought for him. I specifically asked my parents not to buy me anything; to spend their money on him instead. Dad had no problems complying. The only thing I'd gotten was a picture frame from Bella and Seth. It held a picture of my son and Santa, who was apparently the only other person in the world who could make him cry. The frame even had sound, a recording of Seth saying "I love you, Daddy."_

_I'd reached my breaking point. I excused myself, heading out to the back to smoke a cigarette. The tears welled up in my stupid eyes before I could even get out of the house._

_After a few minutes of smoking and sobbing, I looked up to see Bella._

"_He doesn't recognize you," she whispered, "It wouldn't happen if you saw him more."_

"_Bella, fucking seriously, I can't handle any more guilt right now."_

"_I'm not trying to make you feel guilty."_

"_You don't have to try. It just comes naturally, believe it or not."_

"_You know, sometimes I can't get him to stop crying no matter what I do. Some days he runs around non-stop and I seriously think his goal is to give me gray hair by the time I'm thirty. On good days, he takes a two hour nap. Do you how often I have good days?"_

"_Not often enough, I'm sure."_

"_No one's a perfect parent, Edward. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try."_

* * *

I couldn't believe how far we'd come. Three years ago, I could hardly handle being in the same room as Bella. Today, I was thinking about fucking mortgages and engagement rings. Even something as simple as watching my nephew ignited something in me that I couldn't have dreamed about three years ago. As I watched Bella interact with Emily, I realized just how desperately, and how soon I wanted to become a father again.

I envied the age difference between Henry and Emily. It was the same between Emmett and me. If Bella and I had a baby now, Seth would be six. The longer we waited, the older he got. I didn't want to wait.

That night, as Bella and I got ready for bed, I tried to decide between holding my desires in or laying them out on the table. We hadn't had a free moment alone since this morning, but it hadn't stopped her from badgering me continuously to find out why I kept acting _off_, as she put it. I told her not to worry about it but as soon as she started talking about her birth control, and how she couldn't start taking it until first Sunday of her cycle, I decided I needed to come clean.

Bella would want me to be honest, right?

"Okay, fine. Something _is_ bothering me," I confessed, mustering up all of my courage.

"What's up?" she asked, coming to sit next to me on the edge of the bed.

I hesitated, "I don't want you to take it."

"Like, as in, you think we should keep using condoms? But don't you hate them? I mean, you were just telling me yesterday how it felt like doing the dishes with those big awkward gloves... That it just wasn't the same if you weren't getting wet."

I laughed, "Yes. I know what I said. I mean, what if we... didn't use anything."

"I'm not sure I'm following."

The words were out of my mouth before I could even reconsider. "I want to try again."

She remained quiet for far too long. "Like, right now?" she eventually asked.

"I'm ready whenever you are."

"But we're not even married," she said sadly.

"Not yet. Bella, I can't marry you until I get your father's blessing."

"And knocking me up again..."

"Can't hurt things," I finished for her. "Bella, look. It's okay to say no. But if you get pregnant now, Seth will be in first grade by the time he has a little brother or sister. That's already a huge age difference. We aren't any less prepared now than we were six years ago. We have our own place, careers, _a relationship_."

"You're right," she agreed. "But Edward, this is a major decision. I can't just make it on the spur of the moment. And we _just_ started dating! I mean, what will people think? And Seth..."

Rejection. I didn't want to hear it.

"Yeah, I get it. You can stop now."

She crawled onto my lap. "Edward, I'm not saying no. Just... not right now. Let me_ at least_ figure out this whole Jacksonville thing first, okay?"

She kissed me, but I just couldn't get into it. I kissed back, of course, but it didn't feel right. I knew she was only trying to distract me. It wasn't working. Nothing, not even Bella's touch, could fight back the hurt of Bella's refusal. I was an ass. I told her it was okay to say no. It was irrational, selfish, and naive to expect Bella to trust me enough to take such a big step. She began to go down on me, and I pulled away.

"I'm tired," I lied.

And for the first night since Sunday, we fell asleep without making love.

**So, initially, this chapter was longer. I cut it short so we'd get a few more moments of happiness before... well, you know. Did I mention I'm a sucker for a happy ending? With the two chapters I'm adding, I expect this story to be at around 25 chapters total. That's subject to change, of course. ;) And I promise to write some outtakes when it's all over with. :)**

**Thanks to anyone who reads/reviews. As always, my betas Brodeurgirl30 and Simba517 are awesome. Teasers will be sent out with review replies!**


	14. I'll Let You Live

**Chapter 13: I'll Let You Live**

**BPOV**

My eyes flew open to a dark bedroom.

It was just a dream... or more like a nightmare. I looked over to Edward, hoping I hadn't woken him. Unfortunately, I had. He stared back at me with concern written all over his face. I wonder what I'd done. Talked? Screamed? I'd been known to do both. He wasted no time pulling me into his arms, and I broke down.

"Shh, love," he whispered, "It's okay. I'm here. I've got you. What happened? Do you want to talk about it?"

A steady flow of tears streamed down my face. "I dreamt we lost a baby."

I had preeclampsia. Again. My blood pressure was too high and my body couldn't handle the pregnancy. The same condition forced Seth into a world he wasn't ready for. If the doctors in Port Angeles hadn't given me an emergency c-section, it would have killed me. Seth and I got lucky but in the dream, my worst nightmare came true. I lived at the cost of a baby girl.

"Don't cry, sweetheart. It wasn't real."

"It was my fault. I was sick and if they didn't take her, it was going to kill me. What if it happens again, Edward? I have to take care of Seth. I can't die, but I don't know if I can go through that again," I rambled almost incoherently.

"Bella, this isn't something you need to worry about right now. And when the time comes, we'll catch any red flags. It won't catch us off guard like it did last time. I'll take care of you... of our family. I promise."

I continued to sob, using our sheets to wipe the tears from my eyes. He held me close, comforting me as best he could. My fears weren't totally squashed but after a few minutes in his arms I was able to regain some composure.

He sighed. "I'm really sorry."

I sniffled, "For what?"

"A lot of things, actually. But at the moment, I'm sorry for overreacting last night. I was an ass. I love you, sweetheart. We don't have to worry about this until you're ready."

"I love you, too," I assured him as an unwelcomed sob escaped from my throat. "More than you'll ever know."

He continued, "God, I'm such a fuck up. It'll be okay, baby. I didn't mean to give you nightmares."

He felt guilty. He didn't know how often I had dreams like this. Most of the time, they were about Seth. What if my son hadn't made it? I didn't even want to think about it. Unfortunately, my subconscious did. The only difference between this dream and those in the past was the fact that the child wasn't Seth. While our conversation last night probably did trigger the nightmare, he didn't need to feel bad about it.

I shifted my body to where I was on top of him. I needed Edward. His words were comforting, but his body, his embrace... I couldn't get close enough. His hands moved to grip my hips, and I was sure he would pull away like he had last night.

He didn't. Maybe he knew how much I needed him; _all_ of him.

I hoped he needed me, too.

He pulled me closer. In anticipation for our nightly rendezvous, the only thing I'd worn to bed last night was one of his t-shirts and my panties. As Alice had told me, a guy loved it when his girl wore his clothes. He leaned forward to kiss me, shedding the t-shirt in the process. Within a matter of seconds we were naked and he was teasing my entrance. I reached over to grab a condom from the top drawer, hoping he meant what he said about waiting until I was ready.

In the past week, we'd began to explore our sexual relationship. I loved being close to him; discovering a side of myself that didn't exist outside of _us_. It wasn't my first time to be on top of him, but we'd never actually started out this way. Eager to initiate our sexual activity, I rolled the condom onto his length. Sinking down to meet his hips with mine, I groaned and silently cursed the thin latex that kept me from _really_ feeling him.

I didn't like the goddamn things anymore than he did, but I wasn't about to risk the alternative.

I rode him. Hard. His greedy hands were all over my body, massaging my breasts and pulling my hips as tight against his as they could possibly go. I rocked harder, he gripped tighter, and the entire world ceased to matter for a few short seconds. Edward coaxed me through my climax until I could no longer hold back my moans. He silenced me with his lips, knowing I'd all but forgotten about the sleeping child upstairs.

As I came down from my high, Edward rolled us over without breaking the kiss. Now on my back, our pace slowed to a damn-near standstill. He poured endless amounts of love and affection into his touches and kisses.

"I love you," he whispered, "You're my soul mate."

"The one and only," I smiled, hooking a leg around his waist.

His pace gradually increased, and suddenly Edward became the one oblivious to our surroundings. If he heard the sound of the headboard hitting the wall, he didn't seem to care. He continued to pound relentlessly; more aggressive than ever. After several _very_ deep thrusts, Edward lost it. The sound of my name rolling off of his lips definitely hadn't gotten old yet, and I doubted it ever would.

"Fuck," he grunted, "What time is it, anyway?"

He rolled off of me and I grabbed my phone. It read 3:12 in the morning; still far too early for either of us to be awake. I reluctantly made my way into the bathroom, fully expecting Edward to be snoring by the time I crawled back into bed. Sex tended to wear the guy out. I didn't blame him; I was exhausted, too.

Despite our noise, we managed not to wake Seth up. He rarely came downstairs in the middle of the night, but I got dressed anyway. I went to unlock the bedroom door, only to realize we'd never locked it in the first place. We definitely needed to be more careful about this stuff.

When I finally crawled back into bed, my boyfriend pulled me into his arms.

"Was that okay?" he whispered, "I wasn't too rough, was I?"

I kissed his cheek. "You worry too much."

"You're too easy on me," he countered.

"I'm only easy _for_ you," I joked. "There's a difference."

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked. "I mean, about everything."

I nuzzled myself closer to him. As long as I had him... as long as we were together, I knew I'd be fine. "Yeah. Definitely. Go back to sleep, Edward. Don't forget, you're working that double tomorrow."

Why he volunteered to work seventeen hours straight was beyond me. He insisted on taking Sunday off, even though it meant working late with Tanya. I knew I had nothing to be worried about, but I still didn't like it. I'd much prefer for him to spend his Friday night with me. Being alone on my birthday didn't bother me. If I had it my way, we wouldn't even celebrate the blasted day, but Edward unfortunately wouldn't take no for an answer. Much to my dismay, my twenty-fourth birthday refused to pass unnoticed.

At least there would be cake.

...Hopefully.

As I picked Seth up from school on Friday, I noticed his dismay over Edward's absence. It was hard to believe this world didn't exist for him a few weeks ago. He'd grown accustomed to his father's presence, and I couldn't help but worry over the possibility of things not working out. I had no intentions of leaving Edward but that didn't mean he wouldn't eventually get bored. Even if we married, there would be no guarantee of it lasting forever. I didn't want to imagine how Seth would be affected if we were to split. The invisible line had been crossed. It would be impossible to go back now. I _needed_ this to work out; if not for me, for my son.

"Are we still moving?" Seth asked as we made our way back to the house.

I didn't have an answer. Last night, Edward had given me something new to consider. Our relationship would hopefully progress sooner or later. He wanted more kids and I wanted to get married. What good would it do to move clear across the country for my career, only to get pregnant a year or two down the road? When I took the job, I was a single mom desperate to expand my income. Now I had to consider Edward's career, too.

"Do you want to move?" I asked, looking over at Seth as he fiddled with his Optimus Prime backpack.

* * *

_Edward Cullen was a liar._

_The last time we spoke, five months ago, was right after his graduation. After four and a half years, nine semesters, Edward was moving back to Forks. He would never become a doctor. He hadn't even gone into pre-med. Instead, he settled for nursing. Everyone assumed he'd continue on to become a nurse practitioner but it didn't happen. _

_Edward got hired on at Forks General as a registered nurse._

_It was still a good career. Far better than mine, as if that meant anything. But it wasn't good enough; not for him. And it made me furious._

_Just before his last semester began, Seth caught pneumonia. Coupled with his asthma, it was the sickest he'd been since birth. He spent almost a week in the hospital and Edward stayed with us the entire time. When I went to work, Edward stayed with Seth. We took turns spending the night at the hospital. I let Edward stay at my apartment on the nights I didn't. When Seth finally went home, Edward reluctantly went back to Seattle but our contact continued. It started with a daily phone call to Seth. Then, he began calling twice a day. Before I knew it, May rolled around and I was falling asleep to the sound of Edward's voice almost every night. My text messaging bill went through the roof._

_Mostly, we talked about our son. Edward wanted to know everything about him. It astonished me. I felt like Edward, or at least, the one I used to know was finally back. I didn't understand why he cared all of the sudden. I didn't dare question or complain about it. I knew he still had issues and the last thing I wanted to do was to set him off again. Besides, neither of us wanted to dwell on the past. We never talked about the night Seth was conceived or the mistakes both of us had made since then. _

_Our conversations flowed freely. Too freely. Edward began to get flirtatious and I encouraged his behavior. After all, men weren't exactly beating down the door to date a 22 year old single mom._

_The closer Edward came to graduation, the more we began to talk about the future._

_He applied to the Nurse Practitioner program at the University of Washington. Carlisle and Esme talked about it for weeks. They seemed confident he would be accepted, and I had to agree. He had the grades, the money, and plenty of connections thanks to his father. It meant two more years in Seattle and as much as the extended time away from Seth bothered me, I didn't want to hold him back. He worked so hard._

"_They only accept fifteen applicants a year, Bella. I didn't make the cut," he confessed during one of our late night talks._

"_What are you going to do?" I asked, "Can't you apply to another school?"_

"_No, it's too late for that. I think I'm just going to move back to Forks and get a job at the hospital." He quickly changed the subject. "Hey, are you going to come to my graduation?"_

_Two weeks later, I found myself wrestling a four year old into dress clothes. The drive to Seattle was awkward to say the least. I was close with Edward's parents. They loved me. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how much they loved their son. I assumed Carlisle would finally be proud. Apparently not. Esme tried to make conversation but Carlisle shrugged her off. The closer we came to Seattle, the more Seth began to fuss. We finally made it to the University of Washington, and I was so relieved to see Edward that I almost kissed him. _

_Almost being the key word._

_Because of Seth, we were late. The ceremony was about to start, and Edward couldn't stick around for long. I think he mostly wanted to see his son before heading over to sit with the other graduates. After a few boring speeches, they called his name and he stalked across the podium. Everyone cheered for Edward, and his mom insisted we go out for lunch to celebrate his accomplishments._

_Seth sat on Edward's lap at the restaurant, demanding most of his attention while we waited on our drinks. After the waiter delivered a basket of bread, Carlisle tried to incorporate Edward into conversation._

"_So, Edward, have you changed your mind yet?"_

"_No, dad. I haven't. The answer is still no."_

"_What are you guys talking about?" I asked curiously._

"_Don't worry about it, Bella." He rested his hand on my thigh but otherwise focused all of his attention on Seth. "What do you want to eat, son?"_

"_Macaroni!"_

_The subject dropped, but not for long. Esme and I carried the conversation while Edward played with his son and Carlisle remained silent._

"_Dad, have you talked to HR about my application yet?" _

_Alice worked in the human resources office at the hospital. She mentioned Edward's application to me the other day, knowing she had no choice but to hire him. Not only did she want the best for her godson, but she also respected Carlisle's position as head of the ER. _

"_They're not hiring, son," Carlisle lied, his eyes never leaving the menu._

"_Dad, don't bull sh-" He looked down at our curious four-year old. "Don't bull crap me."_

"_You need to think this through more, son."_

"_I already have. I'm not going," Edward argued._

"_Carlisle, Edward, please. Don't do this here," Esme begged. I still had no idea what they were talking about._

"_He'd be stupid to pass up this opportunity."_

"_Opportunity?" I asked._

"_Grad school," Esme explained, rolling her eyes._

_I looked at Edward. "But I thought you didn't get in?"_

"_I..." he tried to explain, before being cut off by his father._

"_Didn't get in? Bella, they offered him a full ride!"_

_A full ride. Not only had been accepted, but they were going to pay for it?_

_I looked at him. He lied to me. He told me he didn't make the cut. Edward wasn't going to grad school, but not because he didn't meet the requirements. He chose not to go. He planned on moving back to Forks because he wanted to, not because he had no other options,_

"_Why, Edward?" I demanded, "Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_Sweetheart..."_

_All of the sudden I was his 'sweetheart' again?_

"_No, Edward. Do not tell me you're saying no because of me."_

_He didn't say anything._

"_Please," I begged. _

"_Can we talk about this later? Please?"_

_Later, Esme and Carlisle dropped us off at Edward's dorm. Sensing the tension, they left me alone with Edward and took Seth to the park. Even Carlisle seemed... apologetic? I was livid, while Edward still looked like a deer caught in the headlights._

"_What the fuck, Edward?" I demanded, "You fucking lied to me!"_

"_I didn't fucking lie. I'm not going. It's my decision. I'm happy with my degree and there are more important things in the world than money and prestigious titles. I have everything I need right in front of me. I want to focus on putting shit back together with my family."_

"_Define family," I challenged._

"_My son and my..." he stuttered, "My..." _

_Fuck._

_No._

"_Edward, don't say it."_

"_Why not?"_

"_It's not going to happen. It'll never work."_

_Four years ago, definitely. Now? I didn't think so. Aside from his absence over the past four years, I couldn't help but wonder how many girls he'd been with. As much as I wanted to think we'd get there someday, I knew we still had a lot to work through. We needed a friendship first, at least. And he didn't need to throw his opportunities away for me._

_Besides, I refused to be his girlfriend only when convenient for him._

"_Edward, we can't be together. Moving back to Forks won't change that."_

"_But Bel-"_

_If he argued, I'd lose my resolve. "No. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. Aside from sharing a son, there is nothing between us. Go to school, Edward. If you want to see Seth, I can start bringing him to Seattle. Or, we can meet half way."_

_Edward didn't go to school. He moved back to Forks, just like he said he would. We didn't talk. Esme became the mediator, and Edward didn't see Seth nearly as much as __he __said he would. Twice a month, maybe. Five months passed before my phone finally rang._

"_Isabella, It's Edward," he explained, as if I didn't know. I hated the formalities. We shared a fucking kid. The least he could do was call me Bella. "I have the weekend off and I was wondering if maybe we can take Seth to the zoo in Seattle?"_

_I said yes. _

_Maybe I was a liar, too._

* * *

Alice, Seth and I ate dinner at the diner knowing Edward wouldn't be able to take his lunch break until 8:00 or 9:00. His shift didn't end until 2:00 in the morningand I enjoyed the company of my best friend to help pass the time. We talked, mostly about irrelevancies until Seth overheard us talking about Rosalie's baby. It sparked his memory.

"I asked daddy for a little sister," he told us, causing me to replay Edward's words from last night. I almost choked on my Pepsi. I wanted to ask for more details but I couldn't force the words out.

"And do tell, sir, what your father said to that?" Alice asked, as if she could read my mind.

"He said mommy and him were focused on me."

"Good answer," I laughed, "Daddy is smart."

"I wouldn't go that far, Bella," Alice joked. "What else did he say?"

"He said I can't have a little sister because she'll look like Mommy and be too pretty and I'd have to beat up all the boys who tried to talk to her."

Alice laughed, "Wow, okay. Maybe Edward is smarter than I thought."

"He's just speaking from his own experience," I added, "After all, I didn't have a tough scary older brother to watch out for me."

"True," Alice said.

I wrapped my arms around Seth for a hug. "And look what I have to show for it." I smiled.

"Me?" Seth wondered curiously.

"Of course, you, silly!"

Seth thought long and hard. "If no one is gonna beat up Daddy, why can't I have a little brother?"

The similarities between Edward and Seth were eerie. Sure, he looked like me, but he acted _exactly_ like his dad. They were stubborn, overprotective, compelling, quick witted and far too cute for their own good.

Against them, I knew I didn't stand a chance.

Alice hung around after I put Seth to bed. We had a good laugh over our conversation at the diner but it led into my revelation of Edward's confession. I knew it wasn't right to bring her into it, but I couldn't keep it to myself. I needed to talk it out with someone, no matter how much I knew she wouldn't approve.

"Surely you aren't actually considering it," she said. "I mean, you'd have to be crazy."

"Not right now, obviously. But I don't think I can move to Jacksonville," I confessed.

"Because..."

"Ugh! I don't know. It sounds so stupid. But what if I do want kids, six months or a year from now? I'll have done all that work for nothing. Do I really want to correspond for a bunch of sporting events when I've got two kids and a husband-boyfriend-fiance-whatever-the-fuck-he-wants-to-be at home?"

"It didn't seem to bother you three weeks ago when it was just you and Seth."

"Three weeks ago, I was worried about how I'd cough up enough money to pay the electric bill. Now, my biggest concern seems to be whether or not Tanya is eye-fucking my man tonight."

"Oh, trust me. She is," Alice laughed. I didn't find it funny. At all. "Seriously, Bella? Shouldn't your biggest concern be Jacksonville? Or, at the very least, the fact that Edward wants to knock you up like, right now? I mean, the man has millions of sperm, all waiting to attack at the first sign of weakness. That's some scary shit right there."

But it wasn't scary at all.

And just like that, thanks to Alice and the millions of waiting sperm, I realized that my decision had already been made. I couldn't go to Jacksonville. I wanted to stay in Forks. Find a bigger place. Put things back together with Edward. Focus on our family, so that I would eventually be comfortable allowing it to grow.

I couldn't wait to tell Edward.

"Ali, can you stay here with Seth for a little while?"

She rolled her eyes. "Bella, I didn't mean _right_ now. As much as Edward probably wouldn't mind a quickie on his lunch break, I think you should at least wait until he gets home to procreate. Or better yet, wait for the next Halley's Comet."

"Alice, seriously? I'm not going to the hospital to conceive. I just want to talk." I couldn't resist adding, "But just in case, can I have the keys to your office?"

In what was probably her best interest, Alice did not give me the keys to her office. She did, however, agree to stay at the house with my son. I grabbed my left over chicken tenders from the diner, hoping it would make for a quick meal and headed over to the hospital. It was a little after 9:30 and I knew if Edward hadn't gone on his lunch yet, he'd be taking it soon.

I parked next to his Volvo. It didn't escape my notice how few cars were in the parking lot. The hospital obviously wasn't busy and I wondered what Edward did to pass the time. It was no wonder Edward sent me so many text messages.

Tanya stood just outside the sliding glass doors smoking a cigarette. She hardly acknowledged me, not that I cared. Inside, Edward was no where to be found. I assumed he was with a patient and took a seat in the waiting room, fidgeting with my cell phone to pass the time.

After a minute or so, Edward's bitchy co-worker came back inside. Smoke was not an attractive fragrance for her.

"I'm sorry, I should have asked. Do you need to be admitted or something?"

"Um, no," I replied, "Just came to drop some food off for Edward."

Edward walked up behind Tanya and silently observed as she continued to write me off as unimportant.

"Oh, okay. Eddie is pretty busy with a patient right now. You can leave it on our desk."

"Actually, I was hoping to say hi."

"I'll pass the message on."

"No need," Edward cut in. "Hey, sweetheart."

I smiled, "Hey, Edward."

"Where's S-Man?"

"Alice offered to watch him for a while," I explained. Tanya's intrusion on our privacy killed my confidence. "I just wanted to say hi. I can go now."

"Are you kidding? My lunch break is in like, five minutes. Come here. I've been meaning to show you something anyway."

We walked over to the nurse's station and Edward led me around the counter. I pushed the styrofoam box aside and he sat down, pulling me into his lap. Tanya followed us over like a lost puppy, but it didn't seem to bother him.

"Oh, good, Tanya," he said, "You're going to want to see this, too."

She smiled, clearly enjoying the attention. I thought I might throw up.

I noticed the framed picture of the three of us on his desk. It was amazing how much Seth took after me, yet he still managed to look totally handsome. Edward pointed to the intercom next to the frame, taking the phone off the hook and pressing one of its many buttons.

"Okay, it's time to learn how to use this thing."

What was wrong with him? I wasn't five years old. I could care less about a freaking phone. Did he plan on showing me the copier next?

"Edward, I don't care how the stupid intercom works."

"I know, sweetheart. I was talking to Tanya."

My face fell. Hers lit up. Edward continued to speak playfully, slipping a hand under my shirt to caress my skin. I wondered if he was trying to calm me down.

"This is the nurse call system. It's what we use to communicate with our patients. If someone needs us, the phone rings and the button corresponding to their room lights up. All we have to do is pick up the phone and press the button to be connected.

"Incidentally, these things have awesome sound quality. If you don't hang up correctly, it acts similar to a baby monitor. The patient can hear everything said at the nurse's station, but we can't hear the patient.

He was going somewhere with this, I just wasn't sure where.

"Tanya, do you remember the day Bella came to pick me up?"

"Vaguely," she said quietly.

"I was prepping bay five and used the call button to ask you if my family had arrived. A few minutes later, I heard Bella's voice. Do you remember what you said to her? To my five year old?"

"No," she lied. I knew exactly what she said. She told me Seth didn't look like Edward.

"My son told you he had my eyes. You said, 'lots of guys have green eyes.'"

She let out a nervous laugh. "Eddie-"

His playful tone disappeared. "If you ever... and I mean, _ever_, so much as think about questioning my son's paternity again, it'll be the last thing you do. And next time you decide to disrespect my girlfriend, maybe you should _at least _make sure the intercom button isn't engaged first."

The moment was indescribable. Tanya looked as if she might burst into tears. I was speechless, and Edward could only be described as smug.

And _very_ fuckable. Maybe we didn't need Alice's keys after all. Maybe Carlisle left his unlocked...

As if he were reading my thoughts, he kissed my cheek. "Ready to get out of here for a while, babe?"

Miraculously, no offices were defiled on Edward's lunch break. We opted to take a walk instead. It wasn't raining for once and Edward insisted he could eat his food later.

"It's not like I have anything better to do," he said.

The houses around the hospital seemed quiet. Jasper's parents lived somewhere around here, but only Edward knew where. We took our time, stealing kisses when it felt right... which was a lot. Actually, it was a miracle we made it out of the hospital's parking lot in the first place. Watching Edward put Tanya in her place was a major turn on. I couldn't wait to tell Alice.

...And curse her for not giving me the damn key.

I read the last names stickered onto the mailboxes as we walked. They reminded me of why I'd gone to the hospital in the first place.

"I think we should start looking for a new place to live."

"In Florida? I thought you said Phil had a rental house he was willing to part with?"

"Not in Florida. Here. In Forks," I clarified, as if _here_ meant anywhere else. "Some place with room to grow."

He stopped. "Are you saying..."

I cut him off before he could get too excited. "I can't promise you it'll be anytime soon. I still want to get married first and wait until we're absolutely ready to bring another child into the picture. But Edward, I _do_ want it with you. And it doesn't make any sense for us to move, only for me to quit my job in a year or two. I'd rather just stay here."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm positive," I smiled, allowing him to pull me close for another kiss.

Somehow, we eventually made our way back to the hospital. I could tell Edward didn't want to finish his shift, especially after everything I'd given him to consider. A new start, forward progression... and sex, of course.

"Will you wait up for me?" he asked, just as I was about to head home. Tanya looked up at us, having been eerily silent since our return.

I answered honestly. It's not like I expected him to wake up with our five year old tomorrow morning. "Probably not."

His face fell a little. "Oh, okay. Goodnight then."

"Wake me up when you get home and it _will_ be a good night." I winked.

Later that night, he woke me up in one of the best ways imaginable. It ended up being a _very_ good night for both of us.

"Daddy!" Seth jumped onto our bed the next morning. "Wake up! Let's go!"

Edward groaned, having gone to sleep a little after 4:00. "What time is it?"

"9:30," I answered. "Baby, daddy's tired. He worked late, remember?"

"But mom," Seth argued.

I led Seth into the kitchen, finding a box of blueberry muffins and setting out to make them. He helped, separating the paper cups into the pan and helping to mix the batter. As they cooked, he bathed and I picked up Seth's room, which looked more and more like a disaster zone with each passing day. When we returned downstairs I was surprised to see Edward, fully dressed and wide awake in the kitchen. He eyed the timer on the muffins.

"Almost ready to go?" he asked.

I looked down at my tank top and shorts. I wasn't in any condition to go anywhere. "Go where?"

"My son and I have some things to take care of," Edward explained, "Guys only. Sorry, babe."

I spent the majority of Saturday alone, wondering what the two of them could possibly be up to doing. By 6:30, the boys were back and the house was clean. Edward wouldn't tell what they had been doing all day and every time Seth tried, his father cut him off. I made lasagna, Seth's favorite, for dinner.

So maybe I was trying to bribe him a little.

He still wouldn't budge. Edward must have put some fear into him while I wasn't looking. I had no idea what they were planning, only assuming it had something to do with tomorrow. Bedtime rolled around for Seth, and we followed suit an hour later. I tried my hardest to coax the information to no avail. Edward must have been exhausted. He passed out mid-make out session. I followed suit thirty minutes later.

I awoke to breakfast in bed. Edward made pancakes. By the looks of his powdered pajamas, Seth helped. He handed me the plate before running back into the kitchen to get his own. Each of them told me happy birthday and kissed my cheek, joining me as I began to chow down.

I stared at the eggs and laughed. "When I was pregnant, I ate scrambled eggs by the truckload."

Edward laughed. "Really? I didn't know that."

"Yeah. With syrup." I picked up my fork and demonstrated, moaning over dramatically.

"That's gross, Mommy."

"Hey, don't knock it until you try it. You seemed to love it at the time."

"What do you want to do today, babe?" Edward asked, getting back on task.

I thought long and hard before noticing the sun shining in through my window. "Maybe we can go to the beach?"

If Edward felt uneasy about my choice, He didn't let it show. We didn't actually get in the water, knowing it would be too cold despite the beautiful weather. We settled for playing on the beach and watching a group of surfers attempt to scale the mediocre waves.

"You ready to give Momma her present?" Edward asked, just as we were about to pack up and head on.

"Yes!"

I tried to object. "I seriously hope you didn't let him spend a bunch of money."

"I didn't spend any money, Mommy! Daddy says he found it in his underwear drawer and told me I could have it."

"Uh, okay."

Edward laughed nervously and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. "This is from Seth. If you want a present from me, we have to go to my mom's house for it," he explained, handing the case to our over eager little boy.

"Happy birthday, Mommy!" he said proudly.

I opened the box, expecting earrings or a necklace or something. Wrong. It was a ring. Three stones lined a simple white gold band. The Garnet in the middle was Seth's birthstone. I wasn't sure about the other two. One looked like Sapphire, which was mine. And the other... was it Moonstone?

"Oh honey, it's beautiful. Thank you." This wasn't something Edward just picked up at the store. Surely he had it custom made. When, exactly, did he buy it? What was it's significance at the time and why hadn't he given it to me?

"Do you like it?" Seth asked.

"I love it," I gushed. I quickly put it onto my left ring finger. I didn't care if it wasn't an engagement ring. It symbolized a far greater commitment than one bound by a marriage contract. I looked at Edward. "I love you two."

Edward insisted on stopping by his parents' house on the way home for my 'other' present. It didn't make a difference to me. My day was already perfect. Between breakfast in bed and a relaxing day at the beach with my guys, I didn't think it could get any better. Even the weather cooperated, hosting the nicest day Forks had seen in a long time.

Carlisle and Esme had dinner ready, complete with cake for dessert. Much to my surprise, my own father arrived not long after we did. The last time I talked to him was almost a week ago, and it hadn't ended well. Tonight, he acted civilized towards Edward and even apologized to me for his behavior earlier in the week. I couldn't ask for anything more.

After dinner, Edward and Seth led me into Esme's formal living room for Edward's present. Seth made it very clear that even though it was technically from Edward, he sat down at the piano, and Edward began to warm up.

"Okay, ready?" he asked.

Seth nodded.

"When we were in high school, I wrote you a song," he explained. "But it always felt like something was missing. The other day, I realized what that something was."

He leaned over, whispering into Seth's ear. A few seconds later he began to play.

I'd heard this song before. Several times. Edward used to always play it for me, but I never knew what it meant until now. This was _my_ song?

A faint tone began playing simultaneously. It wasn't complex, but it still complemented the song perfectly. I watched as Seth played next to Edward. If he made mistakes, I didn't know any better. Edward quietly encouraged him, reminding him of what came next when he forgot. Before I knew it, the song was over and I was in tears.

"Did you like it?" Seth asked.

I couldn't answer. My lips had a purpose, and it wasn't to talk. They found Edward's, and I kissed him with all of the enthusiasm I could gather. My hands found his hair, and his found my waist. After a while, Seth started to make gagging sounds.

"Oh, stop it," I teased, "If I can't kiss your daddy, you can't have a little sister."

I asked Edward to put Seth to bed. For five minutes, I stood in our bathroom, staring at the nightgown I'd bought with Alice and trying to work up the courage to actually wear the thing_. Special occasions_, she had said. Tonight was definitely a special occasion.

I heard some rustling in our bedroom, alerting me of Edward's return. The television turned on, and I still hadn't gotten dressed... if you could even call it that. I took one final deep breath, slipping into the teddy and taking one last look at my hair.

Very slowly, I opened the bathroom door.

"Edward," I called out, still hiding. "Is the bedroom door locked?"

"Should it be?"

"Uh, yeah." My boyfriend gave me the perfect birthday. Plus, we had gone without last night. _Of course_ it should be. The lock clicked.

I opened the door a little further, fully exposing myself to Edward and catching him completely off guard.

"Holy shit," he breathed. "Where did you get that?"

"I picked it out with Alice last week. Why? Do you not like it?"

The gawking should have done something to ease my self consciousness, but it didn't.

"I don't even... I can't even... Fucking get over here. _Now."_

I awkwardly shuffled towards the bed. As hard as I tried, I could not pull off sexy.

"I'm ready for my final present."

"This really seems more like a present for me," he chuckled.

"Semantics," I said, crawling over to him.

Things escalated quickly. What started as chaste kissing quickly progressed to an aggressive make out session. Edward shed his boxers but made no attempts to remove my sexy lingerie. I knew he wanted to be in my mouth. After a few minutes of swirling my tongue around his dick, Edward abruptly pulled back. He said he didn't want to get off yet, and I could respect that.

If only he knew what was to come.

He wasn't exactly careful as he removed my teddy. I was actually surprised when it didn't rip. Over the past few minutes, I'd grown to like the thing. As long as Edward was happy, I was happy.

"So beautiful," he whispered, reaching for the night stand.

I stopped his hand. Over the past twenty-four hours, I'd put a lot of thought into the future... into us.

"No condom," I told him. "Not tonight. Let's just let what happens happen."

He looked torn. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

After everything he'd done for me, it was the least I could do for him.

"But what about-"

I put my hand on his cheek, staring into his emerald eyes. "Last I checked, Charlie's requirements are fulfilled. There's a ring on my finger... And it isn't yours."

And with one swift push, Edward guided us past the point of no return.

* * *

**A/N: *Palm to forehead* I don't approve of it any more than you do. Try not to draw too many conclusions.**

**Didn't tease this time around. I'm sorry- on vacation and the hotel doesn't have free internet. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks simba and brodeurgirl for fixing this hot mess for me.**


	15. Degausser

******Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**********I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Chapter 14: Degausser**

**EPOV**

As far as I could tell, I still had a pulse. I wasn't dead, and I didn't think I was dreaming either. I bit my lip and felt pain. Definitely awake, but not totally ruling out death. Heaven. But wait, that's not right. I was definitely on my way to hell, so this couldn't be death. Maybe I was in a terrible accident. Did Tanya go ballistic on me after Bella left? If I hit my head hard enough, it might have sent me into a comatose state. But if I was in a coma, _if_ this was a part of my subconscious, it might be loosely based on reality. Maybe I was hearing voices. People did that, right?

But if it wasn't real... If I was laying in a hospital bed somewhere with Bella by my side, the last thing I expected her to say was "No condom."

After wasting far too much time debating myself, I finally accepted the truth. I was either awake or insane.

Either way, I might as well enjoy it.

I didn't ask her if she was sure. I probably should have, but it would have given her an opportunity to back out. I could only hope she wouldn't regret it in the morning. She wouldn't have said it if she didn't mean it, right?

I told myself to stop overthinking things and just do it.

Being with Bella like _this_ was an entirely new experience. Well, I suppose it really wasn't, but it was. I pushed into my girl, tensing from the direct contact. She felt so good... so tight, so wet. I almost lost it right away, forcing myself to pause and playing it off as no big deal by attaching my lips to hers. Every feeling multiplied by a thousand. Every fiber within me burned hot with love and lust. I loved this woman. _My_ woman. And by some miracle, she felt the same way.

She rubbed my chest. More specifically, she kneaded the tattoo of our family. The family that might grow... soon. I didn't know if tonight would be a one time thing or if we would keep taking the risk. I liked this kind of risky. Hopefully, if I made it good for her, she would too.

She met every thrust with her own. I loved it when she was fiesty. It only made me want it faster, but I had to slow down. Aside from the blow job, we hadn't really bothered with foreplay and I still needed to make her come. Reaching down, I hitched her legs around my hips. Bella begged me to go deeper. I did my best to fulfill her pleas, but eventually it wasn't enough for us.

"Bella, turn around," I demanded, pulling back. "Get on your knees."

I entered her again, starting slow to get used to the intensity of our position. We'd never done it like this before. I'd never gone so deep. I stared down at the tattoo on the small of her back. Seth's footprints. They served as another reminder of what we were doing; willingly entering into commitment with each other to allow our family to grow.

I needed to get a ring on her finger as soon as possible. I had it all. The perfect girl, one fucking awesome son, and the prospect of another baby in the immediate future. There was no way I would allow the opportunity to escape me. I wanted to call her my wife; wanted everyone to acknowledge the silent commitment shared between us over the past six years.

I wasn't about to take no for an answer.

"I love you," I grunted with another thrust. "'Mine."

"Yours," she agreed.

My finger tips found their way to her clit, and within a matter of seconds I had Bella moaning my name. My pace sped, my thrusts deepened and I knew I wouldn't last much longer.

I stopped again, flipping Bella onto her back. We were about to cross another invisible line. I took the time to place kisses along her collarbone and neck.

"Are you sure you want this?" I whispered, "It's not too late to stop."

"Yes," she replied, running her hands through my hair. It felt fucking amazing.

"Tell me what you want," I demanded, pushing back into her. The yes was all I really needed, but hearing Bella talk dirty certainly wouldn't hurt things.

"Fuck, Edward," she moaned, "Don't stop. I want you to come."

"Where?" I smiled, playfully demonstrating with my hips that I knew exactly what she had in mind.

She moaned again. "Deeper."

After a few more thrusts, I came hard. Bella and I laid in bed afterwards, neither of us ready to let go of each other.

"Can we do that again?" I whispered, peppering her with kisses.

"Not tonight," she said. "I'm tired."

I laughed. "That's not what I meant. Are we going to keep... trying?"

She laughed too. "Is that why you kept stalling? Trying to build up as many swimmers as possible in fear that I might not ever let you go bare again?"

"Maybe," I confessed.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, what am I going to do with you?" she wondered aloud. "I don't see any reason to turn back now."

"Good," I smiled.

"After all, we make really fucking cute kids." She sighed. "And we _really_ need to get those name change papers back to Jenks in the morning."

"I'll do it," I offered. "Speaking of babies, we should probably get dressed in case ours makes his way downstairs. I love you, Bella"

"Love you too, Edward."

After we got dressed, it didn't take Bella long to drift off. I laid awake and held her tighter than I reasonably should and refused to let go. My mind raced. None of this should have even existed for me. I'd blown my chances time and again, yet we always made our way back to each other.

* * *

_Jasper sighed in frustration. "I give up, man. I mean, seriously, grow a pair."_

"_She's not into me," I argued._

"_She is."_

_She wasn't. Or, if she was, she didn't intend on doing anything about it. Nevertheless, our relationship was building… again. The months we didn't speak were excruciating. I still saw Seth, but not nearly as often as I should have. I possessed no words capable of expressing how much I missed them both. She was mad at me, and I knew I needed to give her space. Time healed all wounds, right?_

_Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. One afternoon, Bella asked me to watch Seth during her doctor's appointment. I asked her if everything was okay, and she shrugged me off. I wanted to know what was wrong. My mind raced through the worst case scenarios- what if she was sick? She seemed fine to me. Maybe she was pregnant? Oh God, I hoped not. I asked Seth if she had a boyfriend. He told me she didn't, and I quickly ruled out the possibility. I'd kill any motherfucker who took advantage of Bella like that._

_Hypocrite, I know._

_It wasn't until later that I finally figured it out. Bella was fucking depressed. Seth confirmed my suspicions when he told me how often she cried. It killed me to think of why; to know it was mostly my fault. I knew I needed to do something. If I wanted things to get better, I would have to do more than give Bella time._

_It started with our trip to the zoo. The three of us walked around all day and returned to the parking lot only to find an unresponsive Volvo. My fuel pump met it's untimely end. Fixing it cost far more than the monthly payment, but the extra time it allowed me to spend with my family made the repairs worth every penny._

_I offered to pay for her hotel room. She refused, even as the receptionist dropped a few innuendos of where I might want to spend the night instead. It made me sick. The only woman I wanted to spend the night with was Bella- sex or no sex. We __booked__ adjoining rooms and I tried to count my blessings._

_The hotel declined Bella's credit card._

_Problem solved… or not._

"_I'll just get the money from my dad."_

"_Bella, don't be ridiculous," I argued. "Both rooms on my card, please," I told the receptionist._

"_No!" she snapped. "Don't let him pay for my room."_

"_I'm not paying for your room, sweetheart. I'm paying for my son's. If he's cool with sharing it with you, then fine. But if he wants to hit up the playground at McDonalds to find some chicks his own age, you might have to sleep in the lobby."_

_She sighed. I won. "Whatever, Edward. We're not giving the four year old free reign over a hotel room."_

"_Fine. One room," I told the girl behind the counter. "Two keys."_

_One room. Two keys. Three days with my family, and two nights of sleeping in the same bed with the love of my life… even if we did have one very squirmy four year old between us._

"_Chicks don't just cuddle for fun, Ed," Jasper said._

"_We didn't cuddle, man. Our kid slept in the middle."_

_So maybe I wasn't being entirely honest. Seth might have been in the middle, but it hadn't kept me from touching her in whatever way possible._

"_Right. And the kid, is he an argument for or against my point? Because last I checked, she wouldn't have fucked you in the first place if she wasn't at least somewhat into you."_

_His words made me cringe. If only he knew the truth. Seth was the product of Bella instilling all of her trust into my incapable hands._

"_She doesn't want… that with me."_

"_But you want it with her."_

_I nodded. Of course I did. But I'd already fucked up so many times; I didn't think we'd ever make it back to where we were. All I could hope for at this point was for someone decent to swoop in and take my place… a worthy stepfather for my son._

"_It's been almost five fucking years, Edward. Stop waiting for it to be convenient. If you really want your girl, show her you're ready to move on... even if it's not with her."_

"_I'm not doing that."_

_I must have been desperate. Or lonely. Insane, probably. Two weeks later, I showed up at the Chief's doorstep with a birthday present in tow. Following Jasper's advice, I called up the first name he suggested and asked her out._

_I figured I had nothing to lose. I just wanted to prove a point to my friend- Bella wasn't interested in me. Seeing me with someone else wouldn't change anything. She wouldn't get jealous and if by some off chance she did, it couldn't hurt things. After today, I had no intentions of seeing Lauren again._

"_Oh, Edward! I'm so excited to finally meet your son," __she__ gushed, taking my hand into hers._

_If I had to pinpoint the moment in which I knew I made a huge mistake, I would say it came the night before. Bringing a girl to my son's birthday party to make his mother jealous was wrong… so wrong._

_Last night, my phone rang. Already half asleep, I assumed it was Lauren. Ever since our second and most recent date, almost a week ago, she'd been calling me incessantly. I almost considered ignoring the call and going to bed, but something made me answer the phone._

"_Hello," I mumbled._

"_Jeez, don't act so happy to talk to me."_

"_Bella," I breathed a sigh of relief._

"_Um, yeah, Edward. Who else were you expecting?"_

_I didn't want to answer honestly. "No one."_

"_Have you been okay lately? You seem kind of distant. We miss you."_

"_I'm fine," I lied. "Are you all set for tomorrow? Do you need me to get anything?"_

"_No, I think we're good. Alice has gone all out this time."_

"_I can't wait to see."_

"_It'll be fun," she said. "He can't wait to show you his pirate costume."_

_I remembered Bella mentioning how Seth's birthday was Pirates of the Caribbean theme. "I can't wait to see your pirate costume," I laughed. "Wasn't the chick in that movie a Swan anyway?"_

_We talked. For three hours. And by the end of it, I just wanted to call Lauren and tell her to forget about it. But it was too late. I couldn't get out of it; no matter how much I wanted to. We lived in a small town. Everyone knew everyone and if I bailed on my date, Bella would eventually find out about it. Still, I felt like I needed to provide her with some kind of warning. The words refused to leave my mouth._

_I considered skipping his party all together._

_Alice opened the door. If she didn't hate me before, she definitely did now. Her face fell as she took in the sight of Lauren by my side. "Oh, hi, Edward. Bella didn't tell me…"_

"_Yeah, I know," I finished for her. "Um, where is she anyway?"_

_She told me the obvious. Bella was with Seth; where I should have been. Alice took the present from me, paying no attention to the girl at my side. She didn't even say hello. I made my way into Chief's living room and my eyes landed on Bella. She was a sight, unlike any other. I'd never want anyone else; only my beautiful, perfect girl._

_And for a split second, she was happy. I watched as she looked up, her eyes landing at me with a glimmer of excitement. Just as quickly as it came, it was gone. Her face fell and I watched as tears threatened to well up in her eyes._

_I barely heard Lauren blabbering. "It's just so hard to believe you and Bella. I mean, it was that night at the beach wasn't it?"_

_Bella dashed out of the living room and up the stairs. I tried to follow, but Seth stepped into my path._

"_Daddy!"_

"_Happy birthday, baby," I smiled, screaming at myself in my head. I was the worst fucking father in the world._

"_Hi Seth." Lauren smiled. "It's so nice to meet you. Your dad talks about you non-stop."_

_I did?_

"_Who are you?" Seth asked._

"_My name is Lauren."_

_This could not be happening._

"_Are you my dad's girlfriend?" he asked._

"_NO!" I quickly answered "She's not my girlfriend. I mean, she's a friend. And she's a girl… But she's not my girlfriend, buddy."_

"_Edward," Lauren scoffed. "You're going to confuse him."_

_Confusing him was the least of my concerns. Bella was still nowhere to be found. Torn between finding her and salvaging what was left of Seth's birthday, I tried to do what I thought was best. I diverted all of my attention to my son. Alice came back into the room and helped me lead the festivities. We sang happy birthday. I cut the cake. Finally, as Seth began to open his presents, Bella emerged from the stairs with a red face and teary eyes. She didn't stay long. A few seconds later when Lauren excused herself to use the restroom, I went to find my girl._

_She was in the kitchen._

"_Ugh, Bella. I just don't understand him. He's so… old fashioned. Two dates, and we haven't even kissed. He hardly ever calls. How did you break him out of his shell?"_

_I watched as Bella tried to articulate an answer. Neither of them noticed me, and Lauren kept rambling._

_"I might see if he wants to drink tonight. That seems to work, right?"_

_I knew I had no right to be mad at Lauren. She was mostly innocent, maybe a little dense. They noticed my presence just as I watched Bella's façade break. My anger boiled over. I only had myself to blame; this was my fault. I hadn't thought things through, and Jasper didn't help. He should have known better. I should have known better._

_I didn't even know where to begin._

"_Bella," I began. "I can explain."_

"_Can you? We talked until 2:30 last night and you didn't care to mention it then!" she sobbed, trying to get past me. I blocked her with my arms._

_Lauren watched our interaction, floored by my contact with Bella._

"_Really, Edward?" she asked, "Do you still have feelings for her?"_

_Seth walked in, just as Bella tried to leave again. "Edward, let me go!"_

"_Mom? Dad?"_

_She finally broke away from me, mumbling something incoherent about finding Alice. Within a matter of seconds, she was gone and I was left with a girl I didn't even like, and a son that probably didn't like me._

"_Seth, go find Aunt Ali."_

_He didn't move. "Now, son!" I snapped, more forceful than necessary._

_He ran out of the room. I didn't need to see his face to know I'd made him cry. I'd never yelled at my son before, and he definitely didn't deserve it now. I slammed my fist down on the counter._

"_FUCK!" I screamed, pulling at my hair. "I'm going to kill that douche bag for suggesting this. Fucking Jasper!"_

_I hadn't even been paying attention to the fact that Lauren was still standing next to me._

"_What are you talking about, Edward?" _

_"I was stupid to think making her jealous would actually be a good idea. I've really done it this time!" I seethed, more angry at myself than anything._

_"Oh my God, are you using me?"_

_Well, obviously._

"_Jasper can probably take you home," I offered. "I need to go fix things with Bella"_

_Lauren stormed out of the room. I didn't care. It sounded terrible, but she was the least of my concerns. I only cared about my girl._

_I found her upstairs, holed up in her former bedroom._

"_Bella, let me in. Please," I begged, pounding on the locked door._

"_Go away, Edward," she sobbed, "Seth needs to have at least one of us present for his fucking birthday."_

_I swallowed. Seth needed both of us. I chose not to mention the fact that I'd already made him cry. "Bella, I'm so fucking sorry. Nothing happened between us, I swear. It's just a huge fucking mistake."_

"_Whatever. It's fine," she lied. "So you have a girlfriend. I'm sure she's not the first."_

_I knew I needed to set the record straight. "Please, just let me in. I can explain."_

_After a few more minutes of persistent begging, she finally opened the door. What was once Bella's room now looked to be nothing more than a guest room. Seth's toys scattered the floor and Bella sat on the full sized bed, her back facing towards me._

"_A warning would have been nice," she sobbed._

_Or maybe I shouldn't have done it in the first place. _

"_She's not my girlfriend," I told her. "I don't even like her."_

_She let out a small laugh. "Yeah, I gathered that much."_

_"I don't know why I ever listen to Jasper. He gives the worst fucking relationship advice."_

_She sniffled, "Do you usually have bad luck with girls?"_

_"I don't know," I whispered. "I've only been with one."_

_She sighed. "I don't want to know about it."_

_I sat down next to her. "Bella, do you remember the night I left you? When Seth went home from the hospital?"_

"_Yeah," she barely whispered, "I'm assuming you spent the night with someone else."_

"_I spent the night with Seth."_

"_Uh-huh," she mumbled._

"_I was going to fucking propose to you that night, sweetheart. I had a ring and everything. But when you started coming onto me, something inside me snapped. I got scared and started questioning everything. And then you started saying, 'That didn't stop you last time' and it made me realize how fucking close I came to raping you the night we conceived Seth. You can do so much better than me."_

"_It wasn't rape," she argued, fidgeting with the comforter. "I could have said no and I didn't. "_

_My hands were shaking. "It was written all over your face. You had this huge future ahead of you. You should have gone to college and forgotten about me. In the blink of an eye, I took everything away. And no matter how hard I tried to correct the situation, it continued to spiral more and more out of control._

_She looked up at me. I continued, "I tried to stay away from you, hoping you would forget about me. And then, Newton told me you were pregnant and I flipped out. I wanted Seth. I wanted him from the first fucking second I found out about him, but I knew how selfish it was for me to love something that ruined everything for you."`_

_She started crying again. "Look, Edward. I really can't handle this right now. I need to get down to Seth-"_

_I couldn't stop talking. The truth had been eating away at me for years and I felt like if I didn't keep going, I might spontaneously combust. "Telling you to get rid of him was the stupidest thing I've ever done. Sometimes I can't look him in the face without thinking about it. _

"_It's not fucking fair, Bella! I went to college and was free to do whatever I wanted while you were stuck raising our sick son. I'm a monster. I ruin everything I touch. The baby almost killed you. What kind of an example can I set for our son, when I destroy the one I love over and over again? Why do you think I stay away?"_

"_Edward, you can't be serious-"_

"_I love you, Bella. I love you so much it hurts to breathe every time I'm around you."_

_"I really need to get downstairs."_

_"Bella, please. I've held onto this for five and a half years. Just let me finish."_

"_No, Edward. You don't get it! For the past five and a half years, I've walked around thinking I was the interchangable part of the equation. I live with the constant reminder of our mistake. You don't love me. If it wasn't me, it would have been Lauren. Seeing the two of you today... It confirmed my worst fears."_

_It took me a few seconds to process what Bella was trying to tell me, and a little longer to accept that it was actually true. I thought back to the night at the beach. I only drank because I wanted to forget about Bella, and I had intended on using the most convenient girl I could find to do it._

_Bella thought I wanted Lauren._

"_I'm a fucking moron."_

_She scoffed._

"_You're wrong," I argued. "I could never replace you."_

"_I don't believe you," she said._

"_But you're probably right," I confessed. "If you hadn't gone home with me, I probably would have slept with her."_

_She started to cry again._

_"Bella, look at me." I guided my hand to her chin, pulling her face inches away from mine._

_"What?" she asked, annoyed._

"_You are not the interchangeable part of the equation. She is. I could be with a thousand girls, and none of them would ever add up to the way I feel about you; how much I love you."_

"_I still don't believe you."_

"_I don't expect you to."_

_"I love you, too," she admitted defeatedly._

_Her confession was the final push I needed to move my lips forward, leaning in the last couple of inches needed to encompass hers with mine. They only met for a second before my heart seized in my chest and my anxiety got the best of me. I shakily pulled back with tearful eyes._

_What the fuck?_

_"Shit," I mumbled, pulling my hair. I felt like I couldn't breathe, experiencing the worst form of deja vu. "This cant be happening again."_

_She stood up, "I don't even want to know."_

_"Sweetheart, wait!" I pulled her back down. "Please, just help me work past it."_

_"Work past what?"_

_"I think I'm having an anxiety attack."_

_"Right, okay. Very funny. Does that line ever work?"_

_"I wouldn't know."_

_"Hold on," she paused. "When you said you'd only been with one girl-"_

"_I was talking about you."_

_We gazed into each other's eyes. Each of us held back unshed tears, but she still managed to smile. Despite everything, I could still make her happy. She loved me._

"_Bella, can I please try to kiss you again?" I whispered, bringing my hand to her neck. She nodded, leaning in to meet me half way._

_I fought the anxiety as it threatened to push me away again. She wanted this as much as I did, and I owed it to her to try. Bella's lips moved fervently against mine. I closed my eyes, allowing the kiss to continue for as long as she saw fit. My jeans did little to hide my body's reaction to Bella. I wondered if she noticed, too._

_The kiss ended abruptly as the bedroom door flew open behind us. Seth stood frozen in its entrance._

"_Mom?" he asked, "Dad?"_

"_Shit," Bella and I both said at once. She kept talking, "Seth, baby, is everything okay?"_

"_What were you two doing?"_

"_We were..." I searched for the right words, but came up empty. "Fuck."_

"_Edward!" she snapped. "We just were talking, baby."_

"_About grown up stuff," I added._

"_Why were you kissing?" he asked. "What about Daddy's girlfriend?"_

"_For the last time, son, she's not my girlfriend!" I snapped. Bella shot me a deadly glare._

"_Stop lying!" he cried, "I hate you, Daddy! You're the reason Mom always cries! Why can't we just be a real family?"_

_Bella and I looked at each other with equal amounts of horror etched onto our faces. Seth wasn't a baby anymore, and he had become far too observant for his own good._

"_Come here," Bella coaxed. Seth crawled between us. "Do you know how much we love you?"_

"_But why can't you love each other?" he cried._

"_We do," I told him._

"_Baby, just because Daddy has a girlfriend doesn't mean we don't love each other. We always will because we created you," she tried to explain. "The mere fact that we were kissing should tell you that much."_

_I kissed her on the cheek again to prove the point. She might have pissed me off when referring to Lauren as my girlfriend, but I chose to leave it alone. He reluctantly accepted our explanation. We kissed each other because we loved each other. We loved each other because we created him. We made our way back downstairs, and I assumed the worst was over. Wrong._

"_You son of a bitch," Charlie seethed, "Get the hell off my property and stay away from my daughter."_

* * *

Lightning flashed outside our bedroom window long before I heard the thunder. It never stormed in Forks; only rained. As the storm came closer, the noise increased and raindrops began to pound against glass. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as the bedroom door creaked open.

He needed a hair cut. His bed head was chaotic and though colored like Bella's, it screamed my name. My son ran over to Bella's empty side of the bed and crawled in.

"Hey buddy," I whispered. "What's the matter?"

"I'm scared. Can I sleep with you?"

I reluctantly peeled myself away from his mother as he crawled between us. She woke up long enough to mumble something about sleeping in his own room and rolled over, completely oblivious to the situation outside. He clung to me, just as I had been clinging to Bella minutes before.

"Better?" I asked.

He nodded. A flash of lightning illuminated the bedroom, and he rushed to bury his face into my pillow. I rubbed his back. "It's just thunder, son. It'll be okay."

Something about the night made me feel sentimental. I had things I needed to say, and it seemed like the right time to say them.

"I love you. You know that, right?"

"What about Mommy?"

"I love her too."

"Because she made me?"

"Yes, but it goes much deeper than that. I loved her even before you were born. I used to argue with her in biology just to get her to talk to me. I'd pretend to need help with my homework just so I could invite her over after school."

I smiled at the memory. Bella must have thought I was an idiot. I think, at one point, I even let her answer a question wrong just for the hell of it. Things were so much more simple back then. I loved my son, but having him so young did complicate things.

Of course, my behavior didn't help things either.

"But you weren't around," he reminded me.

I sighed. It was the truth. I didn't know how to explain our separation to him. I could only promise to try my hardest to keep it from happening again. "Seth, being away from you was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm going to explain the whole thing to you someday when you are much older. Just understand that I thought about you and your momma constantly. I hope I never have to go through losing you again."

"What about when you had a girlfriend?"

"The woman at your birthday was not my girlfriend. She was just a friend of Uncle Jazz."

He didn't seem convinced. "She was holding your hand."

"Seth Tyler, do you know how many girlfriends I've had?"

"No," he said.

"I'll give you a hint. I can count them on one hand."

He counted in his head. "Five?"

"Okay, so maybe I can count them on one finger."

"Just one?" he asked.

"Yeah. You might know her. She's smart and beautiful and a bunch of other things you probably shouldn't know about. Most importantly, shes patient and forgiving. Her name is Isabella and I'm going to ask her to marry me as soon as I get permission."

"Daddy, she isn't going to say yes if you call her that. She likes to be called Bella. And Mommy."

"I don't need her permission, silly. Well, I kind of do, but before I can ask _Bella_, I have to ask Grandpa Charlie."

"What are you going to tell him?"

"That she's everything I've ever wanted. How I don't deserve her. Pretty much, I plan on saying whatever it takes to convince him that I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to make his daughter happy. I'll get down on my knees and beg if I have to."

"I know Grandpa. He might not say yes."

"Only because he thinks I should have asked a long time ago."

I hoped Seth wouldn't get into it. I didn't want to lie to him, but I also didn't want to explain why I should have married his mother so long ago. I remembered back to the day Bella went on her date with Jacob. We argued, and she told me she didn't want anymore bastard children. I knew it was only meant to rile me up, but I hated to admit that it was true.

"But what if you decide to leave again?"

"It's not going to happen, buddy. I'm here until Momma orders me away."

"I hope she doesn't."

"Seth, I promise you, if she does, I won't go down without a fight."

The rain continued to pound down, keeping me awake even after my son drifted back to sleep. I watched as they slept, admiring my creation and co-creator. Both seemed so at peace. It seemed like everything was finally calming down. Things were coming together, and I was allowing myself to enjoy everything I've ever wanted. Seth couldn't be happier and if things kept going my way, Bella would soon make me the happiest man on the face of the planet. The storm outside eventually died down, and I finally allowed myself to close my eyes.

Little did I know, the real storm was still yet to come.

**Thanks to broduergirl30 and simba527 for beta'ing for me. Also, thanks to anyone who reviews. I try to tease in review replies. I also tease on twitter sometimes. It's abbrecken.**


	16. Waltz, Number Two

******Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**********I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Chapter 12: Waltz, No. 2**

**BPOV**

I definitely didn't remember having an arm in my face when I went to sleep.

I opened my eyes, confirming the suspicion that the arm in question was far too small to be Edward's. I'm not sure when or why Seth came downstairs, but I had to admit he and his father were kind of adorable when they slept... even if they did take up most of the bed. At least they managed to share the same pillow. That counted for something, right?

I grabbed my cell phone and snapped a few pictures of the sleeping duo. I realized a few days ago that I didn't have enough photos of the two of them together. Ever since, I'd been working hard to correct the situation. The shutter noise from my camera was a little louder than I expected. Edward opened his eyes.

"Bella," he whined.

"What?" I asked innocently, setting the picture as the background of my phone. He pursed his lips together in irritation. I seized the opportunity and leaned in for a kiss.

"Go back to sleep, grumpy. I'm going to get up and start a load of dishes before work, okay?"

It was still early; maybe 7:00 at the latest. I rinsed a few plates, ignoring what sounded like a faint knock on the front door. I doubted anyone would be bothering me so early on a Monday morning. Maybe someone had the wrong apartment. It happened all the time. My neighbors weren't exactly the most honorable; one of the downsides to living in low income housing.

But not for long...

Images from last night flooded my head. Edward and Seth playing my song, Seth giving me the ring his father had kept for so many years. Even dinner with Charlie and the Cullens went better than expected. I couldn't ask for anything more.

So maybe that was a lie.

There was something that would have made it even better. I loved the ring on my finger, but a wedding date to go along with it would have been even better. I wished Edward would just propose already. What were we waiting on? In hindsight, we should have gotten married years ago. He asked me once, long ago in the parking lot of Newton's Sporting Goods. It was right after he found out about my pregnancy, and my anger over his demands to get an abortion resulted in immediate refusal. I couldn't help but wonder how things would be different now if I'd said yes. Would we still be together?

I sighed. I'd drive myself insane if I continued to think about the past. I needed to focus on our future. Maybe marriage just wasn't in the cards for us. After all, we'd gone six years without it. And even though we weren't technically together until recently, our commitment to each other still managed to hold stronger than a lot of the couples I knew.

Marriage or no marriage, Edward and I were traveling down a path that would eventually lead us to parenthood. More moments from last night flooded my subconscious. Edward moaning my name and asking me if I was sure... And honestly, looking back, I had really gotten caught up in the moment more than anything else but that couldn't stop us now. Edward was right. Our son would be turning six soon. The longer we waited, the older he got. It was time.

"Bella, aren't you going to answer the door?" Edward asked from the doorway to the kitchen. He must have heard the knocking, too. I had been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't really noticed it's persistence.

"Can you? I'm kind of scared to. You never know with the people in this complex..."

"Which is exactly why we're moving," he reminded me, making his way over to the door.

I watched as it opened, surprised by who I saw.

"Alice?" Edward asked, "...Jasper?"

They seemed like an odd combination for an early morning rendezvous.

"Ali, baby, come on. Let it go," Jasper begged, pulling on my best friend's arm.

"No! I'm sorry, Jazzy. I can't. You told me and I have to tell her before it's too late."

"Too late?" I asked, "What's going on?"

Jasper and Edward exchanged a glance. He looked apologetic, while Edward looked... disconnected?

"Bella, is Seth awake yet?" she asked, peering past Edward and into the living room.

"No, he's asleep in our room," I explained. "Seriously, what's going on?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Edward asked. "They're fucking. That's what's going on."

_Obviously_. I knew now who the lingerie was for and why she'd been so reluctant to hang out on certain days, especially lately. No wonder she asked me to put in a good word for him at the police station.

Wait. My best friend was fucking Edward's best friend behind my back. Wasn't that like sleeping with the enemy?

"Guys, seriously. What's going on?"

She glared at Edward. "You haven't told her, have you?"

"Tell me what?" I asked.

"Alice, seriously. It's not a big deal!" Jasper snapped. "Really, don't worry about it Bella. Come on, baby. You're going to be late for work. Leave Edward and Bella alone."

She swatted his hand away. "I'm sorry. I tried, Bella, I really did. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but I can't sit back and allow you to get hurt. Edward is using you."

I looked at Edward. The expression on his face was pained. "What does she mean, using me?"

"Jasper let it slip this morning. He hired a lawyer to take you to court over Seth. For a custody agreement. Then, he realized there was an easier way to go about things..."

Edward wasted no time defending himself. "That's bullshit!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I didn't want to. "So it's not true?"

He looked back at Jasper. The two of them were having some sort of silent conversation, confirming the suspicions I'd never even had up until this point. Edward was using me to see his son.

"Edward, tell me the truth," I demanded.

"Bella," he began. "Please, don't-"

"Don't what?" Alice asked, "Don't be mad? Don't take your son away from you? I mean, it's nothing a little money and litigation can't solve. That was the plan all along, right?"

"Alice," Jasper snapped. "Enough!"

"Bella, please. Just let me explain." He tried to wrap his arms around me. I pushed back.

"Don't touch me," I warned. "You have about five seconds to state your case."

I counted to four.

"It's true," he sighed. "Seeing you with Jake killed me. I didn't want to lose Seth too, so I called this lawyer in Port Angeles to set up a custody hearing. Bella, as soon as things started happening between us, I told him to forget about it. I swear."

I tried to hold back the tears welling in my eyes. How could he? I'd always prided myself on how Edward and I would never take our son to court. And up until a few weeks ago, it wouldn't have even been necessary. It's not like Edward ever saw his son anyway.

"Sweetheart, please," he begged, trying to wrap his arms around me again.

"No. Get away from me," I pushed back, turning my attention to our shady friends. "I think you guys should probably leave."

Jasper coaxed Alice away as Edward shut the front door. I looked at him. Not even twelve hours ago, everything was perfect. Now, everything felt wrong. I didn't know what to think.

"Baby, I love you," he told me.

"I don't believe you!"

Honestly, I couldn't believe any of this was actually happening.

"It was just a stupid, rash, spur of the moment decision. I regretted it as soon as it happened. I'd never try to take him away from you. I promise. Baby, please."

What he meant as a term of endearment sparked my memory of what we'd done last night. Oh God... What had we done?

"And a fucking baby, where did that play into your little plan? Knock me up again to keep me in Forks? Oh my God, I don't believe this! To think I actually trusted you!"

"Bella, that wasn't my intentions at all. I love you, sweetheart. If you want to move to Florida, we'll move to Florida. I'd follow you to the end of the earth. Fuck, please, stop jumping to conclusions."

"Edward, I think you should go."

He got down on one knee in front of me. His eyes pierced mine as his fingers fumbled with the ring on my finger. "Bella, you're the love of my life. Marry me."

Of course. Once again, he asked while he was in a bind. I knew better. He didn't actually want to marry me. He was only trying to save himself. "No."

He looked genuinely upset. The man could definitely act. After all, he'd been doing enough of it lately. I walked over to the front door, putting a hand on the doorknob. "Edward, get out of my house."

"But, Seth-"

"What about him? When has anything in your life ever been, 'What about Seth?' What gives you the right to come in here and play Dad when it's convenient for you? To take me to court for custody? Was the guilt getting to be too much for you, Daddy?"

"Stop it!" He looked defeated. "Look, Bella. I can't fucking... I don't know what I can say to make it better."

I opened the door for him. "Nothing. There's nothing you can say."

"Can I at least tell him bye?"

I thought about it. If I wanted to be really mean, I would have said no... but this was between the two of us. I wouldn't stoop to his level and despite everything, I refused to use his son against him.

"Yes," I whispered. "But please, don't make any promises you can't keep."

I remained in the living room while Edward said hid goodbyes. I didn't want to intrude, and I honestly didn't think I could stand the sight. He took a little longer than I expected, but when Edward emerged with a packed duffle bag I understood why. His face was red and I knew he'd been crying. I wondered if he was actually upset, or just upset that he'd been caught. I doubted he could even tell the difference.

"I'll... pack the rest of your stuff up, okay?"

He paused at the front door. "I love you. I'll call you tonight after I get off work."

I waited until he was gone to reply. "I love you, too," I whispered to myself.

I focused all of my thoughts on Seth. I'm not sure what Edward told him, but it must not have been the truth. He seemed fine; maybe a little tired, but still smiling. I decided to crawl back into bed for a bit. My ambition for today left with Edward.

"Momma, why are you crying?" he asked.

I pulled him close. "I'm just tired, baby."

As much as I wanted to fall asleep, to forget about today, I couldn't. I had to go to work, and he had to be at school by 8:30. I tried to push everything to the back of my mind as I got ready for the day. Reminders of Edward were everywhere. His razor on the bathroom sink. His xBox on the dresser. Hell, I didn't even feel comfortable driving the Explorer, but it was too wet to walk. I dropped the biggest reminder of all, my son, off at school before making my way to work.

I felt like I was having some sort of out of body experience. As much as I tried, I couldn't concentrate on classifieds and obituaries. Within a matter of minutes, I found myself in the boss's office. I quit. Technically, I'd already put in my notice three weeks ago. I was originally supposed to finish out this week, but I told them I needed a few personal days to get things sorted out. They seemed to understand.

I drove to the the hospital.

Once there, I was met with a dilemma. Enter through the Emergency Room, risk an encounter with Edward. Take the main entrance, pass Alice's office. I was furious at him, and a little more than annoyed with her. Of all people, why did she have to hook up with Jasper Whitlock? It's not like I hated him, but I didn't necessarily like him either. She must have assumed I wouldn't approve of their relationship. Why else would she bother hiding it?

I opted to take the main entrance.

"Carlisle?" I asked, knocking on the door of his office.

He looked up from his paperwork. "Hey, Bella. Come on in. I'm just finishing up a few things."

"Thanks," I smiled.

"You can shut the door if you want," he offered.

I followed his advice and sat down in the comfortable chair across from his desk. "Have you talked to..." I paused, unable to trust myself to even say his name. "Have you seen him this morning?"

He kept writing. "Momentarily. He told me you two got into some sort of an argument. Wanted to know if he could stay at the house for a few days while things calmed down."

"Oh," I said. "Yeah. Did he tell you why?"

He nodded.

"Do you remember when I came into the after hours clinic, a few days after graduation?"

He turned the page and kept writing. "Of course."

"You mentioned that pill... The one you can take within 72 hours, and it's supposed to keep you from getting preg-"

"The morning after pill?"

"Yeah," I hesitated. "I need one."

He stopped writing and set down his pen. The room felt eerily quiet as he looked up at me. "What?"

"I can't do this, Carlisle. I can't go through it again. Raising Seth alone is hard enough. If I don't have Edward... If this was all just some scheme..." I couldn't finish the thought. Carlisle handed me a Kleenex from his desk.

"How long ago?" he asked. "What happened? Did the condom break?"

"Last night," I answered. "We... didn't use one."

"Sweetie," Carlisle began. "You two need to be more careful."

"I know," I cried. "I mean, we just got caught up in the moment..."

He sighed. "Bella, I know I haven't always been the easiest on Edward. He... I don't want to say he let me down, because I'm very proud of him, but I definitely haven't agreed with a lot of the decisions he's made. When you came into this office six years ago, I would have never imagined for things to turn out the way they have.

"Seeing the two of you together is everything Esme and I have ever hoped for. We used to worry about whether or not we would be able to accept Edward with anyone else. Luckily, it's never really come up. You're like a daughter to us.

"Edward has made mistakes. _Huge_ mistakes. And regardless of what he might say, he only has himself to blame. But never once, in six years, have I doubted one thing. Edward loves you. He might have tried to deny it at first. He might suck at showing it now, but it's true."

"I don't know," I argued.

"I can give you the prescription for the pill, if that's what you really want. Hell, you don't even need a prescription. The pharmacy will sell it to you over the counter. But please, please. Think it through. Think about what you'll be doing to Edward. To the rest of the family. My son isn't a bad person, Bella. He's just young, scared shitless, and hopelessly in love."

He pulled a script out of his drawer, scribbling down the information before tearing it off and handing it to me. Seeing my name made it feel even more real. I worried I might puke.

I looked up at Carlisle just as he looked towards the door.

"Bella," Edward gasped. "What are you doing here?"

I looked back at him. His eyes landed on the single piece of paper in my hand.

"No," he gasped.

Carlisle stood up. "I'll leave you two alone."

"Dad," Edward forced out, "You gave that to her? How could you?"

"Calm down, Ed. It's not like she couldn't get it on her own if she really wanted to."

On his way out, he whispered something to his son. What, I had no idea.

Edward looked at me. "Please," was all he managed to say.

I tried not to look him in the face. It was clear from his expression that he was either really torn up, or a really good actor.

"I don't care what you do to me. Call me an asshole. Break up with me. Tell me you never want to see me again. It doesn't fucking matter. But please, promise me you won't take that pill."

The desperation in his voice was _almost_ enough to reassure him I wouldn't. Twelve hours ago, I would have never dreamed of doing something like this. But now that the truth was out, I didn't feel like I had any other choice.

"He offered it to me with Seth, too," I confessed. "I came in here two days after we had sex because I had a UTI. He told me it wasn't too late. You would have never known. Seth would have never existed. _This_," I pointed to the empty space between the two of us, "would have never happened.

"You begged me to get an abortion," I reminded him. "You strung me along through my entire pregnancy, acting like you wanted to be with me. After Seth was born, I was someone to keep you warm at night. But as soon as he was free to go, you didn't want any part of it!

"You left me, Edward. You left me alone to raise your son. Do you even know what Seth's first words were? Do you remember the day he took his first steps?"

Da-da. Seth's first words were fucking da-da. I doubted the little guy even knew what he was saying, but they still held significance. And when he took his first steps, I recorded them for Edward to see. I don't even remember if he replied to the message.

I'm 99% sure he didn't.

"What about the first time he got sick? Where were you when I tried to tell you he had RSV? You wouldn't even answer my fucking phone calls!"

"I'm sorry," he cried. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby."

"Try having fucking Jasper call me, as I'm filling out admittance paperwork in the ER for my baby to tell me I needed to send your balls back to you so you could go out! How do you think that made me feel?"

I kept going, "At least you had the option! I stayed home. I didn't go to school. I couldn't have dated anyone if I wanted to because I was too busy. Working full time, going to school when I could, living with my Dad and sharing a room with a baby— I'm not exactly the kind of girl you want to bring home to Mom and Dad, if you know what I mean.

"The entire fucking time, Edward, I just wanted you to want us. I wanted us to be together. I understand that you were young and you weren't ready to grow up, but I didn't have that option."

He let me finish. "I wanted to believe that you wanted me. I was able to push everything to the back of my mind, only because I thought I was getting everything I'd been dreaming about. Seeing you with Seth... sharing a bed with you at night... It was the only thing I ever wanted. And it was a lie!"

"It wasn't a lie. I want it all, too. I've fucked up. I know I have, but I love you. You have to believe me." He paused, allowing himself time to regain his composure. "Bella, I'm scared."

"It's over, Edward," I cried. "I'm moving to Florida and I don't want you to follow."


	17. The Leaving Song

******Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**********I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Chapter 16: The Leaving Song**

**EPOV**

"I miss you, Dad," he told me. "Mom says I have to go."

Very reluctantly, I said my goodbyes. I knew It was getting late. He had school in the morning and I couldn't keep him on the phone forever. I told him I loved him. He asked me if I loved his mom too.

I wasn't sure how to answer. Of course I did. It didn't matter how mad I was. The past couple of weeks hadn't changed the way I felt. I doubted anything ever would. But was I doing more harm than good by telling him that?

I sighed. "You know I do. Goodnight, baby. Have a good day at school tomorrow and be good for your mom."

If it was Bella's intentions for me to die a slow and painful death, she would soon get her wish.

Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday, very soon, I knew I'd throw in the towel. I was trying, so fucking hard, to keep going. Everyday, I woke up and went to work. Every night, I made it home just in time for the 6:15 pm phone call from my son. It was the only thing that kept me alive. I smoked another cigarette, finished off another beer, took an Ambien and went to bed.

I glanced at the clock. It was 7:12. I only had twenty three more hours until I heard from him again.

I broke my hand. Actually, Jasper's face broke it. Turns out, it's illegal to punch a cop while he's on shift...even if the cop is a major douche. Even if he fucks up the only good thing in your life for no reason at all.

They dropped the charges, eventually, but I hadn't talked to my supposed best friend since he threw me into a holding cell down at the station. To make matters worse, Dad took my pain pills away when he gave me the Ambien to help with the insomnia. He even made me use one of those pill box things and mumbled some off-handed comment about overdosing.

At the rate my dad wrote prescriptions, you'd think he was a motherfucking drug lord or something.

I should have pulled the trigger when I had the chance. It would have been so much easier that way. But unfortunately, I allowed myself to be happy. For three weeks, I had everything a guy could ask for: time with my son, a beautiful girlfriend and regular sex. In the two weeks since Bella broke up with me, my life had been nothing short of a living hell.

In hindsight, I should have never left the apartment when she asked me to. I thought we were in an argument. I figured we might spend a night apart, at the most, and work everything out the next day. What I did was wrong. I should have said something from the beginning, but everything was going so well... I didn't want to ruin that. Apparently, Jasper and Alice had their own plans.

Seeing Bella in my dad's office was the turning point; the moment I realized Bella actually believed the shit Alice said. I thought it was an argument! Couples argued. Guys did stupid shit all the time. Girls got mad and they forgave. Girls _did not_ rush out and take the morning after pill after agreeing to try for another child with the man they supposedly loved.

I fucking understood why she did it. I wouldn't want to have another kid with me either. I was a terrible father to the kid we already had, ignoring him for most of his life. I made promises. I told him I wouldn't let them go without a fight. And fight, I did, but it wasn't enough. I would never be enough.

Bella still refused to talk to me.

It served me right. Five years ago, I was the one ignoring her phone calls. Today, it didn't matter how loud I screamed. She wouldn't hear me. Six weeks ago, when Bella initially told me she was moving, I thought I was getting what I deserved. I was wrong. Allowing me a taste of what I could have had before ripping it all away was so much worse.

It's true what they say about karma.

I tried to call her anyway. I don't know why. She changed her number as soon as she left, leaving me with nothing but the recording of an operator to keep me company. When Seth called, the number always came up as unavailable. I had her mom's address, but Seth made it very clear that they were not living with Renee. They had a house close to the beach.

He hated it there. He told me so almost every night.

One day last week, I showed up on Charlie's doorstep. I was so desperate. I thought, maybe, if he would just hear me out, he might reserve _some_ sympathy for me. If I could get Charlie on my side, winning Bella over might not be so hard. He could at least tell me where she lived, and I could show up with flowers and high hopes.

Seth told me she was miserable, too.

* * *

"_You've got a lot of nerve to come around here," Chief said, making no invitation for me to come inside._

"_Charlie," I begged, "Just hear me out. Please."_

_He tried to shut the door. I stopped it with my foot- a wrong move on my part. The door flew open and he pulled me inside. My back slammed against the wall. Hard. I underestimated Charlie's strength. "Trespassing seems like a pretty legitimate excuse to shoot someone, if you know what I mean," he seethed._

"_Charlie," I began._

_He cut me off. "It's Chief Swan to you."_

"_Just let me explain," I begged._

_He let me go. "What do you want?"_

_For some fucked up reason, I decided __honesty __was the best policy._

"_I've been in love with Bella since the eleventh grade."_

"_I'll bet you have," he said sarcastically. _

"_I need her. I can't live without her."_

"_Right. Get out of my house," he demanded._

"_Wait. Chief. Just listen. You were right... about Bella and me. You've always been right."_

_I took a deep breath. Charlie thought I took advantage of Bella. She always told him our time together was planned and consensual. I don't know why she felt the need to protect me, especially since we all knew better. _

"_We were at a party on the beach. She was doing shots with some of her friends. I was just there to buy some pills. I saw her... and I honestly wanted to take her home before she did something stupid. But she was afraid you would find out, so I offered to take her to my house instead."_

_He clenched his jaw and nodded for me to continue._

"_As we left, I stole a bottle of Jack from this chick. When we got back to my house, I snuck her up to my room and we continued to drink. I took some pills. She didn't, but she was really drunk. I saw my opportunity and I took it. That's how Bella got pregnant. It wasn't some sober, mutual decision. I didn't even ask her if she was sure until I was already in." _

_I worried for a second he might actually hit me, especially since I didn't really have a way to defend myself. My self-preservation was gone and the cast on my hand would have made it impossible for me to hit back anyway._

"_You really do have a death wish, don't you?"_

"_I love her, Chief. I don't deserve her. I never have. But she's the only woman I've ever been with; the only woman I'll ever want."_

"_You're so full of shit," Charlie laughed._

"_Please, just tell me where she lives. Give me a phone number. Anything," I begged. _

_My desperation must have been getting through to him. He sighed. "Look, Edward, you know __I __can't. I get it. My ex-wife moved Bella across the country when she was two. How do you think I felt? It sucks, but you'll get used to it. You have to move on. It's over."_

_I swallowed. "We were trying for another baby."_

_The color drained from Charlie's face. I wiped the stupid tears away from my eyes. Bella's dad already thought I was a pussy. The last thing I needed was for him to see me cry._

"_You... What?" _

"_I just need to know if she is," I forced out, barely above a whisper. "I need an opportunity to fix things."_

_He led me back to the front door. "I hope for your sake she's not."_

* * *

I expected for Alice to fire me any day now. After all, she'd taken the liberty to ruin every other aspect of my life. Why not take away my career, too? In her defense, I was pretty much worthless while on the clock. I didn't feel like doing anything or talking to anyone, Tanya least of all.

They switched her to day shift. As if my life wasn't shitty enough, I now spent nine hours a day with the bitch.

I sat at my desk, racking my brain for a way to make everything better. A picture of the three of us sitting at the piano teased me, reminding me of the girl I loved and the boy we made. I missed them so much.

I worried how long it would be before my phone calls with Seth would taper off. They were the only thing keeping me sane but I knew it was only a matter of time before we drifted apart. After all, we lived over three thousand miles away from each other. It couldn't last forever. Bella would eventually find someone to replace me, and that someone might eventually lead Seth to dismiss me as well. The thought alone made me sick to my stomach.

She let him get a dog.

Bear was his name. They got him from a shelter. Bella told Seth he was on a 'trial run' but from the way he spoke, I could tell he already loved his new companion. They were inseparable. Apparently, Bella wouldn't let the dog sleep with Seth, but that wasn't stopping him from sneaking him into his room at night anyway. I warned him to mind his mother. I knew she was just trying to prevent his asthma from flaring up. Seth was severely allergic to cats, but dogs weren't exactly ideal either.

Bella never did like animals.

Tanya sat down in the chair next to me. Time in the ER dragged, and we ran out of things to do hours ago.

"Another rough night?" she asked, assessing the wrinkles in my scrubs and the stubble on my face.

"You could say that," I responded politely. I wasn't in the mood for conversation.

She moved her chair closer and teased the hair on my arm. "Eddie, I know it sucks but you just have to forget about her."

I shrugged. Tanya was the last person I wanted to talk to about Bella.

She did her best to sound seductive. "Can I do anything to make it better?"

I entertained the thought for a few seconds. Maybe Bella wasn't special after all. Maybe I needed another girl to prove what we had wasn't as unique as I thought. It might get her off my mind, if only for a few minutes. Tanya wasn't exactly unattractive. She just wasn't Bella.

Her hand drifted from my arm to my side and continued to go lower. Tanya smiled. She knew my willpower was finally faltering. I looked into her blue eyes and closed mine. Hers weren't the right color. Nothing about Tanya felt right. I couldn't shake the thought of my ex. To make matters worse, the harder I tried to forget Bella, the more my dick betrayed me by standing at full attention. It missed her as much as the rest of me did.

This was wrong. So wrong. We were at work. Someone could walk by any second, and we'd both be fucked. I didn't even want it. She wasn't the right girl for me. Messing around wouldn't cheer me up and _nothing_ she could do would actually help me forget my problems. If anything, I'd scar my dick for life.

I began to pull away just as a throat cleared behind us.

"Edward," Alice said calmly, "I need to speak to you in my office. _Now_, please."

I reluctantly stood and followed Alice across the hospital. My mind raced. This was bad. Very bad.

I waited until we were behind closed doors to defend myself. "This is fucking bullshit, Alice!" I snapped, "I didn't fucking touch her. She came onto me. I'm going to get fired now, aren't I? All because I'm the fucking man in the situation. Because chicks apparently aren't capable of sexual harassment! And if that's not bad enough, you're probably going to tell Bella too, aren't you?"

She sighed. "Edward, the hospital has a very strict sexual harassment policy. We take it very seriously and it is _not_ gender specific."

"Uh-huh," I replied sarcastically. "That's why Tanya has been able to get away with harassing me and even extending the harassment over to Isabella without getting written up once."

"Now that I've finally caught her in the act, she will be written up for her behavior. But, Edward, I can't exactly get rid of my entire nursing staff in one day."

"So you're just going to fire me instead. Great. Thanks." I started to get up. I'd heard enough.

"Edward Cullen, sit down."

I remained standing and gave her an expectant look. I wasn't in the mood to deal with Alice today.

_Keep talking so I can get the fuck out of here already, _I thought.

"I'm sorry," she finally said, sliding a stack of paperwork across the desk. I looked down, expecting to sign some sort of termination notice. "What I did was wrong. I should have talked to you before I went off and told Bella. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

The first thing I saw was an American Airlines boarding pass with my name on it. I flipped the page. The next piece of paper had a handwritten address. The one after that, transfer paperwork.

"What the fuck is this?" I asked.

"I've been on the phone all week with Mayo Clinic down in Jacksonville. They have a position open for you. Your start date is a week from Monday."

I pushed the paperwork back across the desk. "You can call them and tell them to forget about it. I'm not going."

"Edward," she smiled sadly. "You're miserable here."

"Thanks for the reminder," I quipped. "Bella won't even talk to me on the fucking phone. What makes you think it's going to be any different in person?"

"You know, she isn't really talking to me either."

I scoffed. "At least you have _Jazzy_ to make you feel better."

The two really were perfect for each other.

We were quiet for a few seconds before my curiosity got the best of me. "Is this really Bella's address?" I asked.

She nodded. "Look, Ed. As much as I hate to admit it, Bella loves you."

"_Loved_ me," I corrected.

"No, Edward. Bella loves you. Spending more time apart isn't going to change that."

"You seem to be forgetting that _Bella_ broke up with me. _Bella_ is the one who moved across the country with _my_ son. The ball's in her court. If she decides she wants me back, she'll call."

"You're right," she agreed. "Look, I can't force you to go. But will you at least take an afternoon off to think about it?"

An afternoon off. Sure. That sounded like a great idea— more time alone to think about offing myself. Where do I sign up? Oh wait, I didn't have to. Alice was practically pushing me out the door.

Maybe this was her subtle way of finishing me off.

I stood to leave, not even bothering with the paperwork on the desk. A week ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity to follow Bella. Today, I was feeling a little more realistic. I knew it wouldn't change anything.

On my way out, a picture on the shelf caught my eye. Bella and Seth sat together on a swing set. It looked like it was taken a year or so ago. I picked it up for a closer look. The tears started coming against my will.

"I had all this fucking time and I wasted it," I said. "I don't deserve them."

I looked back at Alice. She smiled sadly. "I think you do."

Even if it were true, it wouldn't change anything.

Not wanting to spend the rest of the day with Tanya, I took Alice's advice and headed home. Mom and Dad were letting me stay with them until I figured everything out. It's not like I had anywhere else to go. Besides, I knew they wanted to keep an eye on me. They thought I might do something stupid. Whatever, it didn't matter. I'd have an entire afternoon by myself. I could do whatever I wanted... or not.

I grabbed a beer from the kitchen and stood there, contemplating my next move.

Fucking Alice. Why did Alice have to ruin everything? And why was Alice now trying to tease me with the plan to win back Bella? It wouldn't fucking work. It never fucking worked for us. We weren't meant to be. Our purpose had been served. We made Seth. Maybe that's all we were ever intended for.

Maybe that's all I was ever intended for.

I imagined my gravestone. What would it even say? _Edward Cullen, beloved son and father_. Or, just, _Edward Anthony Cullen_?

I decided if I had it my way, it'd say _Edward Anthony Cullen, father to Seth Tyler Swan._

I knew I should probably take an Ambien and go to bed before my mind set in on something stupid.

Dad had a gun in his closet somewhere. I remembered the time he taught my brother and me how to shoot when we were younger. I wasn't particularly good at it, but we were shooting targets at a range. I figured it was a lot easier to shoot yourself in the head. It definitely didn't seem too difficult last time I tried.

With a smile, I rummaged through the family desk to find a piece of scratch paper. I'd cried enough and it hadn't done a bit of good. I didn't think there was even anything left. I felt numb. My life was meaningless. It always had been.

I just wanted to leave something for Bella and Seth. To tell them one final time how sorry I felt and how much I loved them. I wanted to call him... talk to him one last time, but Bella hadn't even given me the means to do so. She was such a fucking bitch.

A pile of mail caught my attention. On the top was a letter addressed to me. The return address read Port Angeles. More specifically, the letter came from a law firm; one with no association to _my_ lawyer. My heart stopped. I hesitated before opening it, knowing damn well what it meant. I'd forced Bella's hand.

And in some sick way, she was about to force mine.


	18. Ocean Breathes Salty

******Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**********I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

_**Chapter 17: Ocean Breathes Salty**_

_**BPOV**_

_Dear Ms. Swan:_

_I would like to schedule a conference with you as soon as possible concerning Seth and some recent behavioral patterns I've observed. I am available tomorrow before school. Perhaps you could bring Seth a little early and we could talk. If you are unavailable at this time please contact the school to schedule a conference. Thank you and I look forward to meeting with you._

_Sincerely,_

_Charlotte Cope_

_Kindergarten Teacher_

_Chet's Creek Elementary School_

* * *

_Recent behavioral patterns_? How was that even possible? We'd only lived here a week! I felt like I had been written some sort of generic, cryptic note saying my kid was having issues; one where they were too worried about privacy and getting sued to actually put the problem into writing.

Fuck.

My kid had _behavioral patterns._

"Dammit, Seth," I muttered under my breath, walking into the living room to find him playing with his dog. "How long has this note been in your backpack?"

His lip began to quiver. Again. I rushed to prevent another breakdown. The one he had earlier today was bad enough. "Baby, don't cry. You're not in trouble. I'm just worried about you," I said softly.

He cried anyway. "My teacher doesn't like me. I hate it here!"

Out of frustration, he threw the toy in his hand. Bear got the wrong idea and chased after it. Like every other demon puppy in the world, he just wanted to fetch. I wasn't really in the mood to deal with either of them, but I knew I had to keep it together in front of my son. Between moving and starting the new job, I hadn't been able to catch a break. To make matters worse, I couldn't get my mind off of _him_.

I hated myself for what I'd done.

But what could I do about it now? I overreacted, allowing my insecurities to get the best of me and using them to seek vengeance on someone who didn't really deserve it. I'd done the unforgivable. I moved Edward's son 3,000 miles away from him. What I had done was irrational, irresponsible, cruel and just plain stupid. I took a simple argument and turned it into a nightmare.

How do you come back from that?

You don't. Edward had every right and every reason to hate me. I'm sure he would, once he got past all of the heartbreak. For the time being, I decided it best not to speak to him. I didn't even give him my new number. I could blame the anger, the hurt over what he did... but to be honest, I knew my resolve would crumble as soon as I heard his voice.

Childish, I know.

I wasn't pissed because he called a lawyer. Okay... maybe that was a lie. I _was_ pissed that he called someone, but only because he hadn't bothered to talk it over with me first. I _did not_ want my son to end up as the topic of interest in a courtroom. Even in the worst case scenario, I would have worked with Edward to ensure we came to an agreement which made both of us feel comfortable. Seth was _our_ son. Not just mine. Or his. _Ours_.

I was a fucking hypocrite.

It didn't take long for me to realize it, either. I had a panic attack on the airplane. And another when we arrived at my mom's house. I worried about Edward. I knew very well what he might be capable of, especially if pushed too far. That's exactly what I had done. I pushed him. For that reason, I checked on him daily... just not directly. Every day on my lunch break, I called Carlisle or Esme to make sure he was okay and every night before bed, I made sure Seth called his father.

We were miserable here.

By all accounts, Jacksonville was a far better place for Seth and me to live. The weather was to die for, and there was so much to keep us busy. I had a better paying job and more space to live. Seth had a backyard to play in and I even let him get a fucking puppy. So far, his asthma was cooperating. Things _should_ have been perfect.

My step-dad inherited a few rental properties when his Mom died. As a semi-professional baseball player, he used them for extra income during the off season. He and Mom had been begging me to move into one for the past few years. I landed a three bedroom, two bath house close to the beach. The previous tenants paid $1200 a month. Phil gave me the step-daughter special. I was only paying $600.

It felt empty without Edward. I wished I would have just asked him to come. We could have started over again and none of this would be happening. He would have loved it here. We could have taken family trips to the beach and braved the sunshine together. At the very least, I would have someone else to remind Seth to feed his monster.

Maybe, if I hadn't broken things off with Edward, our kid wouldn't be having so many _behavioral patterns_.

I needed to call him. If not to try and fix things between us, to _at least_ tell him about the things going on with Seth. I'm sure he already figured out some of it on his own. Seth made no attempts to sugarcoat the truth. He hated it here. He missed his dad and asked everyday if we could go back to Washington. Seth even told Edward how miserable I was, too.

"Look, Seth. We've only been here a week. This place isn't bad. You just need to give it more time."

Time... Time healed all wounds, right?

Seth was ecstatic as he talked with Edward later that night. _Something_ put Edward into a good mood, and it rubbed off on Seth. It was well past his bedtime when they finally said their goodbyes. I hid in the living room for twenty minutes to make sure Bear remained in his crate. There was a super-secret dog smuggling operation going on in the Swan-Cullen residence, and I was determined to catch the culprit.

After two failed attempts, Seth finally gave up and fell asleep. I retreated to my own bedroom and I thought about calling Edward. I didn't understand how it was possible to love and hate someone at the same time. I wished I didn't have to be mad at him anymore... that I could trust him again.

I cried myself to sleep.

On Friday morning, my alarm sounded earlier than usual. After rounding up the dog and getting Seth ready for school, we began our day. I needed to meet with his teacher to find out what _behavioral patterns _entailed and what the hell I was supposed to do about them.

"Seth, baby, it's still pretty early. Why don't you go eat breakfast?" I suggested. "I'm just going to say hi to Mrs. Cope."

He reluctantly trudged through the hallway and to the cafeteria. I made my way to his classroom, pausing to look at some of the kindergarten artwork. Like everything else, it reminded me of Edward.

I timidly knocked before entering the classroom. Seth's teacher looked up from her computer to greet me. "Good morning, Ms. Swan. It's good to see you again."

"Hi," I said. "Sorry if the note was in his backpack for a few days. I only found it last night."

She stood up and made her way towards a tiny table in the center of the room and motioned for me to take a seat. I'm sure we looked as ridiculous as I felt.

"That's okay. I appreciate you meeting with me."

I wanted to get to the bottom of whatever was going on with Seth. "So, what's going on with my son?"

"Well, I just wanted to meet with you to get to know Seth a little better. I've noticed he seems to isolate himself from the other children. Since he is new, at first I thought it was just shyness, but Seth takes it to the extreme. Has he always been that shy?"

"Not really." I thought a little harder. "Actually, you're the first person I've ever heard describe my son as _shy_."

"Well, sometimes it's hard to tell when a student is new. It's normal for it to take some time for a child to come out of his or her shell, but in Seth's case it seems to be extreme. I can tell he is very bright, yet he sits back and works by himself during center time. He doesn't play with his peers during recess. I've noticed at lunch that he hasn't been eating. Has his appetite been normal at home?"

I thought about it. Everything _seemed_ normal. Well, almost everything. "I mean... Not usually? He told me he was sick a few days ago..." I trailed off.

"Other than your recent move to Jacksonville has he had any other major changes, something that would cause him anxiety or stress?"

"His father is still in Washington," I explained.

"And what is his relationship with his father like now?"

"They talk."

"Ms. Swan, normally I wouldn't call you in for a conference after only one week, but on Wednesday Seth's behavior came to a head. Our class was scheduled for music. Seth refused to go. When I tried to encourage him, he became..." She paused, as if trying to find the right words, "agitated. I ended up allowing him to spend the period assisting the guidance counselor. Do you know of any reason music might particularly upset him?"

"Yes," I said quietly. "That was kind of their thing. Seth and his dad, I mean. Edward was teaching him how to play the piano."

"I see. I take it that your separation was recent? You were together before your move?"

I could feel my face getting red. How was I supposed to explain our situation to her without making Edward and I sound like irresponsible twenty-somethings? "Temporarily. Our relationship has always been..." I paused, "We've always been hit and miss."

"Please don't feel uncomfortable. Your relationship with Seth's father is none of my business, but it does affect Seth. I am asking because I care about him and want him to have a successful, positive experience at school."

"I know," I agreed. "We were together. He lived with us for a few weeks and then, we moved here. It just wasn't working out," I lied. It _was_ working out, until our stupid friends tried to get involved and I allowed my insecurities to get the best of me.

"I understand. Why don't I continue to monitor Seth here at school and I will let you know how things progress. If we need to set another conference I will call you. Perhaps our guidance counselor can join us. He might be able to put you in touch with someone Seth could talk to if he continues to feel uncomfortable."

"You think he might need," I swallowed, almost unable to say the word without bursting into tears, "counselling?"

"I think that is a decision you and Seth will need to make. Talk to him about how he is feeling. Sometimes when parents separate, children feel like they are betraying one parent by talking or feeling a certain way about the other. He may just need more time to adjust to his new living arrangement, but as his mother you will be the best judge."

I nodded. "Thanks."

"Before you leave, let me ask one final question. Is there anything Seth is fond of that I may be able to use as positive reinforcement here at school?"

"Edward and I have been letting him read to us a lot lately. He seems to like it, but I'm not sure if it'll cause more problems because it's something we did together. Um, other than that, he really likes to draw."

"Perfect. I can certainly set him up with some art supplies and reward him for making good choices. Do you have any other questions or concerns you would like to share with me?"

"If he has another... meltdown, can you please call or email me at work? Maybe we can keep in touch?" I suggested.

"Certainly. Is the email you put on his forms your work email?"

"That's the best one to reach me at, yes."

"Okay. Thank you for coming in Ms. Swan. We will keep in touch and I look forward to getting to know Seth better."

After the meeting with Seth's teacher, I felt drained. It wasn't even nine yet and I already wanted to crawl back in bed. To make things worse, I wanted to call Edward more than ever. We _needed_ to talk about Seth's issues, and probably our own too. Unfortunately, it wasn't even six in Washington. I couldn't call Edward, even if I wanted to.

And trust me, I did.

During my lunch break, I forwent my daily conversation with Carlisle in order to call Edward instead. It went straight to voicemail and I began to worry almost immediately.. It wasn't like Edward to have his phone off. Even more desperate to get a hold of him, I called his work number.

"Forks Emergency Room, this is Tanya speaking."

I cringed. What the fuck was Tanya doing on Edward's shift? "I need to talk to Edward."

"And you are..."

"Bella, obviously," I scoffed. "I don't really have a lot of time. Is he around or not?"

"Actually, I haven't seen him since we got in trouble yesterday. I think he's suspended or something. If you get a hold of him, will you tell him to call me?"

Surely she couldn't be serious. There was no way in hell I would ever tell Edward to call her. Wait... _They_ got in trouble? "Suspended? Why?"

She laughed, "Oh, Bella. Wouldn't you like to know?"

Actually, I'm not sure I did. She kept talking, "I should be thanking you for breaking up with him."

"Right, okay. I think this conversation is over." I hung up the phone, feeling sick to my stomach. What had Edward done? And why, of all people, was it with Tanya?

I knew better than to make anything of Tanya's insinuations. She was probably just trying to mess with my head; kind of like everyone else. In six years, Edward had only been with me. It wasn't like him to fool around with someone, _especially_ not a girl like her. Or so I thought. Oh, God. Is _Tanya_ why he was in such a good mood yesterday? My anxiety got the best of me, and I lunged forward to make it to the trash can in time. My Lean Cuisine tasted bad enough going down, and much worse as it came back up.

I called Alice.

"Human Resources, this is Alice Brandon," she answered.

"It's Bella. Did you put Edward on a leave of absence?"

This was all her fucking fault.

"Where did you hear that?" she asked.

"I just called over to the ER and Tanya made it sound like they got caught hooking up."

Alice laughed, "Is that what she said?"

"Just tell me what happened," I demanded. "Is he seeing her? Did something happen between them?"

"Jesus, Bella. Calm down. You're not with him anymore," she reminded me. "Why does it matter?"

I was about two seconds away from slamming the phone against the table in the break room. This was typically how my conversations with Alice would go. She would talk, I would get mad. "Is he on a leave of absence or not?"

"No."

"Ali, I'm worried about him."

"I'm worried about you," she countered.

I wanted to scream. This conversation obviously wasn't going anywhere, so I hung up without saying goodbye. After throwing up again, I made my way back to my desk.

"Hey Bella," my co-worker, James, smiled. "So, it's Friday..." he trailed off.

I still felt sick. I wished he'd leave me alone. "Thank God, right?" I said, inattentively.

"I was wondering if maybe, you'd like to get a drink with me tonight?"

I looked up at him. He looked... hopeful. I worried I might puke again. I had so many reasons to say no. I was worried about Seth. And Edward. I didn't want a relationship, and I definitely didn't think interoffice dating was a good idea. Besides, I still had feelings for my ex. I didn't see that changing anytime soon.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I responded.

"Aw," he said sadly. "Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me."

I nodded. I _did_ know where to find him. In his cubical, two away from mine.

_No, thanks. _

Throughout the afternoon, I thought more about my conference with Seth's teacher and the pointless conversations with Tanya and Alice. Everyone was pissing me off today. I just wanted to talk to Edward and I had a feeling he had done a little more than _talk_ to Tanya. The more I thought about it, the more I wished I hadn't rejected James. My ex obviously wasn't having a problem moving on, so why should I?

Besides, I needed a fucking drink. I decided to accept James' offer, but only on my own terms.

_**James,**_

_**I'm sorry if I was a little cruel earlier today. The truth is, I just got out of a relationship with my son's father of all people and the dust is still settling. I'd still like to go out, but only as friends. Maybe we could get a group together. You seem like a nice guy, but I'm not really big on office romances. Anyway, just let me know. **_

_**Friends for sure,**_

_**Bella**_

_**Bella,**_

_**Don't be sorry. In fact, I'm sorry for putting you on the spot like that. I'd love to take you out tonight, if only as friends. I'll send out an email to a few of the less-lame people in our department. It sounds like you could use a good time. Besides, I'm a great listener.**_

_**Can I at least pick you up? I know you're probably not familiar with the area and I know all of the good spots.**_

_**Just let me know.**_

_**PS- My friends call me Jamie.**_

Before leaving for the afternoon, I composed one final email to James. I stressed my desire to remain single and gave him my phone number. The plan was for him to pick me up at my mom's house after eight. I figured it'd be easiest that way. Seth was already there, and Mom offered to watch him overnight. I still wanted to spend time with my son, so I stopped by our house to grab an overnight bag for him and a change of clothes for me before heading straight to Mom and Phil's.

While on my way, I called Edward again. Still no answer.

I left a voicemail. "Edward, it's Bella. We need to talk. I'll be around until five or so your time. Call me, please? I'm worried and I need to talk to you about Seth. I hope you're okay." I paused. I wanted to tell him I loved him but held back. I provided him with my new number and hung up the phone.

I called Esme, hoping she could give me some sort of an insight as to Edward's whereabouts. She didn't say much; only that she _thought_ he was okay. Again, I wanted to scream into the phone. What was it with people today? Were they purposely trying to get on my nerves by being vague?

I probably deserved it.

Seth watched eagerly as Phil grilled steaks. After dinner, I helped him with his homework and looked for any indications of whether he might have had another episode at school or not. Taking Mrs. Cope's words into consideration, I wondered if I should talk to him about his father. Ultimately, I decided it best to save the heavy stuff for another day.

"I saw your drawing of Bear in the hallway," I praised. "You're such a talented artist."

He started crying.

_Shit._

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"I miss Bear," he sobbed. "Mommy, what will he do without me tonight?"

I let out a laugh. "Bear will be fine, Seth. He's a dog. He can survive a night without you."

"But Mom," he argued, "I need to be there for him!"

Mom laughed from across the room, as if even she questioned my competency to keep a stupid dog alive. I knew Seth was probably just using Bear as an excuse. He obviously didn't know I was going out tonight, but he did know I wasn't staying here. Phil attempted to distract Seth with some of his old Transformers toys.

Jesus, my mom was kind of a cougar. I shuddered at the thought. At least the distraction worked, even if only temporarily. Mom left the room. I followed her into the kitchen.

And I silently acknowledged for the first time that like Edward, Seth really did need some sort of professional help.

Maybe this was a bad idea. I shouldn't be going out; not when I'm having so many problems with my son. "Mom, maybe I should stay here tonight," I offered, helping her with the rest of the dishes.

"Bella, don't be ridiculous. He's fine."

I wasn't so sure. "He's _not_ fine," I argued. "I just moved him 3,000 miles away from his fucking dad! God, I'm a terrible mom! It's no wonder his teacher thinks he needs therapy."

"Sweetie, listen to yourself. You haven't had a free moment to yourself in the past two weeks. Go out and live a little. Seth will be fine here," she assured me, "Hanging around Phil is probably the best thing for him."

I sighed. She was probably right. "Will you please call me if he starts acting up? I won't be out too late and I can always come get him if I need to. Make sure he calls Edward at 9:15," I added.

I finished getting ready, dressing a little nicer than usual. I'd never really been to a club before. The idea was actually kind of terrifying, but most of our coworkers seemed adamant Club O was the place to be.

Alice would have been so proud... especially if she saw the guy I was going with. James kind of reminded me of Jasper. Longer hair, both blond. Similar build... You know, basically someone I would _never_ find remotely attractive.

I went into the living room to say goodbye to Seth.

"Bye, baby," I kissed his forehead. "Be good for Nene and Phil, okay?"

"Where are you going?" he asked, biting his lip.

"Seth, leave your lip alone. It's a bad habit," I could hear Edward laughing in my head. He would tell me _exactly_ where that habit came from. "I'm just having some Mommy time."

He started sobbing again. The doorbell rang, and Mom hesitantly opened it for James. All hell broke loose. Seth went into hysterics, begging me not to leave. He insisted _I _be the one to dial Edward's number for him. Nothing we could say calmed him down. I _knew_ tonight was a bad idea.

"Baby, Daddy's still at work," I lied. I honestly had no idea where Edward was. I don't think anyone did. "You're going to have to wait until 9:15."

He cried more, stammering through broken sentences. All I could really make out was, "He promised me."

"Bella, go," Phil encouraged. "He'll be fine."

Forty-five minutes past eight, James and I were finally on our way.

I apologized profusely for the inconvenience.

"I'm assuming he's not taking the separation well?"

"Not at all," I vented, "I don't know what to do. His teacher pretty much told me to put him in therapy today."

"It might be good for him."

"I know. It just sucks, you know? I feel like I've failed as a mom. He trusted us."

I held back tears. I was supposed to be out having fun and not crying to someone who was practically a complete stranger. I made a terrible first impression.

"He'll be okay," James told me. "He just needs to grow up a little, that's all."

"What?" I asked, a little shocked by his forwardness.

"His parents aren't together anymore. He needs to get used to that. And you have to stop babying him."

We left it at that. I didn't want to argue, nor did I want to accept his advice as the truth. We met a few other coworkers at the club and I began to loosen up, possibly a little too much. I even did a few shots. James asked me to dance.

I laughed. Dance? Me? It didn't sound like a good idea, but he insisted.

I checked my phone one final time before heading out onto the floor. It was 9:30. Seth should have called Edward fifteen minutes ago. Hopefully, he answered. I tried not to think about it. I focused on James. What started as platonic was quickly turning into something not-so-much. I almost gave in. Edward obviously didn't want me anymore. He would probably fuck Tanya, if he hadn't already. I knew I said I wanted to keep things light, but what was to stop me from going home with someone? After all, James seemed more than willing. I allowed him to put his hands on my hips. As wrong as it felt, I kind of liked it. James wasn't so bad. He had goten cuter as the night progressed.

I felt my phone vibrate, snapping me back to reality. I'd been holding it in my hand ever since I checked the time.

The incoming call came from my mom's cell. Something was wrong with Seth. Maybe he was still having trouble calming down. Or maybe it was his asthma. Either way, I saw it as my opportunity to escape before I did something I'd regret. This wasn't my scene and no amount of alcohol was going to make it okay for me to go home with someone.

I made my way through to the exit and hit the call back button. The music made it too loud for me to answer while I was still inside. Of all the scenarios in my head, she said the thing I least expected.

My breath caught in my throat. The tears came to my eyes.

_Oh, Edward..._


	19. Pieces Mended

******Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**********I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Chapter 18: Pieces Mended**

**EPOV**

_IN THE MATTER OF SETH TYLER SWAN..._

Or should I say, Seth Tyler Cullen?

I felt like I'd just been handed a lifeline... a reason to persevere. She changed his name. Despite everything going on between us, Bella still completed the process we started together. Whether she meant to or not, the message had been sent. It wasn't over. We still had hope... we could get past this. I just had to fight.

Message heard loud and clear.

_Alice._

She knew Bella would take me back. The bitch might have been the one to tear everything apart in the first place, but at least she was willing to help me put it back together. Why else would she have even bothered? Not only did she buy me a plane ticket, she must have talked out of her ass to secure my position at the Mayo.

I made it back to the hospital in record time.

When I barged back into Alice's office, she looked up from her laptop and smiled. "I knew you'd be back."

"I quit," I told her, "And I still think you're a bitch."

"And I still think you're an asshole," she retorted.

"But Bella and Seth love me." I grinned at the thought. "And so does _Jazzy_, so you kind of love me, too."

She acted like it wasn't true. "Don't push your luck, Cullen."

"How am I supposed to get to the airport?" I asked.

"Jasper can take you," she offered.

Still pissed at the motherfucker, I hesitated.

"Ed, he already told you he was sorry. Or tried to, at least."

"How's his face, by the way?"

She glanced at my cast. "Better than your hand, apparently."

The two of us exchanged a smile. As much as I hated Alice, I kind of liked her, too. After all, she only did what she thought was best for Bella. And even though she was totally wrong, I admired her for looking out for her friend. In a lot of ways, their relationship reminded me of the one I had with Jasper. We always stuck together. No matter how much he pissed me off, I still loved the guy.

"You and Jasper... are you guys good?" I asked. I still couldn't believe they had been sneaking around behind our backs. Bella and I should have noticed, but I guess we were too wrapped up in each other.

"Yeah, I mean," she paused, "we're good. We're..."

Her pause loomed in the air. I waited, patiently, curious by what she might say.

"Pregnant."

Once past the initial shock, I began to laugh. The punishment fit the crime... for both of them. Jasper was going to make me look like Dad of the Year. And Alice... well, Alice was stuck with Jasper _and_ his offspring for the rest of her life. "Does this mean I get to be a godfather?" I joked.

"Oh God," Alice wailed. "Don't remind me."

"You're not going to tell Bella about the whole Tanya thing, are you?"

"What, how she attacked you at the first sign of weakness? No, probably not. I can't believe you actually thought about it, though. I mean, God, Edward. I didn't think you were _that_ desperate. Tanya Denali?" She fake gagged.

"I'm not," I defended myself. "I wasn't going to do anything with her."

"Uh-huh," she deadpanned.

"But really, can we just... forget about it?"

"Yeah, we can. I think I've fucked up your relationship enough."

I sighed in relief. Thank fucking God. I had enough obstacles in my way without having to deal with stupid Tanya drama. "Thanks."

"Now go get that xBox back!" she teased.

Yes... As if breaking up with me and moving my son across the country wasn't bad enough, Bella also took my xBox. Not the same, at all, but still... I wanted my girl, my son _and _my Halo back.

It didn't hit me until I walked down the Jetway.

Bella fucking left me. She moved across the country without leaving me with so much as a forwarding address. I wouldn't even have her phone number if not for Alice. What was I thinking? And what would I do if Bella refused to hear me out? I didn't even have a place to live. Or a car. The only things I _did_ have were the clothes that fit in my suitcase.

And at the same time, I had nothing to lose.

I could do this. I _would_ do this. If not for Bella, then for Seth. Even if my plan failed miserably, I had no intentions of coming back to Forks. As long as Seth remained in Florida, so would I. I'd take Bella to court for custody if I had to. I hoped I didn't, but I vowed I'd always be there for my son... no matter what.

I wore my sunglasses onto the plane. My head hurt. Bad. It was my own fault, though. Jasper and I must have stayed out until at least three last night, making amends and saying our goodbyes. We celebrated new beginnings or some shit; ones where I finally got laid and he actually settled down. The crazy bastard planned on asking Alice to marry him— only because of the kid, of course, though Jasper did say he'd never met anyone like her. I could relate. I felt the same way about Bella.

I thought about my own family.

Did she take the pill? I wished I knew. It wasn't fucking fair, really. Jasper didn't even want kids. They weren't even trying. We were. Or, at least, I thought we were. How could Bella do that to me? And why would she leave me hanging onto the hope that she didn't? If she followed through with taking the fucking pill, she should have at least said so. That way, I could let it go.

Now that I actually had time and allowed myself to think, I wondered if I should even want her back at all.

My flights connected through Dallas. The layover was long and by the time I actually boarded my second flight, I was sick of over thinking things. I just wanted to sleep. I could figure everything else out later. I drifted off, my subconscious recalling things I'd rather not think of.

_The night I took Bella's virginity... Throwing my credit card at her and demanding she get an abortion... The doctors telling me my newborn son probably wouldn't make it through the night... Pushing her away when she needed me the most... Ignoring phone calls... Seth's asthma... Bella spending the past five and a half years as a single mother, just because I couldn't sort past my own shit... Seeing her with Jacob... Charlie's protests..._

_...And after everything we'd been through, letting her walk away._

I woke up as the plane touched down in Jacksonville, my resolve to fight for Bella back and stronger than ever.

As soon as I knew it was safe to do so without getting screamed at by the flight attendants, I pulled out my cell phone. I had a few text messages from Alice and Jasper and an unread voicemail. I almost fell out of my chair when I heard her voice.

Bella actually fucking called me.

"_I'll be around until five or so your time," _she said.

What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

Everything took too long. I just wanted to see my family, but ten minutes later we were still on the tarmac. And then, it took me forever to find baggage claim. My over sized duffel was the last off of the conveyor belt.

My phone rang as I walked over to the rental counter.

"This is Edward," I answered, unfamiliar with the number. For all I knew, it could be the Mayo.

"Daddy," he cried.

_Seth? _Well, what else did I expect? After all, it was 9:15.

"What's wrong, baby?" I asked.

He began to sob incoherently. I couldn't really understand him...at all. "Seth, you need to calm down for me, okay? I can't understand you and this isn't good for your asthma. Count to ten, baby."

He took a deep breath. And another. After a few more, I asked him if he was okay. After more unsuccessful attempts to calm him down, I asked to talk to his mother.

"S-s-she's not here," he said.

"What?" I asked, unsure of whether I'd heard him correctly. Where the fuck was she?

"I'm at Nene's."

I told him everything was going to be okay, and how much I loved him before asking to speak to his grandmother. He promised me he'd try harder. I just wanted to find out what the fuck was wrong and how to fix it.

"Renee, what is going on?"

"He's going through some separation anxiety," she explained. Renee must have sensed the questions forming in my head. I wanted to know why Bella wasn't around. "Look, Edward. It's my fault. I kept assuming he'd calm down on his own, but I think I'm going to have to call Bella after all."

"Where is she?" I asked.

"Some of her new coworkers invited her out. Seth started acting up when it was time for her to leave. She wasn't going to go, but I insisted. Between the move and everything else that's happened, I thought she could use a break. I'm worried about her. She's been so stressed out, Edward," Renee sighed.

Her revelation left me with conflicting emotions. Part of me understood that as a single mom, Bella needed a fucking break. But at the same time, our son needed her. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to go out and meet someone else but as much as I wanted to find her, to make sure _she_ was okay and scream at her for what she'd done, I knew Seth came first.

"How do I get to your house from the airport?" I asked.

"Hold on," she whispered. "You're in Florida?"

"Just landed," I explained. "I don't really know what I'm doing. Just that I have to try to fix things with Bella."

Renee didn't hate me like Charlie did. Or, if she did, she was a lot better at hiding it. Twenty-five minutes later, I pulled up to a modest beach-front bungalow. A man, whom I assumed to be Bella's step-father, waited on the porch. We shook hands.

"Hey Edward," he greeted. "It's good to finally meet you. Go on inside."

I thanked him and quietly darted through the living room. Renee met me in the hallway.

"Shh," she whispered, "He finally fell asleep."

_Of course_ he did. The poor guy was probably exhausted. As much as I wanted to see my son, I had no intentions of waking the little guy. I quietly slipped into his room anyway. Peacefully asleep, my son looked as if he didn't have a care in the world. I knew better. After a few minutes of laying in bed next to him and fighting back angry tears over Bella and what she'd done to us, I kissed his forehead and whispered an, "I love you."

For the time being, my kid was okay. Now, I just needed to find my girlfriend...well, ex-girlfriend.

Renee was on the phone when I came back into the living room. Phil offered me a beer, but I declined. This morning's hangover was enough of a reminder of why I didn't like to drink. Besides, I wasn't exactly in the mood to stand around and shoot the breeze. Apparently, Bella wasn't either.

"She said she'll be home in fifteen minutes," Renee relayed to me, "The house is kind of hard to find from here. Phil can take you."

The car ride wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it'd be. Honestly, Phil didn't look much older than Bella and me. And he was actually kind of... nice? He didn't treat me like a pile of shit, which was more than I could say about Bella's real dad. I felt like I could be myself around him, so I asked him to tell me more about Seth.

"Aside from the obvious, what the fuck happened with my son today?"

"He'll be okay, Ed," he assured me. "I think he just got the wrong idea earlier."

"Wrong idea?"

"When Bella's co-worker picked her up."

Why would that give him the wrong idea? Unless... "Bella's on a fucking date?"

The thought made my chest seize up. "No! Not at all. They were meeting others... He just offered to drive, since she's not really familiar with the area yet," he explained. I didn't fucking believe that for one second. And even if Bella thought it wasn't a date, I'm sure the motherfucker had other ideas in mind.

"Shit," I sighed. "I'm so fucked."

"Na, I don't think so. I think the past few days have turned out to be a major wake up call for her."

He pulled into a driveway. The house looked way out of Bella's price range. I knew it belonged to Phil, and I couldn't help but wonder why she didn't move down here a long time ago. It was a far better place to live than the shitty low income apartment in Forks.

He handed me a key. "Go ahead and let yourself in."

Despite Phil's instructions, I waited on the porch. For thirty-seven minutes. Bella finally showed up, in a fucking cab no less. The tension was thick as she met me on the front porch.

"Why are you waiting outside?" she asked, annoyance clear in her voice, "I thought Phil gave you a key."

"It's not my house," I explained. "I didn't want to walk in like I fucking owned the place."

She unlocked the deadbolt and motioned me inside. The dog barked in his crate. No wonder Seth was so upset— he didn't have his sleeping buddy.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I asked as Bella threw down her keys and locked the door. I didn't like the way she dressed. The shorts were too short and her tank top was too revealing. She looked good; just _too_ good. Like she wanted to be fucked. The thought went straight to my dick.

She grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into her bedroom. "Edward, don't start."

"I want some fucking answers, Bella," I countered. I caught a whiff of alcohol. "Are you fucking drunk right now?"

"Not really," she replied coldly, walking over to her nightstand. "I was, but it's worn down."

My first question had been answered. Bella obviously wasn't pregnant.

"Do you know how fucking worried I've been about you all day?" she asked. "How many times I tried to call you?"

"I think it's pretty obvious why I didn't pick up. You know, TSA gets pretty fucking strict about that no phone rule."

"No one would give me answers," she said. "Or, at least, not the ones I wanted to hear."

She handed me a little foil packet. A condom... Trojan. We always used Durex. Bella definitely didn't have these when she lived in Forks. I could barely force the question out. "Have you been fucking someone else?"

I could feel my eyes getting watery. It'd only been two weeks. She wouldn't. Not with our son in the house. Not if she still cared about me. If she did, that would be it for us. We'd be over.

She answered my question with her own. "First, why don't you tell me about what happened with Tanya?"

Bella's best friend was a lying fucking bitch.

"Goddammit!" I seethed, "I didn't do shit with that cunt! Alice should know. She saw the whole goddamn thing, but she still feels the need to ruin my life over it. As if I don't already want to kill myself!"

Bella snapped back, "Too bad Alice didn't say shit to me about it! Tanya did!"

"What?"

"When I called up to the ER this morning to talk to you, she answered and practically thanked me for breaking up with you! She said you got suspended for doing something with her!"

It sounded like something Tanya would say. "You should know better than to believe that bullshit," I said.

Bella sat down on the bed. "Edward, do you want to fuck me or not?"

"You can't be fucking serious."

"I'm _very_ fucking serious. I thought about going home with someone tonight," she confessed. "I just wanted a meaningless fuck to help me forget everything. To get my mind off of you. But obviously, that isn't happening."

"You're damn fucking right it isn't!" I assured her.

"I still want a meaningless fuck."

I sat down next to her, the little packet still in my hand. I tried hard not to reveal how weak I felt. I loved her, so much. And despite everything, I would be willing to take whatever she'd give me. "Baby, I don't want us to have that kind of relationship."

"It's not a _relationship_. It's a fuck," she argued, taking off her shirt.

She began to strip down. Almost mindlessly, I followed her lead. I thought maybe, if we made love, I could snap her back to reality. I took my own clothes off, rolling the condom on and sliding between the sheets. I kissed her neck, gently teasing her entrance. She felt fucking amazing; already so wet...

My kisses trailed from her neck to her lips, keeping them occupied as I pushed in all the way.

"I love you," I whispered, setting a slow pace. Two weeks without her had taken a disastrous toll on my stamina.

She sighed, clearly annoyed. "Edward, I said I wanted to be fucked. Would this be easier for you if I got onto my knees?"

I don't know if it's what she said... or how she said it, but something inside me snapped. Or maybe, I snapped a long time ago. A feral growl erupted from my throat and I grabbed her wrists, pulling them above her head. With my good hand, I held her down. I supported my body weight with the broken one. I didn't care how much it hurt. After a while, the pain didn't even register. If she wanted it rough, that's exactly what she'd get.

I'd never fucked her like this before; with no regards to anything other than slamming my dick as fast and deep as I could go. Before long, she began to get loud and I felt her orgasm building. I couldn't believe she actually liked the things I was doing to her... That she could even get off like this.

I felt the condom tear, but I was too gone to care. I finished quickly, unable to hold off any longer.

And as soon as it was over, she broke down.

"I'm s-s-s-sorry," she cried, clinging onto me for dear life. "I love you, Edward. I love you so much."

I pushed her away, horrified by the direction the night had taken. I needed to be alone before I fucked up even more. She continued to cry, the sobs only getting louder as I rolled out of bed and disposed of the condom- or what was left of it, at least.

"The fucking condom ripped," I said coldly. "So you should probably get another one of those morning after pills."

"Edward-"

I cut her off. "No, Bella. Don't even fucking start with me. You wanted a meaningless fuck, remember?"

She watched in hysterics as I got dressed. I left her crying in her bedroom, unsure of where I intended on spending the night. Once in the living room, I remembered I hadn't even driven here. Bear whined from his crate as if he needed to go out.

And I needed a fucking cigarette.

Outside, he seemed more eager to meet me than anything else. I distracted myself from the situation with Bella by carrying on a conversation with my son's dog. After pulling the box of Camels out of my pocket, I sat down on the concrete slab.

"Good boy," I scratched him behind his ear as he continued to paw at my legs. He licked my face. It was pretty gross, but made me laugh anyway. No wonder Bella hated him so much.

"You like Daddy, don't you?"

I lit up a cigarette and tried unsuccessfully to shut my brain off. I knew I should probably go back inside... to Bella. But I thought it best if I didn't, at least for now. Five minutes later, I heard the sliding glass door open behind me.

"You're smoking again," she said sadly.

"What does it even matter to you?" I wondered aloud.

Bella sat next to me. Unwilling to make eye contact, I kept myself distracted by petting Bear.

"It matters."

I shrugged her off.

She sighed. "Honey, I didn't take the pill."

The second she said the words, I could no longer act uninterested. "You didn't?"

"No... I didn't." Our eyes met, and I'm sure she saw the hope in mine for at least a second. "But I'm not pregnant," she added.

"Obviously," I deadpanned. "Why didn't you, anyway?"

"I think, even then I knew how irrational I was being. I'm so sorry, Edward. I fucked us up again. But at the end of the day, I didn't want to prevent what could have been. Maybe I'm selfish... But even in the worst case scenario, I'd have another piece of you to hold onto."

A lone tear ran down her cheek. I wiped it away and opened my arms. "Come here, sweetheart."

"I started taking the birth control last Sunday," she explained, "I think we should work on us before we bring more kids into the picture."

"There's an 'us' again?" I asked, my voice full of optimism.

She mimicked my half-smile. "If you can forgive me."

"I'm working on it," I pledged.

The conversation kept flowing. We talked about Seth and all of the problems he was having at school. I hated to think he needed to see someone, but I knew his teacher might be right. It would be good for us; _all_ of us. I asked Bella to come to therapy with me. Of course, she agreed. Two hours later, we were _still_ outside, braving the mosquitoes, bearing our souls and laughing at Jasper and Alice's expense.

She told me about her coworker, and I told her the truth about Tanya; how we both failed at using someone else to forget each other. Luckily, for each of us, there was nothing to forgive. We loved each other too much to follow through with anything stupid. I thought better of the woman next to me, the one I hoped to be my wife someday. I told her so. Even after everything, the way I felt about her would never change.

We finally went back inside, back to _our_ bedroom, a little after 4:00 am. This time, I initiated our intimacy. There were no barriers; no anger. And I loved every second of it. I loved my girlfriend.


	20. Look After You

******Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.**

**********I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.**

**Chapter 19: Look After You**

**BPOV**

The bright sun made its appearance far too early for a Saturday morning. Even after two weeks, I had a hard time growing accustomed to anything other than clouds. How anyone managed a full night's sleep without curtains to block the light was beyond me. I missed Forks, but not nearly as much as I did yesterday.

I couldn't believe Edward was actually here.

Still asleep, he resorted to hiding his face under the pillows to block out the sunlight. I doubted he'd be awake anytime soon. As if the time difference between Forks and Jacksonville wasn't enough, we stayed up until at least five in the morning, talking and becoming, well, _reacquainted_ with each other. I knew I still had a long way to go before I truly earned his forgiveness, but I was willing to do anything to try. I kissed him between his shoulder blades, shutting my eyes and snuggling closer in hopes of getting a few more minutes of rest before Renee brought Seth home.

I slept better knowing that things were at least kind of okay again.

When I woke up for the second time, it was to the opening of my bedroom door and the sound of footsteps. Silent relief overcame me. Not only for Seth and Edward, knowing their reunion was seconds away, but also because we had _at least _gotten dressed after we last made love this morning. The only thing missing was Edward's shirt, but that was nothing new. I'd already scarred my kid enough. The last thing we needed to do was make it worse.

He ran to Edward's side of the bed, of course. Even when we lived in Forks, he would do that. Edward had a way of making Seth feel safe... of making _both_ of us feel safe.

I sat up and watched in shock as anger riffled his face. His hands clenched into fists and he used all of his strength to pound on Edward's back.

"SETH TYLER CULLEN!" I shouted. "Apologize right this second!"

He kept hitting and frantically yelled, "NO! GET AWAY FROM MY MOMMY!" Edward's head shot up and out from under the pillow, and Seth's lip quivered shamefully. I realized, regrettably, how Seth must have interpreted the situation.

He thought Edward was someone else.

"Seth," Edward whispered, his voice full of emotion. He sat up and pulled our son onto the bed. "It's okay, son. I'm here. I've got you."

"I'm sorry, Daddy!" he cried, hugging his father close. "Don't be mad at me! I didn't know it was you!"

Edward laughed and asked without thinking, "Who else would I be?"

"M-m-mommy's friend," he stuttered. "The one that picked her up last night."

I could see the heartbreak on Edward's face. Neither of us knew what to say. He had every right to be furious, and I was flat out ashamed. Edward knew about James. I told him never, not even when I was drunk, did he pose any real threat. I thought about it, sure. But thinking and following through were two very different things. Never in a million years did I expect Edward to show up last night. And knowing Seth assumed I would go home with someone else, even if he didn't quite understand what _going home_ entailed, was more than unsettling.

"Seth, listen to me," I said sternly. I tried to think of a way to put it into context for him. I wanted him to understand that no one would replace Edward. Not for him, not for me. Ever.

Edward waited intently to hear I had to say.

"I have friends. Kind of like how you have friends at school. Auntie Alice is my best friend. Uncle Jasper is Daddy's. But just because you have a best friend doesn't mean you can't have other friends, too. And someday, when you're older, you'll meet someone that no one else can replace..." I paused, carefully trying to pick my words. I didn't want to say girlfriend or boyfriend. Edward was much more than that. "kind of like a super best friend."

Edward cocked his eyebrow. "Really, Bella? Super best friends?"

"What I'm trying to say, _boys_, is that even though I may have friends at work, none of them will ever be able to replace Daddy. Your super best friend is your soul mate. You can only have one."

"But why can't you be Daddy's girlfriend anymore?" Seth bawled, simplifying it into the term he understood and the one I assumed wouldn't be enough.

"I... am?" It came out like more of a question. I looked to Edward for help. I mean, he hadn't outright said it... but he didn't need to, right?

"You are?" Seth asked.

"Seth, this isn't something you need to worry about," Edward sighed, almost as if he were deflecting. My heart sank. Of course, he was still mad. Probably more so now than ever. "Mommy and Daddy had a fight. A _big_ fight. But we're going to work past it, because we love each other and we love you."

"Like a real family?" Seth asked.

Edward slid his hand into mine and began to fumble with my ring. I still wore it, even when we were apart. He chanced a glance into my eyes and when I saw his smile, I couldn't help but smile back. "Like a real family," he said proudly, soothing Seth's fears and my own.

"Hey," I said, walking into the kitchen as Mom fumbled with the dishwasher. I didn't realized she stuck around after dropping Seth off. "You don't need to mess with the dishes. I'll do them later."

Seth and Edward were still in my bedroom. My son wanted to know every detail of his father's journey to Florida and with all of the time they'd spent apart, I figured they might want some alone.

"I see Edward spent the night," Renee said, assessing my spaghetti strap tank top and sleep shorts. You'd think I wore a fucking teddy from the way her words hung in the air.

I could feel the heat rushing to my face. Even at 24 years old, the last thing I wanted to do was talk about sex with my mother. "Mom," I groaned.

"Oh come on, Bella," she baited. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's obvious how much Edward cares about you. And he's a _very_ handsome man."

"Yeah, okay, can we _please_ talk about something else?"

"Well, Phil and I were talking," she hedged, "and I know it might be too late, but we just wanted you to know that it's okay if Edward needs to stay with us."

I shrugged. "Why would he?"

"Maybe you two should _try_ taking it slow," she suggested. "After all, isn't rushing into something you weren't ready for what got you into this mess in the first place?"

I wasn't sure if the _mess_ she referred to was now, or six years ago. It probably didn't make much of a difference. I knew she had a point, but I didn't really want to live apart. At the same time, I didn't want to rush Edward. And if things didn't work out, it _would_ be better for Seth if we weren't living together.

"I don't know," I hesitated, "Maybe he will. I'll ask him."

"Ask me what?" Edward said, emerging from my bedroom with Seth in tow.

By Monday morning, we still hadn't come to a real decision over where Edward would be living. He spent the weekend at my house, but I wondered if it was more so for Seth's sake than our own. Our son refused to let his father out of his sight. Everywhere Edward went, Seth followed. We couldn't get a moment away, not even at night. Seth slept wedged between two _very_ sexually frustrated parents. Bribery and Bear hadn't been enough to keep him in his own room.

I was beginning to feel sorry for the mutt.

I dreaded the start of a new week almost as much as Seth did. What meant school and time away from Edward for Seth also meant work and James for me. When I left the club on Friday, I made my feelings for Edward very clear. I told James I still loved him and couldn't picture myself with anyone else. He seemed to understand, probably having guessed as much from the start.

I knew Edward still felt uneasy about me working and associating with him.

Edward and I took Seth to school early, dreading the temper tantrum that was sure to come when our son realized he'd have to spend eight entire hours away from his dad. But even though we anticipated some sort melt down, neither of us could have been prepared for it's severity.

"Edward, you have to leave him," I finally said, not being able to afford anymore time at the school. I needed to get to work, and he was due at the Mayo to fill out some paperwork.

"No!" Seth cried, "Daddy, please don't leave me!"

"I have to," Edward sighed. "It's school, buddy."

He kept crying. And kicking. More parents came in to drop off their kids, and they looked at us like we were crazy... or maybe, just bad parents. The clock struck 7:50. School was officially in session. Seth's teacher led his classmates to PE, and we remained in his home room.

"What if I came to pick you up early?" Edward eventually offered, "I need your help this afternoon anyway."

He nodded, his breathing unsteady from the crying. I knew we were getting somewhere, but I didn't want Seth to make a habit out of his poor behavior. Picking him up early once was no big deal, but I worried conceding to his temper tantrum might come back to haunt us later... kind of like every other parenting mistake we'd made.

We seized the opportunity anyway, giving him one final kiss goodbye and walking him to the gym before he could change his mind. I watched as he became fully engrossed in a game of baseball, telling all of his classmates about Phil. Once content he would not freak out again, we left.

Edward and I walked to the car in silence. I wasn't happy about the means by which Edward calmed Seth down and judging by his frown, Edward apparently wasn't happy with me either.

"Dude, what the fuck!" I snapped, ignoring the ring of my cell phone. "You can't just bribe him with going home early every time he throws a little fit! What happens when you go back to work?"

"I didn't see you coming up with any better solutions!" he retaliated.

"Baseball seemed to work just fine!"

"Yeah," Edward agreed. "_After_ I calmed him down!"

My phone rang again. I didn't even look at it. "Whatever, Edward."

We hadn't even left the parking lot. I had to be at work in five minutes but Edward made no move to start the car. I wondered if this was his own way of stalling. "You know, babe, this wouldn't even be happening if not for the fact that you moved him 3,000 miles away from me in the first place!"

"Oh, right. Act like its all my fault."

"It _is_ your fucking fault, Isabella!" he seethed.

"You're the one who ignored him for the first five years of his life!"

My words cut deep, but he knew they were the truth. "Fuck, Bella," he breathed. His grip tightened around the steering wheel of my mother's Toyota.

"Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say-"

"No, I know it's true," he argued. "We can't keep throwing this shit back at each other."

He was right. "I know," I said, reaching over to put my hand on his thigh. "I still love you."

He looked at me. "I still love you, too."

"We need to set up that appointment," I reminded him.

"Sometimes, I just feel so helpless, babe. Everything I do backfires. Maybe I _should_ stay with Renee."

I tried to tell him no. "Edward-"

My phone rang again, causing me to pause mid-sentence. I reached into my bag, annoyed by the persistence of whoever kept calling. The number on the screen was unfamiliar, but I answered anyway.

"Who is it, babe?" he asked as my face fell. "Is everything okay?"

I looked at him, trying to find the words. I didn't want to scare him, but I was terrified. My hand found the door handle, and I was half way out of the car before I even gave him an answer.

The school secretary's words repeated in my head. "Ms. Swan, we've had to call an ambulance for Seth."

We opened the gym doors, expecting to see some sort of injury. What we saw was so much worse.

Seth laying on the floor of the gym.

Teachers crowded around him.

Edward rushing to his side.

Pain in his shoulder.

Unable to speak.

Coughing.

Blue lips.

Silence.

Sirens.

The gym teacher recounted to Edward how Seth had stepped up and volunteered to play catcher. The first batter came and went. The second batter, a larger boy, swung hard and missed, hitting Seth with his backswing. At first, Coach Gardener paid no mind to the area of his injury. He assumed it hurt, but knew little about Seth's asthma. Kids got hit in gym all of the time, but none of them reacted quite as severely as Seth.

The trauma, combined with an already weak lung, caused a tension pneumothorax in Seth's left lung. By the time paramedics arrived, he was already in shock. Edward recognized the signs. Edward calmed him down. He knew what to tell the paramedics; what to do.

Edward kept everything together when Seth fell apart.

I was a mess. I couldn't even follow the ambulance; Mom had to come get me. Edward rode in the back with Seth, but more so as a comfort measure than anything else. They took him to the Mayo, and by the time I arrived he had already been intubated. They knocked him out, drained his lung and kept him for observation. I don't know what I would have done, if not for Edward's comfort and reassurance during the entire ordeal.

"He's going to be okay, babe," he told me over and over again. "_Everything_ is going to be okay."

"Bella," Edward whispered, shaking me awake sometime during the night on Thursday. Seth was finally out of the hospital, and I was exhausted. "Get up," he urged.

"What's wrong?" I asked, still groggy from sleep. "What time is it?"

"Midnight," he said quietly, looking to make sure our son was still asleep between us. "I'm hard."

I frowned. "What am I supposed to do about it? I _told_ you to make him sleep alone tonight."

"You know I tried. Take a shower with me," he pleaded.

"Right now?" I chided.

"No, this is your ten minute warning," he said snidely.

I sighed, feeling rather unattractive as I made my way towards the bathroom. The last thing I wanted to do was take a late night shower, but I knew he could be easily coaxed out of that idea. Sex had been the last thing on our minds after Seth's accident. Now that he was home and well, we hadn't gotten a free moment to ourselves. Edward eagerly followed me out of the room, his mesh basketball shorts doing little to hide his... condition.

I locked the bathroom door and got down on my knees.

"Fuck, yes," he hissed as I pulled his shorts down just far enough to expose his dick. I ran my tongue across the tip, eliciting a groan. "Dammit, Edward, that was too fucking loud. You're going to wake him up if you-"

He didn't allow me to finish the sentence.

Point taken. Edward didn't want to talk. He wanted a release. I looked up to see his eyes closed, teeth gritted. I knew he was trying to be quiet, so I playfully tried to take him as deep as I could... which, actually, turned out to be a lot deeper than usual. He ran his hands through my hair. "Bella," he whispered. And again, "Bella, stop."

My new bathroom was a lot bigger than the one in Forks. It had a shower, jacuzzi, separate sinks and enough room to lay down... which is exactly what Edward wanted to do.

He actually wanted to have sex on the bathroom floor.

"I don't want to live apart," he whispered, removing my tank top and balling it into a pillow.

"Me either," I agreed, shifting my hips. He continued removing my shorts and panties. I was already wet, and my need for him grew more and more by the second. So did his. He entered me with one swift push. The intensity led him to pause, giving me time to adjust to his size. I loved the feeling of Edward, bare and deep.

"I don't want Seth to ever have to worry that the person his mom wakes up next to isn't his dad," he worried, placing open mouth kisses along my neck. "I always want to wake up next to you, even if it means getting kicked in the ribs repeatably by the five year old between us."

I snickered, trying to keep it quiet. Edward always had to say something about Seth being a kicker.

"I don't ever want to take our son to court," he asserted. "I never did."

I could hear the sincerity in his voice. I believed him. I _should_ have believed him from the beginning. "I know," I whispered, knowing all of this could have been avoided.

"I don't ever want you to think that I don't love you; that I never loved you."

He brought his lips to mine, kissing me with an intensity only matched by the movement of his hips between my thighs. Edward loved me. I felt it present in every kiss... every thrust.

He pulled his mouth away from mine and smiled. "I wanted to fucking wait. To do this right. But the more I think about it, the more I can't stand waking up tomorrow and worrying I might lose you because I'm too little or too late. I love you, Bella. I always have, and I always will."

"I love you, too." I wondered where he was going with this. Sex usually wasn't so verbal for us.

"I don't _ever_ want my son to think it's okay to abandon the mother of his child."

I tried to argue. "Edward-"

He cut me off, pausing his movements.

"No, Bella. I'm serious. I've set a terrible example for my son. This is not the kind of life I want him to live. He's got too many other things to worry about without having to think about us. Waiting six years to propose to the mother of your child is _not_ okay. The way I've taken you for granted has _never_ been okay."

My breath hitched. I bit my lip and waited for him to continue. "You're worth the wait," I finally said when he didn't.

He argued, "I'm not. But I still want to call you my wife, even though I'm not sure I'll ever be worthy enough to be your husband."

"I've never wanted anyone else," I told him, capturing his lips with mine again.

He pulled away too soon. "Bella, will you marry me?"

I nodded with my head _and_ my hips. "Yes," I sighed, the movement creating a frenzy within my veins. I repeated my answer over and over again before it lost all meaning. Edward's movements sped, and it wasn't long before _my fiance_ followed me over the edge.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" I asked, crawling back into bed. Edward searched through one of the dresser drawers before walking over to my side. He sat next to me, sliding a ring onto my finger. "Bella, I think I forgave you before I even stepped foot on the plane."

* * *

**:)**


	21. Happy Endings

**Chapter 20: Happy Endings**

**EPOV**

"For any relationship to strive, communication is a must. Marriage is no exception."

I smiled at the word. _Marriage_.

Dr. Marks continued, "Now, you two haven't exactly been known for having the best communication skills. The one thing I cannot stress enough is that the two of you continue to communicate openly and effectively with each other. Avoid assumptions, as they have gotten you nowhere in the past."

"Definitely," I agreed, squeezing my fiancé's hand a little tighter. She nodded her head in agreement.

Bella and I had been attending therapy sessions, both together and apart for a little over a month. We'd also been taking Seth to see someone, though not as frequently. It was awkward at first, raking over the coals with a complete stranger. The more we went, the more I got used to it. I didn't want to be in therapy _forever_, by any means, but it did have it's benefits. Our relationship continued to grow stronger. Seth's tantrums were becoming few and far between and aside from the occasional stormy night, he finally started sleeping in his own bed again.

"It's important for the two of you to discuss your expectations with each other," he added. "Edward, what do you expect from your wife?"

"Sex," I answered, half-jokingly.

Bella slapped my arm. "Edward!"

"Actually, Bella, Edward's answer is perfectly normal. Sex is possibly one of the most important aspects of marriage, especially for your husband," Dr. Marks said.

"I know," she said begrudgingly.

"But that doesn't mean sex has to be one sided," Dr. Marks added. "I suppose it might be better to ask Bella what _her_ expectations are. Do you feel that Edward gives you the intimacy you need? And are you comfortable talking openly with him about your desires?"

I held back laughter as a rather obvious blush flooded Bella's cheeks. We talked about sex in our sessions. _A lot_. It was kind of a given, so you'd think she'd be used to it.

She wasn't.

"Uh, yeah," she answered evasively, biting her lip.

"Not so fast, babe. I want a real answer."

"I mean, I love being with you like _that_," she said shyly. "And I do feel open to talk about my... desires."

I kissed her forehead, "Then what's the problem?"

"I guess I just worry it might not be good enough for you," she sighed, earning my reassurance. Aside from the occasional roadblock better known as parenthood, I felt _very_ satisfied with my sex life. If only Bella knew how much she turned me on. Fuck, sometimes I got off so quick it was embarrassing. Just waking up next to her every morning was enough to make me the happiest man on the planet. Surely she knew that by now.

We ended our session on that note, with Dr. Marks emphasizing trust with intimacy. He asked a few more questions; like whether we wanted more kids and the type of birth control we planned on using, and sent us home with a few more to answer _privately_. I couldn't help but ask if there were some hands on exercises we could try, too.

"I'm sure you're more than capable of making up your own," Dr. Marks teased, as Bella dragged me out of the office and onto our second appointment of the day.

"You ready for this?" she asked later as we made our way into one of Jacksonville's beachfront hotels.

I groaned, thinking I'd honestly rather be back at couples therapy. I couldn't wait to marry Bella. I told her so everyday, but planning the actual wedding turned out to be a pain in the ass. We couldn't even decide where to have the damn thing. Everything was either too big or too expensive and the few places we did like were unavailable on our date. The wedding wasn't until next summer, but that didn't stop Bella and Alice from stressing about it far more than they reasonably should.

Yes, we made amends with our friends.

They were still in Forks, adjusting to their ...situation. Jasper proposed around the same time I did, providing Bella and Alice with common ground to make amends. They talked on the phone almost every night, comparing flowers, cakes and wedding dates.

We met with an event coordinator at the hotel who took us through all of the different possibilities. The hotel definitely had it's advantages. We could have both the ceremony and reception in one place. They catered food and even provided special room rates for those coming from out of town. I watched as Bella fell in love with the possibility of a wedding on the beach.

That is, until the woman handed her the price sheet.

Charlie obviously wasn't happy with Bella. After all, she was marrying _me_. And though he did offer to help pay for our wedding, Bella didn't feel comfortable accepting his money. She wouldn't even let him walk her down the aisle, instead asking her step-dad to give her away.

Charlie wasn't very happy about that, either.

But then again, it was Phil who gave me the extra push I needed. He was the one to tell me I didn't need Charlie's permission to marry Bella. Within a day of moving to Jacksonville, he asked me what the hold up was. Bella and Renee were off at some Yoga class, and Phil had opted to spend the afternoon with me and Seth.

"Just ask her, Ed. Charlie will deal," he said after hearing my plight.

And that's what Charlie had been doing; voicing his disapproval whenever given the opportunity, and ultimately dealing with the fact that I was _definitely_ marrying his daughter.

Of course, we didn't mention _how_ I proposed when we told Bella's dad... or anyone else for that matter.

"I'll ask Mom and Dad," I offered as Bella stressed over the cost. "They already told us they'd help with whatever we needed."

"No! Edward, they've already done so much," she sighed. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she were about to cry. "I mean, they said they'd help with the honeymoon, and I really don't want to overburden them."

"Sweetheart, my dad is a doctor. This is probably, like, pocket change to him."

"Edward, we're not asking him."

I knew my dad would be more than happy to help. My parents couldn't be happier about my decision to marry Bella. Hell, they'd probably pay for the entire wedding if we asked. I told Bella so.

"If we're going to pay out the ass to get married on the beach, we might as well just do it for free in Mom's backyard."

We looked at each other, shocked that neither of us had thought about it before. Why not have a small beach wedding behind Renee's house? It's not like there were dozens of people for us to entertain. We only planned on inviting the people who actually mattered; our families. It was so much easier that way. Bella and I could do things how _we_ wanted without worrying about killing our savings account or fighting for a specific date.

We set our wedding for June 5, 2010.

The same day we lost our virginity, only seven years later.

It made me think. With everything calming down and things finally coming together, I didn't feel like I was missing anything. I wondered if the same was true for Bella. When Seth was born, she sacrificed everything for our son. She didn't get to do the things she wanted to do. She settled for second best, always putting our son first. I couldn't say the same for myself. And while she had every right to hold it against me, she didn't. We discussed it in our sessions a lot. I still couldn't help but feel guilty over everything I'd done, and everything Bella hadn't gotten to do.

Midway through November, I decided to talk to her about the possibility of going back to school next fall. By then, the wedding would be out of the way and our son would be in first grade. I would be around to help with Seth, and Bella wouldn't even have to work if she didn't want to. The Volvo and the Explorer were paid for, and I could easily cover the rest of our bills while Bella devoted time to her education.

My phone rang. I worked the early shift; always getting off by 2:30. I made it home an hour or so before school ended for Seth, and Bear and I usually watched TV while we waited to pick him up. Bella wouldn't be home until 6:30 or so, which meant I was usually the one to figure out dinner.

"Hey, sweetheart," I answered. Bella didn't call me from work very often, but I loved when she did. "How's your day?"

"It's good," she said. "I was thinking maybe we could have a Mommy and Daddy night tonight?"

"Sure," I smiled. I loved my son, but I loved when he spent the night with his grandparents, too. I realized it would be the perfect opportunity to talk with Bella about going back to college. "Actually, that works great."

"Okay. Great," she sounded a little rushed. "Um, so you can take him over there after school, and I'll get us something to eat on the way home?"

"Sounds great, babe. Love you," I said.

"Love you too," she said back.

After finishing our take out, Bella asked if we could talk.

Immediately, my mind assumed the worst. She sent Seth away for a reason. Bella was breaking up with me. She didn't want to get married. Maybe she never did. Is that why she wanted a long engagement? Was there someone else? After everything, would she really do that to me?

_No, I didn't think so. _

Always avoid assumptions, remember?

"Edward, it's a good talk," she laughed, soothing my irrational fears.

I exhaled the breath I didn't realize I held. "Good. And actually, there was something I wanted to talk about too..."

We went back to our bedroom. Most of the furniture from Forks eventually made it's way to the new house. When Bella initially moved, she only shipped what she absolutely needed. The rest was left with Charlie. As soon as I arrived, we paid to get everything else moved and shipped the cars.

I sat down on the bed. "You can go first," she offered, crawling onto my lap.

"Well, I was thinking," I began, trying to find the right words. It was hard to concentrate with the way Bella straddled me. She shifted her hips and I felt myself getting hard. "You know, Jacksonville is good for us."

She let out a stifled laugh. "Yeah, it is," she agreed.

"I mean, we have a lot more opportunities here than we did in Forks. I have a better paying job, we have a nicer house, Seth is happy..."

"_We're_ happy," she corrected.

"We're happy," I smiled. With Bella on my lap, how could I not be? I had to force myself to stay on track. We could play later... we _would_ play later.

Definitely.

She teased the hair on the back of my neck, beckoning me to continue.

"There are a lot of opportunities here that we wouldn't necessarily have in Forks. And with Phil giving us such a good deal on the house, you wouldn't even have to work if you didn't want to."

"Do you think so?" she asked, "Would you be okay with that?"

"Yeah, baby, I would."

"Like a stay at home mom?"

"Sort of," I explained. "How do you feel about going back to school?"

"What?" she laughed.

"I thought maybe you could start next fall... By then we'll be married, and Seth will be in first grade. I just figured-"

"Edward," she cut me off, catching my mouth with hers for a lingering kiss. I all but forgot about everything but her lips, her tongue, her touch... She pulled away leaving me with the need for more. "You're a really sweet guy, do you know that?"

I shook my head.

"No, really. How did I ever get so lucky to land you? To marry you and have your babies..."

"Bella," I groaned, getting back on task. "Come on, I'm serious."

"I am too," she said. "But Edward, honestly, I don't want to go back to school. I'm happy with my life and I have enough on my plate without adding anything else to the mix."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Positive. It's just not on my priority list right now. I have you, and Seth, and now the baby..."

She looked at me with a hesitant but small smile. I nodded. If she didn't want to go back to school, I didn't want to force her.

"Wait," I realized, her words finally registering. "The _baby_?"

"See, that's what I wanted to talk to you about..."

"You're having a baby?" I asked in disbelief.

"_We're_ having a baby," she corrected.

"I'm going to be a daddy," I smiled.

"You're already a daddy," she reminded me.

"When did you find out?" I asked, flabbergasted.

"I took the test this morning. I knew I was late but I thought it was just my body getting used to the birth control. Then I started getting paranoid and..."

"You're pregnant," I finished for her. I couldn't stop saying it. I couldn't believe it was actually true. We weren't even trying... We wanted to wait.

"Yes. Edward, come on! _Please_ tell me you're happy about this before I start crying."

I wiped the tears from my own eyes and pulled her closer. "Happy? I'm so fucking... I don't even have words. Of course I'm happy, sweetheart! But how?"

"I think I forgot a pill or two when Seth's lung collapsed."

"You_ think?_"

"I did," she confessed. "I'm sorry, Edward. I mean, I was just so stressed out and the last thing on my mind was sex. The doctor said my birth control would be effective after two weeks, and by the time we had sex again I wasn't even thinking about it."

"Bella," I stopped her. "You have nothing to be sorry about. It's going to be okay. I'm so fucking excited."

_So excited I couldn't stop shaking..._

"You're really okay with this? No throwing the credit card at me?" she teased.

"That's not funny," I warned. "at all."

"Sorry, Daddy," she apologized, and pressed her lips to mine.

"We have to move the wedding up," I said later that night. Bella laid beside me, skin on skin. She shifted her body weight to where her head rested on my chest. "Does anyone else know?" I asked.

"No, only you," she assured me.

"Good. Lets keep it that way."

"Do you really think we should move the wedding up?"

I did, for several reasons. Mainly, I didn't want Seth to know about the pregnancy until after we were already married. I'd set so many bad examples for him, and I didn't want to add another to the list. Bella obviously couldn't hide it forever, and no woman wanted to get married when they were about to pop.

Besides, Bella didn't need a bunch of unnecessary stress. Planning the wedding was bad enough. Throwing a pregnancy into the mix changed everything. I didn't know if she would be high risk, and I wasn't about to take any chances. I couldn't help but wonder if stress was what caused her condition with Seth in the first place, and I was bound and determined not to let it happen again.

"I just feel like Seth should be the first to know and I don't want to tell him until after we're married," I explained. She nodded her head in agreement.

January 1, 2010.

The day I would make the mother of my children my wife.

Everyone had their suspicions when we told them we wanted to move the wedding up. Whenever they'd ask about it, I'd always tell them I didn't want to start another year without Bella as my wife. Renee pressed the subject, more than once, and we eventually stopped answering either way. They'd find out soon enough... _after_ the honeymoon.

I wanted to go somewhere alone, just the two of us. Bella refused. She insisted we take Seth to Disney World. He'd never been, and in January, the heat wouldn't be too unbearable for my asthmatic son and pregnant wife. It wasn't exactly the most romantic idea, but it would be our last opportunity to spend one-on-one time with Seth before he took on the role of big brother.

What Bella _didn't _know is that my mom and dad had offered to put us up in one of the higher end hotels. They booked us a room in the Animal Kingdom safari themed resort, in one of the nicer two bedrooms villas. If all went as planned, the parks would wear Seth out enough during the day and I could wear Bella out at night. It was a win-win situation for me.

If only I could convince her to let Bear come...

I did let our secret slip once, during the Christmas party at Bella's job. It was a little awkward, having to sit at a table with a bunch of Bella's coworkers. I didn't really know anyone and to make matters worse, James _insisted_ on sitting at our table. I knew he was only doing it to piss me off; playing the same types of mind games Tanya used to back in Forks. I tried not to let it get to me, but my possessive side still came out. My arm remained around Bella's shoulder throughout the entire dinner, even after I lost all of the feeling in my fingers. The motherfucker _still_ had the nerve to ask Bella if he could get her a drink.

"That won't be necessary," I warned. Bella couldn't drink because of the baby. If she could, I would have been perfectly capable of getting one for her. She didn't need _anything_ from James.

"Oh, come on, Ed. Let her loosen up a little," he said.

"I'm fine with what I have," Bella chimed in. "Really, I'm good."

"She's pregnant," I announced to the table.

All of Bella's coworkers looked at me with a blank stare as I realized my mistake. Bella was almost three months along and the hormones were already making her crazy. I never knew what to expect, but I should have known better. To make matters worse, Seth was spending the night with Renee and Phil and now I probably wouldn't even get laid.

Too little, too late.

"Oh guys, don't act so shocked," Bella laughed. "I've only been throwing up for the past three weeks!"

After getting congratulated by everyone at the table _except_ James, Bella went on to tell her coworkers all about the pregnancy. We attended our first appointment earlier that day and our doctor determined her due date. Four days after my twenty fifth birthday, I was due to be a father again. The thought terrified me. So many things could go wrong between now and then, and I just wanted our baby to be full term and healthy.

...and a boy.

It seemed weird, but I honestly didn't remember much from my actual wedding ceremony. A few things, I could never forget; Bella as she walked down the aisle, gorgeous and glowing, Jasper's inappropriate whistling as I kissed my bride, and Alice bawling... I remembered Seth's energy as he paraded around as my best man, and the way Bella worried for days about a baby bump no one could even see. I didn't recall anything the minister said, aside from when he asked Seth for the rings and told me to say I do. It was all so surreal. I couldn't believe it was actually happening to me; I'd gotten the woman of my dreams. After everything we'd been through, she would always be mine... though I suppose she always was.

And at the end of the ceremony, I looked away from my bride to see my son grinning widely. He cleared his throat to get everyone's attention and Bear perked up from his spot at the end of the sandy aisle.

"Ladies and gentleman," he spoke loud and clear, just as we practiced earlier. "Introducing, for the first time, my mom and dad!"

* * *

**Aww, Seth... :)**

**Hope you liked the chapter. This is the last one, but there will be a two part epilogue and some outtakes. Don't worry. All of the loose ends will be tied up. Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed and recommended. Also, thanks to simba and brodeurgirl for fixing my mistakes and providing input/encouragement along the way.**

**One last thing... Some of you probably think it's way too soon for them to have another kid. Yep. I agree. Life is fairly unpredictable. It can't all be easy from here on out for them... Know what I mean?**


	22. Epilogue, Part 1

**Epilogue: Part 1**

**BPOV**

_Kick. Kick. Kick._

Ladies and Gentleman, introducing the youngest member of the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

….or so he thought.

"Dammit, Edward seriously will not stop kicking me!"

Alice became eerily silent on the other end of phone. After far too long, she realized the obvious and laughed awkwardly. "Ohh, you're talking about the baby!"

"Or course, the baby! Surely you didn't think I was talking about my husband."

Four months after our wedding, it still felt weird calling him that. It was a good kind of weird, though. The kind that made me feel like my heart might explode or I might wet myself. I still cried every time I saw the pictures from our wedding. And when he'd call from work twenty times a day to check on me. Really, I pretty much cried all the freaking time; an unwanted side effect of the medical condition I suffered from.

You know, pregnancy.

"I thought you guys were pretty set on Andrew?"

"We were," I explained. Well, Edward was. I think I knew from day one what my son's name would be, but I really wanted his father to name him. This time around, there would be no name change petitions. I wouldn't carry guilt for years over depriving my son of his father's surname and Edward wouldn't have any reason to feel inadequate. Things were different now. We were in this together and I didn't have to make _all_ of the important decisions.

After the twenty week ultrasound confirmed we were having a son, I told my teary eyed husband to pick out a name.

Edward was over the fucking moon. Words could not express how much the man looked forward to fatherhood. He came to every appointment, endured the outrageous mood swings and fed every single one of my cravings. It didn't matter if I wanted rocky road ice cream for breakfast or sex at 3:00 am. My husband was always there for me.

Though, I suppose it wasn't all bad for him either.

_"What do you think of Andrew?" he asked one night as we watched TV in the living room. Seth was already in bed__, __but we hadn't made it that far yet. _

_I tried it out in my head. Andrew Cullen. My sons, Seth and Andrew. Andy. It wasn't bad... but it wasn't right either. "But what about a middle name?" I asked._

_He thought for a moment. "__Well, I__ kind of like Masen."_

_Andrew Masen Cullen._

_I tried to mask the disapproval by closing my eyes for a kiss. His lips barely brushed mine. _

_"You don't like it," he said, his voice barely breaking a whisper._

_It__ wasn't the first time I'd shot him down. Or the second. In fact, every time Edward came to me with a name, I had something negative to say about it. I didn't do it intentionall__y and I knew his patience was beginning to wear thin. It was hypocritical of me to turn him down again and I did say he could name him. With that in mind, I tried to tell him I was okay with whatever he decided._

_Besides, we couldn't call him Bathroom Floor Baby forever._

_The baby chose that moment to interrupt. __"Oh my God," I gasped. "__He__ kicked me!"_

_Edward's hands went straight to my stomach__. He practically ripped off my tank top with hope it might happen again. I doubted it would. I'd felt flutters over the past few weeks, but this was one of the first kicks._

_"I think he knows we're talking about him," Edward __grinned__._

_Sure enough, it happened again. _

_"Holy shit__.__" __His__ eyes went wide as he felt his baby kick for the first time. _

"_It's pretty crazy, isn't it?"_

_Edward never felt Seth kick. Every milestone we experienced together only served as a bittersweet reminder of what he'd missed out on. It was no wonder I started crying again._

_"Hey, baby boy," he whispered softly against my bare stomach. The smile on his face wasn't easily replicated. "Andrew," I __sniveled__, ending the discussion._

_...or so I thought._

_He waited until we were in a session with Doctor Marks to bring it up again._

"_I just wish she'd make one suggestion," he vented. "It doesn't even have to be a good one. How am I supposed to believe she's actually excited about this when she doesn't even want to pick out a name?"_

_"You feel like __your wife isn't nesting," Dr. Marks concluded._

_"Hold on a second__!__" I interjected. "Let's not make this into something it's not."_

_"Edward?" he beckoned._

_"I'm just worried that this is all for me. To make me happy. We weren't trying but she knows how much __I__wanted this. I want her to want it__, __too."_

_I started crying. And by crying, I really meant all out bawling. My hormones were__crazy. I was six months pregnant, for the love of __G__od__, a__nd for my husba__nd to think I didn't want it as much as he did, only because I wouldn't help him pick out a stupid fucking name, was totally absurd._

_"Edward," I said._

_"__Y__eah, baby?" he asked,__ tightening his embrace around me__. He'd been trying to calm down my hysterics for the past five minutes. Doct__or Marks probably thought I was crazy. I wasn't usually so emotional in our sessions._

_"__T__hat's my __suggestion__," I clarified. "Edward Anthony. __A__fter his daddy."_

Alice laughed. "You know, you really do take things to the extreme."

"How so?"

"Look at Seth. That kid doesn't even look like his daddy, and you didn't give him his name either. Ten bucks says Junior comes out looking exactly like him."

I knew she was right. Seth didn't really look like me anymore; more like himself. He was growing up and I hated it. He still acted exactly like his dad, though. We weren't taking him to therapy anymore and since my OB/GYN put me on bed rest, Edward and I hadn't really gone either.

The actual pregnancy scared the shit out of me. When I first found out, my biggest fear was how Edward would react. It was stupid, of course. I spent the first week in denial and after finally taking a test, I didn't wait to tell him. My insecurities were all for nothing- the man didn't stop smiling for weeks.

I, on the other hand, was a little more realistic about the situation. Pregnancy didn't go too well for me the first time around. Even with Edward's support, there were no guarantees it would be a smooth ride. I knew how quickly and unexpectedly things could take a turn for the worse.

Edward Anthony was scheduled to make his debut into the world on June 17, 2010. My doctor wanted to take him via c-section and a week before his actual due date, the 24th. I just prayed I'd make it that long.

I started bleeding at 26 weeks. That was three weeks ago, and I still had ten to go. My biggest fear, from the beginning, was preeclampsia. I knew I was at a higher risk because of the first pregnancy, but this one was totally different. Fearing the worst, Edward frantically rushed me to the Emergency Room. They determined I had a condition called placenta previa and admitted me for monitoring. Oddly enough, the doctor said it decreased my risk of preeclampsia, but it was just as dangerous. After four days in the hospital, I was sent home with strict instructions to remain in bed.

"And absolutely no sex," he said.

My husband took the no sex thing surprisingly well. Obviously, his biggest concern was my health and the health of our unborn son. I still lent him a helping hand when ever he wanted one, but orgasms were totally off limits for me. They were also the furthest thing from my mind. I was already huge and didn't feel attractive at all- no matter how much Edward tried to tell me otherwise.

"Baby, you have no fucking idea how sexy it is to see you carrying my baby," he would always say.

Yeah, right. I felt about as sexy as a beached whale. Even still, without sex and therapy, I could honestly say our relationship had never been stronger.

"Mommy, I brought you lunch," Seth announced as he entered my bedroom. Spring break was in session, leaving me with some company while Edward worked. He'd spent a few hours with my mom this morning, allowing me time to sleep in. I quickly ended my phone call with Alice to focus my attention on him.

I worried, at first, how Seth would handle the news of my pregnancy. Would he think we loved him less? My son already had issues with separation anxiety, living in constant fear that things might go back to the way they were. He didn't want to lose his father. How were we supposed to explain that soon he'd have to _share_ him?

Luckily, he was ecstatic about the entire thing. Or, maybe it hadn't really hit him yet. According to his therapist, getting married had been the best thing for him. It provided him with a strong sense of stability and as far as the doctor could tell, so did the baby.

Lately, he did so well in school and we were so proud of him. Edward was still doing the music thing and promised to buy him a guitar in a few years if he continued to excel at piano. Music was their thing; Seth loved it and his dad loved sharing it with him. He still had the occasional meltdown when things didn't go his way, but so did every other six year old on the planet.

One of said meltdowns happened while we were in Disney World. Edward wanted to wait until after we returned from vacation to drop the baby bombshell on him, but we didn't quite make it that far. Actually, we didn't even make it past the first day.

We took a late flight after the wedding. Seth fell asleep before we even made it to the hotel, meaning he also woke up bright, early and eager to beat everyone else to the park. Edward let me sleep a little later, probably because he felt bad for keeping me awake so late. It was our wedding night, after all, and Edward's parents shelled out way too much money for a two bedroom hotel suite near one of the Disney Parks.

I was over three months along at the time, but morning sickness still kicked my ass on occasion. Unfortunately for me, the first morning of our trip happened to be one of them. My new husband sympathetically held my hair back as my six year old impatiently waited for me to stop throwing up.

We told him I had food poisoning.

"Mommy, lets go on Star Tours!" Seth begged once we finally made it into the park. He had been looking at the different attractions on the Internet and looked forward to that particular ride the most. Much to his father's dismay, we made our way past the Indiana Jones stunt show and headed straight for the Star Wars area.

"We're coming back to that one, right?" Edward asked. I rolled my eyes.

There were no mistaking the warnings at the entrance to the line.

_**Expectant mothers should not ride.**_

"Shit," I muttered under my breath. I knew before we even entered the park that there were rides I'd have to avoid. But Star Wars? It seemed tame compared to some of the others.

Then again, the mere thought of a motion simulated ride was almost enough to make my stomach turn again. "Honey, Mommy doesn't really feel like riding this one. Go on with Daddy and I'll wait for you."

Edward nodded, understanding my predicament. "Come on, bub. Let's go."

Seth's feet remained planted firmly on the ground.

"No."

Edward and I stared at each other, speechless.

"Not without Mommy," Seth argued, tugging on my hand.

"Baby, I'm just going to wait in the gift shop, okay? Mommy's tummy still feels bad and I don't want to get sick again."

Edward kissed my cheek and tried to pull Seth away from me. "Let's go, Seth."

He started crying. Like any other good parent, I tried to calm him down the best way I knew how…bribery.

"Maybe I'll even get you a stuffed ewok while I wait," I offered.

He screamed a long and drawn out, "No!"

Edward took another approach. "Seth Tyler, do you want to go on the ride or not?" he asked sternly.

He bawled, "Why can't we all go on it together?"

"Because, son," he stalled, his tough facade cracking. He ran his hands through his hair. I could tell he was nervous and to make matters worse, Edward hadn't had a cigarette in four days. "Because it's not good for the baby in Mommy's belly."

Seth's eyes went wide. So did mine. "The what?" he asked.

I couldn't believe he just threw it out there like that. He had been so determined to wait until after the honeymoon to tell him. I should have known better than to think Edward could keep the secret for much longer. We were lucky to hold it in as long as we had. I held my breath and braced myself for Seth's reaction.

"Do you remember when you asked me for a little brother?" Edward asked.

"Sister," Seth corrected.

"Whatever," he smiled. "Well, next summer you're going to have one or the other."

"Oh," he concluded. "I hope it's a girl."

"No," Edward groaned, stubbornly arguing just as Seth had moments before.

I guess it's true what they say- like father, like son.

"Edward, just go!" I argued. "I'll be fine, I promise."

Phil invited my husband out for the evening with some of his baseball buddies, but Edward adamantly insisted on staying home. He didn't want to leave me or Seth, especially knowing I was only three weeks away from my scheduled c-section. I insisted, knowing it would be one of the last times for Edward to have fun before the responsibility of a newborn blindsided him.

He was being a big baby.

I would do _anything_ to get out of the house. Bed rest sucked. The last ten weeks had been the longest of my life. Edward barely let me fold the fucking laundry. I spent my days surfing the Internet, watching television, talking to Alice on the phone and even playing my husband's x-Box when I got desperate.

"What if something happens?" Edward asked. "I don't want to leave you here alone any more than I have to."

"Honey, nothing bad is going to happen. Seth is here and Mom is just down the street. I'll call your cell if I need you."

He sighed. I knew the pregnancy had taken a major toll on him. He worried far more than he should and spent most of time caring for me and watching Seth. I just wanted him to have some fun and Phil provided the perfect opportunity. Edward didn't really like to drink, but one night couldn't hurt. Besides, how much trouble could he possibly get into with my step dad?

Phil and Edward had gotten pretty close over the past eight months. Charlie called a lot, but he still hadn't really come around to the idea of me marrying Edward. Aside from the obvious, he thought it was too much too soon. I loved my dad, but I could care less what he thought. I knew Edward was secretly growing on him, though. Maybe he recognized how much Edward took care of me, and Seth too. Or maybe, he was just really freaking excited for his new grandson.

"Fine," he conceded, "but Seth is sleeping in here."

"He's already in bed!" I tried to stop him, but he was already out of the bedroom and down the hall.

"What the fuck is wrong with your chest?" I asked when Edward came home a few hours later. After carefully carrying Seth back into his own room, he had returned and stripped for bed.

A massive bandage covered the top half of his chest. The smirk on his face told me he hadn't gotten hurt. He wasn't drunk either. "Edward, you didn't!"

"Didn't what?" he asked innocently.

"You got a tattoo!"

"You're right," he grinned. "I didn't."

"Okay, fine. You added onto the one you already have. Seriously? The baby isn't even born yet!"

"Relax, babe," he laughed. "I know that."

"Let me see it," I demanded.

"Okay, Bella," he warned, "but promise me you won't freak out."

He began to peel the medical tape off of his chest, slowly revealing yet another one of Seth's elementary style drawings. "Oh my God," I gasped.

My husband tattooed the fucking dog onto his chest.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, Senior," I half jokingly scolded. "Please tell me that is not permanent."

He tried his best to maintain composure. "Bella, Bear is a part of this family."

"Bear is a dog!"

"Be quiet, Bella," he whispered, bringing his finger to his lips. "He might hear you."

I threw a pillow at him. Just as I had anticipated, a night out had done him well. I loved when Edward could joke around, even if it came at the expense of a permanent commitment to the dog. Admittedly, Bear was growing on me. I'd spent more than enough time with him over the past few months and he was actually a pretty loyal pet.

"Come on, Edward." I joked, "Get in bed so we can make out."

Because on nights like that, I _really_ wished we could have sex.

"Are you okay?" he asked for the fortieth time. What was I supposed to do? Lie and say I was fine? Or that I'd been better? I was tired, hungry, and I'd probably sell Bear to NASA for a glass of water.

"I'm terrified," I answered honestly.

He let out a deep breath and I realized, for the first time, that I hadn't even bothered asking him how _he_ felt. "Are _you_ okay?" I asked.

"Terrified," he repeated.

Terrified, because in less than thirty minutes, I would be wheeled back into the operating room. And sliced open. And there would be a baby.

"We're about to have a baby," I happily announced. As if he didn't know... as if these weren't the best fucking drugs I'd ever had.

"Ready?" the nurse asked.

I looked at my husband. All of the blood had drained from his face and he looked like he might pass out. "Ready," I smiled.

Edward Anthony Cullen, Junior weighed six pounds, twelve ounces. He was born at 8:24 on Thursday, June 17- three days before his father's birthday. I fell in love with him, his father and his brother all over again.

"I can't wait to see him!" Seth yelled as he ran into the room. Carlisle and Esme rushed in behind him, unable to keep up or calm him down. They'd flown in from Forks, along with Edward's brother and his family, to see the baby. Seth's eyes landed on me as I held EJ and the excitement instantly left his face. He stopped dead in his tracks at the foot of my hospital bed.

"Shhh," Edward warned from his chair at my side. "Your little brother is sleeping."

"Oh," Seth deadpanned.

I saw it on his face; the exact moment when it hit him. Having a little brother was one thing in theory. In reality, it was totally different. Edward must have sensed Seth's uneasiness, too.

"Can you give us a few minutes?" Edward asked of his mom and dad. They nodded and left us alone with our sons.

"Aren't you going to come and give me a kiss?" I asked when Seth remained still.

He looked at his father and back at me. "Can I still do that?"

I scoffed. Was he serious? I'd spent the past six years with the boy, five of which were alone. Did he actually think I could just forget him like that? "Come here, baby."

He reluctantly drug his feet over to me and got a closer look at the baby in my arms. "He's tiny," Seth commented.

"He's twice as big as you were," Edward added. All throughout the morning, Edward had been overwhelmed with emotion. He wouldn't stop talking about what it was like for him when Seth was born; how scary it was to watch him fight for his life. With all the stress of the past few months, we were so relieved for everything to go smooth with EJ.

He was perfect.

"Seth, I want you to meet your little brother. His name is Edward Anthony Cullen."

He looked at me like I was crazy. "That's Daddy's name."

"It is," I smiled. EJ stirred in my arms for a few seconds before falling back asleep.

"But how are we supposed to know if you're talking to him or Daddy?"

"Well," I continued, "I thought maybe we could just call your brother EJ."

"EJ?" Seth asked. "What kind of name is that?"

"It's short for Edward Junior."

He wrinkled his nose. "No, I don't like it."

"How about Anthony?" Edward asked.

"You guys can call him Anthony if you want," I reasoned. "But he's EJ to me."

Whether we called him EJ or Anthony, it didn't matter. One thing was for certain. The kid looked _exactly_ like his daddy.

And I loved them both.

* * *

**Sorry it took so long to get this up. Part two is still to come...**


	23. Epilogue, Part 2

**EPILOGUE 2**

**EPOV**

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.

Laugh, because somehow we'd done it. I was going to be a father again. After almost a year of trying, my gorgeous wife was finally pregnant. Or cry, because there were two fuzzy dots on the screen. I'd gotten lucky so far, but the odds were against me. One or both of those dots was bound to be a baby girl.

I was so fucking screwed.

It didn't really make any sense. I got Bella pregnant twice without even trying. It only took one time for us to conceive Seth. We were eighteen year old virgins and far too young to understand the responsibility of a baby. When EJ came along, it was a total surprise to both of us. Charlie still wanted to kill me for it, but I felt better knowing Bella and I were at least engaged when he was created- if only for a few seconds beforehand.

But now that we were married and had free reign to procreate, it was like a switch flipped. We quickly learned how easy it was to get pregnant- as long as you weren't actually trying.

The worst thing you can do to your friends is to try for another baby. Because even though it won't happen for you, it _will_ happen for them. My brother and his wife. Jasper and Alice. Hell, even Bear probably had an illegitimate puppy running around somewhere from the time he got away from Seth.

We had a kid in second grade and one in diapers. We just wanted one more- a playmate for Anthony.

I should know by now that things _never_ work out the way I plan.

Bella was going to kill me. I could see it in her face. She was terrified. Who wouldn't be? Carrying one baby full term had been hard enough for her. How was she supposed to manage _twins_? And how did this even happen?

The doctor told her to go home and get in bed.

"Baby, stop crying," I begged as we headed over to Renee's house to pick up the boys.

I should have known something was different this time. Her hormones had been crazy. We couldn't even watch cable without the fear of having to sit through another one of those ASPCA commercials- you know, the ones with the abused pets. They reduced Bella to hysterics every time. She didn't even like dogs, but she'd announced her undying love and devotion to Bear more than once. Even EJ looked at her like she was crazy. And even though she was only twelve weeks along, her tits were fucking huge.

Plus, she was already showing.

"What are we going to do?" she sobbed. "I'm only twenty six years old!"

I did my best to comfort her. "Come on, babe. It's really not that bad. So we're going to have four kids. We already have two. How is it really any different?"

"I'm going to have to drive a minivan," she wailed.

"Bella," I laughed, "You can't be serious."

"How can you be so calm about this? And how am I supposed to take care of Seth _and_ EJ while I'm bedridden?" She added, quite passionately, "and I _hate_ Dodge Caravans!"

"So we'll get a bigger SUV," I reasoned. "Jesus, Bella, please calm down. It'll be okay."

She threw her arms up in the air. "This is all your fault!"

Great. She was blaming me. But it wasn't _totally_ my fault. I admit, I was the one to bring up the idea of another baby. But that was a year ago, and we'd almost gotten to the point of giving up- thinking it just wasn't the right time for us. Hell, the night we conceived was the same night Bella tried to convince me to go back to school.

So much for that idea.

Bella told me she was pregnant two months ago.

"As I remember it, you came onto me."

"_You_ have abnormally powerful sperm!"

"And _you_ should know that by now!"

She started to laugh, the first indication to me that she might be somewhat okay with it all. "What are we going to do? Can we afford a Suburban?"

"Is a minivan seriously the only thing bothering you?"

She smiled, ghosting fingers across her stomach. "That and the house."

Shit. She was right. Our house only had three bedrooms and we already used all of them.

"Seth and Anthony can share," I reasoned. "And so can the babies."

We couldn't afford to move some place bigger- not in Florida, at least. And definitely not with _two_ babies on the way. She'd talked about going home a time or two. Rent was definitely cheaper in Forks, and we had more family to help. Hell, I'll bet Bella could even work from home for the newspaper. She hadn't worked there in almost two years, but they still begged her to come back every time we went home to visit.

"Dada!" Anthony hollered as we walked into the living room at Renee's. I could see Seth outside playing catch with Phil. He saw me too, because the ball dropped to the sand and he ran towards the back door.

I couldn't believe my oldest son just turned eight. Seth was still the same, only older. He acted far too mature for his age. His asthma hadn't really improved over the past couple of years, but he became better at managing it. I was so proud of him, especially the way he transitioned into the role of big brother.

He wasn't as excited the second time around.

"But all Anthony does is cry and sleep," he complained. "Babies are so boring!"

"Twins!" Renee exclaimed as we told her the news.

"Two more grand babies," gushed Esme as I told her over the phone later that afternoon.

"And now _twins_," Charlie groaned as he spoke with Bella that night.

It was safe to say some things definitely hadn't changed with time.

So how did we get to this point? To twins?

Bella didn't go back to work after EJ was born. It was an option she didn't have the first time around. Seth spent the first six weeks of his life in the hospital. She didn't get to bond or even breastfeed. By the time they released him, she was a nineteen year old single mother with a massive NICU bill to pay. She went back to work, while Seth went to my mom or Alice.

I still felt like a dirt bag over that.

Anthony's birth was different. I had already manned up. We were married, and I brought home enough to cover the bills. As long as we didn't over indulge, money wasn't a problem. We still drove the same cars, and lived in the house she rented from Phil. So when Bella told me she wanted what she'd missed out on, as well as more time with Seth, I recognized how much it meant to her.

And honestly, it meant a lot to me, too.

Between Seth and the baby, we didn't get much time to ourselves. EJ was always waking up late, and on the nights he didn't, it seemed like there was always something going on with Seth. It would storm, or he would have problems with his allergies. I wasn't getting laid nearly as often as I would have liked, but I knew that came with parenthood.

Besides, my relationship with my wife had never really been based off of sex.

Sure, it began when we conceived Seth. But six long years passed before either of us had sex again. Six years in limbo, with neither of us dating anyone else or each other. Anything compared to that seemed trivial.

Anthony was six months old when we decided to try again.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" I asked, rushing to Bella's side. I'd just gotten home from work to find her crying on the living room floor. Seth wasn't home from school yet, so it was just her and the baby.

"He's crawling," she sobbed.

I let out my breath. I thought someone had died or something. "Baby, that's great!"

"One minute he was playing on his mat, and the next..."

"He's just growing up, babe," I carefully grabbed my son from his mother's arms, "Aren't you, little man?"

He continued to gnaw on his teething toy and Bella let out another strangled sob. "I don't want him to grow up so fast."

"Neither do I," I agreed, leaning in to give her a kiss. Anthony squealed.

"He's almost seven," she whispered, and I realized what _really_ set off Bella. She was planning our son's birthday party. In two weeks, he wouldn't be six anymore.

"I know."

"I hate the age gap between them."

"Me, too." And suddenly, the longing for one more weighed on me like a ton of bricks. "We don't have to wait to have another."

She scoffed, avoiding my gaze by looking down at EJ's blanket. I gently brought my hand to cup her face. I wanted her to look at me- to see how serious I was. Bella and I agreed, we wanted one more. Since she stopped breastfeeding EJ, she hadn't really gotten a chance to start birth control again.

"You're crazy," she told me.

"I know," I laughed.

She teased, "EJ, did you hit Daddy over the head when I wasn't looking?"

The baby grinned obliviously. "Bella, I'm not kidding."

"I know you're not," she sniveled, "That's what scares me."

It was crazy how after all this time, my wife could still break my heart with something so minuscule. "So you don't want to?"

She looked at me and smiled. "No, I do."

Eleven months passed with no luck.

It wasn't for lack of trying. Hell, as soon as EJ went down for a nap that afternoon, I made due with the thirty minutes of alone time we had before Seth got off the bus. Every month Bella told me she wasn't pregnant was another month where I sat back and thought, _what the fuck_?

Everyone told us not to force it. That it would happen when we least expected it to. Well, that was easy for them to say. Emmett and Rosalie were first. We flew home for Easter, only to have them announce their newest addition over dinner. On the outside, I was calm and collected.

But inside, I was green with envy.

Jasper and Alice, God bless them, had a daughter two months before Anthony was born. And as much as I hated to say it, she was actually pretty cute. I felt bad for Jazz, though. _One_ Alice was bad enough. And to make matters worse, Bella and Alice were convinced EJ and Maddie would end up together.

In July, they told us they were having another one.

By that time, I was pissed. They weren't even trying, but everyone knew we were. After the eighth month, I was about ready to give up. Bella even thought about seeing a fertility specialist, but Dad said it was too soon. He told us to keep trying. What kind of advice is that anyway? He might as well have said, _don't stop fucking your wife._

Uh, didn't plan on it, Dad.

"Have you given any more thought to what your dad said?" she asked one night as we made our way home from dinner. The boys were with Renee, and I had gone all out. Clad in a suit and tie, I'd taken my wife to one of the nicest restaurants in town.

"A little," I lied.

Dad wanted me to go back to school. Being an RN still wasn't good enough for him and now that I lived close to a university, he had an excuse to pressure me into going back. He even offered to support us if I cut back to part time at the hospital, but I wasn't having it. For one, I liked my job. And besides, it had taken me a long time to step up to the plate and support my family. I wasn't about to give that up. I knew the more time I devoted to my career, the less I'd have with my wife and kids.

And I _really_ wanted another kid.

"What if it just isn't the right time," she sighed. I didn't need to ask to know what she meant.

"Bella, what has everyone said? Don't stress out about it. It'll happen when it's supposed to."

She wondered, "But what if it's _not_ supposed to?"

"Then it won't."

"Maybe we should stop trying." Luckily we were at a stop light, otherwise I might have wrecked the Volvo. Even after everything we'd been through, my insecurities still got the best of me on occasion.

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. "Isabella, that's ridiculous."

"I'm not saying I should go back on birth control." Bella explained, "I'm just saying, maybe we should focus on something else for a while. Maybe you _should_ go back to school."

"I'm not doing it, babe." We came up on the intersection that led to Renee's house. "Should we pick up the boys?" The plan had been for us to spend the night alone, but I was willing to do anything to change the subject.

"No, they're probably already asleep. Let's just go home."

The two of us didn't say anything else until we made it inside.

"We can't live here forever, you know," she muttered.

I knew what she meant. This wasn't even our house. It was Phil's. "Dad said he'd help us buy a house whenever we were ready."

"I know. But even still, if you went back to school it might be better for us in the long run." She continued, "_Especially_ if we want another baby."

"And if I go back to school, I'll miss out on even more time with Seth. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not!" she snapped back.

"Good. My final answer is no. It's not worth it."

"You know, you'd still be around a hell of a lot more than you used to be," she carried on under her breath.

I knew better than to think Bella actually meant what she said. Even though it was true, I couldn't help but get upset. I stormed out of the living room. I didn't want to keep arguing with my wife over something stupid and I _definitely_ didn't want to dwell on the past. Removing myself from the situation, however juvenile it might have been, worked as a temporary solution. I just needed a few minutes to cool down, and she knew better than to follow me.

I must have spent twenty minutes in the shower, sorting through my thoughts as the steady stream of hot water pounded my chest. I thought mostly about my wife- worrying, really. The stress of life had been getting to her, and I wished there was some way I could make it better. My wife and I didn't argue often but like everyone else, we still had our moments.

I didn't want to go back to school. Not now, not ever. And I _definitely_ didn't want things to go back to the way they were. I knew she didn't either.

As the water shut off and the bathroom went quiet, I began to hear sobbing from our bedroom. I dried myself off quickly, latching the towel around my waist and unlocking the bathroom door to find Bella at the foot of our bed. She clenched one of my undershirts and used it to dry her tears.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. Whether she referred to the comment or the shirt, I wasn't sure.

"Its okay," I whispered, grabbing the shirt from her and throwing it aside. I clenched her chin and met her eyes with mine. "You're not allowed to cry. It's our night, remember?"

She scoffed and tried to look away. "I kind of ruined it, didn't I?"

"Kind of," I teased.

She let out a muffled laugh and reached for my towel. "Well, Mister Cullen. Maybe I can make it up to you?"

Twins. The sister Seth always wanted... and another brother to protect her.

I told myself it could be worse.

_Of course_, Bella carried full term. We kept waiting for something bad to happen. Preeclampsia. Placenta previa. Premature labor. Some how, the entire pregnancy went off without a hitch. My babies were healthy and so was their momma. The only thing we had to worry about was the possibility of low birth weight and for that reason, our doctor refused to schedule a c-section. The plan was to operate after labor began.

Which, it still hadn't.

"C'mon, Seth," I said for what must have been the fiftieth time. "Get in the car."

He groaned, "Dad, do we have to go?"

Of all the times for Jacksonville to be in the direct path of a hurricane, why did it have to happen two days before my wife's due date? And why did I have to work?

Right. Because it's a fucking hurricane.

I picked up Anthony and his diaper bag. Bella's bags were already in the car. "Seth. Car. Now."

I was _not_ in the mood to argue. We all had to go, because I had to work and I wasn't about to leave them at the house alone. The hospital wasn't taking any chances, so why should I? They didn't give a fuck if my vacation technically started yesterday, or that my wife was nine months pregnant and _very _bitchy_._ Like everyone else on first shift, I _had_ to work. The hospital expected me to come in early and stay for the duration of the storm.

"Belllla!" I hollered. The kids were ready. Now, we just had to deal with the dog.

"Mommy loves you so much," I heard her tell Bear. She looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears. "They're going to take care of you at the dog hotel. You're such a handsome boy, I'll bet you'll make lots of new friends. And I promise, as soon as the storm is over, Daddy is going to come get you."

_Of course _Renee and Phil were out of town for baseball. That was the problem with Bella's mom. She loved to help us out... as long as there wasn't anything better to do. My parents intended on coming down, but the hurricane put a major dent in travel arrangements.

We dropped Bear off, and I was relieved to have _some_ of the pressure off of me. Even still, I was stuck with two kids and a wife who was bound to go into labor as soon as the barometric pressure dropped.

And did I mention I had to _work_?

The plan was for Bella and the kids to stay at the hospital for the duration of the storm. Each floor had a certain amount of rooms allotted for families of those who had to work. My floor was no different, and my supervisor was sympathetic enough to allow me as much time with my wife and kids as possible.

Seth finally put down his Nintendo DS long enough to make it to the car.

And of course, Bella started crying again.

It had been almost non-stop for the past three hours. "_Now_ what's wrong?"

"I fucking hate this place!" she vented. I didn't dare remind her of how _she_ moved us here or comment on her use of fuck in front of our sons. She wasn't in her right mind. The woman looked like she might kill someone and thanks to my super sperm, I had been number one on her shit list for a while.

I tried to comfort her anyway. "Baby, relax."

"Relax? You're kidding, right? I'm about to birth twins- most likely during a _hurricane_- and you're telling me to relax? Have you lost your mind?"

I winced, glancing into the rear view mirror to see if Anthony was still awake. Car rides usually put the little man to sleep, but not this time. "Sweetheart, look around. Everything's closed anyway. Its not like there's anything better to do," I joked.

She didn't laugh. "You know what? This shit _never_ happened in Forks! The worst thing it ever did there was rain!"

I couldn't argue with that. "Yeah, I know."

"_Yeah, I know_?" she seethed, "Is that all you have to say?"

I held back laughter. Bella's mood swings were giving me whiplash. "What am I supposed to say?"

"How about, 'don't worry, it's going to be okay?' or 'Lets get the f-u-c-k out of here'?"

"Effyouseekay!" Anthony repeated. I glared at my wife. Suddenly, her craziness wasn't very funny... at all.

"Dad," Seth gasped. "EJ just spelled fuck!"

_Great_, I thought. "Look what you've started," I told Bella.

"Seth Tyler Cullen," Bella rebuked from the front seat. "So help me God, if I ever hear that word come out of your mouth again, I will break that fancy little Nintendo of yours into so many pieces you'll be able to play Tetris with it!"

Seth's face went white and I actually felt sorry for the little potty mouth. "Bella, sweetheart, please calm down. It _is _going to be okay. You should know that," I told her. My hand reached across the center console to find her swollen fingers. Surprisingly, she didn't swat me away. "And we can move back to Forks whenever you're ready."

"Can we?" Seth asked enthusiastically from the back seat. He missed home as much as we did.

"As soon as the twins are born," I promised both of them.

As it turned out, I didn't have to work through the _entire_ hurricane.

I spent most of my time in labor and delivery.

Three hours after the storm made landfall, my life got turned upside down by Kristen Marie Cullen. And two minutes after her birth, I laid eyes on my youngest son. We named him Keaton Andrew. I chose the middle name, Seth picked out his first.

Well, sort of.

When we told Seth he could name his brother, I half expected him to come up with something crazy. Captain America. The Hulk. Hell, I probably would have been okay with Optimus. Seth took the responsibility very seriously, and thought it over for a week before finally coming to us with his decision.

Wurlitzer.

Bella didn't like it.

I liked the concept of naming him after the hobby Seth and I shared. Obviously, brand names didn't work and we couldn't really name him after a note either. It took a few weeks before we finally found something that worked. Bella and I had just decided on our daughter's name, and the elation I felt could only be expressed through music. As my fingers drifted across the keys, his name came to me. _Keaton_. I brought my idea to Seth, and he loved it.

"Just remember, Keaton and Anthony will always be there to protect you from stupid boys. And if they don't, we'll just have to call in the _big_ brother," I whispered, adding, "but if I find out Seth is driving you to the movies without my permission, both of you are so grounded."

I heard Bella laugh, signaling to me she was _finally_ out of the shower. "Is she asleep yet?"

"Not quite."

My wife sat next to me on the bed and grabbed our daughter from my arms. "Baby girl, is Daddy keeping you awake?"

Kristen remained quiet. Her little brother was definitely the loud one. "I'll let you in on a secret," Bella cooed. "Boys are not nearly as evil as Daddy makes them out to be. They're actually kind of cute."

"Momma," I groaned. "Don't feed her lies like that. Boys are every bit as evil as I say."

Bella handed Kristen back to me and went to prepare a bottle. She couldn't breastfeed this time around. The babies were small, and our pediatrician wanted them on high calorie formula. It ended up working out, though, because I was able to help out a lot more with the feedings. It took no time at all for Kristen to drift off, and once we were certain she wouldn't wake again, I put her down in the room across the hall. Her twin brother was already there.

"Okay, Cullen babies," I whispered into the dark nursery, "if you two are _really_ good and can stay asleep for a reasonable amount of time, Daddy will reward you with extra Christmas presents."

Somehow, we'd managed to get rid of the other two kids for the night.

Seth was with Charlie. It had been a long time since he'd gotten some alone time with his grandpa, and they were waking up early in the morning to go fishing. Esme insisted on keeping Anthony for the night. She told us we needed a break after moving across the country with four kids but really, all we did was get on a plane. Dad hired movers to ship all of our stuff- most of which we'd yet to unpack.

"So," Bella said nervously as I crawled back into bed. "First night in the new house."

"The start to forever," I smiled. After spending most of my morning filling out the mortgage paperwork with my dad, I decided I never wanted to buy a house again. This was it for us.

"And we have maybe three hours before Keaton and Kristen interrupt us," she carried on.

"We should probably get some sleep then," I joked.

Tonight marked six weeks since the twins' birth. It was safe to say, the last thing I wanted to do was sleep. I wasted no time rolling onto her and began placing open kisses down her neck. It had been too long since Bella and I had been intimate. My hands began to creep towards the hem of her t-shirt. The way I saw it, I didn't have one on, so why should she?

Even after having four babies, this woman's body still drove me crazy.

"Fuck, I want you so badly," I whispered, pressing the lower halves of our bodies together to emphasize my point. She let out a moan, muffled by the presence of my lips against hers. My boxers came off, along with her sleep shorts.

I reached for her hand and brought it down to my dick. I wanted her to feel what she did to me.

_And fucking do something about it._

Having her hands wrap around me wasn't enough. I wanted more. My fingers made their way to Bella's center, reveling the wetness created by her lust for me.

"Edward," she sighed, unable to hold back. "get a condom."

Get a _what_?

"You're on birth control," I reminded her.

"I know. Better safe than sorry though, right?"

I groaned, rolling off of her and retrieving a stupid foil packet from the nightstand. No wonder she had been so adamant about unpacking the contents of our room first. "I'm pretty sure I'd rather get a fucking vasectomy than use these things."

I thought she would laugh. She didn't. "Well, Edward, that can be arranged."

_Awesome_. What did I just volunteer myself for? "You have to be kidding me."

"I'm actually not, but can we _please_ talk about this later?" she asked, her voice full of impatience.

I decided to let it go, shifting my weight back onto hers and bracing myself for the contact I'd missed so much. Just when I thought my night couldn't get any better, sounds from the baby monitor filled our room.

"Keaton," I groaned, knowing the sooner I tended to the needs of my son, the sooner Bella and I could pick up where we left off.

"Come on, Edward," Charlie spoke up a few nights later. The boxes were finally unpacked and Bella invited everyone over for a housewarming party. "Let's go out for a drink."

_Great_, I thought. My luck had finally run out. The man intended on killing me, I was sure of it. "Uh, I should probably stay and help Bella with the babies."

"They'll be fine," Charlie insisted. "Esme, you can stick around a little longer, right?"

"Right," she happily agreed.

"Dad?" I asked, "Do you want to come with us?"

"No, that's okay. I'll stay here with Mom and Bella," he said, looking rather amused, "in case they need anything."

Good God, my own father intended on being an accessory to my murder.

I shot my wife a sympathetic glance. She didn't seem to care. Anthony kissed me goodbye as if even he knew how effyouseekay-ed I was.

At least I had three boys to carry on the family name.

Once we were alone, Chief laughed. "Jesus, Ed. Would you calm down?"

_Calm down?_ My wife being at home with four kids and a neurotic grandmother was enough reason to stress out; going out with the chief wasn't much better.

"Coors Light," Charlie ordered.

"Make it two," I added. For a while, there was an awkward silence between us.

Charlie eventually began, "So, you have a daughter now."

I groaned, "Don't remind me."

He took a drink. "And she looks exactly like Bella."

"Yeah, I know." I bragged, "She's beautiful."

We were quiet again. Charlie took a long swig. "Look, Ed. I don't know what possessed Bella to give you a second chance. It goes against everything in me to say it, but I'm glad she did."

I almost fell out of the bar stool. "You are?"

"She could do a hell of a lot worse, I'd like to think."

"She could do better, too." We both knew it was true.

"Probably," he laughed. "It's a dad thing. All we ever want is the best for our daughters."

I'd already figured that much out. I nodded.

"When Bella came home one day and told me she was pregnant, I was blindsided._ My_ _Bella_? I couldn't even remember a time when I _thought_ she might have been up to no good. She had all these opportunities, and I hated knowing she'd never get to experience any of them.

"_You_ took that away from her, Edward. And as far as I could see, you never even looked back."

I tried to protest. "That's not-"

He cut me off, "I get it, now. You were just a kid- scared shitless."

I let out a nervous laugh. There was no arguing with that.

"When she took you back, I saw it happening again. I hated having to accept that maybe, Bella was right about you. And now, I see that for everything taken away, you've given her so much more. I hate to admit it, but now that you've grown up, Edward, I kind of like you."

"I'd like to hope so."

"She's happy, Edward. Seth's happy. And honestly, that's all I could ever ask for."

"Thanks," I said sincerely. "It really means a lot to me."

He chuckled, "But if you fuck that up again, I swear to God, I will kill you."

_THE END_

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**AN: So... was it everything you'd hoped for? Or not? Let me know. Outtakes, anyone? I haven't written any, but I have a few ideas floating around in my head. So I'm a little sad that this story is over... I'll probably write a new one soon. Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed. It means/meant so much to me!**


	24. Author Note

Hey all. The first chapter of **A Little Too Late** (sequel to Too Little, Too Late) has been posted. Check it out.

**A Little Too Late**

Ten years ago, Edward fought to get his family back. With a rebellious sixteen year old and problems of his own, will he lose them again?


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